Joel finally finishes his lecture and I get back to work. The day goes pretty quickly with all I have to do to catch up on projects and reconnect with clients. After work, I meet up with Brett at the gym. I don’t feel very motivated, but I’m going through the motions. Brett and I are on the treadmills. He looks over. “What’s wrong with you, man? I know it was hard to go take care of your mom’s place. But you seem far away. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m okay. I just feel a bit aimless these days. Nothing solid, you know?”
“It’ll pass. Trust me. I know what you need – a good distraction. Come out with me this weekend. I’ll invite Julie and a few of her friends. We’ll hang as a group. No pressure. Nothing like time with a few cute girls to get your mind off whatever’s weighing you down.”
“We’ll see. I’ll think about it.”
Brett’s a really good friend, but our thoughts about women couldn’t be more different. He seems happy to be with a woman as long as she is into him and nice looking. Currently he’s trying to pursue Julie more exclusively. That girl must be blind. With the way Brett is focused on her, anyone in the room will feel like they are the third and fourth wheels on a date, not just hanging with friends. That’s not my idea of a fun way to spend an evening.
Still, I can’t just hole up in my apartment like some Sherpa on Mount Everest, just me and my yak. No, that would definitely not be the plan. There has to be some middle ground between being Brett’s wingman and living in a yurt on a snowcapped mountain. I decide to tell Brett that I’ll go. I immediately regret the decision.
* * *
I ended up going out with Brett last weekend to break up the monotony. What was I thinking? I had already told Caleb no more vapid dates. I must be a glutton for punishment. And now, one week later, I’m on a double date at some trendy Fusion restaurant on Pico Boulevard with a woman named Vanessa, and Brett and Julie. The place is all black and silver with neon lighting under the tables, around the bar, and near the ceiling.
The four of us are at a table near the back wall. I lean over to Brett when the girls aren’t watching. “Why did I let you talk me into this?” He just chuckles. “Hang in there, Jack. You might actually have fun. You know, fun?” He turns his eyes back to Julie.
Vanessa starts back in, “So you wouldn’t believe the deal I scored on a Michael Kors bag this week.” Handbags. It’s come to this. I nod at her. Katrina never once mentioned accessories. Conversation just flowed between us, light and easy, and we had just met.
Vanessa keeps talking fashion. “… And then my friend Janelle and I went to Nordstrom’s for the half-yearly sale. I got these Gucci shoes that were to die for!”
“Sounds like fun.” It doesn’t really sound like fun.
She changes the subject. “Jack, did you know my friend Holly works for the studios? She thinks she might get me a part as an extra in a show coming up. Isn’t that exciting? I might get to actually rub elbows with some celebs. It could be my big break. After all, I’ve got the looks. You know.”
“That’s great, Vanessa. I hope it works out for you.” Julie turns to Vanessa after hearing this and the two of them start chatting for a minute. While Vanessa is distracted, I give Brett a little sign language – the sign of the noose. It’s my not-so-subtle way of telling him I’m dying over here and I need to call it a night or go hang myself.
Vanessa finishes talking with Julie and turns back to me. She brings up a YouTuber she was watching last week who keeps up with the Kardashians. I might start counting sugar packets or my own eyelashes if this goes on much longer. My mind wanders back to thoughts of Katrina – the way her brown hair blew in the wind as I checked out her engine, the way her lips curled up when I said something that she thought was funny. Get a grip, Jack. She may as well be a ghost or a character in a book. It’s not like I’m ever going to see her again. How did she manage to get so far under my skin in a matter of less than two hours?
“Jack, what do you think?”
“Huh” I realize Brett has been trying to get my attention while I was daydreaming and half-listening to Vanessa. Mom would be horrified. She never wanted us to lead girls on, but she expected us to show respect and kindness to everyone. I don’t have anything in common with Vanessa. Celebrity YouTubers, designer clothes, and Hollywood gossip aren’t my interest – at all.
I answer Brett, “Sorry, man. You lost me for a minute. What were you asking?” The waitress comes and Brett and I hand her our cards. When she comes back Brett announces, “There’s a great band playing at Largos. You guys up for it?”
