“Alex, whoa.” He chuckled. “Slow down. Take a breath.”
I tried to take a breath, but I couldn’t get it around the word pregnant. It formed a ball of “holy crap” in my throat. “It can’t be that, can it?”
His chest rose, and then he nodded. “It could be, Alex.”
Whoa, I was blown away by the prospect. Pregnant? Me? I wanted to laugh, but if I did, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t stop, and it wouldn’t be the cute kind of laughter. It would be the hysterical, crazy-as-balls kind of laughter.
“That…” I let out a stuttered breath as I glanced down. I was half-tempted to pull up my shirt and start pressing on my stomach. I didn’t, though, because that would cause me to have an absolute nervous breakdown.
“That changes everything.”
I lifted my gaze, meeting Aiden’s. His eyes were a bright silver, and my heart skipped a beat. When they were that color, Aiden was feeling something strong, something good, but I didn’t know what to think. Pregnant with Aiden’s baby? I could not be a mother. Seriously. I barely remembered to brush my own teeth in the morning. Being responsible for a child, especially in the mess that was my life? That kid wouldn’t have a chance. It would end up getting eaten by wild coyotes or something.
One side of Aiden’s lips tipped up. “What are you thinking?”
“What are you thinking?” My heart was pounding.
“I’m thinking…a lot of things, but if this is what the gods are feeling in you, we need to really think about what we’re doing.” He reached over, tugging on my bottoms. “I know this isn’t happening at a good time.”
I did laugh at that. “Yeah, that would be horrifically bad timing.”
“But would it be so bad?” he asked.
The look on his face, the open honesty, and—dear gods—the hint of acceptance startled me. “You would be okay with this?”
Aiden lowered his gaze for a moment and then shifted so he was sitting in front of me. He took my hands in his, and I suddenly realized how serious this was. I was a little slow on the uptake. “This isn’t the right time for us,” he started, threading his fingers through mine. “Not with everything going on, but…but how could I not be okay?”
I was actually speechless. Someone needed to record this moment.
“I love you, Alex. That’s never going to change, and although neither of us is ready for this, I can get ready for this. Both of us can, and we will face this together. I can’t be that bad at being a father. I mean, I basically had to raise Deacon, and he’s still alive.” He laughed softly as a slight flush spread across his cheeks. “But if you are, we really have to think about what we’re doing. I know neither of us can walk away from what we have to do—what you have to do—but we need to make some adjustments.”
I couldn’t even fathom what kind of adjustments we’d need to make. If I was pregnant, could I really go out there and fight? Could I transfer power from Seth? And good gods, what kind of kid would I be popping out? Part half, part pure, and part Apollyon?
This kid could destroy the world.
But Aiden…gods, I wanted to cry. I wished I could get those tears to fall, because I was so lucky to have him. So many guys would be in another state by now.
The tears didn’t fall, but I could move. I scrambled onto my knees, and he knew what I wanted. His arms opened, and I crawled into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging to him like an octopus.
“You’re perfect,” I said, my face buried in the crook between his neck and shoulder.
“I’m not perfect.” His hand sifted through my hair, resting against the back of my skull. “I just can’t be that upset over the fact that we might be having a baby.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as a sharp pang of unbridled emotion shot through me. Among the hailstorm of fear and confusion, a fine, barely-there sliver of…of happiness filled me like a wisp of smoke. Halfs were products of pures and mortals and not allowed to procreate. Besides that, Sentinels didn’t have kids—not even the pures who chose that kind of duty. They simply didn’t live long enough to raise them. So I had never really even considered the idea of having a child, but this—if this was what this was—would be Aiden’s child, and how could I not want that? Especially, even as unprepared both of us would be for something so major, Aiden would be right there with me. Not out of any sense of duty, but because he loved me and would love our child.
And me? On every day that ended with a Y, I’d probably be the most irresponsible parent known to exist, but I’d love it with every breath I took.
My gods, my brain felt whacked, because I never thought the day would come that I would even think that.
Aiden pressed a kiss against my temple. “We need to see one of the doctors here soon and find out so we’re a hundred percent sure either way, and then…well, we’ll handle this together.”
Oh, wow. Making a quick trip to the infirmary for a pregnancy test? That was going to be so awkward. A thought occurred. “Marcus is going to kill you.”
A deep, rich laugh rumbled up from his chest. “Good gods, you’re right.”
I started to smile, but then reality smacked me upside the head and that little wisp of happiness was extinguished. “I can’t be pregnant, Aiden.”
“Alex—”
“You don’t understand.” I pulled back and slid off his lap, scooting toward the head of the bed. I sighed as I tucked my knees close to my chest. “It’s not like I’m denying the way that male and female bodies work, but we haven’t done that since Ares came, and there’s no way, if I was pregnant, a baby could’ve survived the fight.”
The silver flare dulled a little. “I hadn’t even thought of that. Oh gods,” he said, rubbing his jaw. “How could I not have thought of that? It would be…” He shook his head, jaw locking down.
I didn’t know what to say to that, because the chance that I was pregnant would be so insanely slim. An ache pierced my chest. When his eyes dulled, so did the brimming excitement that had been in them. I hated to take that from him.
