Her relationship with Ryley is one that concerns me. I’ve always had visions that my mother would be there every step of the way for my kids and my wife. Ryley may not be my wife… yet, but she’s the mother of my son. EJ is the innocent one here. I’m not saying she has to live near me, but the story Ryley tells doesn’t fit the mold I had for my mom as a grandma.
“You should pull over so we can talk before we get to your mom’s.”
I do as she suggests, not really questioning her. I’m sure she’s nervous, and for different reasons. I put the car in park, and turn slightly to face her.
“Last night I told you that your mom and I don’t get along, and as much as I would rather stay home today, I feel that you need some support. We were all very angry, very bitter. I think that after she lost your dad, she became jaded and when you… well, when we were told that you were gone she just shut down. She’s not the same person you remember.”
I process her words and for one moment try to put myself in their shoes but I can’t. If I were told that Ryley were dead, I’d drink myself into oblivion until I could join her. I don’t want to think about her ever being gone from my life, even though, technically, it feels a little like that now. Physically I can see her and touch her. I can hear her voice and smell her coconut shampoo. My mom can’t do any of that with my dad, and she couldn’t do it with me after she was told I was gone.
“I also think I should go in first and tell her so that she’s prepared. I don’t want her to be like me and say horrible things to you when she sees you because she doesn’t believe.”
“Okay,” I agree with her instantly because I think she has a point. I don’t want to relive that afternoon with Ryley. The memory of that day is a hard pill to swallow. I pray that I’ll never witness that much fear, resentment, and unknown by her again
I put the car into drive and head down into the cul-de-sac where my mom lives. The white house with blue shutters is decorated with hanging flower baskets and rose bushes. I pull into the driveway without thinking, only for my mother to step outside in her gardening clothes.
“This isn’t going to be good. She’s going to think you’re Nate,” Ryley says, hopping out of the car.
“Hi, Julianne.” Her voice is muffled and as much as I don’t want to, I crack the window open a little so I can hear clearly.
“This is a surprise.” My mother’s voice is clipped. I don’t like it. She knows how far Ryley’s traveled with EJ to get here, she should be happy. I grip the steering wheel to keep myself from jumping out of the car to yell at her. That wouldn’t do any of us any good.
“I have some news, Julianne, and I need you to sit down.”
My mom leans to the side to look into the car. “Is Nate going to get out or are you two running off to Vegas?”
“No, please sit down.”
Mom throws her hands up in the air, as if she’s brushing off Ryley. I see her move toward the car and know that I need to get out before she gets to the driver side door.
“Julianne, please,” Ryley pleads to no avail.
I make the conscious decision to get out of the car and pray she doesn’t collapse onto the ground.
“Nate, get out of the car and come see me. I may not agree with your wedding, but I’m still your …”
Her eyes meet mine and her mouth drops open. Ryley moves in behind her, maybe to catch her or keep her from running. She turns and looks at Ryley who now has tears streaming down her face. Ryley nods, confirming my mom’s silent question. With her gaze back on mine, she shakes her head and her own tears begin to fall. I stand stock still, afraid to move.
“It can’t be,” mom whispers as she covers her mouth.
Ryley sets her hand on my mom’s shoulder. “He’s real, Julianne. Everything you thought… you were right.”
I make a mental note to ask Ryley more about what she just said, but for now I take a deep breath and address my mom. “Hi, Mom.”
“Oh, God.”
She buckles, but Ryley is there to catch her before she hits the ground. I slam the car door and am by her side instantly. I scoop her up in my arms and head toward her house. Everything I’m doing now I wish I did with Ryley, but her reaction was nothing but anger, and I completely understand that now.
Ryley and EJ follow us in. He’s at his grandma’s side the moment I set her down. She cups his face and he gives her multiple kisses on her cheek before he runs off down the hall.
“Such a sweet boy,” she says without making eye contact with me or Ryley. “I told you that you and Nate were a mistake.”
