by Devin Madson
I let her go. ‘And you said nothing?’
‘I swore my silence,’ she said. ‘Honour is important. You said so yourself, my lady. “All we really have is our integrity and without it we are nothing”.’
Sick horror filled my bones. ‘And for your honour you would have had me marry my mother’s murderer?’
Tili stared at me, her lips working though no sound came out. Then a whimper. ‘Oh gods, my lady, I am so sorry, I never—’
‘Stop. No, we aren’t going to do this,’ I said. ‘I know the truth now. Unless you are keeping something else from me then we will say no more about it. I have few enough allies and even fewer friends. I will not lose you, too.’
Tears stood in her eyes. ‘Thank you, my lady, thank you. There is nothing else, my lady, I swear.’
‘On your honour?’
A little laugh in response to the smile I forced. ‘Yes, my lady, on my honour.’
‘Good, because it seems like your honour is the strongest thing here.’
Her laugh faded. Uneasiness returned. I ought to have reassured her, another smile, a joke, a reminiscence of a time when nothing but companionship had stood between us, but I could not. When I said nothing she bowed and picked up the clean robe she had laid out for me. A simple linen nightrobe, not one of mine as all my clothing was left behind in Kogahaera. Perhaps it had belonged to my mother.
‘I need you to do something for me,’ I said as Tili tightened the white wedding sash once again.
‘Anything for you, my lady,’ she said, not looking up from her work.
Anything but the truth. ‘Fetch General Ryoji to me. No one can see you. No one can see him.’
‘But, my lady—’
‘You said anything. Bring him to me.’
A quick bow. A fearful flutter of her hands and she was gone. Alone in my mother’s old apartments, I paced the floor, back and forth and back again while rain fell on the gardens. It had been raining the night Shin and I had crossed its breadth on a mission of death.
No, don’t dwell on what might have been.
I went on pacing. From here I could not see the city, not see the walls and what was coming beyond, but I could well imagine the sight of Mei’lian more alive than normal for a rainy night, the south gate choked with lanterns as people fled the doomed capital. If Katashi took Mei’lian, they would not get far.
For a long time I stood looking out over the gardens with their lantern lit groves and listened to the deep silence of the inner palace. No doubt there was activity on the lower levels despite the late hour, but here on the fourth round there was nothing but the gentle murmur of the guards as they shifted their weight. The guards would see him come, but they were Ryoji’s men. If he could not trust them he could trust no one.
A tap sounded on the door. A vague outline stood silhouetted against the paper panes.
‘Come in,’ I said, the words catching on my tongue.
The heavy frame slid and upon the threshold General Ryoji bowed. ‘Lady Hana,’ he said, smiling a smile that made my heart race. ‘You sent for me?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I did. Where have you been?’
He closed the door behind himself. ‘Lady Hana missed me?’
‘Do you want me to flatter you? Let it be enough for your self-esteem that I want to kiss you even though you are in desperate need of a bath.’
‘Do I stink?’ he lifted his arm in an attempt to smell himself. ‘I must stink. Shall I beg your good maid for some hot water?’
‘Don’t you dare step out that door. Tell me what is going on. Tell me where you’ve been.’
He bowed. ‘As you command, my lady. I have been discussing the defence of the city with the generals and gathering numbers from each garrison.’
‘I believe your orders were to leave the defence of the city to General Vareen.’
‘Yes, but men prefer to fight for a man they know and like, whatever the risk.’
‘Fight for you?’
Ryoji had not moved from inside the doorway. ‘For me,’ he said. ‘For you. The morning could bring anything and we have to be prepared.’
‘We have to turn the traitor generals back to our side.’
My words cut the humour from his eyes leaving only tension to hang between us. ‘I agree that it would be our best chance of winning, but even if the council had agreed, the generals are outside the city surrounded by men loyal to Katashi. Who would you send to parley with them?’
‘Send? No one. I would go myself.’
‘Go yourself? Hana, that is too dangerous.’
‘More dangerous than waiting here for Katashi to burn us all?’
‘No, but—’
‘No buts, Ryoji, I need to get to them before Katashi mounts his attack.’
The smile was entirely gone from his face now, leaving only severe lines. ‘Speaking as the commander of your guard, the whole proposition is insane,’ he said. ‘Speaking as an advisor… getting out of Mei’lian unseen is not going to be easy. If you open the gate Katashi will know you’re coming, and General Vareen might refuse to open it at all. There is the passage back to Shimai, of course, but that is a long detour. So short of climbing over the wall at night or walking through it, you—’
‘Kimiko.’
‘Pardon, my lady?’
‘Where is Lady Kimiko Otako?’
The troubled cleft between his brows deepened. ‘She was imprisoned in the palace in Shimai. That is the last I saw of her. No doubt she is with her brother now.’
‘No… no she wouldn’t fight for him. It’s Darius she wants. Captain Dendzi!’
The door slid and the guard currently posted as my protection stood uncertainly on the threshold. He glanced at his general. Then he bowed. ‘Yes, my lady?’
