by Cecy Robson
“Maybe.”
His tone was gruff. I thought he was angry at Killian for not telling me sooner. I also thought that maybe he believed that I was mad at him, too. What I didn’t expect was what he said next. “Listen, baby girl. Whatever mistakes Kill’s made, he’s earned his right to know that you’re safe.”
I pushed my hair out of my eyes before I slapped my palm against the counter. “If you want to tell him I’m staying with you, that’s your call. But I don’t want to talk to him—and I don’t want to see him—not at your place or anywhere else.”
“Sofi—” Teo swore. “Fine. You don’t want to see him, you don’t have to. Just get back here.”
—
Killian ignored Teo when he told him that I wouldn’t see him. He came to the house, asking for me. Teo stayed true to his word, and wouldn’t allow him in. “Give her time, Kill,” his deep voice echoed from the first floor. “Sofi needs space. Until she’s ready, brother or not, you’re not stepping foot in my house.”
Killian gave me space, like Teo asked. Another week went by before he called. I stared at the screen on my cellphone. He’d given it to Teo to return to me. I thought I’d let it go to voice mail, but then I realized there were things that needed to be said, and enough time had passed.
“Hi.”
Killian paused. I supposed he was surprised that I’d answered. “Hi, Sofia.” My eyes teared at the sound of his voice. “I’m sorry,” he rasped when I said nothing more.
“I am, too.”
“Will you meet me at the house? Or I can come there?”
My attention fell to the floral quilt covering the bed I sat in. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
He released a heavy breath. “Sofia, what’s it going to take to get you back? I don’t want to be without us.”
“And I don’t want us together for the wrong reasons.”
I sniffed when he didn’t respond. “Killian, I can’t be with you. Not when your feelings for me stem from guilt. I deserve better…and so do you.”
In his silence I waited for him to tell me that I was wrong. That what he felt for me was more than pity, more than a sense of obligation. That he loved me. When he said nothing more, I ended the call. “Goodbye, Killian.”
—
Just like he had for his bout in Atlantic City, Teo helped Killian train for his upcoming fight in Vegas. But Teo never seemed happy when he returned home, and the excitement he’d once had seemed to have disappeared.
He glanced up at me one night while we were eating dinner when only a few days remained before the fight. “I shouldn’t tell you this,” he said. “But Kill hasn’t been the same since you left—he’s pissed all the time, can’t focus worth a damn, and he’s drinking too much. He’s fucking miserable, Sofi.”
Yeah, well, I was, too. But then, everyone who knew me realized as much. I barely spoke, and didn’t interact with anyone outside my family. I went to school. Did the work. Helped Evie with Mattie. All the motions were there, but my heart wasn’t in anything. It remained shattered, joining my past.
The hardest day came when I returned to Killian’s house to gather my belongings. As much as I had needed the items I’d left behind, I waited until the day he left for Vegas. I didn’t want us to fight, and I didn’t want to upset him before his big match.
When I entered the house, the feel of it wasn’t the same. Something in the air had changed. I tried not to look toward the kitchen where I’d prepare our meals, the table where we’d sit and talk about our days, or the couch where we’d watch TV and often make love.
I slowed my quick pace as I walked up the steps, remembering the day we’d stumbled in following my sparring match. In our youth and passion, we’d broken in every room and every part of the house. But remembering what we’d shared didn’t help me heal. All it did was cause me more pain.
I took everything that belonged to me with the exception of the jewelry box he’d given me for my birthday. I couldn’t take it with me. It hurt to simply glance at the images carved into the wood. So I finished shoving everything into a pair of suitcases, placed my key on the counter, and left.
The night of his fight, I made my way down to the family room, where Teo was watching on his monstrosity of a flatscreen. Just like in Atlantic City, Teo hadn’t wanted to leave Evie and Mattie. His expression darkened as he watched Killian enter the Octagon.
Killian wasn’t dancing in place. He wasn’t loosening up. He was simply glaring at his opponent in the green MMA shorts across from him.
