“No, I mean you look like you’ve been crying. You okay?”
Sarah shrugged and sat on the edge of her bed. “Not really. I took a long walk, hoping to work things out in my head, figure out what to do.”
“And?”
She flopped onto the mattress. “And nothing. I’m still angry, I’m still hurt, and I still can’t believe he hasn’t called.” She pulled her cell phone her purse and checked for messages. “Nope. Nada.”
“He’s upset, too, Sarah,” Louisa said gently.
Sarah flung a crooked arm over her face. “I know. But he didn’t even let me try to explain, he just stormed out.”
“He’s a stubborn man. I remember one time in high school he got mad at Dad and didn’t speak to him for nine days.”
Sarah lifted her arm enough to peer over at her friend. “Seriously?” At Louisa’s nod, Sarah groaned. “Oh, great. I can’t wait that long.”
“Maybe…you should call him.”
“No. I’ve already thrown him a bone. Hell, I threw him several bones. It’s up to him to make the first move.” She rose up on an elbow, mimicking Louisa’s position. “I just wish I wasn’t so far away from him. I mean, what if he calls me and wants to see me?”
“You’re not so far from him, Sarah.”
Sarah laid back on the bed. “I suppose you’re right. And absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?”
Louisa sighed. “So I’ve heard.”
****
“So, what are you feeling about Gabe right now?” Sarah asked as they walked down the hill toward town a while later.
“What do you mean?”
Sarah nudged her, and Louisa stumbled. “Don’t play dumb with me, girlfriend.”
Louisa shrugged. “I wish he wasn’t moving back.”
“That’s because you like having him around.” Before Louisa could answer, Sarah stopped in her tracks. “Oh. My. God.”
Louisa spun around. “What? What’s wrong?” She glanced every which way, thinking Sarah had spotted Gabe and Arty.
“You’re not wearing your ring.”
Louisa’s hands clenched. She’d forgotten about that. “Um, I, uh—”
Sarah grasped her arm. “Did you and Evan break up?”
“Sort of.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Louisa glanced away, staring past the rows of lovely Victorian homes. “We’re just…taking a step back. For the moment.” She cleared her throat. “For, um, a few days.”
Sarah’s eyes narrowed. “You are so full of crap. It’s because of Gabe, isn’t it?”
It was on the tip of Louisa’s tongue to deny it, but then she snapped, “Yes. As a matter of fact it is. He barges back into my life, acting like he wants to pick up where we left off five years ago, but I want no part of that nightmare again, thank you very much. Like I really want the chance to have my heart broken again.” She shook her head. “No thanks.” She waved her arms as if to erase the idea and started down the hill again. “Of course Evan’s all jealous and is convinced I’m interested in Gabe again, which I’m not.”
“You’re so full of shit,” Sarah said again, catching up.
“Will you stop saying that? My whole life is in turmoil thanks to him. My relationship with Evan, which will lead to turmoil with my parents.” She shuddered at the thought. “My job’s in jeopardy, not to mention my very sanity. And I have Gabe to thank for all of that.”
“Uh, huh.”
Having an outspoken best friend was sometimes a royal pain in the ass, Louisa thought, ignoring her.
“You know what you need?” Sarah asked.
“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“You need to disappear with Gabe for a few days, see if the spark is still there. In fact, you should have him meet us here. You two could stay on after I leave.”
If she only knew. Louisa shook her head. “You’re nuts. I don’t want to spend time alone with Gabe for a few days.”
“I’m serious, Louisa. You’re obviously having doubts about you and Evan, and I can’t say I’m unhappy about that. Maybe if you and Gabe spent some time alone together, you could figure out if there’s anything still between you.”
“There’s not. End of discussion.”
Thankfully, Sarah dropped the subject. They reached the downtown a few minutes later. The sidewalks were crowded with tourists of all ages.
As they passed a little Mexican restaurant, Sarah grabbed Louisa’s arm, halting her forward progress. “Let’s eat here. I’m dying for chips and salsa.”