‘I want two men posted in every room around Lord Laroth’s apartments. No wall is to be left unguarded. When Lady Kimiko Otako attempts to gain entrance to him you may inform her that unless she comes to me first, it is Lord Laroth who will die. I need her.’
Again he glanced at his general before bowing. ‘Yes, my lady. Is that all, my lady?’
‘That will be all, Captain.’
He went out, leaving me alone again with the still frowning General Ryoji. ‘I am not sure I understand,’ he said.
‘Lady Kimiko Otako can get me out of Mei’lian unseen. I can’t explain how.’
‘Can you explain how you plan to persuade the traitor generals to turn on Otako?’
‘No. I don’t have an answer to that yet.’
Ryoji let a long slow breath.
‘How is His Majesty?’ I asked to change the subject.
‘You haven’t seen him?’
‘No.’
‘He’s feverish,’ he said. ‘But alive.’
‘Good.’
‘Is it?’
It was my turn to frown. ‘Yes. Sometimes I wish he would just die and put me out of my misery, but then I am reminded that whatever he did I respected him once, and though I hate to admit it I know Kisia will suffer for his loss more than it suffered from the loss of my father.’
General Ryoji stepped into the middle of the floor but no further. I brushed away tears with the back of my hand. ‘Excuse me,’ I said. ‘It has been a long day.’
‘There is no weakness in tears,’ he said. ‘If you ask me to leave, I will go. Otherwise I’m going to hold you, with or without your permission.’
‘If you leave me too, I will never forgive you.’
He gripped my shoulders. ‘Hana, I’m not going anywhere until you order me to, and that’s a promise.’
There was something entrancing about him, like a cord between us was slowly shortening. His hands slid down my arms until he was holding mine. ‘I’m all yours, Hana,’ he said thickly. ‘All yours, always.’
No sooner had he spoken than he was on his knees at my feet, bowing his head to the floor. ‘I swear on the bones of my forebears, on my name and my honour, that I will do all in my power to protect you from harm. I will mind not pain. I will mind not suffering. I will give every last ounce of my strength. I will give every last ounce of my intellect. I will die in service to you if the gods so will it. I will renounce every honour. I will give every coin. I will be as nothing and no one in service to you.’
Less than a minute and it was done, his oath spoken, his honour pledged. It was that easy.
‘Rise.’
He did so, unfolding his strong limbs to stand again before me, his cheeks flushed, his eyes burning bright. Tense, ready, yet he said not a word as I put a hand on his sash. Its coils slid smooth and snakelike as I untied the knot.
Not a word, hardly a breath. I didn’t hear it fall.
A buckle loosened. A strap untied. Four gold buttons on his sleeve. It was excruciatingly slow, a piece of his armour falling away only to reveal another – like a puzzle that would never end.
At last there was skin; warm, golden flesh speckled with scars, every muscle standing proud as I lifted the under tunic over his head. He had no shame in his bare skin, did not move or blush or look away as I untied his breeches. First one pair, then the second shorter pair, and exhilarated by my own daring I stared at the completely naked body before me.
Still he did not move, just watched, heedless of his own arousal. Katashi had been the same, but he hadn’t stopped moving, hadn’t ceased to touch and talk and coax me toward the sleeping mat. Hade just stood, not relaxed, but tense, waiting on me.
I slid the white sash down over my hips, its passage easier now it knew its way. My fingers trembled as I let my robe fall, let my underclothes part company with my skin. His eyes darted down and something like pain creased his face. A groan rattled from his throat as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling.
‘May the gods have mercy on me,’ he said.
‘Is what you see so terrible?’
‘No!’ He looked back at me and let out another groan. ‘But I’m fast running out of willpower.’
His adoration was so heady that the world disappeared but for him. He put his hands on his head and let out a long sigh, his gaze running over me. ‘You are very cruel, my lady,’ he said.
‘Would you rather I put my clothes back on?’
‘Gods no, I would rather go on suffering.’
I took a step forward, all but closing the space between us. Fear fluttered my stomach, but I wanted to touch him, wanted to run my hands over that glorious weathered skin. The breath of his groan danced across my cheek.
The first kiss was small and tentative, bringing us so close that his manhood was pressed between us. ‘Hana,’ he said with a gasp against my lips that ended in a kiss. ‘Even your smell drives me crazy. I’m all yours. You may do whatever you want with me.’
I thrust him back against the wall, knocking a grunt of air from his chest. ‘Then lie down,’ I said between breathless kisses. ‘I don’t want to wait anymore.’
The bed had been made so I could rest, but it was his head that hit the pillow, the contrast of the white sheets seeming to darken his skin and his hair. I threw my leg over his hips, and caught in his hungry gaze, I froze. Experience had brought me this far – I had seen enough whores straddle Pikes to know what it looked like, but as for the mechanics of it… My cheeks flushed.
His hands halted in their passage down my thighs. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked. ‘We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.’
‘I want to,’ I said. ‘But… but you’re going to have to help me from here, because I have no idea what I’m doing.’