Killian’s computer-generated image appeared across the screen above his stats. The commentators discussed his size and briefly debated who would dominate the match. The odds were three to one in favor of the other fighter. He had more experience, better reach, faster footing. Based on Killian’s tightening features, I didn’t agree.
The camera returned to the inside of the Octagon in time for the ref to bring the fighters forward. They met, they separated, and Killian charged at the sound of the bell.
Brutal.
Vicious.
Hard.
He didn’t fight. He attacked, nailing the man in the green shorts with blow after blow.
I was stunned and could barely move. The match was over before it began. The other guy, the one with the busted face being swarmed by his team, had never stood a chance.
Evie glanced up from where she lay beside Teo, her eyes wide. I remained in the doorway. I hadn’t wanted to step in, hadn’t meant to stay and watch, but I had.
I only wish I’d turned away.
Teo barely blinked, his stony face softening only when he adjusted Mattie against his chest. His little boy was sleeping peacefully, unaware of the level of violence Killian had just unleashed.
Teo returned his attention to the screen, his thick brows furrowing when Killian stepped in front of the camera.
It was the first time I’d seen Killian since I’d walked out of his house three weeks ago. I didn’t have to be in the same room with him to know something was off. He wasn’t the same man I’d known, the one who greeted his friends with a wide smile, the one who laughed with all his heart, the one who held me close and kept me warm at night.
He had become a machine. He looked directly at the camera, his stare unyielding, and his hands clenched as if itching to take a swing at the next person who crossed him.
I watched numbly as Killian was awarded his belt and led out of the ring. His brothers and Wren gathered around him. Although they smiled and hugged him, the enthusiasm and pride the O’Briens had once basked in seemed lost to them then.
An MMA correspondent, that famous one whose name escaped me at the moment, smiled at the camera and spoke into the mic when Killian joined him on the floor. “With us now is none other than Philly’s favorite son and the new super heavyweight champion, Killian O’Brien!”
The correspondent shoved the mic into Killian’s face. Other than the stiff nod he offered, Killian remained quiet and unmoving.
The correspondent pulled back the mic. “So, Kill. Congrats on becoming the super heavyweight champion. Word is you’re going to retire? And what a way to go out!”
The roaring crowd around him cheered louder. “Thank you,” Killian said.
The correspondent waited, expecting him to say more. When he didn’t, he plastered on a smile and added, “You forced the Vulture to tap out in a record-breaking twenty-eight and a half seconds. What was your strategy?”
“To win.”
Killian’s rough voice made it clear that he was done and that the correspondent needed to wrap things up. The correspondent smiled nervously. “Well, it looks like it paid off. You staying to watch the rest of the lineup, champ?”
“No. I’m headed out, hitting some bars.”
The correspondent glanced behind him to where screaming women were reaching their arms between the rows of security guards holding them back. “Well, looks to me like you’ll have plenty of company.”
Killian t
urned in the direction of the women clamoring to get closer. “I can see that.”
I pushed off from the doorframe and returned to my room, realizing that unlike me, Killian wouldn’t sleep alone tonight.
Chapter 26
Evie drove her Range Rover through the backstreets of Philly. Considering it was only dinner time, the darkening sky made it appear close to midnight. “Thank you for coming with me, Sofia, and for helping me make all the food.”
I tried to smile. “You’re welcome. It’s a nice gesture.”
Mateo had signed another contract with the county, adding five more years to the time that he and his crew would maintain Philly police cruisers and public service vehicles. But his growing popularity in the area had called for him to open yet another shop, bringing his total to nine.
As a thank-you to his mechanics, staff, and their families, Teo and Evie had rented a hall and hired a caterer. Evie and I had made a few extra Cuban dishes as a treat for Mateo and the many Latinos who worked for him. The aroma of chicharon, arroz con pollo, and chiles wafted from the back compartment.
Evie swiveled in her seat at a light when Mattie whimpered. “Oh, what’s wrong, little man?”