Aiden moved so that he was stretched onto his side, then patted the spot beside him. Biting my lip, I wiggled down so I was lying beside him. Neither of us said anything, because I don’t think either of us knew what to say. At some point, Aiden turned off the light beside the bed and then settled back beside me.
Long after I’d believed Aiden had fallen asleep, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and did something that felt incredibly insane.
I placed my hands on my lower belly.
My heart jumped in my chest even though my stomach didn’t feel any different. Could I be pregnant and it—no, not it. It was a baby. It was Aiden’s baby. Could our baby have survived the fight with Ares? Crazier things had happened. And in my life, I could almost expect that the impossible could and would happen. So even though I shot it down, there was a chance. I recognized that. I just didn’t know what to think or do.
In the darkness, Aiden placed his hand over where mine rested on my stomach, and it stayed that way through the night.
CHAPTER 6
Aiden left in the morning to scrounge up some breakfast. I offered to go with him, but he insisted I stay in bed and get some more rest. Nightmares had plagued me most of the night. Daimons breaking through the walls. Ares finding a way in past the wards. Loved ones dying all around me. My constant tossing and turning had kept Aiden up most of the night, but it was more than that. In the back of my head, I knew why Aiden had wanted me to stay. There was still a part of him that believed I could be pregnant. Hell, there was a small part of me that wondered the same thing.
Every time I thought there might be a chance, my stomach dropped and my heart jumped. I couldn’t focus on that today, but it was the only thing I really thought of as I took a quick shower and got changed.
I caught sight of my reflection in the foggy mirror and winced. Even wet, my hair hung in way too many lengths. I needed to do something about it. Heading into the small kitchen and living room area
joining the two dorm rooms together, I found a pair of scissors. Immediately, I remembered holding them before, after Caleb had died.
You should cut your hair.
Romvi/Ares had said that to me, and in my despair over losing my best friend, I had tried to cut my hair. Weird reaction then, but now?
I stared at the scissors, feeling a lump grow in my throat. Seth had stopped me. He’d been there for me the whole time after Caleb’s death, and even when I’d taken all my hurt and anger out on him, he’d remained by my side. We’d been two sides of the same coin, and if it hadn’t been for him, the depression and self-loathing would’ve dragged me down.
What happened to you, Seth? I asked, but there was no answer through our connection. Nothing but the soft hum of the cord, and it really didn’t matter what had happened. Everything that he’d done overshadowed the good things. And he was on Team Ares, and after what Ares had done to me I couldn’t forgive Seth for that choice.
Sighing heavily, I left my room and headed across the hall to knock on Olivia’s door. “Hey,” she said as she opened the door, but her smile faded a bit when she glanced down and saw the sharp instrument in my hand. She didn’t take a step back, but the look on her face said she wanted to. “What’s up?”
“I was hoping you could do something with my hair before the meeting today.” I started to wave the scissors but decided I’d look pretty psychotic doing so. “I kind of don’t want to look like a weed whacker got hold of my head before meeting a bunch of people.”
Her smile returned, lighting up her brown eyes. “Sure! I can do something.” She took the scissors with deft fingers. “I’m actually glad you came to me because I wanted to offer, but I figured that would be kind of rude.”
“It wouldn’t have been. I know my hair is jacked up.” I followed her into her dorm. “Thank you, though.”
“No biggie. Come into the bathroom.” Olivia had me sit on the rim of the bathtub, feet inside. She draped a towel around my shoulders and then picked up a comb. We were silent as she combed the tangles out, and then she finally said, “Yesterday was crazy, wasn’t it? I’ve never seen anything like those birds. And all of those daimons?”
“I know. You and Luke were awesome, though.” I stared at a bottle of shampoo as Olivia made a couple more soothing strokes with the comb. “Artemis said they’d been led there by Ares.”
“I cannot believe a god would stoop to using daimons. There is something so inherently wrong with that.” She picked up the scissors. “Keep still, okay?”
Sitting still was not my forte, but I tried. “Seth and Lucian were doing the same thing.”
Olivia’s hand stilled over my head. “I remember you saying that. I…I just don’t understand any of this. I get that Ares wants war. Duh, he’s the god of war. He thrives on this stuff. And Lucian? Power-hungry pure-blood? Check. But Seth? I don’t get it. I don’t know what they could be offering him that would make him do this stuff.”
“Everything. He thinks he’s going to get everything.”
Scissors snipped. “You?”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with me, not like that.” I wanted to move, but I also didn’t want my hair to end up being more uneven. “I’m just a…means to an end.”
Olivia was quiet for a few moments as she maneuvered the scissors above my shoulder blades. “You know him better than I do. Seth always freaked me out, but I just never thought we would end up here. I never could have imagined any of this.”
I don’t think any of us ever thought this would be where we’d be sitting with the entire world on the verge of collapse.
“Are you nervous about today?” she asked, running the comb through my hair again.
“Yeah, a little. I mean, I have no idea what to say. I’m not the rah-rah kind of leader, and I’m not…very motivational.”