Ryley shakes her head and takes a seat across from us. I grab a hold of my mom’s hand and tug a little so she’s look at me.
“Mom, I’ve missed so much and have a lot to make up for, so I’m asking that you not bring up Nate and Ryley right now.”
“She told you?”
“Of course she did,” I defend Ryley.
Mom wipes angrily at her tears. “How long have you been alive?”
I run my hand over my hair and smile. “About thirty-five years.”
She laughs and so does Ryley. “I see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
I relax a bit into the couch and put my arm on the back of it. “About a week and before you start asking a bunch of questions let me tell you that no, I didn’t know we were all dead. I think we were part of a cover-up gone badly, and whoever was leading it is somehow not involved anymore because we were brought home. The entire time I was gone, I received care packages. I knew just about everything about Ryley and EJ, except for the obvious. I was also under the impression that Nate knew where I was. I was told many times that my brother knew about the mission, so needless to say I was a little taken aback when I came home to find out I’m dead and my fiancée is no longer mine, but my brother’s.”
Mom nods and lets the tears free fall. I pull her into my arms and tell her that I love her. “Everything’s been so hard since you left.”
“I know,” I whisper. “But I’m back and I’m not going anywhere. I have a girl to win back and a son to get to know.” My words make her stiffen and she pulls away from me.
“You intend to take Ryley from your brother?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“And you’re going to allow that to happen?” she directs her question to Ryley, who sits stone faced and unanswering.
“Mom, Ryley didn’t leave me, nor did I leave her. She was mine and when I came home, I flat out expected a fucking homecoming, but instead I find out that my brother moved in on my family instead of protecting them like he vowed to do.”
“Nate would never do anything to hurt you, Evan.”
“Yet he did.”
“You were dead. What was he supposed to do?”
I throw my hands up in exasperation. “Geez, mom, I don’t know, not covet my fucking girl.”
“Watch your mouth.”
I shake my head. “I think I’ve earned the right to drop the f-bomb after the shit I’ve been through.” I can’t sit any longer. I stand up and start pacing, stopping and looking at the mantle of dead servicemen. I want to take mine down and throw it against the wall, but that’s something I’ll save for my mom.
“Are you really my son?” her voice cracks as I nod.
“He is,” Ryley says. “And before you go assuming anything, you should know that Evan and I started therapy this week, and we’re trying to find a peaceful resolution.”
I shrug. “Ryley’s may be peaceful. I intend to fight.”
“They’re getting married, Evan; surely you don’t want to ruin their wedding.”
I glance from Ryley, who knows exactly that’s what I plan to do, to my mother who is going to bat for Nate and realize that everything Ryley has said is true. “Mom, when I left she was my fiancée. We didn’t break up, so as far as I’m concerned she’s still mine.”
“Oh, Evan, everything is so much more complicated than that.”
“I know about EJ and Nate. EJ also kn
ows that I’m his dad. I’m not expecting things to change overnight, but I am expecting some changes. I didn’t die, mom. My life didn’t stop. I didn’t lose my memory, and I wasn’t held captive. I came home and thought my family was waiting for me. I was wrong, but my family is trying, and that’s all I need right now. You can be on Nate’s side all you want, but as far as I’m concerned he’s dead to me. All he had to do was protect Ryley and EJ. Instead, he thought he’d take advantage of the situation.”
“He thought you were dead,” she roars, protecting him. “We all did.” She points to the mantle behind me. “It’s not like he made a conscious decision to go after Ryley. Believe me, Evan, I begged him not to. I begged her not to. But as I’ve been reminded many times, they’re adults and they fell in love. Don’t blame your brother when he’s not here to defend himself.”
She stands and glares at Ryley before leaving the room. This homecoming isn’t going like I thought it would. Hell, none of them are. Maybe I was better off being dead.
The tug on my shorts cuts short my pity party. I look down to find EJ staring at me. “Hi, EJ,” I say, unsure of what I should call him. I’d like to call him buddy or junior, but don’t want to if that’s what Nate calls him.
