by Joy Elbel
As each day passed, I asked my dad for permission to stay home and each day he gave it. That was the one perk to our strained relationship—I could pretty much get anything I wanted from him. Two years ago, I would have heard a lecture about how I needed to learn responsibility whether I liked it or not. Now, I could practically get away with murder as long as he didn’t have to spend more than ten seconds alone with me.
Just the little bit of time I spent with my new friends now made me feel even lonelier than before. Although I found plenty of ways to waste away the time, days suddenly felt like years. I spent the long hours reading, playing with Mimi and Coco, and exploring the house. And plenty of time dodging Shelly. Every day she asked me why I was avoiding my friends and every day I lied and said that I wasn’t. By the time Friday morning arrived, I was afraid that I’d pushed my luck a little too far. I only found out how far when Zach’s car pulled into the drive that afternoon. Shelly proudly announced that she called the shelter and asked if they would stop by on their way home. I tried to run for my room when I saw the car but Shelly stopped me.
“You have to stop running and face your problems,” she said matter-of-factly. Who did she think she was, my mother? And did she realize that the act of forcing me and Zach together could be worthy of a manslaughter charge by morning? No, she didn’t and I certainly couldn’t tell her that. Knowing I couldn’t talk my way out of it, I quickly formed a plan.
The weather was beautiful, nearly eighty degrees, so I chose to meet them outside. Maybe if Zach didn’t come in the house and I kept my distance, Lee would be less likely to retaliate. Rachel met me with a big hug, giggling that we were long overdue for some serious girl talk. Zach hung back and rolled his eyes at her. “That’s her way of saying that she wants to talk to you about me.”
“Okay, Mr. Modest. I guess there’s nothing else I could possibly want to talk about besides you,” she retorted in her best big sister voice. But in my ear, she whispered, “We have to talk about what happened after the movie! He’s been lovesick every day without you!”
I tried to blow it off but her comment really got to me. I’d been lovesick without him, too. Seeing his face proved that. Was it possible that he’d gotten cuter in the few days we’d been apart?
After Rachel peeled herself away from me, Zach stood awkwardly in line for his turn. The plan was to keep my distance but my desire to be close to him was intense. I wanted to wrap myself around him and never let go. Instead, I approached him calmly and smiled. I knew how easy it was to lose control when I was with him. I had to be careful.
He held out his arms and I planned to meet him with a friendly hug. But the moment we touched, all good sense was gone. He wrapped both arms around my waist and pulled me close. I pressed my face to his chest and melted there in his warmth, my hands clasped at the back of his neck. Hot tears welled in my eyes and I fought to contain them. I didn’t know just how much I missed him until I saw his face.
He spoke softly into my ear, “I didn’t realize how much I missed you until you walked out that door.”
It was like he’d just read my mind. I couldn’t speak. If I even started to tell him how happy I was to be with him, I would turn into a blubbering mess. Instead, I snuggled closer to him resting my head right over his heart. He wound his hand under my hair and placed it on the back of my neck. I was busy enjoying the feeling of his skin pressed against mine when he shifted his hand upwards slightly and it landed on my stitched up wound. It was still tender and I flinched instinctively. He found the secret I so desperately needed to hide.
Instantly, he pulled back from our embrace. “What happened to you?” he asked forcefully. All tenderness was gone from his voice, replaced by anger I’d never heard before. I knew there was no way out. He was demanding an answer.
I hesitated, afraid to look him in the eye. Zach placed his hand under my chin and tipped it upward until we were face to face. When we locked eyes, a single tear escaped and ran down my cheek. His expression was a mix of so many emotions there was no hope of guessing what he was thinking. He brushed away the tear and took my hand in his.
“Rachel, can you hang here for a while? Ruby and I are going for a walk.” His voice was intense. Was there no way out but to tell the truth? If only I could have kept my distance from him, then he never would have known. Keeping my distance from Zach was getting to be next to impossible.