“No!” Louisa glanced at the restaurant then further down the street where she and Gabe had planned to “accidentally” run into each other at a fish and chips bar. At Sarah’s quizzical stare, Louisa explained, “I mean, I heard this place isn’t very good.” She crossed her fingers behind her back at the little white lie. “And those fish and chips I was telling you about are legendary.”
“I’ll take my chances here. How badly can you screw up chips and salsa?” Sarah tugged a reluctant Louisa into the darkened restaurant.
Crap, Louisa thought. Now what? Taking a moment to let her eyes adjust to the dim light, she glanced at her watch. Maybe if they scarfed down the chips really fast, they could still catch up with Gabe and Arty.
****
Louisa waited until the shower sounded behind the closed bathroom door before she called Gabe.
He picked up the phone on the first ring.
“Can you talk?” she asked. As usual upon hearing his voice, her legs turned to mush. She sat on the edge of the bed to steady herself. “Sarah’s in the shower, so I only have a minute.”
“What happened? I kept Arty down there for as long as I could without making him suspicious.”
“She insisted on Mexican food. I did everything I could to change her mind, I even told her I’d heard the place was awful.”
“Was it?”
“I don’t know. I was too stressed out to eat.”
“Maybe we should just be upfront with them, tell them what we tried to do.”
Louisa shook her head. “Sarah is still pretty upset. She alternates between being really sad and missing him, and taking out her anger on him.”
“Boy, they’re not making our little plan easy, are they?”
“Maybe we’re not cut out to be matchmakers,” she said wearily. Hell, she couldn’t even figure out her own love life. Why did she think she could fix someone else’s?
The shower turned off. “I gotta hang up,” she whispered into the receiver.
“Can you meet me by my car in five minutes?”
“Okay.” She hung up just as the bathroom door opened.
“Who was that?” Sarah asked, her voice hopeful.
“Uh, wrong number.”
“Oh.” Sarah tightened the sash of her robe and rubbed her hair with the towel.
Louisa slipped her feet into sandals.
“Where are you going?” Sarah finger-combed her wet hair.
“Oh, I, um, didn’t eat much at dinner but I’m hungry now, so I thought I’d walk downtown and grab something.”
Sarah cupped both hands over her stomach. “Well, I ate enough for both of us. I’ll go with you and burn off some of those calories as we walk.” She grabbed some clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.
Crap. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Louisa felt like she were in the middle of a slapstick movie comedy. Glancing at the closed bathroom door, she picked up the phone and dialed Gabe’s cell. No answer. She sighed.
She knocked on the bathroom door. “I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?”
At Sarah’s affirmative, Louisa raced out of the room and down the stairs. Beyond the front windows of the B&B, Gabe waited by his car on the street.
He looked up as she ran toward him. “Come on!” She motioned with her hand for him to follow her to the side of the house, out of site from the street and the courtyard.
She stopped behind a blooming butterfly bush, confident they were now s
afe from prying eyes.
“What’s up?” he asked.
Louisa pressed her hand against her chest, feeling like she’d just run a mile. Was it her frustration over not getting Sarah and her brother together, or being in such proximity to Gabe? She decided to believe the former. “I told her I was taking a walk, and she decided to come with me.”
Gabe peered around the corner. “Where is she?”
“Getting dressed. She’ll be down in a minute.”
He shook his head and scratched behind his ear. “Boy, it’s curveball after curveball, isn’t it?”
“Maybe it’s a sign, Gabriel. Maybe we should just give up.”
“You don’t believe in signs, remember?”
She didn’t want to think about that and looked away.
“And it’s not like you to give up,” he added.
She met his gaze. “Well, sometimes it’s time to face the facts and recognize you’ve come to a dead end.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re talking about us, aren’t you?”
Was she?
She didn’t quite look at him as she said, “I need to go. Sarah will be down any minute.” She started around the corner of the old house.
