We snack and enjoy the sun setting, her not pushing me to continue, which I’m thankful for. It’s hard for me to explain how horribly both Cord and I handled things. I can look back on it now and see how shitty we’d dealt with our issues, but I didn’t see it at the time. We were both still so tied up in what we’d been through that neither of us made good decisions.
“Cord lost his wife under horrible circumstances, and he hadn’t really dated much since she passed. He became my neighbor after I moved into an apartment after the divorce and he owns the restaurant I was working in. He is absolutely beautiful,” I say the last part under my breath. God, I miss him.
“Anyway, we became pretty good friends; hanging out together some evenings and hiking together. It eventually became obvious we were both extremely attracted to each other. At some point, we decided to try, very slowly, to have a relationship. Meanwhile, Justin had been texting me weekly, sometimes daily, about how stupid he was, how much he’d messed up, and even went as far as saying he wanted to fix things between us. Apparently, after I got hit by a car, Justin ‘realized’ how important I was to him.” I raise my hands in the air make the finger-quotes.
“Wait. Did you just say you got hit by a car?” Mrs. Giordano asks, looking extremely concerned.
“Yep. Apparently, a drunk driver jumped the curb and hit me while I was running down the street. Sad part is, I probably would’ve seen it coming if I hadn’t been so lost in my own thoughts at the time. I’d just found out that Justin had been cheating on me our entire marriage,” I reveal to her before lifting my glass to my lips again.
“Stronzo,” Mrs. Giordano murmurs under her breath.
“All right, you know I don’t know much Italian and I’ve not heard that one before. What does that mean?” I laugh out, knowing full well it must mean something bad with the sour look on her face.
“Asshole. You’re ex-husband is an asshole,” she grinds out.
I laugh and she glares, so I respond, “You are completely correct. He is. And the funny part is, after the accident, he was at the hospital professing his love for me, begging for forgiveness, and telling me we would be back together.”
“So he’s also an idiot? Because I’ll tell you right now, Ellie, if you take that man back, I will fly to the United States, a place I’ve never wished to go, and smack you myself,” she barks. “No woman deserves to be treated like that. If my Stefano had ever treated me that way, I’d have killed him.”
And I don’t doubt her one bit. She wears the pants in that family for sure. Tough old lady.
“Get back to your story, bella,” she chuckles.
“So, anyway, when I got the offer to come to Italy for the internship, I was on the fence about coming. I mean, I had only been working at Saint for a few months and really liked the job, it would be the first time away from my boys for an extended period of time, and I didn’t know how Cord would feel about it since our relationship as more than friends had just begun. Then the night I told him about the offer, after he’d fallen asleep, he said something in his sleep that made me realize he wasn’t over the tragedy of losing his wife. I knew then I needed to come to Italy, because truthfully, neither of us had let go of what we’d been through,” I confess. “He’d woken the next morning and run.” I realize, as I lift the wine to my lips yet again, I am past the point of driving, and go to set the glass down before I drink anymore. Mrs. Giordano watches me closely, noticing I didn’t take a drink of it.
“You stay here tonight, Ellie. We have many guest rooms and I want you to enjoy this visit with me. Drink your wine,” she chatters. “I’ve already requested Stefano to go ready a room for you.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary, Mrs. Giordano, really. I’ll just have some water and I’ll be okay after we are done talking,” I promise.
“Please, we’re past the ‘Mrs. Giordano.’ Call me Gianna, and I insist you stay. I am enjoying our visit and I wish for us to continue to drink wine and enjoy this beautiful view.”
“That would be lovely, Gianna. Thank you,” I reply.
“I know you come here to heal, Ellie. I’m not sure what it is about my place that is helping you, but I’ve been able to see the change in you since you first started coming here. The first few times, you looked sad and unsure of yourself. Now when you come, I can see the serenity you’ve accomplished within yourself.”
The words she says brings tears to my eyes, because she’s reading me like a book. She is completely right. I am finding my serenity.
“Please continue, my dear,” she pleads.
“Well, after Cord ran the next morning, I decided I was taking the internship. I started making arrangements and then went down to the restaurant to let them know I’d be leaving. I got into a discussion with Cord’s brother, Bishop, and sister, Angelica, about Cord’s deceased wife and Cord heard parts of it. He was furious with all three of us for talking about it. He basically threw me out and called me a stranger.”
I lift the glass to my lips and drink the rest, just as I look up and see Mr. Giordano coming back out with another bottle of wine, along with a platter of sliced bread and olive oil with herbs for dipping. I’m going to need to put in an extra-long run to burn all of this off. I’ve earned it though. I’ve been taking care of myself and am in the best shape of my adult life. Mr. Giordano smiles politely, sets the wine and tray down, kisses his wife on the cheek, and walks quietly back into the house.
“Long story short, he didn’t talk to me for the five days I had left before I left Colorado. The day I flew out, he sent me a text saying he wanted to talk to me. I told him it was too late and I left. He continued to text me during the days I was at my parents’ home in Pennsylvania, but I never read them or responded. I waited until I was on the plane to Rome to read them.” I pause only long enough to refill both of our wine glasses and tear a small chunk of bread off. “Anyhow, when I texted my boys once I arrived in Rome, one of them insisted I call Cord because he was worried. So I called,” I explain, stopping to take a gulp of wine because this part is starting to choke me up. “A woman answered the phone in the middle of the night, and I could hear him beside her,” I croak.
