With shaky hands, I stood in front of the restaurant and dialed Neda’s number again. As I listened to the phone ring, I felt like my body was floating and I was frozen in time. I couldn’t feel a thing; I was totally numb. I could see the mix of emotion radiating off of Ben, both worry at the state I was in, and anger at my reaction to the news. I turned away from him, incapable of dealing with his feelings at the moment.
This time she picked up on the third ring.
“Sara!”
“Neda, what’s going on? What’s happened to Maziar?” I sent a silent prayer, hoping her phone would work long enough for her to explain. The uncertainty was more unbearable than the details themselves.
“Where are you? Can you get to the hospital?” she pleaded.
“Wait, what? Neda, slow down. Why do I need to come to the hospital? What’s happened?” I couldn’t keep my voice steady. My throat suddenly felt dry.
“Sara, he’s been in a really bad accident. He was driving home from a party and some drunk driver hit his car. He was almost crushed. I didn’t get to see him before they took him.”
“Took him where?” I screamed, terror taking over me. What had happened to Maziar? How bad was it? The questions kept swirling around in my head.
“Sara, he’s in surgery. The doctor said he’s really banged up and it doesn’t look good. I don’t know all the details. But you need to get here, fast. Can you come?” she pleaded.
I was crying now, and with a whisper I replied, “Yes.”
I hung up the phone and looked up. Leyla and Ben were staring at me, both with identical looks of horror across their faces. I just began to sob, the magnitude of what was happening hitting me all at once. Ben reached out and pulled me into his chest, his reluctance emanating off of him. I cried listlessly against him, unable to wrap my head around how my breakdown was making him feel. My face lay against his heart and I could feel the pulse beating wildly in his chest. I knew this wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Sara, what did she say? What’s happened to Maziar?” Leyla asked, as she gently rubbed my back.
“He’s been in an accident. It doesn’t sound good,” I said, my voice catching at the end. I pulled away from Ben and could feel him involuntarily take a step farther away from me, putting distance between us.
“Okay, so are we going to the hospital?” she asked, glancing behind me at Ben.
“I need to go,” I answered. I didn’t turn to see how my words affected him.
She paused for a moment, and even though I knew she felt the betrayal in my words, saw it flash across Ben’s face, she nodded.
“Let me go get our stuff.”
“No, wait. I’ll come with you. I have to say goodbye to everyone. I won’t see them again after this.” I hadn’t imagined my final farewell with my friends would be rushed and under such dire circumstances.
“Okay,” Leyla said, heading back toward the entrance.
When we approached the table, everyone looked up at us, worried. I explained what Neda had told me. Sandra’s hand flew to her mouth; Thomas shook his head in disbelief. I tried to stay calm, not wanting my last goodbye with them to be about someone else.
“I have to go to the hospital,” I said as if it were a fact and not a choice.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Sandra asked. Her eyes conveyed her concern, her silence cautioning me.
I knew that, if I went to the hospital, I’d be placing a divide between Ben and me that I wouldn’t be able to repair again. I tried to convince myself I shouldn’t go, that I should call Neda back and tell her to just keep me updated. But there was a need deep and primal building inside me, propelling me forward. The consequences of what I was doing couldn’t even form into an actual thought in my mind. I had to be with him; that was all I knew. There was nowhere else I could be.
“I don’t know, but I know I have to be there,” I replied, keeping my eyes focused on Sandra so I couldn’t see what my words were doing to Ben. She nodded, understanding that my mind had been made up.
“I’m going with you. His family will be there. You shouldn’t be alone,” Leyla said, leaving no room for debate.
I hadn’t even realized I’d have to face his family. They had been so far from my mind that I hadn’t recognized I’d be walking into the lion’s den. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to face their anger. I didn’t know if I would crumble or if I would meet them head-on. The only thing I did know was that, if Maziar had any way of knowing I was there, if on some subconscious level we were connected, then I needed to be there for him. I needed him to feel me so he would fight whatever it was he was facing.
“Want me to come, too?” Sandra asked.
“No, you have an early flight tomorrow. I know you, Sandra. You still haven’t packed.” I gave her a halfhearted smile as she returned it with one of her own. “Keep your phone on you. I’ll keep you posted.”
She threw her arms around me and we stood there holding each other tight, trying to hang onto what felt like a lifetime.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” she whispered in my ear.
“I don’t.”
“I love you,” she said.
“Me too.”
We cried, holding each other, not knowing when we would see each other again. I kissed her cheek and squeezed her one more time before letting go. Everyone was gathered around us. One by one I held onto each of them, trying desperately to cling to the life we’d created together for the past four years. We all cried, knowing that things would be quite different in the morning. We said a final goodbye, and then, Leyla and I made our way to the door. Ben followed.
She went to get my car, giving Ben and me time to talk.
“Sara, what are you doing?” His voice sounded tight, as he struggled to keep his frustration under control.
I looked at him, wondering how I was supposed to explain that being by Maziar’s side wasn’t a choice I was making. It was a necessity as definite as the air passing through my lungs and the blood rushing through my veins. I just had to go.
“I need to be there. I need to make sure he’s okay,” I said.
“What about us?”
