Forbidden by Faith

by Negeen Papehn

  I stopped in the doorway, the crowd around his bed blocking my view. I stood frozen to the floor, my heart slamming against my chest. I listened, hearing nothing but the murmur of their voices at first. But then that familiar gravelly sound, scratchy from not having been used, floated through the air. My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped, alerting every one of my arrival. All heads turned toward me, staring. Some glared, some looked confused, but I didn’t notice any of them. I cautiously moved toward him, afraid any sudden movements would wake me from this dream.

  Lying amongst the mountain of white sheets was Maziar. He was sitting up with his back against the pillows. He looked tired, worn down, but he was awake. He broke out into that beautiful smile and I lost it. I began to cry as I rushed over to his side, with no regard for who was watching. He reached out, pulling me close to him.

  “You’re here,” he whispered, placing his head against mine.

  He softly kissed the top of my head. I was so afraid I’d manifested him out of thin air I couldn’t look up at him. If I were dreaming, I prayed I’d never wake up. Then, I heard him again, this time saying my name.

  “Sara.”

  Maziar was really awake.

  I slowly pulled back to find his familiar hazel eyes staring at me. He managed a smile through the pain and discomfort of his body, trying to reassure me that this was in fact not a dream. I sat back on the bed in disbelief. Then, I began to laugh, crying at the same time. I looked like I’d gone crazy.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay,” Maziar repeated over and over again.

  I sobbed with relief, the anxieties and worry of the week having broken me. I reached out to touch his face, still trying to make sure he was real. I lay my hand against it and felt his warm breath tickle my fingers. He turned his head and kissed the inside of my palm.

  I had forgotten that anyone else was in the room until I felt Neda place her hand on my shoulder. I begrudgingly pulled away from him, moving off his bed. Everyone was silently watching, and I suddenly felt embarrassed that they’d witness our reunion.

  I glanced up and saw his mother staring at me from beside his bed. This time, there was recognition in her eyes. Her vegetative state was long gone, replaced by the familiar anger I was so accustomed to seeing. My stomach jerked as I looked away.

  The next few hours were a whirlwind of visitors and tears. I sat quietly in the back of the room as Maziar’s family took turns hugging and kissing him while they cried. His eyes remained fixed on me the entire time. I could see Naghmeh take notice, could feel her anger begin to boil. I dreaded what her reaction meant but tried my best to ignore it.

  Finally, the crowd departed, leaving for the night. His mother reluctantly agreed to go home for a few hours, Parviz almost dragging her out of the room. Part of me thought his insistence to leave had something to do with allowing us some time alone.

  When they finally walked out the door, Maziar motioned me over to the bed, scooting to one side. I carefully climbed in next to him, wanting desperately to touch him. He leaned his cheek on my head, wrapping his good arm around me.

  “When the car hit me, I remember thinking that I was going to die and I’d never see you again.” My heart hurt imagining the moment of impact, the fear he must have felt. “Sara, I know you keep telling me this won’t work, and I’ve tried so hard to leave you alone. But I can’t. I want to be with you.”

  “You just woke up. We don’t need to talk about all of this right now,” I said, pulling in closer to his side, taking care not to hurt him.

  “No,” he protested. “I don’t want to wait to talk about this. Don’t you get it? That’s all we’ve been doing, just waiting like something’s going to change. But it’s not going to, Sara. And I don’t want us to be apart anymore. I don’t care what my family has to say. I refuse to let them tell me who to love. I want to be with you. That’s all that matters now.” He looked into my eyes and I could see the child hidden behind them, wounded and insecure. When I didn’t speak, he continued, “If you’re avoiding it because you don’t love me anymore, then just say it.”

  I looked down at the multitude of tubes connected to his arms, the bruises on his skin, the small tuft of hair growing back on his head, and knew there was nowhere else I could be. He was right; nothing had changed. Judging from Naghmeh’s reaction to me tonight, I knew that she would still be a problem for us. The rational part of me understood we were likely doomed, but the part of me that had thought I’d lost him, that had feared being in a world where I’d never hear him say he loved me again, wouldn’t walk away. That part of me couldn’t, knowing what we had was worth fighting for. I finally refused to allow faith and tradition the power to tear us apart.

  “I love you, Maziar, and I don’t want to spend another day without you.”

  I leaned in, and with my hand on the side of his face, gently placed my lips against his. It was the first time we’d kissed in over three years, but the electricity still sparked between us like fireworks. I had no idea how we were going to forge this path together, but I knew in the deepest parts of my soul that we truly couldn’t live apart.

  I spent the next few hours sitting on his bed, holding his hand. He refused to let go, even when the nurse came in to examine him. He just made her work her way around our intertwined fingers as I took him through the events of the past few days, starting from when Neda had called me.

  “And Ben?” he asked, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

  “He left for Santa Barbara.”