“He’s a stronzo too then,” Gianna bites out.
“I hung up. He tried to call back for a while and I finally just told him I had nothing to say to him and then blocked his phone number. I handled it like a damn scorned teenager. I should’ve listened to what he had to say. I don’t know why that woman was there.”
I stop for a bit, watching as the rest of the sun goes down behind the hill.
“A few weeks later, I got an email from Cord’s best friend, Sami, who is married to Cord’s brother, Bishop. She’s a lovely little woman. You’d like her, Gianna. She reminds me of a thirty-something you.” I feel my eyes start to mist. Sami’s probably six or seven months pregnant by now. I wonder if they found out if it’s a girl or a boy yet. I should really email her and see how she’s doing.
“Sami asked me to email Cord just to see if he was okay. She said he’d been reclusive and they were beginning to really worry about him. So I did, and it didn’t go well.”
Taking a deep breath, I look back out at the now dark countryside.
“At the end of the ‘chat,’ he basically threw the woman who answered his phone in my face, and told me he’d needed more. I haven’t spoken to him since.”
She nods her head but doesn’t say anything. I know she knows what I’m thinking. He’d said that to hurt me. I see it now, but like I said, it’s easy for me to look back on things that happened back then and realize how stupid we were both being.
“You should call him,” Gianna blurts. “He cares for you or he wouldn’t have continued to chase you. He emailed more after that right? You just didn’t respond. Did you even read them?”
I shake my head, not making eye contact with her. “Nope, and I deleted them all so I couldn’t go back later and read them. I thought I needed a clean break from him so we could both take time to
heal and figure out what it is exactly we are doing, what we are looking for in this life.”
“Bella, you need to go home and fix this,” she tells me in all honesty. I know she’s right. I know that at some point, I need to decide how I’m going to handle the talk I need to have with Cord, even if we never speak to each other after that. I think we both need the chance to say our piece, and I’m sure that will help make the decision on whether we try to be friends or walk away.
“I will, Gianna. I only have a few short weeks left of my internship and my best friend is getting married in a few months too, so I’ll be going home before then,” I trail off.
Oh yeah, did I mention Claire and Tyler are getting married? Yep, she dropped that bomb on me a few weeks ago, and to say I’m elated for her is an understatement. She’s finally found her “soul mate,” or so she proclaimed to me while sobbing hysterically the night he asked her. I really am truly happy for her. It’s about damn time an amazing man appreciates her the way she deserves.
Gianna and I sit for a little while longer just chatting about nothing and everything. Once she starts yawning, I know it’s time to get her off to bed and as long as I sit here, she’ll stay.
I stretch and fake yawn before turning to her. “We should head to bed. It’s gotta be late.”
She nods and goes to start clearing the wine bottles, glasses, and platters. “I’ll get this, Gianna. It’s the least I can do for your hospitality and letting me bend your ear this evening. I do really appreciate your insight on the mess Cord and I made,” I chuckle.
She nods, yawning again. “Just put all the dishes in the sink, Ellie. Mrs. Marie will be here in the morning to do the chores,” she replies before heading toward the door, stopping to hold the door open for me since my arms are full.
I place the dishes in the sink and turn to Gianna who is patiently waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. “I’ll show you to the spare room Stefano prepared for you.”
When she opens the door to the room, my jaw drops. It is literally the most inviting room I’ve ever seen. The bed is a huge four-poster with a large canopy over the top and gorgeous gray fabric billowing out from all sides. The mattress is draped in the most beautiful dark gray and pale blue bedding, and it makes me want to crawl into it and never leave. There are pillows all over the place and the entire room is just breathtaking. I’m instantly relaxed. Although I know I’ll be going home soon, I can’t help but feel like this place has a deeper purpose for me. I almost forget that Gianna is standing next to me until she chuckles, startling me from my thoughts.
“I assume this will work for you, bella?” she asks with a huge smile.
“I may never leave this place,” I whisper in return. She pats my shoulder and shuts the door behind her without another word.
I feel a breeze hit my face, and when I turn to see where it’s coming from, my heart almost stops when I see there is a balcony with French doors, both wide open. I walk slowly toward the doors, speechless at the beauty before me. The balcony overlooks the east side of the house, the only side of the house I’ve not seen yet. There is a beautiful garden of flowers, with little white twinkly lights everywhere. This side of the house is surrounded by an extremely tall white fence and is decorated like a wedding venue. I bet this would be the most amazing place to have a wedding. Maybe I should suggest it to Claire, but dismiss the thought because I feel like this place is just mine. I don’t want to share it with anybody, and if that makes me selfish, so be it. This place has helped heal my soul and I want to keep it to myself.
I’m not sure how long I stand on the balcony staring at the lights and scenery, but I can feel my eyes starting to droop. Time to throw myself into that pillow of a bed.