Julie and Vanessa say they want to go. All eyes at the table are on me. I blow out a breath. “Sure.” I really feel badly for Vanessa. She doesn’t deserve a date like me any more than I should be here.
The club is worse than the restaurant. At least there we had a table between us. Vanessa seems to have grown tentacles. She’s drinking her second colorful drink and hanging on me like a baby octopus. She’s not reading my signals any better than Brett did. I’m trying to fend her off while still being a gentleman. At least the band isn’t bad.
By the time we’ve been there for a few hours, she puts her mouth right next to my ear and says, “Jackie boy, you want to follow me home?” Not in the least.
“Thanks, Vanessa, but it’s been a long week. I think I’m just going to head out. You take care.”
She pouts for a moment, leaning back a little and putting her finger on my shirt collar. She bats her false eyelashes in an attempt to change my mind. When I don’t respond, she says, “Fine. Thanks for dinner,” and walks away.
I head over to Brett to let him know I’m taking off. As I pass the bouncer on my way out, I see Vanessa with her arm draped over the shoulder of a guy at the bar.
Once I’m home, I kick back on my couch with a bottle of Perrier, so grateful to be finished with that date. I’m pondering the meaning of life. Not so much the meaning of all life, just the meaning of mine. If anything was gained from this evening, it’s the confirmation that I don’t want to date or be dragged along on dates. I’ll hang with the guys or in groups on my terms. Otherwise, I’m not really on the market. No more of this torment that the rest of the twenty-somethings in this city seem to find entertaining. At least that’s resolved. I feel a little better having drawn that line in the sand.
* * *
I’m coming in the door of my building from a run when my phone rings. It’s Brett. “Hey, Brett. What’s up?”
“Not much, Jack. So, what was the story with Vanessa? You two didn’t hit it off?”
“Sorry. She just wasn’t my type. Nothing personal. Anything sizzle between you and Julie after I left?” I open my apartment and head toward the shower.
“I drove her home. We kissed on her porch. She will see me again, but I don’t get the feeling she wants to commit to anything yet. It’s driving me insane.”
I encourage him. “Well, keep at it, bro. She’s bound to wake up to the awesomeness that is you one of these days.”
“Right? Ha! I hope so. If Vanessa isn’t your type, who is? Any prospects at work? You can’t be a confirmed bachelor at 27. You’ve got the whole package – good job, personality, you stay in shape.”
I don’t really want to mention my thoughts about Katrina to Brett. “Maybe I’m not really looking right now. I don’t need a complication in my life. A woman would deserve better than what I have to offer these days.”
“You sell yourself short. So, you’re not bringing Vanessa to Mark’s wedding?”
I try not to sound overly adamant, even though there’s no way I’d take Vanessa. “For sure not. I don’t want to give her the wrong impression. You know, when you invite a girl to be your plus one to a wedding it screams, ‘Let’s go further with this.’ I’m good going single. I know other people who will be there. You asking Julie?”
“Absolutely. No other woman is on my radar. I’m going to keep pursuing her until she tells me not to.” I can hear his frustration and longing
through the phone.
“Good man. Keep it up. She’ll get the hint one of these days. Though you may have to hire a marching band and a skywriter to get through to her.” I chuckle and he lets out a sigh.
“Hopefully it doesn’t come to that. Well, take care, Jack. I’ll see you tomorrow at the gym.”
“Yeah. You too. Later man.”
Really, I’m good with going single to Mark’s wedding. It’s easier to slip out when I want to. I sure wouldn’t want to invite Vanessa and give her the false impression that I want more. I think she got the message after last night. If Katrina were around, I wouldn’t mind asking her. I would love another chance to get to hear that laugh. I wonder what she’d look like dressed for a wedding. Those jeans and that loose top she was wearing the day we met were just fine by me. Still, picturing her in a formal dress. That does things to me.