Rachel giggled—obviously unaware of what was seething beneath the surface. “Okay, lovebirds! Don’t take too long!” Clueless Rachel. She couldn’t see me crying so she assumed we were heading off to make out. If it could only be that simple.
Zach slipped his hand in mine and pointed me toward the oak grove. We walked in silence until we were far enough away that we wouldn’t be overheard. Shielded by the green canopy of oak leaves, we were finally alone. He stopped and reached for my other hand and we stood face to face, wordless, for what seemed an eternity.
“Ruby, I need to know the truth. What’s going on? Who’s hurting you?”
I searched for the words to explain but none came. I wanted to tell him the truth but I was afraid he would think I was insane. But I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t going to accept silence either.
“Let me in, let me help you!” he pleaded, “You don’t deserve to be treated this way!” There was pain in his gaze as though my hurt had become his. How could I lie to a heart as pure as his?
“I can’t tell you,” I cried. “You wouldn’t understand!”
“Screw understanding! I’ll understand later! Right now, I need to protect you!” His words were desperate, passionate. “Is it your dad or your stepmother? I’ll take you away from here right now—just say the word.”
“Oh God, no! Zach, Dad would never do something like that! And Shelly and I have our differences but she’s actually been really great lately. Neither of them has ever laid a hand on me! You’ve got it all wrong!”
“Do I? You tell me you’ve had the flu every day this week but getting stitches in the back of your head—that you forget to mention?” His voice grew louder with every word until he was practically screaming at me.
“It’s no big deal—I fell.” There was no way I could look into those gorgeous eyes and lie. I shifted my eyes downward and found an odd looking stone to focus on. It was shiny and smooth, with just the slightest hint of a rosy hue. Although it was in the shape of an oval, something about that stone made me think of a heart. A heart like the one breaking right now in his chest because he knew I wasn’t being honest with him. A heart that, although I hadn’t known it for long, had become just as important as my own.
“Well, if it’s no big deal, why didn’t you tell me about it?”
He had a good point. If that was what really happened, what reason would an honest person have to lie? ‘When all else fails, reuse a lie someone else didn’t fall for’ suddenly became my motto. “I didn’t want you to worry about me.”
“I worried about you all week anyway. You didn’t even have the flu, did you?” Dammit!! Shelly was right—lies do have a way of revealing themselves.
I couldn’t manage to say the word so I just shook my head no and closed my eyes in defeat. If even a stone made me think of my love for Zach, what hope would I have to ever get over him?
“I don’t like to be lied to!” He shouted loud enough that I was sure Rachel heard him. She would come to my rescue, wouldn’t she? Her breezy wit and charm were just what I needed to diffuse the situation.
“And I hate having to lie to you! I’m sorry—I really am. But I just don’t think I can tell you the truth!” I was crying in earnest now. Was there any chance that he might believe me?
“Why? Don’t you trust me?” He seemed calmer but I continued to pray that Rachel would pop her head around a tree at any second. It didn’t matter now if the entire world watched me cry. All I wanted was to stop hurting the one person who cared about me the most. All I wanted was to tell him the truth. Even if he didn’t believe
me at first, maybe Rachel would. Maybe she could help me convince him that I wasn’t really crazy.
“I do trust you. More than you know. I’m just afraid….” Do I dare say the words?
“Afraid of what? Of who? I won’t let anyone hurt you! I would die to protect you.” He tried to pull me close but I pushed him away. The look on his face told me he would have been hurting less if I had just ripped his heart out of his chiseled chest with my bare hand. Die. If he hadn’t used that one tiny little word, I would have told him the truth. But now, I couldn’t.
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of!” I slumped against a tree and bawled my eyes out. If only he hadn’t said that word. If only he hadn’t said he’d die for me….
His expression softened. Zach walked over to the tree and stood right in front of me. Placing his hands on the weathered bark, he leaned his head forward until we were almost touching. The energy pulsing between us was almost unbearable.