“Can you come outside and play wif me?”
I glance at Ryley, who’s nodding. “You bet,” I say to EJ, who takes my hand and pulls me through the house to the backyard that holds a nice-sized jungle gym.
I DON’T KNOW IF I expected Julianne’s icy demeanor toward me to change when she saw Evan, but I definitely didn’t expect her to sling a verbal attack my way to take the blame off of Nate. When Nate and I were growing closer, no one more than me tried to put the brakes on our relationship. It just grew, everything just happened. You reach a point where there’s no turning back because if you do, you lose your best friend and I couldn’t afford to lose him too.
I still can’t afford to lose him. I know I will eventually. There’s only so much one person can take, and the moment he finds out that Evan is alive it’s going to be a fight or flight situation. He either stays and fights for EJ and me and could lose us all, or he leaves and it’s EJ and I losing. We’re in a no-win situation and have the Navy to thank for it.
Someone is to blame for Evan being gone for so long. Someone needs to explain why we were told he and everyone else was dead. Someone needs to pay and take the blame for this mistake or whatever it is they’re calling it. We need answers and guidance. We need reassurance that this will never happen again. I need to know why they sent care packages on my behalf but watched as I mourned the love of my life. Who does that to people?
“Mom kick you out?”
Livvie comes into view. She looks more like Evan than Nate and it used to be hard to look at her. When she was younger, we got along well. She was the sister I always wanted, but never had. I used to have her antagonize the girls Nate would bring home. I never thought any of them were good enough for him except for Cara. She left when he wouldn’t leave the SEALs after Evan died. I know she was scared – I was too – but it’s no reason to turn your back on the one you love.
I look away from Livvie and roll my eyes. I don’t want a confrontation with her, but I know one is coming. She hates me. I don’t blame her. Not only did I give Nate the green light to go back to active duty, I did the incomprehensible to her by being with him. She told me that I was desecrating Evan’s memory. She’s probably right, and it makes me wonder if that is how Evan feels now.
“Is EJ here?”
“Yeah, he’s here… with Evan.”
Livvie pauses mid-step. She sets her foot down and slides into a sitting position. “What’d you say?”
I sigh and lean back so we can make eye contact. “I know you’re angry with me and I don’t blame you, but I need you to hear me out before you walk inside that house. The other day I came home and Evan was there.”
She gasps and covers her mouth.
“He was walking toward me like he had done so many times before when he’d come back from deployment. Except as soon as she saw my face, he knew something was wrong. As far as he knew, we thought he was alive. He was getting care packages that were marked from me, from you and your mom. He had no idea we had buried him years ago.”
“You’re telling me that my brother, who we buried, is alive and in my house?” she points the house and I nod.
“With his son.”
“What?” her voice breaks. “You told EJ that Evan is his dad?”
“What was I supposed to do, Livvie? Tell Evan that since he died he doesn’t get to know his son? He died, we moved on. We all agreed that we’d let EJ call Nate dad because we didn’t want him to feel left out in school. Well, now look at us. Evan isn’t dead, Nate’s not home and EJ has no idea what the hell is going on!” I throw my hands up exasperated. It’s been a constant battle with her and Julianne. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It doesn’t matter what I do, they’re never satisfied with the results.
The screen door opens and I know it’s Evan before Livvie realizes he’s standing there. “Hey, Tink,” he says from behind us. I look over my shoulder and smile. He’s standing there with his ball cap on backwards and his hands pushed into his pockets. This is the Evan that left us all those years ago. We’ve lost so much time and because of that lives have been damaged.
“Evan, is it really you?” Livvie asks as she stands on shaky legs. She climbs the few steps to where he’s standing and he pulls her into his arms. She’s crying into his shoulder and this makes me realize that this is the first emotion he’s received from any of us. The rest of us are too shocked by his return to let this side of us show. That is how my reunion should’ve been with him. Instead I threw myself a pity party and didn’t invite him.
