by Fannie Flagg
“Ah . . . let’s see, I’ll have some potatoes and how about some macaroni and cheese?”
He pointed to something green in one of the containers. “Are those turnip greens?”
“No, sir, collard greens.”
“All right, good. Give me some of those then.”
He would have ordered more but the line behind him was backing up and he had to move on. Even before they got to the table and had emptied their trays Hamm asked Bess about the girl with the glasses dishing out the vegetables.
Bess glanced over and said, “Oh, that’s Betty Raye, Dorothy’s little boarder. Ever hear of the Oatman family?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I hear them on the radio.”
“Well, that’s their daughter; she used to sing with them but she quit.”
Hamm glanced back over at Betty Raye, even more impressed.
“Well, I’ll be. She’s not married yet?”
“No.”
“Is she going with somebody?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Do you reckon she’d go out with me?”
Bess laughed. “You sure don’t waste any time, do you, boy?”
During the next four weekends Hamm never drove so far or ate so many vegetables in his life. Going to the cafeteria was the only way he could get to see her. Every Saturday when he came down the line Betty Raye was horrified and embarrassed at all the attention and commotion he would cause. She asked him to please stop holding up the line but each time he said, “I will, just as soon as you say yes.” One Saturday, after he had been down the line for the fourth time, he pleaded with her. “Come on now, Betty Raye, you’ve just got to go out with me. If I eat one more bowl of those collards I’m liable to turn green. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you?” At that moment Mr. Albetta came out of the double doors of the kitchen and glared at him and Hamm moved on, while the girls giggled. But he would not give up. Late that afternoon, when Betty Raye came home, there he was sitting on the front porch, chatting away with Mother Smith and Bess Goodnight. Mother Smith was clearly charmed and smiled and said, “Betty Raye, this nice young man tells me he is a friend of yours.” Hamm grinned from ear to ear. “I brought Bess with me to vouch for my upstanding character.”
Bess laughed. “I don’t know how upstanding he is but I wish you’d go out with him for my sake, because he’s about to pester me to death over it.”
Well, what could she do? Hamm was a force hard to resist.
The First Date
MONDAY WAS Betty Raye’s day off and Hamm was to pick her up in the early afternoon and take her to Poplar Bluff for dinner. She was nervous about going all that way with him but she did not have much say in the matter. Dorothy and Mother Smith were so excited she was going on a date that they called Tot and set up an appointment for her that morning to get her hair shampooed and set. It was the last thing she wanted but she went. They picked out her outfit and at the last minute Dorothy ran in with a string of pearls for her to wear. And so at four o’clock, Betty Raye in a pair of Anna Lee’s high heels and with a head full of fluffed-up frizz and Hamm wearing a borrowed suit, off they went.
Betty Raye had never been on a real date. The whole idea of it made her feel very uncomfortable. She had no idea how she was supposed to act and the entire time they were driving over to Poplar Bluff she wished this date would hurry up and be over so she could go back home. They made quite a pair. She did not know it but he had not been on many dates himself. He had been too busy working and had not had the money to take many girls out. He’d had to sell a few of his books just to get the money to pay for tonight.
All through dinner she did not talk much. Luckily she did not have to; he talked enough for both of them. This was the first time Hamm had seen her in anything but a white uniform and cap and he was impressed. She wasn’t exactly pretty in a conventional way but there was something so sweet and shy about her that as the night wore on, the prettier she became.
On the drive back Betty Raye was even more nervous than before. She hardly heard a word he said. She worried all the way home that he might try to kiss her or something but he did not. He did not have much of a chance. When they reached the front door she shook his hand and said, “Well, good night,” and was in the house with the door closed and back in her room before he could do anything. Dorothy and Mother Smith were in the kitchen when she came in, the two of them dying to know all the details, but they would have to wait till the morning.
“Well,” said Dorothy as she entered the kitchen, dressed for work. “Did you have a nice time last night?”
Betty Raye said, “Yes. It was fine.”
But that was all she volunteered. Mother Smith picked up the ball. “So do you think you’ll be seeing him again?”
Betty Raye looked surprised at the question. “No, I don’t think so.” As far as she was concerned, she had gone out with him once. Why would she want to do it again? Dates were too hard. She just wanted to serve vegetables and be left alone. After she left Dorothy said, “Too bad. I was hoping things would have worked out.”
“Me too.” Mother Smith sighed. “But when there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there and you can’t do a thing about it.”
However, no two people interpret the same event the same way. The following Saturday morning Hamm walked into the drugstore and nodded at Bertha Ann and Thelma, said, “Hello, girls,” went straight back to the pharmacy, stuck his hand over the counter, and shook Doc’s hand. “Sir, my name is Hamm Sparks and I just wanted to ask you if it would be all right with you if I married Betty Raye.”
Doc, who had heard about this character but had never met him, was a little thrown. “I don’t know. I suppose it depends on her. What does she say?”