He spoke quietly, his voice just a hint above a whisper. “It’s him, isn’t it? He’s here. That no good, son of a bitch boyfriend of yours is here, isn’t he? Is that what you’re afraid of? That he’ll knock me around like he did you? I’ve seen his picture—he’s nothing but a punk. Boone may be able to take me but this guy won’t stand a chance. I will defend you.”
“No, Zach….” In life, Zach could have picked Lee up with one hand and knocked him down with the other. But in death, I was afraid it would be the other way around. I felt the strength, the brute fury that death had bestowed upon Lee. I knew what it felt like to think you were about to die. There was no way on earth I would let Zach feel that too. No, if anything, I would be the one to die for him.
“No, Ruby. No excuses. Not this time. He has no right to hurt you! Why did he do it?”
The time had come. The time to tell him just what dark forces he thought he was willing to face. The time to bare my soul, my heart, my hidden past to someone I barely knew but who knew me—the real me—better than anyone I’d ever known. The words echoed through my brain long before my lips could form them. Because I love you. But before I could answer his question, he answered it himself but not with the words I really wanted to hear.
With a look of horror on his face he said, “Oh no, it’s because of me isn’t it? He knows how I feel about you, doesn’t he? He knows how you feel about me?”
I nodded my head, dislodging another torrent of tears. Although his choice of words disappointed me, they didn’t change how I felt about him. Nothing could—nothing in this world or the next. I’d gotten this far but how could I finish the story? How could I tell him that Lee was dead?
“Where is he?” Zach stepped back and stretched his neck to one side and then all the way back to the other. He was ready for a fight but not the one he would have to face if Lee were to appear right in front of him. There was no way I could prepare him for that.
“He’s…g-gone,” I stammered.
“Don’t lie to me! Where is he? I’m gonna make him feel the same pain he caused you.” He cracked his knuckles fiercely and at that moment, I was pretty sure he could have kicked even Boone’s ass.
I found my voice and said, with clarity, “He’s not here. And that’s the truth.”
“Please tell me you sent him packing! Please tell me it’s over between you two!” The anger was gone from his voice now, replaced with a desperate pleading.
“It’s over.” As ready as I thought I was to tell him everything, at the last moment, I chickened out. Maybe he would never need to know the whole truth? Maybe this would be enough for him? It had to at least be enough for now.
“You’re afraid that he might come back, aren’t you?” Zach said, lightly brushing the hair away from my face.
With just that one touch, he sent an instant swarm of butterflies through my stomach. With a nod of my head, he took me in his arms, cradling me like I was fragile enough to break. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, intoxicated by the mere scent of him.
“Stay with me tonight,” he whispered in my ear.
His breath tickled my ear but it was his words that sent a wave of tingling down my spine. “I can’t Zach! I’m not ready to.…” But I was surprised by how badly I wanted to say yes. Even after a lifetime spent with Lee, I’d never been this close to throwing caution—and my clothes—to the wind.
He turned his face to mine, a sweet smile on his lips. “I wasn’t asking you to have sex with me, silly. I’m not ready for that either.”
What? What teenage guy says he’s not ready for sex? This guy, this wonderful, thoughtful, protective guy. My guy. But he couldn’t really be mine…could he?
Relieved that we were on the same page, I spewed out a nervous giggle and he started laughing too. “Well, what did you mean then?” Yes, what would a night with Zach be like? Aside from the closest thing to heaven I’d ever known, of course.
“I meant that you should sleep over at our house tonight. I know Rachel’s dying to talk to you. We can invite Boone over, too. We can watch some movies and just hang out. You can sleep in my bed and Boone and I can camp out like we did when we were kids. And I can actually get some sleep knowing that you’re safe. Please say you’ll stay with me!”