“This isn’t about us, Ben. He’s been badly hurt and I don’t even know whether he’ll live or die. I just have to go. Please understand,” I pleaded.
Tears silently streamed down my face. I’d lost control. I could feel a sea of emotions circling us again, threatening to take us under. It was too much to endure in one night and I wasn’t sure I would see the light of day. He cleared his throat, desperately fighting against his anger.
“Okay. I’m coming with you,” he said.
I wanted to say no, to tell him the hospital would be hard enough without him. That I couldn’t face it knowing he was watching. I couldn’t tell him I had no idea what I was feeling and I was terrified of him seeing something happen that could break his heart. I didn’t want to deal with how hurt he would be. But I knew I couldn’t, so instead I just nodded and smiled, praying he couldn’t see the truth. And when he reached out and took my hand, I let him.
Leyla pulled up then. She sat in the car with it idling at the curb, patiently waiting, knowing that this wasn’t a moment that could be rushed. He glanced over at her, then turned his gaze back at me.
“Ready, doll?” he asked.
I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.
He leaned in, gently kissing me, his lips barely touching mine like the fluttering wings of a butterfly. I looked up into those magnificent blue eyes and could feel the fear floating behind them. I wanted to tell him I was terrified too, but I didn’t. Instead, I turned and got into the car.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I called Mom on the drive over to the hospital. After I explained what had happened, she and Dad were adamant they meet me there. I knew they were worried that I was stepping into the line of fire and they wanted to be there to shield me from the danger. Having them there, though, would only co
mplicate things further than they already were. I told her as much. After some coercing, she agreed to stay put but made me promise I would leave at the first sign of battle. I agreed, but only to make her feel better; I had no intention of leaving.
The large white building came into view and Leyla turned where the red light flashed EMERGENCY. Neda was waiting for us outside.
I grabbed my red jacket from the back seat and threw it over my clothes. We had come straight from the bar, and although my outfit was modest, I felt naked and exposed. The jacket gave me a false sense of security, as if I were hiding behind protective armor. I had Maziar’s necklace wrapped around my fingers, with my hand shoved in my pocket where no one could see. I prayed it would give me the strength I needed to make it through the night.
Neda threw her arms around me and started to cry.
“Sara, I’m so happy you’re here. He still isn’t out of surgery, and no one’s come out to update us. Everyone is freaking out,” she said between sobs.
Ben stepped up behind me and placed his hand on my back. His movements startled Neda, who hadn’t noticed him standing there. She looked up at him, confused, his presence out of place.
“Hi, Ben,” she said, uneasily.
“Hey, Neda.”
“Are you ready?” she asked, cautiously turning toward me.
It was obvious the family would not be happy when I walked through the door, but adding Ben to the mix was a recipe for disaster. The message was written all over Neda’s face. I turned toward Leyla, eyes pleading.
“Why don’t you and I stay down here in the lobby, Ben? I’m sure tensions are high and too many people will just make it worse,” she said.
Ben hesitated.
“That may be a good idea. My aunt and uncle are losing it up there,” Neda added, trying to sway him.
All the while, I quietly stared at him. He never took his eyes off of me, but he knew I didn’t want him to come.
“Okay, but keep your phone on you, Sara,” he demanded.
“I will,” I said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. He grabbed my waist and pulled me into him.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I knew I should say it back, but I couldn’t. My feelings were in disarray, nothing quite making sense. I just kissed him again, hoping it would be enough. I squeezed Leyla’s hand in appreciation as I passed her on my way to the elevator.
Once we got inside, Neda took us up to the seventh floor. The ride felt like an eternity. I was shaking and I tried desperately to calm down. I didn’t want my body to betray me as soon as I walked into the lion’s den.
When the doors opened, Neda looked at me. I managed an unconvincing half-smile as we walked out into the hallway. Right before we went into the waiting room, she reached out and grabbed my hand. She might have shown me her vulnerable side a few moments ago, but when it came to her family, she morphed into my protector. I was grateful for her loyalty.
I took a deep breath, trying to find the courage to be strong. The walls I had erected around me all these years were rapidly crumbling tonight, and the broken girl I tried desperately to hide was peeking out from beneath the rubble.
All eyes looked up at us as soon as we walked in. Shock radiated throughout the room, leaving a strangling silence in its wake. It was obvious they hadn’t known I was coming, and for a second I wondered why I thought they would have. Neda wouldn’t have told them that she was calling me because they would have vetoed it immediately. I could see how she would have thought it better if I just showed up.
Sitting at the far wall directly in front of me were Maziar’s mother and his sister. Bita was staring at me, her anger coming off of her in waves. Her green eyes looked like they were actually glowing with hatred. His mother didn’t even look up at me. She sat hunched forward, crumbled in on herself with grief. Against the left wall sat his aunt and uncle, and against the right was his father. When I looked over at him, I almost thought I saw the beginning of a smile flash across his lips. But as quickly as it came, it was gone, convincing me I’d imagined it.
“What is she doing here, Neda?” Bita demanded.
“Maziar would want her here,” Neda responded, glaring at her.
“No, he wouldn’t.”
