“Besides,” Zane added, “the DP’s also demonstrated that good old fashioned sex between a man and a woman is the very best way of maintaining a healthy and diverse gene pool through natural random selection.”
“Julie, we think that what you do to free-veemeld—veemelding without using Interact-SYM—may be a good place to start these kids into consciously mapping what they intuitively do to hear Proteus,” Carl went on. “The brain pathways appear to converge and it may apply equally to non-veemelds.”
“Okay,” Julie said, straightening with resolve. “I know what to do. I’m ready.”
“Good,” Carl said, nodding to Zane, who went to the door and called the children in. Carl leaned over to Julie. “Half of them are non-veemelds but they all carry Proteus. Some of the non-veemelds don’t hear Proteus yet, so we have a good mix.”
Julie fixed her attention on the children entering the room. They looked to range in age from about seven to late teens, she guessed. The group included Angel, of course, as well as Manfred and some of his friends. She smiled warmly to all of them as they entered and found seats.
***
“Thanks for inviting me to watch,” Daniel said to Victor, seated beside him in the observation booth, hidden behind a one-way mirror. They watched Julie, Carl and Zane discuss veemelding and Darwin with about a dozen young hopes for the future of mankind.
“Welcome,” Carl said to the children. “This is Julie Crane,” he indicated Julie with a wave of his hand. “As you’ve been told, Julie is the original recipient of Proteus and can not only hear the chirps that some of you can, but she can converse with Proteus and she can free-veemeld. Free-veemelding—that’s veemelding without requiring Interact-SYM.”
Daniel noticed several of the children exchanging looks of impressed amazement.
“Over the next few months,” Carl went on, “Julie is going to show you how she does all that and hopefully some of you will learn to do it yourselves. Going into free-veemeld is the first step to communicating meaningfully with Proteus.” He glanced at Julie for reassurance, because he wasn’t speaking out of experience.
“That’s right, Carl,” she affirmed, taking his pause as a cue to speak. “Going into free-veemeld is like entering a daydream or a conscious trance. I’d like you all to attempt these exercises, whether you’re a veemeld or not and whether you can hear Proteus or not, because the intention here is to be able to hear Proteus and understand how you do it and there’s no reason that we know of why you all can’t.”
“Is it like meditating?”
Julie turned to a tall gangly boy with flaming red hair. “That’s right, Nicholas. You have to learn to relax. That’s the first step.”
“Before we go too far, I’d like us to check these kids for what they already hear from Proteus,” Carl said. Using a sound generator, he asked each child to define as best he or she could what the “insect” noises sounded like in frequency and loudness. Julie watched with interest.
Victor leaned toward Daniel to speak in low tones, despite the fact that it was impossible for them to be heard by those in the next room. “Thanks for accepting my invitation. Inviting you here was the least I could do, considering what you’re sacrificing. Don’t think we take what you are doing lightly. I heard that you and Angel won’t be staying.”
“Thanks,” Daniel said, the pain of losing Julie again returning like an old man’s ache. After a long swallow, he glanced at the thoughtful man beside him and offered, “Thanks for taking care of her when she came back.”
Victor’s face tightened with an involuntary expression of pain. “Though not as well as I’d wished, I’m afraid,” he responded in a strange voice, training his eyes on Julie. Daniel suspected he was alluding to his inability to prevent what the Head Pol had done. Daniel could have felt infuriated, and did so for a while, but somehow he’d managed to distance himself from thoughts of retribution. Julie had made it clear that it was a matter between her and Langor and it had really been up to her whether he was punished or not. Whatever she decided, Daniel respected, and she’d decided to let him go. Victor continued, “As for thanks, it’s Icaria who owes you thanks, Daniel—thanks for taking care of Julie for all these years out in the heath.”
Daniel snorted laughter. “She takes good enough care of herself, I think, without needing me too much.” Then he smiled politely. “But I know what you mean, Victor. Really. I understand that one man’s claim on Julie Crane is nothing compared to Icaria’s claim on the beautiful creature it spawned. I’ve always recognized deep down that I’ve only had her on loan.”
