Chaos

by Barbara Huffert

  “I’m not sure about that. It’s kinda weird. I don’t know what to do most of the time.”

  “That’s what’s great about being part of a family who cares about you. You don’t have to do anything. Or you can do everything. I think you’ll find that it’s nice to be part of this group.”

  “I keep thinking you’ll change your mind. Or they’ll make me go away so I don’t mess up your life.”

  “Not a chance. You said I got to keep you as my own and you don’t go back on your word. Just relax and let Mom make a fuss over us. It’s not worth the energy to try to stop her once she’s on a roll.”

  “Did you decide?” Rose asked when they ventured downstairs, noticing that they both changed into nicer clothes than they had been lounging in earlier.

  “Dad told me about some place called The Mill. Is that okay?” Flynn was frightened when Rose buried her face in Danny’s chest, crying. “I’m sorry. We can just stay here.”

  “Sh, Rose, you’re scaring our grandson. Ignore her, Flynn. She’s just overexcited to hear you call our little boy Dad. It’s a big day for all of us.”

  “You sure you don’t mind that I’m old? And, well…” Flynn was trying to do what Shane encouraged and talk to his parents too.

  “I never want you to think that again,” Rose said fiercely. “I could tell how precious you were the first time Shane mentioned you. You are our first grandchild. You will always hold a special place in my heart. It doesn’t matter that you’re just coming to us now. Or what your life was like before. The important thing is that you’re ours. What makes this even more wonderful is that you are choosing to be part of this family. You could have asked Shane to turn you over to the state and picked out anyone else but you’re staying with him instead.”

  “I don’t think anyone else would want me.”

  “Nonsense,” Danny chimed in. “You’re an exceptional young man. Most would be proud to have you. Flynn, don’t let your previous experiences with clueless people influence the way you regard the rest of us. We’re not all as foolish as they were. Some of us know a prize when we find it.”

  “Are you people real?” Flynn asked.

  “Yep.” Shane laughed. “I called Jesse while you were changing and he said he’ll be here with the paperwork in a few hours. Let’s go eat so you can see what a family celebration is all about.”

  “We’ll just be a minute.” Rose rushed Danny upstairs to change.

  “He’s coming tonight?”

  “Flynn, I asked him to start preparing the papers before we left the first hospital. I didn’t want any delays if you decided you wanted this. We don’t have to sign them tonight if you don’t want to. You can still change your mind. I can continue to be your guardian if you have any doubts.”

  “You’d really let me do that?” Flynn was amazed by Shane’s offer.

  “I would hope it was only temporary but, yes. I told you this was your decision. What I want, what my parents want isn’t nearly as important as what you want. I’m not going to toss you out if you decide not to be my son. You’re eleven. I have seven more years to legally become your father. It already feels like I am to me. I don’t need the papers if you don’t want them.”

  “I used to think I had the worst luck in the world. Do you think I was just saving it all up for now?”

  “Maybe. Jordan is always saying that things happen for a reason. This might be what he meant when he used to tell me everything had a purpose.”

  “So me watching Alyssa and you yelling at her is all part of some cosmic plan shit?”

  “How old are you again?”

  “Do you think she’ll end up with us?”

  “I hope so. We’ll have to wait and see. I haven’t told Mom much about her yet.”

  “I won’t say a thing. I’ve noticed that she is a little bossy when she wants you to tell her something. He’s a lot calmer.”

  “Exactly. Not that I’m hiding Campini from Mom. I’m just waiting until I’m more sure of the situation.”

  “She asks lots of personal stuff.”

  “Always did too. Don’t let Dad fool you. He’s just as concerned as she is but he goes about it in a different way. He’s generally easier to talk things over with but both of them would do anything they could to make your life better. If I’m not here and something comes up, don’t think you can’t go to one of them. You’ll learn which handles what things best over time.”

  “Giving pointers on the grandparents already, Shane?” Danny rejoined them.

  “No, sir. He was just telling me that I’ll be okay with you when he goes tomorrow.” Flynn jumped to Shane’s defense, causing Danny to chuckle.

  “You certainly will,” Danny said. “Rose and I taught this boy everything he knows. You’re bound to be more comfortable with him because you know him better but I hope you’ll find that we’re acceptable too.”

  Flynn swallowed the lump that formed when he saw the open caring on the older man’s face. “I saw a movie once where the kids called their grandfather Grampa. What should I call you?”

  “Whatever makes you most comfortable. I know it was a big step to call Shane Dad. You can stick with Danny for now if you want to. Grampa will be wonderful when you’re ready.”

  “Why are you all so nice to me?” Flynn was overwhelmed.

  “Because,” Rose heard his question and slid her arm around his waist, “you’re worth it. You should have always had nice in your life, Flynn. You deserve better than you had and lived with things you’re too young to know about yet. We can’t make up for your past. We can promise you a better future. Now give me a hug and tell your grandmother to stop being a foolish old woman before I cry again.”

  Flynn timidly wrapped his arm around her. “Grandma, you’re not foolish and certainly not old.”