Bita turned her serpent gaze toward me, trying to intimidate me enough to make me leave. I stared back at her, impassive. Where she was fuming, I was the picture of calm, hiding the storm raging inside me. Engaging the devil would do me no good.
“Yes, he would. Who do you think you’re fooling? You all know he wants her here!” Neda yelled.
Her frustration bellowed in her voice as it bounced off the waiting room walls. I squeezed her hand, trying to urge her to calm down before things got out of hand. I’d just gotten here.
Whether it was the enormity of the events of the night, or the intensity of Bita’s hatred toward me, she laid into Neda and a screaming match began in the middle of the waiting room. All of a sudden, as if she’d been awakened by the noise, Maziar’s mother came alive.
“Stop it! Both of you, just be quiet!”
Everyone looked at her, and I could feel my heart drop down to the floor. I steadied myself for what was coming next, but she didn’t even look at me. She seemed to slip back into her catatonic daze immediately.
“Neda, I know you think Maziar wants Sara here, but this is a family situation and we’re all worried. She only makes it worse,” Maziar’s aunt said. She turned and looked at me. “You need to leave.”
I was not expecting to be thrown out by Lily Khanoom, leaving me speechless. Before I could gather my wits, his father jumped in.
“No, Lily, she isn’t leaving. I told Neda to call her.”
Maziar’s mom slowly turned toward her husband, the confusion apparent in her expression. She looked as if his words were swimming through a pool of water and she couldn’t understand them. He looked at his wife, the expression on his face softening as he gazed at the woman he’d spent his life with.
“When I was with Maziar, before they took him into surgery,” he said, choking up, “he was fighting to stay conscious, Naghmeh. He begged me to call Sara. He said he needed her to be here. Then, they took him away.” His face crumbled as tears rolled down his cheeks. He stared at his idle hands sitting in his lap, useless in saving his son. “He told me he loved you before he went unconscious,” he said tenderly.
His mother began to cry.
The tears were free-flowing now, down my face and onto the floor. In that moment, I didn’t care what his mother or sister thought any longer. I didn’t care if they were looking at me as if I were ridiculous or out of bounds. I didn’t care if they hated the idea of us. All I knew was that Maziar, in his last moments, was thinking of me. That he mustered up the courage to ask his father to bring me here. And somehow, in all the chaos, Parviz had heard him.
I stared at his father, bewildered by the turn of events. He looked back at me, the kindness apparent now. I hadn’t mistaken earlier when I thought I’d seen something other than contempt in him. I could see the change of heart happening in those green eyes, lighter than the vibrant eyes of his daughter, but nonetheless breathtaking. The deep-set lines outlining them crinkled as he gave me the only smile he could manage. He didn’t care that it broke his wife’s heart to see him give me a little acceptance, or that switching sides enraged his daughter. All he cared about was that he’d managed to get me here as his son had asked.
Maybe love was bigger than circumstance.
“Is he hurt badly? Is he going to be okay?” I asked him, my voice unsteady with fear. Was it possible that I’d never see his face again, hear him laugh, or see him smile?
“He’s hurt badly. The other car hit him on his side. The door was pushed in and Maziar was thrown into the passenger’s seat. He broke one of his legs and his wrist. But they are more worried about the head injury he sustained. The car folded in on itself and the impact smashed him into the door. He was pretty banged up. By the time they took him into
surgery, they said his brain was already swelling from the trauma.” He started to sob, barely managing to say, “They don’t know if there will be any lasting damage.”
I sat down, putting my head in my hands in a vain attempt at privacy. I tried to cry silently, allowing only the sound of my ragged breaths to escape. The pain searing through me was excruciating. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before, bringing me to my knees. I clutched my chest, willing my heart to stop and take me out of this misery. A world without Maziar was a world I didn’t want to be in.
I could feel someone looking at me from across the room and I looked up, expecting to see vivid green fury staring back at me. Instead, I found Naghmeh’s tear stricken face. I wasn’t met with the anger I’d grown so accustomed to, but, rather, she seemed to have just noticed I was sitting there. Before my presence seemed to truly register, the doctor walked in. Everyone’s focus turned to him.
“Maziar is out of surgery,” he said. “His left leg was broken in three different places. We reset it and put it in a cast. His right wrist was worse off. We think he tried to stop his impact instinctively. The force shattered it. Some of the bones had been broken to dust, so we had to try to put his wrist back together the best we could with what was left. We added screws and plates where we needed. It’s going to be a while before he’s able to use it.”
“How about his head injury?” Parviz asked.
“That’s a little more complicated. We were able to drain the fluid and stop the swelling for now. We’ve had to place Maziar in an induced coma to allow his body to heal itself. We don’t anticipate leaving him that way too long, but we’ll know better in a few days.” The doctor’s features softened, alerting that bad news was coming. “His head injury was very bad. The impact was pretty severe. We won’t know what we’re looking at until he wakes up.”
Naghmeh moved forward, grabbing onto her husband’s arm to steady herself, and asked the question we were all thinking.
“He will wake up, though, right?”
The doctor reached out for her hand. She allowed him to take it, knowing that any comfort he was giving only confirmed that things were worse than he was letting on.
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