“Just tell the truth.” The scissors were back, and I sighed. “If Ares gets control of the God Killer and goes after Olympus, the gods will destroy everything in their path to stop him, including every pure and half out there.”
“And if he manages to enslave mankind, pures will be next on his list.” I frowned. “The whole thing sucks.”
Olivia laughed softly. “That would be the understatement of the year.”
“True.”
She finished up the impromptu haircut, and I took a deep breath before I stood and checked myself out. “Wow.” I leaned back, surprised. “It actually looks good.”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Did you think I would do badly?”
I shrugged.
“And you still came to me?” She shook her head as she backed out of the bathroom. “You’ve must’ve been desperate. Luckily, the shortest lengths were in the front, so it kind of blends in with the cut. You’ll be able to pull it back and whatnot.”
While my hair used to reach the middle of my back, it now rested on my shoulders, and without all the weight it was wavier than before. I actually felt sort of normal again. I smiled tentatively as I left the bathroom. “You did a really great job. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I could do something.” She patted the spot beside her on the bed. “Chill with me.”
I shuffled over to her, sitting down. I thought about how Caleb had asked me not to tell Olivia anything about him and his life in the Underworld. It wasn’t fair, because I knew Olivia still cared for him deeply, but Caleb wanted her to move on. It made it difficult, though, not being honest with her.
Olivia reached over, running her fingers over the back of my knuckles. “Does it still hurt?” she asked, looking up.
I fought the urge to pull my hand away. “It doesn’t really ache today.”
She sucked her lower lip between her teeth and slowly pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry.”
My brows shot up. “For what?”
“For what happened to you,” she said, clasping her slim hands together. “I didn’t see you. Not until Apollo brought you back, but the way Aiden and your uncle were afterward. They were so…” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, I’m sorry.”
I didn’t know what to say at first, but then the words sort of blurted out. “I look that bad, don’t I?”
“What?” Her eyes widened as she twisted toward me. “I didn’t mean it like that! Oh my gods, I’m such a douche. I didn’t even think before I said that. You don’t look bad, Alex. The scars are so faint and I’m sure—”
“It’s okay, Olivia. Honestly, it’s the last thing I should even be thinking about.” Especially considering what Aiden and I discussed last night and what might lie ahead. The urge to tell her about what could be a possibility hit me hard, but I really didn’t know how to branch out into that conversation. “And I hate thinking about it because it makes me feel so shallow. Like, not even the acceptable level of shallowness.”
“It’s not shallow.” She nudged me with her knee. “You’re a girl. We’re going to worry about stupid stuff like this. And if anyone says you’re shallow for worrying about it, let’s cut up their face and see what they think afterward.”
I coughed out a dry laugh. “Wow.”
“I’m serious.” She winked. “So—” A knock on the door cut her off. She jumped up. “If it’s Deacon, I’m going to body-slam him. He woke me up in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep and Luke was out on the wall.” She stopped at the door, twisting to me. “He made me put his hair into braids. And I mean those little tiny braids, and then he made me take them out.”
A laugh bubbled up my throat. “Deacon is so bizarre.”
“No joke.” She reached for the door. “I swear to the gods, I could—oh! Not the annoying brother.”
I looked up, spying a confused-looking Aiden, and I grinned.
“I’m looking for Alex,” he said, carrying a plastic bag. “But I’m curious to know what my brother did now.”
“You don’t even want to know.” Olivia stepped aside. “She’s here.”
“I see.” Aiden lingered at
the door, a slight smile on his full lips. “Like the hair.”
I picked up a few strands. “Olivia did a kick-ass job.”
“She did.” He turned that half-smile on Olivia, and her cheeks deepened with color. “I brought some breakfast.”
Hopping up from the bed, I headed toward the door. “Food is calling.” I stopped in front of Olivia. “Thank you again.”
“No problem.” She sprang forward and hugged me. At first, I sort of froze. It felt weird, but good. I hugged her back, and for some reason, that felt like a huge step to me.
* * *
Aiden shoved about half a pig’s worth of bacon at me. I mean, I could eat someone out of house and town on a normal day, but he watched like a hawk until I finished it all off.
“I really do like the hair,” he said, after I returned from washing the greasy goodness off my fingers. He tucked a strand back behind my ear. “But you could be bald and I’d still think you were hot.”
I made a face. “My ears are huge. That would not be attractive.”
Aiden chuckled and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “Mmm, you taste like bacon.”
“That’s hot.”
His hands settled lightly on my hips, and I leaned forward, resting my cheek against his chest. “Do you want anything else to eat?”
“Oh gods, no. I’m stuffed.”
“Sure?”
I turned into his chest, rubbing my cheek against him much like a cat might when it wants to be petted. “I’m sure.” I closed my eyes, knowing why he was suddenly all about stuffing my face. “Aiden…”
“I know.” He circled his arms around me, dropping his chin to the top of my head. “I know what you’re going to say, and I know what we talked about last night, but I think, before we completely rule out anything, we should be careful. You need to get checked out.”
Once more, the idea of skipping down to the infirmary and asking for a pregnancy test was tantamount to sunbathing nude in front of a pack of daimons, but Aiden was right. Lifting my head, I met his gaze. “I will. I promise.”
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