I think I’ve officially lost my mind. I’m fully turning Katrina into some larger than life fantasy. No real person can possibly be that incredible. Besides, the odds are so stacked against me ever seeing her again. There are seven billion people in the world. My chances of running into her seem about seven billion to one to be exact. I need to get my mind off impossibilities and start focusing on what I really want to do with my life instead of living like a hamster on a wheel with no sense of purpose or direction.
Between packing Mom’s, seeing Caleb, meeting Katrina, and having to return to deal with Joel, something feels newly resolved inside me. I pull open my laptop before I jump in the shower. I start researching what it takes to open a coffee shop. About two hours pass. I haven’t cleaned up from my run or even eaten yet. I’m consumed with this idea. I call my accountant friend, Jason.
“Hey, Jason.”
“Hey, Jack, What’s up?”
“I’m just thinking about something long term. I need to get your thoughts on the financial aspects of this idea.” No need to get him thinking I need a padded cell or an intervention.
“What can I help you with?”
“If I were to take the profit from the sale of Mom’s house and add in some of my own savings, what are we looking at if down the road I want to open a coffee shop?”
“Are you serious?”
Am I? I feel serious. Anyway, I’m just inquiring for now. “Not yet. Of course, not now. I’m just looking long term. And please keep this between the two of us.”
“Of course. You will need a loan either way. In your case, your credit is good. You have some collateral, and you should be able to swing what they call an SBA. It’s sort of a no-risk for your lender to grant you that. I’ll send over details if you want.”
“Please do. I want to get facts in place as I look at my options. Thanks, man.”
“You got it.”
I’m smiling as I hang up. Maybe I am crazy. As far as my friends are concerned, I have the dream job, live in a prime location in L.A., and have the life they all aspire to live. Only I’m coming to see it’s not the life I aspire to live. Maybe it’s Mom’s passing. I’m realizing life is too short to be spent working for men like Joel and dating women like Vanessa. I want to live all-in.
chapter five
Katrina
I’m sitting at a table at Sandy and Mark’s wedding reception when I see a man standing across the room near the side doors. Is that Jack? It couldn’t be. Has he been stalking me? Okay, Kat. Get a grip. Guys don’t show up looking like they could be a model for a tux brochure just to kidnap a woman they met months ago at a truck stop. Especially not guys who stepped in to save the day like Jack did. Still, there he is looking so very yummy in that suit. I already know he can fill out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, but this … this is perfection. Jack in a suit is enough to make a Mother Superior give up her vows. But not this girl. No. No men. That’s my mantra and I’m sticking to it.
He must be with a date. I would have a date, but Michael couldn’t come as my plus one. Not that Michael is a date. He’s just, well, he’s Michael, more like a little brother than a potential love interest. A man like Jack surely has no shortage of options when it comes to dating. Still, he’s standing there, alone. He’s looking this direction. Oh, I think he saw me. He’s coming over. Keep it together, Kat. No men. No men. No men …
He looks down at me and grins a genuine smile. “Katrina, what a surprise. I couldn’t believe it was you when I saw you. Do you know the bride or the groom?”
“No men.”
“What?”
“Um. What? Oh, the bride. The bride. She’s my cousin, actually.” What in the world. Did I just blurt out my mantra to Jack? Seriously. This man does things to addle my brain. How can that be? I only met him on a roadside for a few hours. That’s not the beginning of anything. It’s just a coincidence we’re both here. I look up at him. His eyes are light hazel with blue and gold flecks spotting green and brown background. I’d love to take a close up of those eyes and frame it. They have a warmth and kindness, but also maybe something like pain around the edges. I could get lost in those eyes.
“Kat?” He’s looking at me with a slightly amused expression on his face.
“Uh, what? Did you say something?”
“Yes. I was asking how your trip to Africa was.”
“Oh, sorry. Yes. It was great. Great really. I mean. Really great.” Good night. Where did my verbal skills run off to? I would pay a dear price to have access to the English language right now. Apparently my body has overridden my brain for the time being. Every nerve ending is firing on all cylinders and I’m not complaining. The effect Jack has on me is like taking a warm bubble bath with candles and some yummy tea. So soothing. Oh my, I don’t need to be thinking about bubble baths around Jack.
