by Devin Madson
I little cared who he was talking to, could hear no answer beyond my own gasps for air. ‘Endymion.’ Hope was in front of me again, gripping my face between his hands. ‘Endymion,’ he said, speaking though I cried. ‘I’m going to take you to get your shoulder looked at and then you need to rest.’
‘Don’t leave me,’ I sobbed. ‘Don’t leave me.’
‘I won’t.’ He smiled, the comforting sight undiminished by the blood at his temple. He stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb. ‘I won’t leave you. We’ll get through this together.’
Day Eight
Chapter 38
It took seven days to become a man’s wife. But seven days could change the world.
I had not moved from the Crimson Throne for hours. Members of the court had come and gone through the red-hued light, the guards had changed, but still I remained, sitting proud while men bowed at my feet. Each one stopped at the Humble Stone and each one delivered the Imperial Oath, some nervous, some confident, some so quiet the words became sibilant, yet they were the same words over and over.
General Manshin had been one of the first to bow his head to the floor. He had done the same to Kin, and to Katashi, and had betrayed them both. But for now he was mine.
‘His Grace Arata Toi, Duke of Syan,’ the servant announced as the last of Malice’s Vices crossed the floor to the Humble Stone and knelt. I had summoned him and he had come, still in his blood-stained clothes.
‘You sent for me, my lady?’
The “my lady” smarted, but although seven days had passed, Kin had not woken. People were swearing their allegiance at my feet, but I yet stood in some strange shadowed area where I was not quite an empress and not quite a lady. If he died I would have to fight for the throne.
‘Yes, I did,’ I said, trying not to think about Katashi, about the weight of his head in my lap and his cold skin. ‘You must be aware that you are the only surviving member of your family, Lord Toi. As such you naturally inherit the title, lands and responsibilities of your father. Is this what you wish?’
Another bow. ‘I fail to understand, my lady. Is it not the law?’
‘No, the emperor is law. All believe you to be dead. This presents you with a unique opportunity should you not wish to return to Syan and take up your birth right. Syan needs a duke. It is an important position. But that man does not have to be you.’
‘Are you offering to bestow my family’s property upon someone else, my lady?’
‘I am informed your property is substantial. The castle would, of course, have to remain with the new duke, but I am open to the possibility of dividing other assets so you could maintain a portion of your family’s income.’
Arata shook his head slowly. ‘I’m afraid I cannot answer you, my lady. I am not sure what I want from one moment to the next. It seems I have grown unused to freedom.’
The simple words made my heart ache. Not once had I questioned Malice. His Vices had just been a part of his life I had little contact with. Noblemen paid guards and retainers, Malice had Vices.
‘I understand,’ I said. ‘I will not press you for an answer yet, although I will need one soon. How is Endymion?’
‘Not good. I would like to return to him now, if there is nothing else you wish, my lady, I do not like to leave him alone for long.’
‘This palace is well enough stocked with servants who could sit with him if he needs such constant company.’
‘It is not the company, my lady, he would harm himself with anything he could get his hands on if I let him. One of your guards found him climbing onto the parapet last night when I fell asleep.’
‘Caring for him ought not to be your responsibility,’ I said. ‘You have done enough. Take your freedom.’
‘Thank you for your concern, my lady, but it is my responsibility if I choose to make it so. Even if I did not care for him as I do, I do not believe I could adjust well to the freedom you speak of if I had nothing to live for, nothing to work toward.’
Beside the dais, General Ryoji shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Guards all around the hall might have done the same, but he was the only one I noticed, the only one my mind was attuned to.
‘You are a remarkable young man, Lord Toi. Endymion is fortunate indeed. And… and Malice?’
‘I hear he will live, but he no longer has any hold over me.’
‘Will you see him?’
Arata shook his head. ‘No, my lady.’
There was nothing more to be said, though my heart bled for the man who had once been my guardian. Hope bowed again and went out. No doubt there were more people who wished to see me, but I needed a moment alone before I could face anyone else.
‘General?’ I said.
‘Yes, my lady?’
‘Please ensure that your men keep an eye out for Endymion. We’ve had enough blood.’
‘Yes, my lady.’
I stared at the empty Humble Stone, and adjusted the set of my dual sashes. ‘I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to have all of that inside your head,’ I said, more to myself than to him. ‘Memories that aren’t your own.’
‘It might be kinder to let him throw himself off the highest wall and clean up the mess, Hana.’
We were alone but for the two Imperial Guards inside the door, but his use of my name stiffened my back. ‘I know I gave you permission to use my name in private, General,’ I said. ‘Do not make me rescind it.’
He took a step closer to the dais. ‘Hana—’
‘General.’
‘Nearly every member of the court has pledged his allegiance to you,’ he said, ignoring this. ‘You will never have a better time to move.’
‘You are overstepping your position, General.’
Unbidden, the chancellor parted the doors and entered, bowing once upon the threshold before coming forward. ‘A message has come, my lady,’ he said as he walked. ‘From Master Kenji. One of his boys ran all the way here.’
‘And what?’ I said, sitting on the edge of the throne, ‘did he have to say?’