“It’s me, Tink,” he says as he lets her go. “I’m sorry I missed your graduation,” she snorts and pushes into him.
“I’m sure you can make it up to me. My God, Evan, you… I can’t even say it. What happened?”
Evan takes Livvie’s hand and leads her back down the stairs. He sits next to me and motions for her to sit in front of him. Her eyes widen when he takes my hand in his. I glance at him to read his expression and from what I can gather, he doesn’t care what she thinks.
“Livvie, I’m in love Ryley and always have been, you know that. I didn’t die out there. I wasn’t captured or lost. I was working and the whole time I was out there, I thought my girl was waiting for me. So when I come home and she’s freaking yelling at me, I figure she hates me. Except that’s not the problem. Not only does she think I’m a ghost but she’s engaged to my brother. I didn’t give her away, Tink. I’m going to fight for her.”
“What about Nate? I’m not trying to pick sides here Ev, but Nate’s been there for her and EJ the whole time. EJ thinks Nate’s his dad and he’s a damn good dad. You can’t just take that away from him.”
“I won’t. I can’t do that to EJ. But I’m not going to stand by and lose my girl to him when I don’t deserve that.”
“That’s true, you don’t,” she mutters. Livvie takes a moment to look at her brother before she leans into him, resting her head on his knee. “I can’t believe you’re alive. Do you know many nights I cried for you? How many Mom did?”
He shakes his head while running his fingers through her hair. “I can’t imagine what you guys went through. Had I known, I would’ve tried to get word to you.”
I scoff at this statement because from what we’ve learned there was no way they were letting the fire team reach their families. Someone wanted these guys gone.
“What, you don’t think he would?” she asks incredulously.
“It’s not that, Tink. Believe me when I tell you this, Ryley isn’t upset that I’m alive, just confused, as we all are. Four of us were sent out on what was to be a routine pick up and they didn’t let us come back. Each time it was something else. The mission continued to grow until one day there’s a chopper to bring us back. We had no idea what
was going on when we got back to base. No one filled us in. There wasn’t an immediate debrief. We didn’t have any family waiting for us. We are just as much in the dark as you right now.”
“It just doesn’t seem fair,” Livvie says, wiping away a tear. “We’ve lost so much.”
Evan and I both nod as he brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing it gently. Livvie gasps just as my heart starts racing again and I hold my breath waiting to see what he does next.
This isn’t what our homecoming should be like. I shouldn’t be afraid each time he touches me. I should be holding on to him, clinging for dear life and not be afraid to admit that I miss him the second he moves away from me or walks out of the room. Each time he does leave my sight, I stop holding my breath and gasp for all the air I can get before he returns.
“Nate’s going to freak,” Livvie blurts out. Evan shrugs and I turn away, trying to pull my hand away. I’m in the most fucked-up situation ever and belong on one of those shows where they sit you in the middle and each guy rips you apart with a verbal attack on how you destroyed their lives. That’s what I deserve.
“I called and left a message for Nate to come home, or at least call me.” The words spew out before I have a chance to realize that Evan probably doesn’t care, evident by him stiffening next me. I notice his less-than-subtle attempt to release my hand, but I play his game and don’t allow it.
“What are you going to say to him?” Livvie asks the question I know is on Evan’s mind.
I shrug and look away from both of them. “It’s not going to matter what I say, everything will sound the same.”
“He’s going to be pissed,” she adds, trailing off.
“Who gives a fuck?” Evan mutters. He’s shaking slightly, allowing the anger to take over.
“Evan,” I blanch. “He didn’t choose this for you, you have to know that.”
He shakes his head, clearly not believing me. What I don’t get is why they’d tell him Nate knew and why he thinks Nate wouldn’t tell us, or try to bring him home. There are so many lies surrounding this mess that I fear we’ll never have our answers.
Here With Me (The Archer Brothers #1) Page 12