“Are we eating here?” I ask him as we walk inside of the restaurant that Austin and I first ate at together after we first met.
“Yeah, is it alright?” He asks, but I know that he doesn’t really care.
“Fine,” I tell him as the hostess shows us to our seats. I zone off when I look across the room; I see us sitting at the table laughing, I remember calling him out on seducing woman with his sex ballad at home. My heart still aches for him on a daily basis.
“Soph, are you alright?” Seth asks me.
“You know, Seth. I’m sorry but I can’t be here.” I say getting up from the table and hailing a cab. Seth wasn’t right for me anyways.
“Why don’t we try online dating?” Mar asks me after I pulled up to her house in the cab.
“No way, they could kill me and wear my skin. Just set me up with someone you know.”
“No way, last time you dated one of my friends he moved away from the city and now I never speak to him especially after he changed his number and never called to give it to anyone here.”
“I’m sorry, Mar. I know that you two were good friends. I should have listened to you and just stayed away from him.”
“Egh, it happens. Look lets go out and find someone.” She suggests.
Two nights later I had a first date with Patrick, a guy that I had met at the bar when I went out with Mar. He was duller sober than he was when I met him buzzed and thought that talking about his job was super interesting… which it might have been if he wasn’t an accountant, and heaven forbid it was tax time, I spent most of the date alternating between wondering if he even had the time to be out with me and thinking up how many different ways I could kill myself with the fork at the table.
He pulls up to Mar’s house and walks me to the door, I didn’t want him to drop me off alone at the apartment especially considering the Paige wasn’t home and was back in Boston at the moment. We walk up to the door.
“Well Sophie, I had a great time tonight.”
“I’m glad,” I’m say making a point to not tell him that I had a good time because I didn’t, but he doesn’t even notice.
“Well what do you say about going out tomorrow?” He smiles.
“You know, I can’t we actually have an event schedule for tomorrow,” I have ever been more thankful to be working than right at this moment.
“Well, Friday then?” I just shake my head and smile to him walking inside and meeting Mar in the hallways.
“That was a little harsh don’t you think?” she asks.
“What, I didn’t want to lead him on? And if you would have been on the date with me you would completely understand.”
“Alright, so what do you want to do tonight?” I was going to stay at Mar’s house until Paige was back from Boston.
“Let’s go out.” she smiles at me, nodding her head and we walk out just as we were to go to the bar.
I am laughing legitimately for the first time since I went to Boston when someone puts on Faith, and I am taking back to Austin’s house, my heart breaks all over again as I look around hoping that he is here and maybe messing with me to run up to him and throw my arms around his body- because I am just drunk enough to do so-, but when my eyes land on the jukebox I am almost mortified instead on Austin my eyes fall on Joe.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I mutter and the entire group follows my eyes.
“Soph, isn’t that?” Mar asks me and I nod my head.
“Yeah,”
“What is he doing here?” she asks me.
“I have no idea.” I get up from my chair and walk over to him.
“Hey Soph, didn’t realize that I would run into you here.” I know that he’s lying.
“Sure you didn’t, what do you want Joe?”
“I want you back, Soph. I know that you and that lawyer kid broke up. I was an idiot for believing what Becky wanted to do and the more I got to know you the more I fell in love with you.” I know now that he is full of shit.
“Don’t lie, it’s not becoming. You are here because you have heard that my business is thriving again.”
“No, I really love you, Soph.”
“Bullshit, you can’t sweep me off my feet again with those shit lies. I can see through you this time.”
“No, I’m telling the truth this time, Soph. I want us to work on this and try and make it work, why do you think it didn’t work with the lawyer guy, because we are supposed to be together.” It’s actually the first time that he has made me laugh, and he didn’t even mean to.
“You are full of it, Joe. You’re right about one thing though. It didn’t work out between Austin and I because of you, but only because you ripped me apart and I couldn’t trust anyone. It was my fault that it didn’t work out, but just because it’s over now doesn’t mean it will be forever.” I think about him and his dad talking before the event and I smile, “If it’s supposed to be, fate will bring us back together.”
“Fate is bullshit, Soph.”
“That’s why it will never work with us Joe; you’re not part of my fairy tale. Please leave.” I smile as I turn back around and walk back up to my friends who have another shot for me.
The next morning I am so hung over that I am still throwing up when I hear a knock on the bedroom and I open the door. Mar’s smiling at me.
“Why are you staring at me like a weirdo.”
“I’m proud of you Soph, for finally standing up to Joe.”
Four weeks after seeing Joe in the bar I stop dating period. I had been dating several guys a week trying to find someone who could replace the hole that Austin left in my heart.
There was Adam, who was bipolar and felt the need to tell me on the first date. The way he told me was weird enough it went something like, “Well, let me pull out my meds and take them so I don’t end up going crazy on you.” It was a little terrifying for me to be in close proximity to him after that. Especially after he stopped talking for an entire hour and just stared at me. I had him drop me off at Mar’s house.