The little bathroom attached to my room is just as inviting as the bedroom itself. The bathtub is an old, deep claw-foot, and there is no way I’m not going to be taking advantage of that in the morning before I leave. I wash my face the best I can without my face-regimen and I’m thankful for the new toothbrush and travel toothpaste that Stefano must have left for me.
After brushing my teeth, I head back into my room to snuggle my tired body down into the lovely down comforter. As I feel my body start to relax and give into the dream that is taking over, I wonder what Cord is doing right now. Is he dating? Is he happy? Is he still mad at me or has he also realized how bad we both screwed things up? So many questions that I know I won’t get answers to until I return. Will he even want to see me? Talk to me? I can only hope, when I do return home, he will give me enough of his time to explain I realize the mistakes we made and apologize. I’ll never kid myself into thinking I’ll get home, run into his arms, we’ll both magically be “healed” from our pasts, and we’ll live happily ever after . . . but I can always dream.
WHEN I GET BACK to Rome the next morning, there are several emails from Claire, mostly about wedding planning stuff, like the venue they’ve finally chosen, and demanding to know when I’ll be returning. I just reply I’ll call her this afternoon so we can actually chat and get some things hashed out about when I can get there and what I need to do beforehand. I’ve already started buying a bunch of stuff to send back to the States for the wedding. Different kinds of Italian wines for the reception being at the top of her list. The one thing she doesn’t know about is I found her “something new.” I found a dainty anklet the other day at a vintage jewelry store in Ostia Antica and immediately thought of Claire. It’s absolutely perfect for her and I can hardly wait to give it to her.
I type out a quick email to Sami asking how she is doing and if they’ve found out the sex of the baby yet. I don’t know if she’ll email me back or not because we haven’t had contact since I told her about my email to Cord and how it hadn’t gone well. I feel horrible I wasn’t able to continue my friendship with Sami after Cord and I imploded. Another casualty of Cord and my stupid decisions. I really do like Sami and Bishop both.
I know I only have a couple of weeks left here, and I’m going to make every single second count. It’s Sunday, which means I will walk down to the church and attend afternoon mass, something I’ve taken to doing since I arrived. The amount of faith I feel in the old churches here is unexplainable. I’ve never been overly religious but have found my faith here, among other things.
When I return from mass, I’m surprised to find Sami has already responded to my email. My stomach drops, my thoughts immediately going to whether or not she will mention Cord.
To: Ellie Harper
From: Sami Cordero
Re: Hello stranger
ELLIE! I am so happy to hear from you! How are you, girl? We miss your face around here! When are you coming home?
Well, sit down and hold on tight . . . WE ARE HAVING A BOY!!!! Bish is beside himself and the girls are even starting to warm up to the idea of having a little boy running around. Bless his heart, he is going to never have a moment of peace in this house. Lol.
I hope you are doing well over there. We are doing well, but we all miss you. You kind of made an impression on the family. ;) Please write back to me soon and fill me in on the all the amazing things you’ve been experiencing.
Love
Sami
My heart could not be happier for Sami and Bishop. A little boy to complete their family. I’m sure Sami is on cloud nine and there is no doubt Bishop is already passing out the cigars. I wonder how Cord took the news. His first nephew. I shake my head trying to rid the thoughts of him. I have too much to focus on and accomplish today. Thoughts of Cord always distract me and I don’t get much done.
On with my day. . . .
AS I PACK UP THE last of my clothing and hug the woman I’ve been staying with for the past few weeks goodbye, my stomach begins to flutter.
I am finally going home after more than six months away. I can hardly wait to hug my boys.
To say that I’m a new person would be an understatement. Italy has officially healed my heart and my soul. It took me a good long while to open my hea
d up to the idea that Cord had been right; I had not truly dealt with Justin’s betrayal, and that was what had made him so upset when I’d thrown our relationship in Justin’s face, even going so low as to lie about the depth of it. In my defense though, he had overreacted to it, and then run when faced with the truth about his guilt about Maloree. We were both broken people when I left. I can only hope he found the peace he needed like I have to help him move on with his life.
Do I miss him?
Every single day.
The cool part about becoming comfortable in your own skin and learning to accept yourself for who you are, is I now know I can live without him and I am enough just the way I am. Some days, it hurts more than others because I really was falling in love with him, but I love who I’ve become and the lightness of my heart.
I am ready to move on with my life, and if a wonderful man happens along who finds me to be everything he’s ever wanted, awesome. But if he doesn’t, I’m okay with the freedom of being single too. I’m comfortable with my own company.
And one of the main reasons I’m returning home now, instead of staying a few more weeks, is Claire and Tyler are getting married next week, and as her maid of honor, I obviously have to be there.
I’m ready to go home anyway. I feel like the purpose of my time here has been fulfilled.
As the taxi heads toward the airport, I take in the scenery for what I’m sure will be the last time in my life. I’ve loved my time here in Italy, and it was exactly what my life needed, but it will forever be burned into my memory as the place I came to broken but left a whole person. I don’t want to come back and erase the memories I made here all on my own.
Leaning my head against the glass of the taxi window, I take a deep breath and smile. I’m so completely ready to move on with my life and enjoy every single second of it.
Defining Moments Page 22