He’s staring at me. “Tell me all about it.”
“About what?”
“Africa”
“Oh, yes. Well, it was great. I already said that. Right. Great. The people are so warm and kind. The children stole my heart too. I captured some amazing shots and even had the privilege of seeing the tribe I told you about – the Batwa. It wasn’t my first trip to Africa, but I haven’t been in a while and whenever I’m there I want to stay permanently. It’s just the pace, the people, the scenery.” There. I made some coherent sense. Finally. I look over at Jack and he has this calm smile on his face like I’m really entertaining him and all he wants is to sit and listen to me talk about my trip.
“Your trip sounds amazing. Are you here alone? Would you like to dance?”
I guess I can dance. I can dance, of course. I know how. It’s just whether I should dance with someone like Jack. Does dancing fall inside or outside the rules of a man-fast? I guess if he’s asking me to dance, he’s not here with a date either. I wonder why. He’s smiling at me and waiting for an answer while I stand here mulling over the pros and cons of a dance with him. Oh goodness. It’s only a dance. “I am here alone. Sure, Jack. Yes. I’d love to dance.”
Only a dance. What was I thinking? I’m like an alcoholic talking herself into thinking she can take one sip of wine and not chug the whole bottle. He’s holding me so securely I feel like nothing could harm me right now. He’s got moves, too. Just the right tension in his arm, the way his other hand rests on my middle back, and then he sways or turns just so. Goodness I love a man who can dance.
Not love. No, not that. Just meaning I enjoy and appreciate the art form of dancing when done properly. And Jack is doing it oh-so properly. Mmmm. I rest my head into his chest as we move through two slow songs together. After the second song, he pulls away like a gentleman and gives me a warm smile. “Are you thirsty?” Parched, actually. “Yes, thank you. I’d love some mineral water.”
He heads off to get us drinks and returns with two friends of his who look like they came together.
“Katrina, this is Brett, and this is Julie. Julie, Brett, this is Katrina.”
“Nice to meet you.” We all say at once.
Julie turns to me. “So, Katrina, did you and Jack know one another before the wedding?�
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“Yeah, well that’s a funny story. My rental car broke down on my way home from a shoot up the Central Coast, and Jack, well, Jack basically saved the day. We hadn’t met before then, and then our paths crossed here. Small world, huh?” I smile over at Jack.
Brett looks at Jack “I had no idea you were hero material.”
“I didn’t save the day. I just looked under her hood and saw there was nothing wrong. We enjoyed lunch together while we waited for it to cool down.” He enjoyed lunch with me. Note to self: He enjoyed time with me. Okay. That’s established. Wow. Good. Wait, no. No men, Kat.
“Katrina is a photographer. She just got back from a photography assignment in Africa after her shoot up the coast, right, Katrina?”
“Uganda, actually.”
Julie asks questions about my trip. I share some more about it. Brett just watches her while she listens. We all stand talking a bit and the conversation flows like I’ve known them for a while. It seems like Jack is watching me. Well, of course he is. I’m talking. People watch others when they are talking. That’s like Sociology 101. Anyway, I like the feel of his eyes on me. He’s easy to be with, that’s for sure.
Brett and Julie head over to say hi to someone else and Jack and I are left standing together. I realize the bouquet toss is quickly approaching.
“Um, I have to avoid the bouquet toss.” He looks quizzical. “I loathe that ritual.”
He nods and says, “Well, in that case, follow me.” He leads me out the side door to a secluded patio off the edge of the venue. We hide out here together until the coast is clear. We can see some ecstatic single gal perform a maneuver that would make most NFL wide receivers a bit jealous. Picturing a referee blowing a whistle on her has me giggling. I think she violated several major rules in football – false start, holding, and pass interference being the first to come to mind. Jack gets the strangest look in his eyes as I giggle to myself. Is that adoration? Whatever it is, I feel like the center of the world when he looks at me like that, and I like it. Very much.
Love's Second Chance Page 3