“I haven’t asked her yet but I can assure you that you won’t have to worry. I have a fairly good job now and as soon as I finish college I intend to do even better in the future. I’m thinking about going into public service and people tell me I have a pretty good shot at it.”
“I see,” said Doc.
Hamm said, “Yessir, and I sure would appreciate if you would put in a good word for me,” and handed him his card. “ ’Bye, ladies,” he said on the way out.
“Who was that little banty rooster?” Bertha Ann asked.
Doc laughed. “Betty Raye’s boyfriend. Or so he thinks.”
Thelma was surprised. “Your Betty Raye?”
“That’s what he says.”
Bertha Ann said, “Well, whoever he is, he sure is a cute little thing. Doc, you tell Betty Raye for me she better watch out or I’m liable to steal him.”
Thelma, still amazed that Betty Raye even had a boyfriend, said, “Well, I guess it’s true what they say.”
“What?” asked Bertha Ann.
“Still waters run deep.”
“I could have told you that,” Bertha Ann said. “It’s those quiet ones you have to watch out for.”
Doc did not mention the young man’s visit to Dorothy, Betty Raye, or Mother Smith. Where women were concerned, when the subject was romance he had learned that it was best to stay out of it and let them deal with it on their own, so he wisely kept his mouth shut and let nature take its course.
The Boyfriend
AS IT TURNED OUT, Doc was glad he had not said anything. After the first date Betty Raye heard no more from Hamm.
After a month went by Betty Raye had more or less forgotten about Hamm Sparks but that thought had never occurred to him. It had not taken him long to make up his mind. He had known after that first date that he wanted to marry her, so why wait? He was almost twenty-seven, in a hurry to get married and get started on his career, so the next day he got busy making plans for both of them. The first thing he had to do was get the money. The next day he talked the district manager of Allis-Chalmers into letting him sell in three more areas. It took him almost a month, working nights and all weekend, but he finally earned enough money to make a down payment, plus a little left over. T
he next Friday Hamm put on his brand-new blue suit from Sears and drove over to Elmwood Springs with the box in his pocket. He had not bothered to inform Betty Raye he was coming because he wanted to surprise her.
He walked up the steps to the house and knocked. Dorothy came to see who was there.
“Hello, Mrs. Smith, is Betty Raye here?”
“Well, hello, Hamm.” Dorothy opened the door. “Yes, she is. Come on in. We are just sitting down for supper; why don’t you come in and join us.”
“Thank you, I think I will, if it’s all right.”
“Of course it is, all I have to do is set a plate. You just go on in the dining room and sit down.” She called down the hall as she went to the kitchen, “Betty Raye, everybody, Hamm is here.”
When Doc looked up and saw the new blue suit coming in the door, he thought to himself, Uh-oh, here comes trouble. Hamm walked into the dining room and said, “Hi, everybody,” pulled out a chair, and sat down across from Betty Raye. Everybody said hello but Jimmy just nodded. He was not sure about this guy. A little too pushy for his taste. Hamm soon sat there eating and talking all about tractors, farmers, Allis-Chalmers, and anything else that came to mind, including a joke he had just heard. Bobby thought he was funny and liked him right away but Betty Raye was confused. She did not know whether she was glad to see him again or not. She liked him O.K., she guessed, but he made her so nervous the way he talked so fast and moved so fast that she didn’t know what to think. She was embarrassed that he had just shown up like that but it had not seemed to bother anyone else. Mother Smith and Doc and Dorothy chatted away as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
After dinner Betty Raye picked up a few plates and started for the kitchen, relieved to get away for a while. He had grinned at her all through dinner and she had felt herself blushing every time he caught her eye. But Dorothy said, “Betty Raye, you put those down and go out on the porch and visit with your young man. He’s come all this way to see you. Mother Smith and I will do the dishes tonight.” Betty Raye had no choice but to go. When Doc and Bobby got up to go out on the porch with them, Dorothy gave Doc a funny look.
“Don’t you and Bobby have a ball game to listen to tonight?” she said in a high voice, blinking her eyes.
“What?” he said.
She fired him another look and he finally figured it out. “Oh, yeah. Bobby, come on with me, let’s go listen to the ball game.”
“What ball game? They don’t have a game tonight,” he said as his father led him away by the back of his neck to the parlor. Jimmy excused himself and headed out the back door to the VFW for his poker night with his buddies and Betty Raye found herself on the way to the porch, wondering how someone she did not even know at all well had suddenly become her young man.
They sat on the porch and after a few minutes Hamm reached in his pocket and handed her the little box. “Open it,” he said.
She asked, “What is it?”
“Open it. I bought you a ring.”
She was puzzled. “Why?”
“Because I want you to marry me.”
First she was not quite sure what she had heard. Hamm may have had this in mind for a month but for her this had come out of the blue. “What?” she said again.
“Will you marry me?”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. What do you say?”
By this time she was so flustered she didn’t know what to do, so she handed the box back and said, “Oh, thank you for asking but I don’t think I want to get married. I hope I haven’t hurt your feelings or anything but I can’t. I have a job, I’m sorry,” she said. “I have to go in but thank you anyway.” And she stumbled into the screen door and said, “Oh, excuse me,” to the door and went in, leaving him sitting in the swing.