Thick tears fell down his face. Evie had taken him to the pediatrician earlier. The poor baby had developed an ear infection and had some teeth coming in. Evie stretched her hand to stroke his cheek. “Sofi, can you grab me the Tylenol from the diaper bag? I think the dose that I gave him earlier is wearing off.”
I dug through the bag as the light changed and she accelerated. The medicine was tucked into the side pocket. I pulled out the little container along with a burp cloth to wipe his tears. “Would you like me to give him some now?”
“Yes, please.” She sighed and veered down the road to the reception hall. “If he’s not feeling better by Saturday, I may have to miss Lety and Brody’s graduation.”
“Oh, no. I hope you’ll be able to go.” Lety was going to be the first college graduate in the family and every last member had planned to attend the ceremony. For Evie not to be there would be a huge deal. But as more tears fell from Mattie’s sweet blue eyes, I understood why she couldn’t leave him.
I drew the amount of medicine Mattie needed and angled my body toward the back after loosening my seat belt. He made a face when I squeezed the liquid into his mouth. “I don’t think he likes the taste.”
“I know. I wouldn’t give it to him if he wasn’t so miserable, but I don’t want him to hurt. He’s been so healthy. No colds, nothing over the past year.” She smiled fondly. “I can’t believe my baby is almost one.”
“I can’t believe he’s already walking.” I wiped his chin with the burp cloth when he drooled, smiling for real when he grinned at me with his tiny teeth. Little Mateo looked more and more like his daddy every day. One day, my buddy would no doubt tower over me. For the moment, I could still hold and cuddle with him at nap time. “Well, if he continues to have a hard time, I’ll take him home so you can enjoy the party, Evie.”
Her bottom lip protruded slightly when I turned back around and adjusted my seat belt. “I don’t know if I can leave my little one, Sofia.”
I glanced back at Mattie, who grinned again. “Ohhhhh, I can’t blame you.”
A call came in over the Bluetooth. Evie answered, knowing who it was. “Hi, baby.”
“Where are you?” Mateo’s voice boomed.
She grinned. “I’m fine, thank you. How was your day?”
He laughed on the other end. “I just miss you. You almost here?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m about two blocks away.”
“I’ll be right out.”
She knitted her small brows. “You don’t have to. I have the stroller and Sofia’s with me.”
“I don’t want you out here alone. The place is nice, but I didn’t realize how shitty the area had become. It’s gone from decent to ghetto real fast.”
As if to prove Teo’s point, a large group of older teens loitering on the walkways motioned toward Evie’s car as we passed. The windows were tinted and they couldn’t see us, but it was obvious they were checking out her expensive ride.
Evie’s eyes cut to them briefly. “I’ll be there soon,” she assured him.
“Mattie okay?”
“He’s fussing a little bit. The antibiotics haven’t kicked in yet, but I’m hoping they will by tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Me, too. I don’t want to miss Lety’s graduation. But I don’t want to go without him either.”
Teo disconnected when he caught sight of the Range Rover as we pulled into the lot. He and some of his friends were waiting right outside the front doors. For as alpha as my brother was, his tough demeanor always tamed around his wife. That special grin he reserved solely for Evie flashed when she opened the door and he saw her in her pretty pink dress.
“Hey, little mama,” he said. He helped her out of the car and kissed her hello, stroking her hair as he spoke quietly. “You feeling okay?”
I gathered the diaper bag, my purse, and Evie’s purse when I noticed Teo continuing to hold her. “I’m fine,” she insisted. “But I am worried about Mattie. I may have to leave early.”
Mateo told her something that I couldn’t hear. I slipped out of the SUV and greeted his friends from his bouncing days at Club Excess. Two of his pals, Ant and Chris, now managed six of Teo’s shops. They hefted the food out of the back when I opened the rear door, all grins, chatting happily. The few dishes they didn’t manage to carry were gathered by their girlfriends, Noelle and Dee-Dee, after they took a moment to hug and kiss Evie.