He grinned, and ran his hands back up my thighs to grip my hips. ‘It would be more than an honour to teach you, my lady.’
Chapter 23
‘He shouldn’t be here.’
My head pounded. Somehow I had found myself in the inner palace with what remained of the Imperial Guard. They were wary and hostile and frightened and full of pity.
‘Don’t worry about him. He’s not all there.’
‘But the brand. He’s a traitor.’
‘General Ryoji accepts him.’
Their voices faded back into the small sounds of the inner palace and the whispers of an empire.
No storm tonight. Small blessing.
Not even a breath of wind.
So quiet.
Quiet.
‘It’s too quiet out there,’ one of the men said from the fretwork window, open to the humid scents of the garden. ‘Mei’lian has never been this quiet.’
‘An army has never marched on our gates.’
The soft laughter split my head like an axe.
‘At least being under attack will be louder.’
Attack.
A collective shudder filled the room. Never would they forget that fire, so hot it burned blue at its heart. Or the screams.
Plates clinked. Footsteps stopped nearby. ‘Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat? There’s extra.’
I shook my head slowly, afraid of disturbing my brain.
‘How about a drink? There’s good wine.’
‘Leave the kid alone,’ someone else said. ‘He looks sick.’
‘Yeah, watch it Red, you might catch something.’
‘Shut up.’
The soul of Red moved away, a blazing ball of fear and anxiety shrouded in bravado. It was a common theme throughout the room, while elsewhere in the palace pain was more prominent, dulled only by the tincture of opium Master Kenji carried everywhere.
‘Where’s the general? Is he still out?’
‘No, he came in, but Lady Hana’s maid brought a message so he went straight off without stopping to eat.’
An awkward silence fell between each throb of my head. More fear. Had it been anyone but their empress they would have joked and wished their general good hunting. Instead every thought was strained.
He must be mad.
He wouldn’t.
Who am I kidding? I’d risk it for that body.
And if His Majesty dies? What then?
But lust was already seeping into every man’s mind and turning their thoughts lascivious. It was coming through the walls.
May the gods have mercy on me.
Is what you see so terrible?
No! But I’m fast running out of willpower. You are very cruel, my lady.
Would you rather I put my clothes back on?
Gods no, I would rather go on suffering.
I needed space. Needed air. I got to my feet. Blurry figures eyed me from the table, each one seeming to swim amid faint colours. They watched me go, their whispers trailing after me.
We should run.
First Gerh then Ryo, then the whole shivatsan army gone. This has to be a nightmare. Please, gods, let me wake.
I dragged my feet along the passage, every step a struggle. But familiar souls called to me from all around – Darius, Avarice, Malice, Hope. Even Kin, fading in and out of my Sight as consciousness ebbed.
Ahead the air shimmered and shifted, hot with pleasure.
The smell of her.
It had been so long since I had felt pleasure in my own skin
The feel of her.
I tried not to think about it, tried not to focus on the sensation though every grunt and breathless groan caught in my throat.
‘Excuse me?’
I wrenched my head around, pain shooting through my skull as though I had displaced my brain. A soldier watched me – a captain by his sash, his frown heavy. ‘Are you looking for something?’
My eyes slid past him to the door at the end of the passage. Weight. Heat. Every breath a gasp. Trapped beneath my robe I knew I was getting hard.
‘Lord Laroth is not allowed visitors.’
‘Not allowed—’
‘If it’s a freak you need the others are in there.’
I didn’t need him to point out which room. There was something about Malice that could penetrate even the thickest door.
Shaky steps to the door. It slid easily, welcoming me to a small room stinking of piss. There was no furniture, only a square of bare matting, dark, damp, the windows shuttered for winter. But a few shreds of evening light eked through the cracks, enough to illuminate the ghostly forms of Malice and Hope. Hope’s hands were tied at the small of his back and he seemed to be asleep, curled on the floor with his hair hanging over his face. Malice was even more dishevelled, slumped against the wall with his robe loose.
Neither evinced any sign of life as I slid the door closed. It shut out the light, but a mere screen could to nothing to dissipate the sensations thickening the air.
I slid to the floor, blood rushing to my groin. There was no thought, only need powering my hand to pluck at the strings of my breeches. My hand was cold but I gripped myself tight, letting free a groan. They were feeding off each other’s pleasure, ecstasy rolling endlessly between them as I stroked myself in time to the sensation, faster, faster, guilt buried beneath desire.
I could not hear the scream but I felt it. Teeth in my shoulder. Hot breath on my skin. The soft flesh of a woman enveloping me, everything about her young body a joy. Her expression a different kind of agony, her groan one that set my skin tingling.
Hana.
I snatched my hand away, but it was too late. It was my own pleasure now leaving my hands hot and slick, the smell reminiscent of so many nights spent sitting outside brothels in Chiltae. Jian would always ask where I had been, and I would always lie.
The smell grew more nauseating as I wiped my hand on my breeches. Avarice watched from across the room. Like the others his hands were tied behind his back, but between his legs was a hard bulge.