Unable to meet Daniel’s raw, honest gaze, Victor looked everywhere else and his hands flickered to his face in nervous twitches. “I didn’t mean it that way—”
Daniel laughed softly. “I didn’t either, Victor. What I really meant to say,” he went on in a sighing voice, “was that Julie Crane belongs to no one. Not me and certainly not Icaria.” They both looked back through the looking glass, back to his wife, who listened intently to the instructions Carl was giving the children. When Daniel continued it was in a voice of reverence, “Like the fertile land, the rain, the trees, our lakes and rivers. We lay claim over them and we use them, but they really don’t belong to us. Despite the elaborate wedding ceremony and our vows of commitment, she isn’t mine to give away or to keep.”
Daniel found Victor staring at him. As Daniel looked back into those pale blue eyes filled with sad acceptance, he suddenly understood that Victor had come to that very conclusion twelve years ago when he’d given Julie her freedom and let her ‘escape’ Icaria-5 into the wilderness of the heath. Even Aard’s role had been that of protector and supplier. Daniel intuitively recognized that the secrecy of Aard’s mission was driven more by courtesy and the wish not to intrude on a way of life than out of any malice or manipulative intent.
Then Victor turned back to the window and Daniel saw why Julie was explaining to the children about how she engaged in veemeld with SAM. “Do any of you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?” she asked them, looking into each of their faces. Daniel thought he saw Angel’s face blush and Manfred look at the floor.
Most shook their heads to her question but the red-haired boy admitted that he liked a girl. Julie smiled at him. “Brave of you to say so, Nicholas. I suspect the rest of you have at least had a silent crush on someone at some time.” She didn’t look at either Manfred, or at Angel, who was trying to control her heating face. Julie continued. “If not, you can think of your parent or sibling or a special place that gives you great joy and peace. Now, hold onto those thoughts. Going into free-veemeld without Interact-SYM requires harnessing a quantum energy frequency and manipulating it in your brain into what it needs to interpret. Sound complicated?”
All the children agreed with nervous laughs. She laughed with them.
“Don’t worry,” she said with a grin. “It might sound complicated but it’s more an intuitive phenomenon.” Julie focused again on Nicholas. “I want each of you to think of your special friend or person or place and imagine that you’re in that place or that person is standing here where I’m standing,” she instructed. “Like a vivid daydream, imagine them here,” she tapped her chest. Then Julie glanced right at Daniel and Victor with a faint smile and winked before turning back to the children.
***
Quite aware of Daniel and Victor watching them from behind the mirror, Julie glanced at her own image reflected there, and winked at herself. “Close your eyes, if it helps.” She closed hers. “Now breath deeply in and out a couple of times.” She inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly, deliberately. The children followed her lead. “Remember to imagine that special friend standing there with joy and love in their heart...”
Her first thought was of embracing Daniel, but it dissolved as she slid into veemeld and entertained a rakish thought of SAM...Have you ever wanted to hug someone, SAM, me?
Abr
uptly her vision broke up and all her strength ebbed from her. Her knees buckled and she fell into a dark place. She was no longer in the room, but falling no, floating in darkness as if in space. If she’d drifted into one of her dream-states, this certainly wasn’t the usual place she went. It wasn’t frightening...yet. What fantastical place had she conjured up this time? It was as though there was a whole universe inside her mind.
Where am I? SAM? Proteus? Are you there?
Proteus answered, [You have slipped into an ecstatic trance again, Julie.]
Oh, dear. I keep doing that. She smiled lopsidedly and found she enjoyed tumbling through the dark space. She thought she could make out stars but her vision wasn’t very clear for some reason.
A figure approached, also flying in space, with obviously more control than she had. When he neared, she stared at the lean body, dressed in funky clothes, and knew at once who it was: SAM. His jubilant face reminded her of what her father might have looked like if he’d been a happy man, with some Daniel mixed in and a bit of Victor and a host of other familiar faces. She turned to him with a lopsided grin. I never realized that you wanted a body, SAM. I always thought you were content being the ethereal entity...indefinable and uncontainable.