“Lou, wait.” Gabe grasped her arm. She immediately pulled away. “Is it just me, or has our relationship taken a step backward? I thought we’d agreed to relax around each other.”
She wanted to tell him where to go, but then she sighed. “I can’t relax around you. I try, and it works for a little while, but then I—”
“Then you what?”
She straightened her shoulders and her chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “Then I remember what it’s been like for me since the accident, since you left. You hurt me, Gabriel. For whatever the reasons, you deserted me. I thought for a while I’d have been better off dying in that accident, too.” A tear fell down her cheek. She didn’t brush it away. “So, you’ll forgive me if I can’t just forget about all of that. You can’t force me to relax around you.”
Louisa saw the light go out in his eyes. As she watched, a familiar blank mask erected itself over his features, closing off all expression and all outward thought. He’d worn that look a lot after the accident. It had become a permanent fixture in the weeks before he’d left. She’d always thought it seemed so cold, so distant, so unreachable.
She took a backward step, intending to leave this shadowed area beside the house, to move away from this man who had caused her so much pain and would only cause her more if she let him.
An older couple, about the same age as her parents, came up the sidewalk. The man’s arm draped affectionately across the woman’s shoulders. He threw back his head and laughed at something she said, drawing the woman close to his side for a squeeze.
The couple noticed them. “Beautiful night for a walk, isn’t it?” the man called out, before passing through the gate and heading into Smith House.
Louisa brought her attention back to Gabe. His profile was to her as he watched the couple disappear into the house. The butterfly bush bathed his face in shadows. The outer corners of his eyes seemed to pull down a little more, the lines of his face a bit more pronounced, the set of his mouth more grim.
Had he always looked this…sad? It was more than the just the shape of his eyes, which naturally turned down slightly at the corners. Had she just never bothered to look past that stony expression to see it?
Some of the icy fingers around her heart pulled away. Maybe this weekend was a good idea. Not for the reasons Gabe talked about, fate and all that. It was something more. They’d shared so much at one time, after all. Perhaps she would start to feel like she knew him again. Maybe she could find the man she had married, not the stranger he’d become after the accident. Maybe they could become friends again.
She stepped toward him, brushing aside a wayward sprig of purple flowers. When he turned toward her, his eyes were a flat brown. Expressionless. Where was the hurt she’d seen in them only moments before?
“Enjoy your walk, Louisa. I’ll see you in the morning.” With that, he spun on his heel and vanished into the long shadows of the garden.
The flowers there didn’t look so bright now.
****
Sarah stared at her reflection in the mirror as she blew dry her hair. Louisa was right. She did look horrible.
Circles shaded her under-eye area from lack of sleep, and her skin was pale. She was tired of feeling sorry for herself.
She turned off the dryer and set it on the counter to cool. Louisa had meant well by bringing her here, but Sarah needed to see her husband. She’d been selfish to get mad at Arty. She’d wanted someone to be mad at, to blame for her own inadequacies and she’d taken it out on him. Poor Arty had had to deal not only with the fact that he’d never have a biological child but also that his wife hadn’t had faith in him. She should be ashamed of herself. She was ashamed of herself.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she snatched up her phone and dialed her husband.
He picked up on the third ring, right when she thought it would go to voice mail. “Hi Sarah.” He didn’t sound thrilled to hear from her. She couldn’t blame him in the slightest.
“Hi.” Silence. She didn’t know what to say. “How are you?”
“Fine. And you?”
Sarah sighed. “Fine.” This couldn’t be any more awkward. “I miss you,” she finally said. “I want to see you. We need to talk.”
Silence reached over the line. “I’m not ready to see you yet, Sarah. I’m still too—” He cleared his throat. “I’m just not ready.”
Sarah closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She’d hurt him by not trusting him. She’d probably still be mad, too, if the situation was reversed.
