by Ally Mathews
…
Sitting through history and lunch with Izzy and not telling her was torture, but it would be cruel to give her the news in the morning when she’d be stuck at school all day. How was Garret supposed to tell her he was abandoning her to pursue his own dream?
Dread rushed through his veins. He’d tried all day to come up with a way to tell her, but he hadn’t thought of anything that would cushion the blow he was about to deal her. At first, he’d thought about inviting her to his house for dinner, but she’d probably be more comfortable at her own place once he told her. If she didn’t kill him on the spot, she’d want to be as far away from him as possible. Even the idea of scheduling a meeting with her in advance seemed too coldhearted. As soon as practice ended, he just got in his car and drove to her house. If she wasn’t there, he’d wait.
The moment he switched off the engine, the sound of the dogs barking reached him. Swallowing against the thickness in his throat, he climbed the steps and waited for someone to come to the door, which opened before he could knock.
“Hey, what’s up?” Izzy asked.
Clearing his throat, he said, “Can I come in?”
She bit her lip but took a step back so he could enter.
His stomach tightened. He’d never dropped by her house without checking with her first. She was right to be suspicious. Following her to the family room off the kitchen, he dropped next to her on the love seat, which was ironic given what he was about to tell her.
“Did you talk with the coach at Michigan?”
“Yeah.” He rubbed his palms on his shorts.
“What’s wrong?”
“The coach invited me to visit the campus on the weekend of the fall production.”
She sat up straight. “Well, that’s not going to work. Did you ask if you can go on a different weekend?”
Unable to stay still, he stood and walked to the window, which looked out over the pool. If things were different, he would’ve been replaying some great memories of practicing lifts in that water. With a deep sigh, he turned to face her.
“Izzy, I told him I had a prior commitment and needed to reschedule, but…ah, he said if I wanted to play for him, I had to come when I was invited.”
She jumped off the couch. “Garret, are you saying…you’re saying that you’re backing out.” All color drained from her face, leaving him feeling like the worst sort of jerk.
He took her hand and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “Izzy, I tried to change the date, I really did, but he wouldn’t budge. It was either go that weekend or lose my chance to play there.”
“Do you really want to play for a coach who’s so inflexible?”
That thought had crossed his mind, but he couldn’t know for sure unless he went on the visit and met him.
“Izzy, he’s a kingmaker in the world of football. Do you have any idea how many of his players have gone on to successful careers in the NFL?”
She wiped away a tear, and it hurt like a stab to his heart. “No, I don’t. But what I do know is that I was stupid to trust you. I should’ve known better than to think you’d go through with it. Jeremy was right about you.”
That was too much.
“Izzy, I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen, but I have to point out that you did try to blackmail me into doing this in the first place.”
With her arms crossed in the classic defensive position, she said, “Did you plan this all along? To volunteer to do this then back out at the last minute to get back at me?”
“Jesus, Izzy. No. Do you really think I would go through all those hours of practice, of the costume fittings, and painting the scenery just to hurt you? I can’t believe you think I’m even capable of doing something that horrible.” More than anything else, that hurt. She might as well have just carved his heart out. How could she think he would ever be that cruel to anyone, least of all her? “I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Maybe not, but you think your future is more important than mine. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be running out on me.”
“Izzy, I want you to be invited to join Ballet Americana just as much as I want to play for Michigan University, but this is my one and only shot. I think we both know that even if your audition doesn’t go well, your father can make a big donation to the ballet and they’ll still take you.”
Tears slid down her cheeks, and he wished he could somehow rewind their argument and get a do-over.
“If you can say that to me, then you really don’t know me at all.”
He tried to put his arms around her so they could both calm down, but she yanked her hand out of his grip, and he lost his temper.
“I’m so sorry it turned out this way, Izzy, but you have everything anyone could ever want, and you push it all away. Let’s not pretend you have any idea what it’s like to be in my situation. You don’t know what it’s like not to have enough money to eat lunch, or to have to bum a ride to school from a friend because you can’t afford to put gas in your car, or to watch your parents struggle to pay the mortgage every month. Have you ever spent the month of July without air conditioning? I’m finally in a position to change all that, and you think I should give up my chance so I can help a spoiled rich girl try to prove her independence?”
For a second, she seemed absolutely devastated by his words, but then all expression left her face as if someone had taken an eraser to a whiteboard. “Before you go, I have something to give you.”
She turned stiffly and grabbed a heavy package covered with navy gift wrap, then shoved it into his stomach. “This is non-returnable, so you might as well take it.”
With that, she strode to the door and opened it.
He stopped next to her, their shoulders nearly touching. “Izzy, I’m sorry.”
“For what? Insulting me in every way possible way or assuming your future is more important than mine?”
He rounded on her. “Really? That’s what you think? Because I thought both of our dreams were equally important, but apparently you’re the one who seems to think yours trumps everything else. Maybe this is a good time for you to learn money can’t buy everything.” With that parting shot, which he immediately regretted, he stormed out the door. Within thirty seconds, he wanted to go back and apologize, but he wouldn’t let himself.