‘It’s His Majesty, my lady. He’s awake. He’s asking for you.’
*****
Kin and I stared soundlessly at one another. I had prayed for him to live as often as I had hoped he would die, and now the gods had granted my prayer I knew not what to say. He looked pale, weak, nothing like the emperor I had fallen in love with, the fever having wasted him to a wraith.
‘Ah, my lady,’ Master Kenji said, noticing me in the doorway. ‘You got my message.’
I entered the room under his expectant gaze. Even with the window thrown wide the foul smell was second only to what had met my nose when I had followed Hope into a room of death. That was another job that would fall to me – explaining to Kin what had happened to his favourite minister. His friend.
‘Your prayers have been answered, my lady,’ Master Kenji said when neither of us spoke. ‘You ought to have seen how many lotus prayers Lady Hana folded in your honour, Your Majesty. I have seldom seen such devotion.’
‘I thank you, Master Kenji,’ I said, holding my anger close, protecting it. I wanted no one to take it from me. ‘To pray for His Majesty is the duty of every Kisian. You may leave us.’
A bow. ‘Of course, my lady. I shall check in on my other patients.’
Kin had not shifted his surviving eye from my face. The door opened, the door closed, and still there was silence. ‘Prayers for life or death?’ he asked eventually, the distance between us more than an arm’s length.
‘Both.’
His laugh was dry. ‘Honesty. We’re going to need a lot of that, I think.’
‘Yes. I’m sure Master Kenji has informed you that Katashi is dead.’
‘Yes, he told me. He told me how you got me here and that we lost almost the whole army in Shimai.’
‘We did. We lost General Rini and all but some three-dozen men. And when Katashi stormed the palace we lost about three quarters of the Imperial Guard by our last count, and would have lost everything if not for General Manshin. He betrayed Katashi to fight for us.’
Kin scowled, but he did not interrupt.
‘Most of the court survived,’ I went on. ‘Although Father Kokoro is dead, as is Darius.’
The scowl softened, but still he did not speak.
‘He… he fell protecting his brother. I…’ Tears choked my voice as they had not done before, and I could not finish my words. Kin tried to reach out, but hissed in pain. The distance between us was too great anyway.
I swallowed the lump suspending my voice and turned away, a trembling hand pressed to my lips.
‘Hana—’
‘Don’t,’ I managed to say. ‘You think I need comfort from you? I cannot look at you without seeing my mother covered in blood – all that beauty broken. Just like Darius. No, don’t tell me it’s all right. Don’t tell me he’s at peace, or that he’s free because I don’t care. He’s still dead. Just like my mother.’
‘You think my heart is made of stone.’
‘Isn’t it? How else do you order a whole family murdered in their beds?’
‘Do you really imagine that I don’t hate myself for it? That I didn’t cry and wish it undone when it was too late? But before I met you I would have done it again in a heartbeat because there is nothing, nothing, I would not do for Kisia.’
Every word became a struggle as though his throat was drying up.
I closed the space between us. He watched me, his single uncovered eye fixed on my face, his whole body tensed in preparation for an attack. It would have been so easy to finish him, just like when he lay screaming in Shimai, but I hadn’t done it then and I wouldn’t do it now.
‘Then we have something in common, Your Majesty,’ I said, taking his right hand gently in my own. ‘Because there is nothing I would not do for Kisia.’
I set his hand upon my white sash.
‘Hana,’ he said, trying to pull his arm away and letting out a sharp cry. ‘Hana, don’t do this. I will not have a wife who hates me.’
‘Yes, you will,’ I said, pulling the first loop free with his bandaged hand.
‘Hana!’
‘No. This is what Kisia needs. Stability. Peace. That is what you said the first time you asked me to marry you.’ Another loop came free and the knot looked more like a lopsided bow now than the flower it had been.
The second last loop of the ragged flower took a hard tug to free and Kin winced. Tears welled in his eyes but whether it was from the pain or my words I couldn’t tell.
‘But you said we needed honesty,’ I said. ‘So here is your honesty. I’m pregnant with Katashi’s child, and to secure General Manshin’s loyalty I have promised your pure Otako heir to his granddaughter.’
The last of the knot fell apart on its own and the white sash uncoiled from about my waist, leaving only the Imperial Sash holding my robe closed. The Imperial Sash I was not ready to give back.
‘Child?’ He tilted his head back and laughed and laughed until it turned into a hacking cough that left pain lining his once handsome face. He had none of Darius’s beauty, none of Ryoji’s youthful charm, but the strength he still owned was thrilling. He would be a worthy opponent in the battle to come. ‘You stupid woman.’
‘Not as stupid as you,’ I said. ‘Falling in love with the daughter of the man you betrayed and murdered.’
‘How fortunate for Kisia then, that it has two fools to lead it through what is to come, two fools and a bastard heir.’
He closed his eyes. For a moment I had forgotten just how injured he was, how close to death he had been. ‘When you’re stronger I’ll come to you so we can consummate our marriage.’
‘How pleasantly businesslike you make it sound.’
‘I told you, there is nothing I would not do for Kisia.’
He did not answer.
‘I will leave you to rest now. Tomorrow we lay Katashi to rest with his father.’