“Besides, I’m not even in Seattle right now. Gabe and I are in Port Townsend for a few days. I…needed time to think. I needed to get away.”
A slow burn traveled up Sarah’s spine. “Port Townsend, eh? Staying in a quaint bed and breakfast on the hill by any chance?”
“Well, yes, but—”
She didn’t hear the rest of his words as she hung up and threw on her clothes, not caring that nothing was tucked in, she had no makeup on and her feet were bare. She charged out of the room and almost slammed into Louisa on the stairs.
“What took you so long? I was waiting—”
“Where is he?” Sarah demanded. “What room is he in?”
Louisa’s eyes grew wide, and at first she looked ready to deny it. Then her shoulders slumped and a guilty expression crossed her face. She told Sarah the room number. “It’s one of the bungalows off the courtyard.”
Adrenaline, anger, and hope carried Sarah out of the main house and into the courtyard, her bare feet barely registering the uneven brick path underfoot.
She came upon Gabe entering one of the bungalows.
“Uh, Sarah,” he said, clearly shocked to see her.
She pointed her finger at him. “I’ll deal with you later,” she snapped, and marched past him.
Finding Arty’s room, she pounded on the door, to hell with lady-like manners. When he opened it, shock registered on his face. “Sarah. What are you doing—?”
“You and I are going to talk, buster, whether you’re ready to or not.” She pushed on his chest, shoving him back into the room and slamming the door behind her.
****
It was too early to sleep, not even dark yet. The sky was a deepening blue, with smoky clouds trailing across. The evening air hung heavy and quiet.
For a while this evening, the loud voices from the room next door, Arty’s room, had driven Gabe out on a moonlit stroll, feeling like he’d been eavesdropping. But now, as he returned, all was quiet. He hoped this meant the newlyweds had made up.
Gabe sat on the wooden bench outside the door of his bungalow and kicked back against the wall, the old joints of the chair creaking with his weight. A slow breeze ruffled the garden in front of him, the flowers and greenery bending and swaying. His gaz
e traveled to the tree swing in the middle of the courtyard. It moved gently in the wind, and he pictured Louisa on it, kicking up her heels, laughing a carefree sound like he hadn’t heard from her in so many years, since they were newlyweds—a sound he’d hoped to hear lots of this weekend.
This weekend had been a mistake. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking. Once again, he was forcing his ideals on her, trying to make her see things his way. He had no right expecting, or even hoping for, anything from her. If he were in her shoes, he’d want nothing to do with him.
She was right about what she’d said earlier. He’d left her when she’d needed him most. It didn’t matter that he’d seen no other alternative. It didn’t matter that the photography apprenticeship was a once in a lifetime opportunity and that she had preferred to stay near family rather than support his dream. It didn’t matter that their marriage was basically over at that point anyway, that they didn’t sleep in the same bed together, and that they hadn’t made love in ages.
None of that mattered. He’d left her. There was no getting around that.
Glancing to the second floor of the main house, he saw a light on in her window. She passed in front of it, undoing the scarf around her hair before disappearing. She crossed back again, her hair now a jumbled dark mass around her shoulders, and stopped directly in front of the window, her slight silhouette not coming close to filling the frame. She stared out a moment, her face turned toward the town, then she started to close the ruffled curtains. Before they shut her off from his view, she noticed him. He couldn’t read her expression from this distance, but it didn’t matter. He could feel it.
The curtains fell shut, and the ache inside him deepened.
****
Sarah lay wrapped in her husband’s arms, his warm breath in her hair. She felt whole again, at peace.
She’d come to Arty’s room with a big speech laid out, but ended up bursting into tears the minute the door shut behind her. Arty finally took pity on her by holding her, rubbing her back as she cried into his shirt.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” she’d sobbed. “I mean, all we t-talked about was having kids. And then you mentioned wanting to carry on the family name and your f-father brought that up, too, saying how important it was for him, then your parents gave us that big h-house with all the bedrooms for their future grandkids, and I—”
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