He climbed into his car and set the package on the passenger seat. For once, he had no idea what to do. He didn’t know how to fix this, and he resented the fact that he wanted to, considering the things she accused him of doing. If she really thought he would do any of those, there was no chance they could ever get back together.
Curiosity got the better of him, and he tore the paper off the box and opened it. His stomach clenched, and for a moment he thought he might throw up. It was a vintage driver’s side mirror for his Mustang. He’d been looking for one for years, but somehow she’d been able to find one.
Everything jumbled together in his brain until he couldn’t even decide whether to leave or go back to the house. They’d said awful things to each other, but he had to hope they could somehow get past this. For now, it was best to leave so they both had a chance to calm down. The fact that she’d gone through with giving him the mirror gave him hope they might be able find a way back to where they’d been.
…
The numbness kept the hurt away. Izzy welcomed it, because having someone you thought you were falling in love with accuse you of being selfish and uncaring was something she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy. It was better not to feel anything than to feel everything, because there was no in-between.
Garret had been brutal, but she’d done the same to him, and she had no idea how to fix it, or even if they could. She’d been listening to “Pictures of You” on repeat for hours, and it finally melted the numbness and let in the pain. She cried until she was so exhausted she fell asleep.
Chapter Nineteen
For a moment, Izzy forgot about what had happened, but then it all came crashing back to h
er. Garret had betrayed her, the fall production was going to fail, and she was never going to be invited to join Ballet Americana. There was no chance she was going back to sleep, so she texted Lauren the bad news and got up and headed downstairs.
Roley waited for her at the bottom of the staircase, and Izzy sank down and wrapped her arms around her warm, furry neck. Wishing she could turn back time and change things wasn’t helpful. Garret’s jab about money not being able to fix everything hurt as much as his betrayal. That was exactly why she wanted to make Ballet Americana so badly. Because it was something she could earn that had nothing to do with her father’s money or influence. How could he not understand that?
Dad stepped out of the kitchen. She hadn’t even realized he was home. “Izzy, what’s wrong?”
“Garret got invited to visit his dream school on the weekend of the fall production. The coach refused to change the date. I’m not going to be invited to join Ballet Americana.” She sounded like a computer voice reading something back. Empty of feeling, which was exactly her current state.
He took her hand and pulled her up. “Come sit with me in the kitchen.”
She followed him like a robot and sat at the table.
He poured two large mugs of coffee and handed one to her then joined her at the table. “So let’s talk damage control.”
Izzy warmed her hands on the mug, but she didn’t think she’d be able to keep coffee down. “You can’t perform damage control on a complete loss.”
“It can’t be that bad.”
“Trust me, it is. I have no partner so I’ll have to dance with one of the girls, which means no lifts. I’m not going to make the company.” Her phone chimed and her stomach clenched for a moment, but it was just Lauren.
So sorry. Remember, Maddie is Garret’s understudy. We can make this work. Don’t worry!
“Honey, I’m sorry. For once, I’m not happy to be right. When I warned you not to trust that boy, I didn’t really believe he’d back out on you.”
He might as well have stabbed her so they could get this over with faster. “Not helping, Dad.”
There was only one way she might be able to make things work, but she really hated to even ask. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t have any other options. Do you think you can use your contacts to find an experienced dancer to partner me?”
He sighed. “I’m sorry honey, but no. It breaks my heart to see you hurting like this, but if making the ballet company is what you really want, you need to figure it out yourself. It’ll be a hollow victory if you don’t accomplish it on your own.”
Seriously? He was constantly up in her business, meddling in her life, and the one time she asked him for help he said no.
“Honey, just do the best you can. Nobody is perfect. You don’t know that they won’t take you just because you aren’t doing lifts.”
“Except I do.”
He leaned toward her to kiss her forehead. “I love you, baby, and I’ll be there for your performance, sitting in the front row. But I won’t always be around to fix everything for you. You need to figure this out on your own.”
If he said one more word, she would shatter. She was barely holding herself together as it was. She had begged him for help after she’d promised herself she’d never stoop so low, and he wouldn’t do it. All she wanted to do was crawl back under the covers and skip school, but then she’d be letting Garret win. She had to go to school no matter how terrible it was.
Chapter Twenty
It was the afternoon of the performance. Garret was off at Michigan University, and Izzy hoped he would be offered the scholarship he so wanted. Though she’d texted him earlier to wish him good luck, he hadn’t responded. She would do what she should have done from the beginning. Rely on her talent to get an offer to dance with Ballet Americana, and if it didn’t happen, then it wasn’t meant to be. As horrible as the last week had been, she had learned she couldn’t control everything and it was better not to try.