The words he spoke, the way he looked at me—how could I say no? I couldn’t. But my dad could—and would. He used to freak out when he came home from work and found Lee and I alone together watching movies in the dark. If it hadn’t been for Shelly calming him down…Shelly! She’d been a lot less lame lately plus it didn’t hurt that she liked Zach way more than she ever liked Lee. Still, it would be asking a lot. But, really, what did I have to lose?
“I can ask Shelly but I doubt she’ll go for it. She suspects there’s something going on between us. She may get the wrong idea about it too,” I said with a giggle. Laughter came easily now that I knew he thought it was funny, too.
“Well, there’s an easy way to fix that. She can call my mom and talk to her. My mom’s cool and all but she would never tolerate fornication under her roof. And yes, she actually calls it fornication. She even gets mad when she catches Rachel and Boone kissing. I promise you, she’ll convince Shelly that nothing inappropriate will happen.” He flashed a wide grin, apparently pleased that I had no more excuses not to stay with them.
“Are you sure your mom won’t care?” Now that it actually seemed possible, I was really getting excited—excited not just at the thought of spending time with him but at the prospect of spending a night outside of Rosewood and away from Lee.
“Trust me. She’s been after me to bring you around to meet her ever since Rachel told her I liked you. Come on, let’s go tell Rachel the plan,” he said as he took my hand.
He liked me. He said those words without even batting an eyelash, without even a hint of insecurity that I might not like him too. It was like he knew we were meant to be together. That was reason enough for me to stop crying. I dried my eyes and we walked back toward the house.
We found Rachel sitting on the edge of the fountain, sunglasses on and posed like a pinup model. She didn’t even move as we approached. “The next time you guys decide to make out in the woods, do me a favor and at least leave me the keys. That way you can just call me when you’re done and I’ll pick you up.”
“We weren’t making out—we were hatching a plan. I invited Ruby over for a sleepover.” Zach stood behind me and put his arms around my waist, cuddling me tightly to him. He was affectionate with me in a way that Lee never was and I liked it. A girl could easily get used to this kind of treatment. Too easily.
“So soon? You’ve known the girl for less than a month and you’re already ripping up your virgin card? Impressive!” Rachel quipped back sarcastically.
Did she just say virgin? I had to have heard her wrong. That just couldn’t be possible. But what else could she have said? Sure there were quite a few words that rhymed with virgin, but I hardly think he carried around a surgeon card. I knew he didn’t sleep with Misty but that was all I kne
w about his past relationships. Rachel did say that he hadn’t dated in a while. What if it really was true? Either way, I could feel my cheeks flushing red from embarrassment. Was Zach reacting the same way? I couldn’t turn around to check because I didn’t want him to see my face.
“No, smartass! I figured if we invite Boone too, then he and I can camp out tonight. But don’t worry—when I finally decide to let Ruby shred that card, you’ll be the first to know.”
So I did hear her correctly! I couldn’t believe it! Not only was he confirming my suspicion that he had never had sex but he wasn’t even the slightest bit uncomfortable admitting it. And, it seemed that he’d already decided that when the time came, he wanted it to be with me. Wow…things were spinning out of control. And for once, I kinda liked it.
Rachel jumped down from the fountain and threw her arm around her brother’s shoulder. “Yeah, this twin connection we have is kind of a nuisance at times. When Boone and I finally did it, Zach knew instantly. How awkward is that?”
“Okay, that’s enough Rachel—please don’t make me relive it! What do you think of my plan?” he asked as he started leading me toward the front porch.
“Sounds good. Sweet, then we won’t even have to stop to pick her up tomorrow—we can just leave from our house!” Rachel twirled a lock of blonde hair between her fingers, staring into the distance with a glazed look in her eyes. It was moments like this that I had a hard time forgetting she was a cheerleader.
“What’s tomorrow?” I asked. Not that I really cared. I would be with Zach—that was all that mattered.
“We’re going to the county fair tomorrow. Unlike Rachel here, I’m not just going to assume you’re interested. I’ll actually invite you. Would you like to come with us?” Zach asked.