[It’s so hard being misunderstood,] he said with mock sadness.
Julie’s grin broadened and she swerved to her left into a roll to get a look at what appeared to be a bursting nebula below. Maybe I came up with that out of convenience. Probably out of...fear. I often wondered why you never took up a shape for me. I never realized it was me holding back. I suppose I was afraid of what I might become...no...of what...
[You already were?]
There you go, finishing my sentences for me again. She sighed. Yeah. Scared of what I’d become...a—
[A crazy woman.]
A freak.
[You were just plain beautiful to me,] SAM said gently with a smile that tugged at her heart. Then he twirled in front of her, doing a mid-air pirouette. [So, do you like the way I look?]
Julie laughed. Of course I do. I came up with the image, didn’t I?
[Not entirely. Remember I’m a part of you and you’re a part of me.] SAM floated closer, arms reaching out for her. [As for your earlier question...]
[You cannot keep doing this, Julie Crane,] Proteus interrupted sternly. [Not in your present condition. You are too weak. You plunge too deeply and too easily into an ecstatic trance. It will destroy you.]
Alarm surged through her now. What condition, Proteus? She looked over at SAM and admitted to herself that she’d been inordinately tired lately, and feeling rather nauseated too. Am I ill?
[You are ten weeks pregnant.]
Julie plunged and her rump met with a knock on something hard. She hardly felt the impact. I’m what? She scrambled up to her hands and knees on the ground and a crazy grin snaked across her face. Did I hear you right?
[You heard right,] SAM said, standing next to her, having landed gracefully on his feet. [You’re pregnant. With child. Expecting. You have a bun in the oven.]
Julie flung her arms around SAM. Oh, SAM! I’m so happy!
[Your pregnancy interferes with your ability to control your ecstatic trances,] Proteus continued. [You and your baby are vulnerable now. You must remove yourself from Icaria for the remainder of your term and possibly for a time after or you endanger both the unborn child and yourself.]
Julie clung to SAM, who didn’t seem to mind. He was squeezing her back. She gazed up at the purple sky and rejoiced in her discovery that she was carrying a child—Daniel’s child—she’d quickly done the math and calculated that they’d likely conceived the last night they’d been together in the heath.
Then she thought of Icaria. How could she help them here if she was out there? Proteus, you don’t understand. She let go of SAM and looked up at the glowing sky. I need to stay in Icaria, to help Victor and Carl and the others. This is a critical time. I can’t turn my back on them now. Not after what they’ve done for me and my family. She saw SAM give her a look of remorse.
[No, it is you who do not understand, Julie Crane,] Proteus said, pointedly and SAM nodded grimly. [If you do not leave Icaria and its environment of machine intelligence, you will continue to fall into ecstatic trances more frequently and so deeply that you will never come out and the child you carry will die. So will you. You must leave at once.]
51
Daniel watched Julie grin suddenly, then her eyes rolled back and she abruptly slumped, crashing on her knees and landing face-forward in a heap. He barely took in Angel’s shriek as he leapt to his feet and flung open the door to the adjoining room.
“Julie!”
Daniel brushed past the gawking children and Carl to kneel beside his prone wife. Victor wound through the crowding children to his side as Daniel turned Julie face-up. She lay unconscious, almost smiling, even though her nose was bleeding.
“That’s what she looked like that time in the A.I.-core, when she and I—well when she went into that veemeld trance...” Victor trailed and blushed hard. He scrambled for a cloth and handed it to Daniel.
Daniel dabbed Julie’s bloody nose. “And at the wedding ceremony.” He stroked her cheek with his other hand. “Julie. Wake up. Please,” his voice pleaded.
“Why does she keep doing that, Dad?” Angel said in a squeaky, terrified voice.
“I don’t know, I don’t know...” he whispered, unable to offer her any reassurance.
“You woke her up the first time. What did you say?” Victor suggested.