Everything backstage was perfect. The gorgeous scenery they’d painted was their best yet, the costumes had been sewn with care by the parents, and the auditorium was sold out. The only thing missing was Garret. He’d left a hole that couldn’t be filled in the show or in her heart.
“Izzy, can I talk to you for a minute?” Jeremy asked.
“Sure. What’s up?”
He kept clenching and unclenching his hands, and he opened his mouth, but then closed it again without saying anything.
“Jeremy, what’s wrong? Is something wrong with the sets?”
He blew out a deep breath. “No, nothing like that, but there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Okay.” She really couldn’t take any more drama, especially right before the show, but Jeremy was her oldest friend and she wouldn’t brush him off.
“I never told you the full story when Garret betrayed me.”
Her stomach dropped. The last thing she wanted to do right before she went on stage was talk or think about Garret. She was barely holding it together as it was. “Go on.”
“It wasn’t really his fault. It was his dad.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “What? I don’t understand.”
“Garret let me choose some stuff from the salvage yard to make a sculpture. I searched for days for just the right stuff, including copper piping and some other valuable metal, and he promised to deliver it to me, but he never did. As you know, I didn’t get accepted to the Art Institute in Seattle because of him. Except, it turned out that the day he was supposed to bring it to me, his dad sold it to the scrap guy, even though Garret had already marked it as sold. And not only that, he sold all of the usable scrap metal, so there was nothing for me to use.”
“So Garret didn’t betray you.”
He shook his head. “Not on purpose. He didn’t want anyone to know about his dad’s drinking, so he took the blame, but he eventually told me and we worked it out.”
So her instincts had been right. Garret was a good guy, and she’d scared him away forever by blaming him for wanting to pursue his own dreams.
But she didn’t have time to wallow in self-pity. She needed to focus on her performance.
She gave him a quick hug. “Thanks for telling me.”
“Break a leg. I have a feeling that everything is going to work out really well for you. You’ll see.”
Too hyped up to stay still, she paced around backstage in her pointe shoes, alternating between stretching and giving pep talks to the younger girls. They had managed to pull together their most ambitious show ever, but it no longer mattered so much to her.
Nothing had been right since her fight with Garret. It wasn’t just about the terrible things they’d said to each other. Of course she missed him, but despite his lack of dance experience, he was the best partner she’d ever had. The dancers they hired from Texas Northern were fine, but she hadn’t been in perfect harmony with any of them the way she had been with Garret. They just fit together. He had a way of keeping her grounded, and she could’ve really used his calm presence right about now. She wasn’t even nervous about this being her audition for Ballet Americana. She just wanted the night to be over so she could move on, one way or another.
It was time for her to stop thinking about how this day might have gone and instead focus on receiving an invitation to join Ballet Americana. She had briefly met the two representatives who had come to evaluate her performance, but she purposely didn’t watch to see where they were sitting. She needed to put them out of her mind. Closing her eyes, she focused on her upcoming solo.
Unlike most of the other girls, she didn’t get nervous. She had a way of pushing everything else out of her mind and focusing only on her movements. At least, normally she did. The stage lights came back on, and she waited to make her entrance. She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, then moved onto the stage. She’d practiced the dance so many times her body performed it as if it had been programmed like a computer. When her dance ended
, a figure wearing a cloak handed her a spindle. Since Sleeping Beauty had never seen one before, she examined it closely and pricked her finger, then swooned and fell to the ground. Carabosse revealed herself, and assuming the princess was dead, she left. Then the Lilac Fairy reminded the King and Queen that their daughter was sleeping and placed an enchantment over the kingdom so everyone would sleep for one hundred years, until Sleeping Beauty woke up.
Once the stage lights turned off and the curtain closed for intermission, they all got up and went backstage.
Lauren came to her immediately. “Izzy, that was fantastic. You danced like a dream.”
In truth, she barely remembered performing, but she was glad Lauren thought she’d done well. Hopefully, the strength of her solo would outweigh the very weak partner dance they were about to perform in the third act. She paced backstage, listening to the sounds of the scenery and props being switched, the audience gradually returning to their seats, and the other dancers stretching and preparing themselves.
Lauren rushed toward her once again, a huge grin on her face. “Are you ready for your pas de deux?”
She shrugged. “I suppose so.” It wasn’t much of a partner dance with no lifts. “Why are you so happy?”
“Everything is going so well, and I’m proud of you for dancing so well. We couldn’t have asked for a better night.”
Not wanting to ruin the evening for Lauren by disagreeing, she nodded and moved into the wings. Instead of focusing on her upcoming dance, she was anxious to find out how Garret’s visit had gone. Her fingers itched to call him, but since he hadn’t responded to her text, there was no way he was going to answer if he knew it was her. Surely, she’d hear something at school on Monday.
Jeremy came by, pushing the bed she had to lie on at the beginning of the second act. He was grinning wider than the Cheshire Cat. Is everything really going that well? If anything, she thought this was probably their weakest production so far. He squeezed her arm.
“Izzy, you’ve got this.”