Kin did not open his eyes. ‘Then by all means, do not let me keep you, Your Majesty.’
I left him then, taking my loose bridal sash with me.
‘You married him.’ The main room had been empty when I entered, but now General Ryoji stood waiting, his eyes on the untied sash. ‘Why? He murdered your family. Hana… You could have had the empire!’
‘And how many more people would have had to die for that?’
I went to walk past him, but he thrust out an arm to halt my progress. ‘And me?’
‘You? You are the commander of the Imperial Guard.’
‘That is not what I meant. I swore an oath that I would protect and serve you and that I will never betray or abandon, but I gave you my heart as well as my sword.’
I glanced back at the closed door and pulled him away from it, still clasping my white sash. ‘What would you have had me do?’ I hissed. ‘You and I, that is a dream for a perfect world, a world we don’t live in. I am an Otako and you are a commoner who owes his entire career and fortune to Emperor Kin. Marriage—’
‘Marriage? Don’t treat me like a fool,’ he snapped. ‘Even if you held this empire in your own right, marriage to a landless commoner, as you put it, would only weaken your position, I know that, better than you imagine, but many a powerful lady has taken a lover. An ally. There is much we could achieve together.’
‘Katashi was telling the truth.’
Bewilderment added to his impatience. ‘About what?’
‘About being my lover. You wondered how I enticed Manshin to fight for me.’ I gripped his hand, just as I had done to Kin, and forced it to my abdomen. ‘Kimiko is not the only one carrying a bastard out of this war, but mine is a pure blood Otako heir to the Ts’ai throne.’
Honesty was a strange thing. It lightened the body and allowed the soul to breathe, but sometimes that weight transferred to another, as it had with Kin, and sometimes it disappeared all together. General Ryoji started to laugh. Fearing that Kin would hear him, I pressed my hand over his mouth. He tried to be silent, but continued to chuckle, and I found myself smiling.
‘Nothing is ever simple with you,’ he said, gently removing my hand when he was calm enough to speak. He kept hold of it. Kissed my fingers. ‘Have you considered that it might be a girl?’
‘Yes. Either way my child will sit on the throne.’
‘No empress has ever ruled Kisia in her own right. You might have done it on the back of a war, but…’ He shook his head. ‘You would face opposition from every quarter.’
‘Then the day might come when I will need your sword, General, but it is not today.’
*****
I dressed in pale light the following dawn, bemused by so ordinary an activity. A maid had set out robes for me and waited to tie my sash, but she was calm and quiet, not fussing about over every detail as Tili always had.
My heart ached and I sent her away as soon as her task was done. Breakfast came and I picked at it and wrote letters while listening to the rain. I would have to play with words if I wanted power without bloodshed. There were decisions to be made, too, and a meeting with the Council to prepare for, all the while trying not to think about the two bodies laid out in the shrine, covered in crimson silk.
Another maid came to take my tray. She did not speak, just bowed low and averted her gaze as she went about her work. Tili had come to treat me like a sister, but these women could never be as she had been. I was an empress now.
‘Your Majesty?’ The Chancellor bowed in the doorway.
‘Yes?’ It didn’t sound like the voice of a majesty, but it was the only one I had.
‘The carpenter is here with the burial boxes, Your Majesty. You said you wished to be informed. Lord Laroth has been tak
en down, as you instructed.’
‘Thank you, I’ll come at once.’
The man bowed and retreated, backwards, the same way the serving girl had. They had never done that when I was merely Lady Hana.
The courtyard was a mess of charred wood and strewn debris, but people were going about their business as though the rain was the only inconvenience. Two serving maids followed me with a canopy, the dregs of the storm running off the canvas to drench them where they stood. It was a stupid custom, and while Lady Hana might have sent them away and stood in the rain, I was learning fast. Power was all in its perception.
‘Your Majesty.’ The new Master of the Court bowed. Lord Rota’s son had been an early visitor to the throne room. I had watched them all, trying to discern their true allegiance from their demeanour. It was not always clear, not always obvious, but I mentally stored every little twitch and false smile for later assessment. Darius would have been proud.
‘Has a caretaker been appointed?’ I asked, letting my gaze slide to the box on the back of the wagon. Black lacquer inlayed with gold and nacre, with hundreds of tiny pieces of pink quartz making up the blossoms on the wisteria boughs. It would have to be his beauty now.
‘Yes, Your Majesty,’ the new Lord Rota said, and indicated a small man in old leathers, rain running from the downturned points of his hat. ‘Vaxun Dale. From Giana.’
‘How fortunate that we are sending you part of the way home,’ I said, addressing the man.
He bowed low, murmuring thanks and wishing me good health and a long life.
‘There will be two bodies in your care, Vaxun Dale from Giana,’ I said when he didn’t rise. ‘One is Lord Darius Laroth, the Sixth Count of Esvar. There is a small graveyard in the back garden at The Court, and he is to be buried beside his mother, do you understand?’
‘Yes, Your Majesty. Of course, Your Majesty. With his mother, Your Majesty.’
‘The other body belongs to a servant of Lord Laroth. He is also to be buried in the family graveyard, do you understand this as well?’