James, who was forty-five minutes late, who was stoned, and who ordered a salad at dinner. I’m not sure if it’s just me but when a man orders a salad on a first date it just sends the wrong signal to me that says, “Hey, I lost my balls years ago.”
Mike, who was a recovery alcohol and decided that a great first date would be to take me to an AA meeting, I went to the bathroom five minutes after we got there and never came back, sure it was probably awful of me, but you don’t do something like on a first date.
Jason was a doozy. He picked me up in a suit and I felt so underdressed, which I never do, that I went back upstairs and put on a really nice dress. When I came back downstairs he told me how nice I looked and then opened the car door for me. We had a great conversation when we were waiting on the food and he told me about his cat, which should have probably sent a red flag to me in the first place, but I overlooked it. Once we finished our food he got dessert for both of us and a cocktail. I was delighted even though he ordered it for me at least the date was going alright. We were having a good time, until the check came and he explained to me that he was ‘in between jobs at the moment’ so I needed to pick up the tab. I don’t mind getting dinner but seriously don’t pick the most expensive place and order six courses; I dropped two hundred and fifty dollars on that dinner alone.
Carlos, I met for coffee one afternoon and I approached him and asked if he was Jose he just looked at me and then proceeded to speak Spanish to me, have I mentioned that I cannot speak Spanish?
Zack, was nice and he was attractive. Dressed nice enough for going to a mediocre restaurant I didn’t mind because I liked the food enough. We enjoyed one another just talking and laughing, he was funny and I was interested in seeing how things would turn out with him until that is he asked me if I wanted to be his beard. I have yet to return his phone calls.
Joseph took me bowling, which was alright I guess I hadn’t been bowling in years. Everything was going great until he stepped o
utside to have a ‘cigarette’, left me alone inside for thirty-five minutes and came back smelling like pot. His excuse was that he got hungry and caught up in watching a hockey game in the bar.
Ryan has this Joseph Gordon-Levitt thing going on which I found instantly attractive until he took me to an arcade where he got into a fight with an eleven year old over playing DDR. I slipped out a few moments later and caught a cab home.
When I went out with Matt we didn’t even make it out of the driveway because as he led me to the car, where he had opened the door and I was beyond excited about, he inhaled my hair. I’m pretty sure he sniffed so hard that pieces went up his nostril. I just turned around stunned looking at him and said. “Did you just sniff my hair? Sorry I can’t.” I put my hands up and walked back inside where Mar was dying she was laughing so hard.
David showed some potential, until he looked at me after one beer and said, “Bow chica, bow wow.” I went to the bathroom on that one as well.
Jay was nice and funny. He was the last guy that I dated and things could have progressed with him but some circumstances came up and we ended up not seeing one another anymore.
Mar would make fun of me after every date laughing at me and telling me how I was finding faults with every one of them because they were not Austin. I knew that she was slightly right, but I just didn’t want to believe her. I wanted to get over Austin.
The summer is coming up now and I’m feeling great actually. We are working really hard and the business is starting to take off here.
“Hey Paige, what do you think about looking into opening another branch?” I ask her one morning as we walk into the store front.
“Where at, Boston?”
“Maybe, I’m not sure though why don’t we look into it?” I tell her walking to my desk and sitting down.
“What about New York.”
“I would love to open one in New York.” I tell her and she smiles at me.
“I know that you would, and not just for having a business in New York.” She calls me out.
“What are you talking about?” I play dumb.
“Are you trying to tell me that if you were in New York you wouldn’t try to find a certain someone?” she asks me, already knowing the answer.
“Well I think that I kind of owe it to try and find him eventually.” I explain to her.
“Well, you have been trying to get a hold of him for months now.” She says trying to make me feel better.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Are you ever going to stop?”
“No, he deserves to know.”
“You’re right about that, how do you think he will take it?” she asks me.
“I’m not sure,” I fumble with my fingers.
I walk into my apartment hours later and sit down at my piano that sits in the corner of my dining room. I have taught myself to play in the last few months. I am happy with how my life is right now, beyond words happy, but I know that when I let myself think too much I know that the only way I will be completely happy is if I can find Austin and tell him how I feel and show him where my life has gone in the last few months. I think that he would be happy. I hope that he would be happy.
Chapter Eighteen
One year later,
We walk out of the terminal as we make our way down through JFK. I cannot believe we are actually doing this. In the last year some amazing opportunities have opened and we are now about to open our business in New York City. We were able to hire an entire crew in Miami to work it and they are an amazing crew and I trust each one of them.
We open the door to our new apartment and we walk inside. It overlooks Central Park and the view, even though it isn’t of the Atlantic Ocean, is simply breathtaking. I walk into the bathroom and when I look into the mirror I am still stunned to see myself with my natural platinum blonde hair it hangs down my back. It took them three sessions to get all of the black out of my hair but it’s finally back to normal. I feel like a brand new person and this last year is what I needed to get me back on my feet.