  With that Rose was unable to stop the tears that had started when Shane first gave them the news. Danny nodded to Flynn as he pried Rose away from the boy, letting him know he had said the perfect thing. He could see that Shane was proud of him too for that one little gesture.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “Chris, I don’t know what to do. I hate the way I’ve been treating Shane but I can’t seem to stop myself. It’s like I’m forcing him to be the stranger he was months ago. What’s wrong with me?” Alyssa had asked Chris if they could ride alone and talk for the afternoon.

  “Nothing’s wrong with you. You need to go home and spend time alone with your man.” She held up her hand to stop the protest before it started. “Stop kidding yourself, Alyssa. Shane is your man and not just because he says he wants to be. I’ve seen you talking to him, remember? You look like a woman in love who misses her man and aches for his touch. Why are you fighting this so hard? He seems like a genuinely good guy.”

  “He is. I don’t know. I never expected to find someone like him. And I wouldn’t have ever guessed that he’d actually want me. I didn’t think love really existed for someone like me.”

  “You keep saying that and I’m afraid I don’t understand. What is someone like you?”

  “Independent. Self-sufficient. Set in my ways. Unyielding. Cold.”

  Alyssa stopped when Chris started to laugh. “You are such a silly girl. Tell me, do you consider me independent? I’m self-sufficient and ruthlessly stubborn when I’m determined.”

  “Yes but…”

  “But nothing. Do you get the impression that Brian loves me? Do you think having Murray impacted my life? Alyssa, you’re a woman who, for some reason, tries to hold yourself apart from life. You’re certainly not cold. Cautious perhaps but never cold. Murray loves you. Children aren’t wrong about character. They don’t know how to play that game. Why won’t you give yourself the freedom to take what life is offering you? Men like your Shane don’t come along every day. What’s keeping you from going for the whole shebang? What are you afraid of?”

  “How do you stand it when Brian is in the first car and a tornado turns back toward him?”

&
nbsp; “I can’t but I’m not willing to forfeit all we have because something may happen one day. You can’t live your life hiding from the what-ifs. Think of all you’re letting pass by while you’re worrying about something you can’t control anyway. We’re all going to die one day. Some of us sooner, like your friend, some of us later, like my great grandmother who is about to turn ninety-eight. Would you be happier if you’d never met that boy? Do you really want to spend your life without that man loving you?”

  “No,” Alyssa whispered.

  “I probably shouldn’t tell you this but he’s been calling Brian.”

  “What?”

  “To make sure you were safe. Don’t be mad at him, honey. He cares about you and hates that he’s not with you. He just wanted Brian to reassure him that you’re well away from the funnels since you aren’t telling him much these days.”

  “I can’t believe he called.”

  “You should be flattered. He didn’t want to smother you with his concerns so he did the next best thing. Brian was impressed.”

  “I’m such a bitch. He’d be better off with someone else.”

  “Stop being so stupid! That man loves you. How can you even suggest that? Love isn’t something you decide on. He didn’t wake up one morning and say to himself that it would be a good day to fall in love with Alyssa Campini, any more than you chose to love him. You do love him or am I wrong?”

  “I do. I hate it but I do.”

  “Why do you hate it? It’s the best feeling in the world if you let it be. Sometimes I’m so consumed by the way Brian overwhelms me that I think I’m going to lose myself. Then I see the same thing in his eyes and I know that’ll never happen. We add to each other. My life is so much fuller with him in it. I would never go back to what I considered freedom before I met him. Sharing things, knowing we’ll be there for each other, is the real freedom. I can do anything and still know he’ll be with me at the end of the day. That gives me internal power that I can’t begin to describe.”

  “But what if I screw up? What if he ends up hating me?”

  “What if you don’t? What if you find the always changing, forever kind of love? I won’t lie to you, Alyssa. It’s not easy. We argue and say awful things and stomp away from each other. But we both know that we’ll always head back to each other after we cool off. It takes work, hard work, constantly but I wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

  “I wish I had your confidence.”

  “I can’t believe you said that. You ooze confidence. Why aren’t you charging fully into this like you seem to do in other circumstances? Frankly, I’m surprised that you’re so insecure.”

  “My dad is a Marine. I remember how awful it was when someone would die and they’d come to tell the family. I never want that to be me.”

  “So instead you’re going to spend your life isolated and alone. It’s your life but personally, I’d rather take my chances with the future and spend the present with the man I love. If he dies tomorrow, I’d be devastated but I still wouldn’t miss out on what we have today. Maybe you should be thinking of what you could have instead of what you could lose. If you reject Shane you already lost it all anyway.”

  Alyssa sat silently, pondering all Chris had said. “What a fool I am.”

  “Only if you don’t do something to fix it. You have plenty of photos. You’re probably already done here but you should stay with us another few days. We’re almost to the best town around. They have a Fourth of July town picnic that is so much fun. Murray gets so excited that I haven’t told him we’ll be there tomorrow. Wait until he finds out. He’ll tell you stories nonstop for hours if you let him.”

  “I’d like that. You’re right. I do think I have enough. I’ve been afraid to go home. I know we have to talk about the Kid but I don’t know what to say.”