Daniel sighed, looking for a sign that she was stirring. They’d already done it, he thought. She’d married him again. “Please, don’t leave me now,” he murmured desperately. “Not when I’ve finally found you again.” He curled his arms around her and pulled her limp body up so her head leaned against his chest. She felt so small and frail. He pondered their comings and goings with a long sigh. “Julie, how could I protect you when you kept running off like that?” he whispered into her hair. He’d barely resigned to being parted from her indefinitely as she did her work for Icaria, now this mysterious sickness was threatening to take her away from him in a more permanent way...Lately, he’d caught her several times, stumbling off balance or looking very pale and tired. What was wrong with her?
Sitting on the floor with his wife cradled in his arms, he rocked slowly, thinking of their rich and wonderful years together in the heath, their quiet conversations by the fire, their mirth and banter over mealtimes, making exquisite love to the distant howling of the wolves, the birth of their beautiful daughter...
He stroked her honey-streaked hair and brushed his lips against her soft cheeks, then murmured, “Please come back to me, Julie. I want to father another child with you...”
To his amazement, she stirred and opened her eyes. They glistened as she gazed at him with an intensity that worried him anew. Then her lips quivered into a crooked smile and she said in a barely audible whisper. “You already have.”
52
Her face still pale but glowing, Julie sat on Victor’s couch, nestled against Daniel with her legs curled under her. He could feel her conflicting emotions tensing her muscles. Although she was feeling obvious joy at her newly discovered pregnancy, she was also dealing with the consequences of Proteus’s alarming news.
Zane was smoothing his tunic, which didn’t need smoothing. Victor paced the room nervously and Carl stood quietly listening as Julie explained again for the benefit of everyone in the briefing room. “SAM and Proteus explained it to me like this...” She took a deep breath then proceeded, “When I’m pregnant, a whole host of physiological and morphological changes occur in my body. My hormone balance changes to accommodate and feed my growing baby.” Julie gazed from one to the other but seemed to focus on Carl most of the time. “Among them is the secretion of human chorionic gonadotropin by the growing placenta and the production of
masses of estrogen and then progesterone to maintain the lining of my uterus among other things. HCG alone has been implicated in ‘morning sickness’. These hormones in combination produce what lots of women describe as a feeling of being ‘off world’. Lots of us become highly emotional and experience fluctuations in moods during pregnancy. We often get irritable, irrational, absent-minded and ‘weepy’.”
She shrugged and smiled crookedly at Daniel. “Proteus explains that while my body is experiencing this unique chemical and electrical surge, my brain is highly susceptible to ecstatic trances. All I have to do is think of veemelding and I’m there. And while I’m there, all I have to do is conjure half-pleasant thoughts and my body sinks into a trance. Proteus says that unless I break the pattern, these occurrences will increase in frequency, length and intensity until I’m in a permanent trance that I can’t get out of.”
She exchanged fleeting glances with everyone before she resumed, “The only way to stop that from happening is to sever part of the equation. Because Proteus is part of me, it has to be the veemelding. So all I have to do is be far enough away from SAM and I break the pattern. That means going outside far enough from the A.I. community that I can’t veemeld.”
“This is amazing!” Zane exclaimed. He wriggled with excitement and flashed Carl a pointed look. “You and I have discussed subtle new arrangements in humanity’s evolutionary process surrounding veemelds and Darwin, but this is a phenomenal change. Maybe we’re looking at a radical evolutionary jump in sympatric speciation involving a co-evolutionary partnership a di-phasic creature that—”
“Hold on, buddy,” Julie interjected. “Creature? We’re talking about me here.”
“Oh,” Zane said, blushing fiercely. “Sorry.” But his moment of self-consciousness passed quickly and he resumed his zealous rant. “What I meant was you seem to represent a new phase in human adaptation, a crea—er, organism—” He blushed again, “which must cycle from one ecosystem to another to perpetuate your species. Not unlike salmon that hatch in freshwater streams but migrate hundreds of miles out to sea to feed and grow, then return to their birth stream to breed.”
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