This was not exactly how Hamm had envisioned the evening turning out.
But it was only one night.
Hamm did not give up. Every free moment he had he came over to see her. He would show up at the cafeteria and go down the line singing out, “Aw, come on, honey, say you will, I’m coming back every night until you say yes.” He even started to show up at the bowling alley. Ada and Bess Goodnight, pulling for him, told him where they would be and all the women on the team liked him and encouraged Betty Raye to let him drive her home, which she did.
This went on for weeks. Doc said, “I’d hate to have that boy chasing after me. Hell, at this point I’ll marry him and he hasn’t even asked me.”
Weeks of this kind of intense attention and flattery is hard to resist, even to someone who does not want to get married. But Betty Raye did not have much choice in the matter. Hamm was like a small tornado and she got caught up in the whirlwind and, like most women, was at first curious and then dazzled by him.
That night he had parked the car in front of the house. “Now, Betty Raye, you can’t go in until I get just one little kiss. Just one. You don’t want to break my heart, do you?”
After one and then more than one, she walked onto the porch and into the house in a daze and said to Dorothy, “I think I might be engaged.”
After Betty Raye had gone to her room Mother Smith spoke to Dorothy. “Now, personally, you know, I like him, but I worry that that boy has just come in here and swept her right off her feet.”
Dorothy suddenly looked concerned. “Oh, dear. You think so?”
“Oh, not that way. It’s just I don’t know if he’s given her enough time. They’ve only known one another for a few months. What do you think, Doc?”
“She must like him; she said yes. But he certainly seems to be in one hell of a hurry, I’ll grant you that.”
Meet the Folks
THE NEXT THING Betty Raye knew Hamm had tracked down the Oatmans, who were performing in Charlotte, North Carolina, and the two of them along with Ada and Bess Goodnight as chaperones drove all night to get her parents’ blessing. The Oatmans did not go on until after the first intermission and the Elmwood Springs contingent managed to get to the auditorium in time. Betty Raye had not seen them perform since she’d left and since they had become such a success. She was surprised at how much the act had changed. Her mother and Beatrice still wore no makeup but they did have matching dresses with rhinestone trimming. The boys and Ferris had on shiny suits with plaid cummerbunds. They started their part of the show with the spotlight on Minnie, who held a microphone in her hand. As the group in the background hummed, she began to speak. “I am but a poor woman. I have no precious jewels, no silver or gold, I own no earthly mansions nor wealth in this world. My father is but a poor man. . . . I’ve had many burdens to bear . . . cried many a bitter tear. . . . There were times I wondered how I could go on. . . . But one day a tattered and torn old woman knocked on my door and saw me there in my deep despair. . . . And with eyes filled with joy she said, ‘Oh, daughter, have you not heard the Gospel? Do you not know the good news? Your Father in heaven has given you more than the millionaire’s child. More than the queen on a throne. Open your eyes, daughter, and behold the gifts and precious jewels He has laid out before you. He’s given you diamonds that sparkle in the sky, rubies in the redbirds’ wings, and sapphires in the deep blue sea. Priceless emeralds lay stretched before you in the green grass; there’s silver in the mountain streams and gold in the sunsets of every day. You are clothed in His love and your home is a mansion in the sky. There’s no depression in heaven, no hunger, sorrow, or pain, no dirty dishes to wash, meals to cook, or wood to chop.’ Oh, brothers and sisters, I ask you, is it any wonder why I just can’t wait to get to heaven!” The stage suddenly lit up with dozens of colored lights and they launched into their big hit.
The audience as usual went wild and stood clapping and cheering. After the show was over, Hamm and Betty Raye had to fight their way through the hundreds of fans wanting their albums signed to get to the family so she could introduce him.
Later, Minnie took Betty Raye on their new bus and shut the door so they could be alone. She sat her down and said, “You know, all I
want in this world is for my little girl to be happy.”
“I know that, Momma.”
“Now, he seems like a fine young Christian man and I only have one question for you.”
“Yes, ma’am?”
Minnie took her hand and looked her right in the eyes. “Do you love him, honey?”
This was a question Betty Raye had hardly had time to think about. What had seemed to be important up to now was how he felt and how much he loved her. She turned and looked out the window at Hamm, who was standing outside in the middle of a group, talking away, smiling and shaking hands. She could not hear what he was saying, but seeing him down there so small, all alone in the crowd, not knowing anybody and trying so hard to give her family a good impression, touched her so that suddenly a tremendous wave of affection for him swept over her. It was at that moment when she felt her heart go right out to him. She looked at Minnie and answered, to her own surprise, “Yes, Mother. Very much.”
Minnie squeezed her hand, then pushed something that made a hissing sound, and the bus doors flew open and she called out down the stairs in a loud voice, “PRAISE THE LORD, FERRIS, OUR BABY IS GETTING MARRIED!”