I actually called Joe and cleared things up with him, telling him that I forgave him for everything that he did. I learned that I needed to let go of grudges that I held. I had to do it for the new person that I am trying to become, and my new role in life.
The next morning we get up, making our morning errands, and walk into the store front that we have set up. We have interviews for employees today, and the first girl that comes in we love, but recently we love everyone. She has dark brown hair and bright blue eyes, which I have always found to be the traits of someone who is completely pure and sweet. We end up hiring her for the job and she is thrilled. She grins at us and the next morning when she comes into work we have three other employees all who are anxious to start working.
Sarah is her name, and she is beyond sweet as I thought that she would be. She is so excited to tell us about her boyfriend’s band that is playing at a bar right around the corner the following week, and asks us if we want to go.
“I’m not sure,” I tell her, “I have a few obligations.” Of course I don’t explain to her what they are just that I have some. I get a text from Mar at lunch time which reads.
I miss you guys too much, I am thinking about trying to transfer up there.
That would be amazing I tell her and laugh at the fact that it has only been a couple of days and she is already missing us.
We get everything sorted between work and home within the next week Mar quits her job in Miami, sells her house and comes to move with us in New York, I am so thrilled to have her in my life now and with my blonde hair we look more similar than we used to, although people can still manage to tell us apart. When Sarah comes in this morning beyond excited to be alive, which is really how I come in most of the time now, I have learned that there are so many things to be excited for in life. I love her and think that she is an amazing dynamic for our team.
“Are you guys going to come tonight?” she asks me and I look to Paige.
“I don’t know Sarah; I have a lot of things to do tonight.”
“Come on Soph, you haven’t gone out in over a year, you deserve it, and plus Mar is here and has everything taken care of. I’m sure she won’t mind if you go out tonight for a little bit.”
“Alright, I have to call my sister and make sure she is alright with it.” Sarah squeals and hugs me tightly.
I receive a one word response back almost as soon as I text Mar it reads GO!
I walk out of my office and look at Sarah sitting behind the desk and smile to her, “Alright, I’m going to come along.”
“Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.” she jumps up and down, “No one in Brandon’s band has any girlfriends so I just end up sitting all by myself in the corner.”
“They’re in a band and they don’t have any girlfriends?” I ask her.
“Yeah it’s weird. The drummer is a real player, the bassist doesn’t really talk to anyone, and the lead singer and other guitarist moved here like a year and a half ago completely broken hearted and has just never moved on.”
“So Brandon plays guitar?”
“Yeah, he’s pretty good actually. They are pretty popular around here.” She smiles and then goes back to her work.
“What time does it start?”
“Eight.” She squeals at me again and I laugh. Paige and I go to dinner after work and then go directly from the diner to the bar; it has been over a year since I have had a drink. Life changes so quickly that sometimes you forget what you used to be like.
I pause as I walk up to the bar and I am trying to rack my brain of what I used to drink.
“Grateful Dead,” I hear Paige tell the bartender.
“Thanks, it had been awhile since I have been out.” She smiles and then becomes serious.
“You know you still have to have fun?”
“I know, it’s just everything is getting settled.”
“Soph, things have been settled for a while now, you are in a rea
lly good place and you have been for some time.” We hear the squeal from Sarah coming closer to us and I see a guy that she is towing along behind her. He is probably around twenty-five, and with dark hair and brown eyes. He is tall and skinny and I understand why he and Sarah are together. He looks just as innocent as Sarah does which instantly makes me like him.
“You guys made it,” she hugs me and then introduces us to Brandon.
“Where did you guys move from?”
“Miami.”
“Oh, I’ll have to introduce you to my singer of the band; he’s from Miami as well.” then he leans over and kisses Sarah saying, “I’ve got to go; we are getting ready to go on stage.” She smiles, kissing him back and he walks to the stage.
“He seems really great.” I tell Sarah as we watch him walk to the backstage area.
“Yeah, I really like him. I didn’t realize that you were from Miami.”
“Well we’re not, we both moved there a little over a year and a half ago.”
We sit around talking about our lives although I don’t participate in the conversation as I don’t want everyone here knowing my past and what lies behind me, it’s not that I’m ashamed of it I just don’t want Austin finding out before I tell him, and although I’m not even sure where he is living in the city I know that he is here somewhere. He deserves hearing it from me. I had gone by Jack’s office shortly after Austin had left and tried to find his number, but apparently he hadn’t even left Jack with a number. He told me that he left his inheritance when he left for New York. Jack had told him that it was his money that his mother had left it to him, and I realized then that he never told me about his mother. It broke my heart to find out.
I am sitting in my own thoughts when Paige looks over at me and grins.
“Oh, they are getting ready to go on.” Sarah squeals and we look up just as the lights go down. I hear the beginning of Limp Bizkit’s Faith begins to play and I laugh to myself about a band covering a cover of a song.
When I hear the lead singer start to sing I look up as he turns around and my heart sinks to the ground. It has been a year and a half since I have seen Austin, and here he is standing on the stage staring down on the crowd.
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