  Maziar said nothing. He just leaned back against the pillows and tried to hide his smile.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Maziar’s recovery was a tedious one, to say the least. He was discharged from the hospital a week after he’d woken up, his vitals and scans receiving approval from the doctors. He couldn’t walk so he was equipped with a set of crutches and a wheelchair. It would be some time before he’d be able to move his right hand, as well. Even after his casts were removed, he’d still have to engage in intensive physical therapy. It would be months before he’d be able to walk normally again, and he would never regain full mobility in his wrist. However, much to everyone’s delight, there seemed to be no lingering effects from the head injury. We all took that as an overall win.

  I had spent every day at the hospital with him. He would reluctantly let me go home at midnight to only be up and waiting for me at six in the morning when I returned. He was like a toddler with separation anxiety, worried he would wake up one morning and find I’d disappeared.

  As he became more fixated on me, his mother became more distant and cold. I could see that she was starting to realize her son had finally made his choice, and his family wasn’t it. Her inability to influence him infuriated her.

  I was the natural target. She avoided speaking to me, and when she did, her answers were short and frigid. I tried to seem oblivious to her attitude, pretending I hadn’t noticed, making it easier for me to coexist with her in the same space for so many hours in a day.

  Parviz, however, had remained steadfast and kind, not changing his interaction with me at all. I started to feel more confident that he had crossed over to our side permanently, and allowed myself to let down my guard with him. When it was just the three of us in the room, the conversations felt less strained, more natural. I could see Maziar noticing the change in his father as well. Their relationship began evolving because of it, an unspoken closeness blooming between them from his father’s acceptance of me.

  Bita had gone back to her normal antics, ignoring me for the most part. She’d abandoned her evil ways, but avoided being in the same space as me. When we were forced to be around each other, she would pretend I wasn’t there, making her disdain for me that much more apparent to those around us. Again, I took the high road, ignoring it the best I could, focusing my attention on Maziar.

  He noticed everyone’s behavior, quietly taking mental notes. Instead of putting a wedge between us, all Naghmeh and Bita were succeeding in
doing was pushing us closer together. Whenever I was there, he insisted I sit on the bed next to him as he wound my hand tightly in his. He wouldn’t allow our physical connection to be severed by anything, be it his family, the nurses, or even the doctors. He hung on to me as if I were a life jacket and he were floating out at sea. The more he put his foot down, the further he shoved his mother away, and the angrier she became.

  Maziar had been out of school for the past two years. He’d gotten a position at a prestigious law firm downtown as soon as he’d graduated. He’d moved into a small apartment in Studio City to be closer to work. He’d been there for a year, but when he was discharged from the hospital, his mother insisted that he come home with them. He needed around-the-clock assistance. Since there weren’t any good alternatives, he agreed.

  We made the forty-minute drive in relative silence. I was worrying over the possible explosion that could occur the minute I stepped into their house. I was going into the lion’s den, stepping onto their turf, and it made me uneasy. Despite the solid shield that Maziar had erected around me, I couldn’t help but think their disdain could somehow penetrate it if we were in their home field. Being there felt dangerous. He attempted to distract me, but finally realized it was useless. He gave up and resorted to just reaching across the center console and holding my hand.

  We pulled up to the iron gates and I punched in the code that automatically opened the doors. I drove down the long driveway, parking my car behind his father’s. I turned the car off and sat there staring out the window at the view, trying to calm my nerves. He put his hand underneath my chin and turned my face toward him.

  “It’s going to be okay. I won’t let them hurt you anymore. It’s you and me now. You trust me, right?” he asked.

  “With everything,” I said, trying my best to smile.

  I made my way over to the passenger’s side of the car. I opened it just as his parents came out to help. As I was easing him out of the seat, Naghmeh came running over to where we were standing, almost pushing me out of the way. Maziar looked up at me as I stepped to the side, anger fuming in his pupils. I shook my head, urging him to let it go, not wanting to start the feud just seconds after arriving. He complied, but I could see the rage nestling in his chest waiting to be taunted. I took a deep breath; this could be a long day.

  We settled Maziar in his old bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows as if we were attempting to bubble-wrap him with feathers. He protested, but gave in for our sakes. Once he was comfortable, he ordered me to nestle down beside him, making sure his mother and sister were there to witness his fidelity to me. The look on their faces was classic, a smirk escaping my lips before I could stop it.

  The remainder of the day continued in a lazy haze, talking, dozing, and when he had the energy, playing cards. As evening approached, his mother’s visits to the room became more frequent. I could feel the urgency in her stride, trying to compel me to leave. Over Maziar’s protests, I got up around eight.

  “Call me when you get home,” he demanded.

  “I will.”

  “I’ll walk Sara out,” his mother chimed in. She placed her hand on my back rushing me out of his room. She couldn’t wait till I left.

  We approached the front door and she continued to follow me out. I stiffened with a sinking feeling, realizing that something pivotal was about to happen. She silently walked beside me until I reached my car. As I unlocked the door, she began to speak. I turned to face her, unwilling to let her see my discomfort. The reality was I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

  “Sara, first let me say thank you for staying with Maziar this whole time. You were very helpful and I know Maziar appreciated it. You’re a good girl.” I braced myself, knowing nothing good was about to follow. “But this isn’t going to work between the two of you. You know that, right?” she asked, looking at me considerately.