  “You will once you start talking. We’ll book your ticket for the fifth. We’ll use the picnic as your going away party. Follow your heart on this one. Stop thinking and let yourself feel. You deserve to be happy so stop hiding from it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “That’s it, Flynn,” Shane encouraged. “Good shot.”

  “I did it, Dad!” Flynn grinned across the pool table, pleasure showing on his face.

  “You sure you haven’t played before?” Brett questioned.

  “It’s cheating if you don’t admit it,” Jesse added.

  “Never, I swear,” Flynn insisted.

  “Why can’t you guys just accept defeat gracefully and acknowledge that my kid has hidden talents?” Shane beamed proudly.

  “Because it’s embarrassing, being beaten three straight by a guy who’s rusty and a kid who never picked up a pool cue until an hour ago,” Brett grumbled.

  “Ease up, Brett. It’s our celebration,” Shane reminded them.

  “True,” Jesse agreed. “We’ll get them next time.”

  “You didn’t let us win, did you?” Flynn asked suspiciously.

  “Damn, Shane, a month with you and Flynn’s already questioning my integrity,” Brett teased. “No, I assure you, I have never thrown a game in my life.”

  “Me either,” Jesse added. “I don’t think that was Shane’s influence though, Brett. Flynn seems to have a mind of his own.”

  “Is that bad? Dad said I shouldn’t hesitate to speak my mind as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody. I figured, since you guys are here and know all about me and Alyssa, I could say things to you.”

  “You can,” Shane assured him.

  “Absolutely,” Brett stated. “Flynn, I hope you know I meant it when I said you should stop by any time you feel like it once we’re all moved. Since you’re Shane’s son that essentially makes me your uncle. I want to spend time with you so don’t think you have to wait for your Dad to come over. I think I will have to get that pool table I’ve been considering so I’ll expect you to give me a game now and then.”

  “Cool!” Flynn grinned. “I guess I can’t really hang out in a place like this when I want to play again.”

  “I wouldn’t advise it.” Jesse laughed at Shane’s expression. “Your dad may have resigned but I doubt he’ll approve of you frequenting bars without him until you’re twenty-one.”

  “I know. This rule stuff is going to be a bitch sometimes. Oops.”

  “It’s okay, Flynn. Guys’ night out entitles you to relax and ignore Grandma’s anti-swearing policy,” Shane declared with a wink. “As long as we keep it to ourselves and you remember once we get home, it’s fine.”

  “I can’t believe you brought me here,” Flynn said for the fourth time, snagging another piece of pizza.

  “Why?” Jesse asked. “We knew the final papers came through today. As the only other two people who know about this there was no chance we were going to let it go without some sort of recognition.”

  “I’m sure Jordan and Kiley will throw a party when you tell them. We didn’t want to wait for Alyssa to get home though,” Brett explained. “It’s not every day that one of us adds a new family member. This is a big deal for all of us, not just you and Shane.”

  Flynn sat and ate silently for a few minutes, letting the conversation continue without him. “You had to give up all your friends for me,” he finally said, turning to Shane.

  “Not the ones that matter the most,” Shane replied. “And I gained a hell of a lot more than I gave up. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You gave up more than I did.”

  “No, I didn’t have anything. You sure you don’t mind? Aren’t you going to miss them?”

  “If I minded I wouldn’t have offered to personally help you in the first place. Flynn, the first time I said I would get you away from the city if you ever asked me to I knew how my life could change. By then, you already mattered more to me than the rest of it. When I saw the gun flash and knew I couldn’t protect you, I thought my heart was going to stop. The day you told me you wanted me to adopt you was the best day of my life so far. I haven’t given up anything that would be worth missing out o
n you for. We’re in this together now and there’s no place I’d rather be.”

  “Believe him, Flynn. Shane would never do any of this if it wasn’t exactly what he wanted,” Brett chimed in.

  “You need to learn to accept that your life is different now,” Jesse advised. “It’s not going to disappear and turn back into the nightmare it was before.”

  “Do you think Alyssa…” Flynn wasn’t sure how to say what he was thinking.

  “Will come to her senses once she’s home and admit she loves your dad?” Brett supplied.

  “Yeah, I guess.” Flynn shrugged. “She makes him nuts every time they talk to each other.”

  “That’s nothing new as you know.” Jesse chuckled. “I doubt that she’ll stop, even after they get married.” Shane groaned.

  “Do you think she’ll want to be my mom? I know they can get married and she doesn’t have to adopt me.”

  “At the moment, Flynn, I think you have a better chance than I do,” Shane concluded. “She’s barely speaking to me these days.”

  “She needs to come home. It’s been six weeks since she was here last. I’m beginning to think she’s hiding from you, Shane. Last time I talked to her, she said she had some great photos that would be perfect for what she is trying to show.” Brett said what Shane had been thinking.

  “I suspect you’re right,” Shane agreed grimly.

  “Why don’t you surprise her with a visit?” Jesse suggested. “You said you were in touch with Brian. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if she left them for a few days.”

  “I’ve considered that but decided against it.”

  “Dad says he wants to wait for her to come home. He’s going to tell her about me as soon as she gets back and we think she’s going to want to see me.”