I reached for the last container of food and edged my way back to Evie and Teo. He lifted Mattie out of his car seat. Although Mattie had been whimpering only a short time ago, the little cutie laughed when his daddy tossed him in the air. “How’s my boy?” Teo asked him.
Teo frowned when Evie tried to take him in her arms. “I got him. He’s too heavy for you in your condition.”
Her cheeks flushed when she caught me watching them. The corners of Teo’s mouth lifted into a smirk, but he didn’t speak a word, even after my jaw popped open. I tried to suppress my reaction and hurried into the hall. They had news to share but they didn’t seem ready to yet.
Music blared from the DJ booth and people were already dancing and attacking the food the servers were carrying. Children ran around with the silver and gold latex balloons from the tables while their mothers and the occasional dad chased after them, yelling at them to behave.
A cluster of cops in plainclothes, with their badges dangling from the chains around their necks, gathered at the bar. Among them was Curran. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Teo was tight with a lot of the boys in blue.
Curran did a double take when he saw me. He mouthed to his buddies that he’d be right back before he snaked around the tables in my direction. I kissed his cheek when he bent to hug me. It was good to see him. While we’d known each other since we were kids, we’d grown close during my relationship with Killian.
God, Killian. Any thought and any mention of him made me miserable.
“Hey, Sofi,” Curran said.
“Hi, Curran. How are you?”
“All right. Just got back from Vegas last week. Great town, but the air and dust suck the Hulk’s balls.”
I pressed my lips tight. Yeah. I’d missed him.
He took a pull of his beer. “How ’bout you? How you doing, kid?”
“Okay. My last day of finals was today.”
“Good. Finals week always blew. Man, me and my frat brothers always let loose on the last day. You gonna check out any of the campus parties?”
“No. It’s not my thing. Even the most uptight, conservative people lose their minds.” He almost spat out his beer. “What?” I asked when he started laughing.
“Did I ever tell you about that prissy sorority girl who always looked at me like she wanted to smack me upside the head?”
“No. I d
on’t think so.” I took the punch Teo placed in my hand. “Thanks, Teo.”
Curran continued when Teo walked away. “Well, speaking of going batshit crazy, the priss shows up at my frat with a few of her friends. She seemed upset—like, sad. So I gave her a Hot Damn shot, you know, to make her feel better.”
I tried not to laugh. “That was very nice of you, Curran.”
He shrugged. “What can I say, I’m a helluva guy. Anyways, one shot turned to two, three, and so on. Next thing I know she’s doing a keg stand and one more shot shy of taking her panties off. So I take her home—trying, like you said, to be nice.”
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
His blue eyes glimmered as he laughed. “So I drop her off at her sorority house, but—and I’m not making this up—she drags me into her room and ties me to her brass bed with her argyle socks. Bondage, Sofi. Total bondage. Can you believe that shit?”
“Mmm.” I took a quick sip of my punch. “Wow, that sounds like quite a night.”
For a minute, Curran grew completely quiet. “Yeah. It kind of was. She was actually sweet. A nice girl. Just never seemed like she was allowed to have fun.” He tipped back his beer and took a few hard swallows. “Too bad her father was the president of the college and almost threw my ass out of school when he found us naked.”
I wasn’t sure if the squeak that tore through my throat could be heard above the music, but when Curran threw his head back, laughing, I was sure that he’d heard it. “Yeah, Sofi. Good times.”
He watched me carefully as if debating what to say. “So, anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something —”
“Sofia!” Denny Giovanni, who grew up a few blocks from us, stopped directly in front of me. His entire face lit up. “Whoa, Sofia. Look at you. You grew up niiiiiiiiiiice.”
My face heated as he eyed me in my light blue dress. It was a pretty dress, but he made me feel like I wore only panties by the way he gaped at me. “Uh, hi, Denny.”
“Hey. You want to dance, or somethin’?”
“No, thank you.”
“No?”
I inched away. “No, Denny.”