  I stood there speechless, unsure what I was supposed to say.

  “I think it would be best if you break up with my son. Tell him it’s because you’re going to focus on your work or that you’re not ready for a relationship. Or tell him you don’t love him and you just want to be friends. It’s better if it comes from you. It will cause fewer problems for all of us.” She looked at me with a kind, motherly smile while she spoke, as if she hadn’t just commanded me to shatter my life into a million pieces for her.

  I looked at her, baffled. How could she stand there talking to me like we were friends while she was asking me to break her son’s heart? I couldn’t speak; my throat was dry and unyielding. My parents had raised me to be respectful to my elders, so telling her off like I desperately wanted to fell dead on my lips before the words could come out. Part of me wanted to cry. The other part wanted to heed her advice and run, realizing they would never leave us in peace, no matter how strongly Maziar stood against them.

  I just turned and got into the car.

  I drove away, leaving her standing in the large concrete driveway of her castle. I didn’t turn to look at the wicked queen, but her words resonated in my mind, filling me with the dread I’d somehow forgotten. I had once again, it seemed, found myself at a crossroads.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  I call Maziar when I got home, as I’d promised him I would. I kept it short, not engaging in the long, drawn-out conversation he was attempting to begin.

  “What happened, Sara? Did she say something?” he asked, concerned.

  “No,” I replied quickly. “She walked me to the door, that’s all.”

  He didn’t believe me, but even so, I wasn’t sure I wanted to share the details with him. If I were forced again to walk away, would it not it be better to do so without causing a civil war? That would only make things tougher on him.

  For the next few days, every time he called, I tried to keep it superficial, dodging conversations that could lead to his family. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to handle the situation with his mother. The scared coward in me wanted to turn and run. But the fearless half, which only weeks ago had refused to leave his bedside, was urging me to be brave. I was confused and didn’t want to deal with Maziar until I had figured myself out. He kept insisting that I come over, though, but the more excuses I gave, the more irritable and angry he became.

  “You need to tell him what that witch said to you,” Leyla advised one afternoon as we lay on her bed. “I can’t believe you’re even thinking about keeping it from him!”

  She was appalled at his mother’s reaction to Maziar’s declaration of love for me. If I had allowed her to, I think she would’ve gone to his house and torn the woman’s head off.

  “Okay, but what good would that do if I end up breaking it off with him anyway?” I asked.

  “Why on Earth would you do such a ridiculous thing? I can’t believe you right now,” she yelled. “He loves you. He’s willing to choose you and you’re thinking of walking away? Are you serious? I want to slap you right now!”

  “I know Maziar said he doesn’t care what they think, but Leyla, that woman and her evil spawn will not go quietly.”

  “And? So what if they don’t? Maziar will deal with it,” she said with confidence.

  “Yeah, but that’s the problem. What if he can’t? What if he does at first, but then the pressure of it all just breaks him and he caves again? This time I’ll be too broken to recover.”

  “That won’t happen,” she insisted. “Maziar won’t cave and he’ll never leave you again. But let’s just say I’m wrong and it happens. You will not break, Sara. You’ll pick yourself up again like you always have, and you’ll be just fine. I wish you could see what I see. I don’t see this weakling you keep talking about. What I see is a confident, strong woman who’s risked it all for love, coming out on the other side still standing. I promise you: you’ll be just fine either way,” she said tenderly.

  I leaned in and wrapped Leyla in a hug. “I love you,” I said, because there was no need to say anything else.

  After a lot of thought,
I’d decided Leyla was right. I was going to talk to Maziar. I realized that going to his house to have this conversation was not the best of ideas. However, doing it over the phone seemed worse. I called him to see if I could at least set it up that his mother and sister would be out when I arrived. He picked up on the first ring, and by the tone in his voice, I knew he’d been waiting for my call.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi. How are you?”

  “I’m okay. Tired of being stuck in this bed. I can’t wait till these casts come off in a few weeks,” he said, frustrated.

  “I bet. I know it sucks. I’m sorry. What have you been doing?” I asked, trying to avoid why I’d really called.

  “Nothing, really, since you refuse to come over and keep me company. Are you going to tell me what’s going on, Sara, or am I going to have to leave this bed to come find you?”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve just been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do. I needed a few days to think,” I said apologetically.

  “Well, have you figured it out?”

  “Yes. I need to talk to you, but I don’t want to come over when there’s anyone but your dad home. Is that happening anytime soon?”

  “Why don’t you want anyone here?” he asked.

  “Because it’s about your mother.”

  I showed up at his house two hours later. I was greeted by Parviz at the door, who smiled warmly as he let me inside.

  “We haven’t seen you for a few days. Everything okay?” he asked skeptically, and I wondered if his wife had shared our conversation with him.

  “Yes, I’ve just been busy,” I replied, trying to sound convincing. Then, I quickly made my way to Maziar’s room, trying to avoid any further questions.

  I softly knocked on his already opened door. He was holding a book in his hand and he set it down when he saw me. His face lit up as he smiled, relief taking over his features now that I’d arrived.