by Joy Elbel
Breakfast tasted even better than it smelled and the mountains of food disappeared quickly. As soon as her generously filled plate was empty, Rachel jumped up and yelled, “Girls get the shower first, come on Ruby!” and took off down the hallway. Zach reluctantly released his grip on my hand and I ran off after her. In just one night at the Mason house, my depressing past seemed to be well in my rearview and a normal future was on the horizon. It felt really good to not have to fake ‘happy’ for a change.
Two hours later, we were all dressed and ready to go. Diane and Garrett wished us a good time and Rachel led the procession toward the door. Zach kissed his mom on the cheek on the way out and I smiled. There was such animosity between Lee and his mom that I never expected to see that kind of affection between a mother and her son. How did I get lucky enough to find such a nice guy with a family to match?
The county fair was in a town called Graysburg, nearly an hour away. Boone volunteered to drive so Zach and I got into the backseat of his new car. The car was a gift from his brother Drake, bought with money from his NFL contract. I didn’t care where he got it—I was just happy to spend the next hour in the small backseat with the man of my dreams. At some point, I would have to find the perfect time to tell him the truth about Lee but now wasn’t it. I didn’t want to ruin the whole day just in case he called it quits afterwards.
Boone turned on some tunes and we were off. Once we were out of the driveway, Zach slid over next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. The music was so loud he had to lean in close to carry on a conversation—not that I minded, of course.
“Thanks for last night. It was more than I could have hoped for.” He never ceased to amaze me. Every word that came out of his mouth made me feel special.
I leaned into his ear and said, “I want to thank you, too—for keeping me safe.” Then I kissed him lightly on the neck, something I’d wanted to do from the very second we met but never actually dreamed I would ever do. There was no rational way to explain it but there was something so…hot about the back of his neck that it drove me completely wild. It was so strange—it just wasn’t the kind of thing I’d ever noticed on any other guy and stranger still considering how gorgeous he was in every other way. But rational or not, I could stare at the back of his neck for hours. Some days at the shelter, I actually did.
Zach interrupted my inner musings about his neck when he drew in a sharp breath and straightened his spine. “Whoa, you may not want to do that again!”
I backed off quickly, thoroughly confused, “What did I do wrong?”
Once there was distance between us, Zach relaxed and began to laugh. “It’s not what you did wrong—it’s what you did right. For heaven’s sake, I need a minute to breathe.”
“Oh. Sorry.” I felt stupid and naïve. Even though we dated for what seemed like forever, Lee and I never went beyond kissing so sometimes I felt like I knew nothing about boys at all. Way to go, Ruby. Attack the poor innocent boy like a serpent, why don’t you? But at least if I was a serpent, I would have a hole nearby that I could slither into where I could feel like an idiot in private. Instead, I had to fend off the embarrassment and keep going like nothing was wrong.
“Don’t apologize, Ruby. I’m sure I’ll find your weak spot someday, too.” He always found a way to make me feel at ease no matter how stupid I felt. I didn’t know exactly where my weak spot was but I was now looking forward to the day he would discover it. Humiliation put to rest, I leaned my head against his shoulder and we stayed that way for the rest of the drive.
The fairgrounds were already bustling with activity when we arrived. I’d never been to a fair before nor had I ever had the inclination to do so. It just wasn’t something city kids did for fun. But since it was something Zach found interesting, it suddenly became the most exciting place on earth to me. We spent the first few hours together as a group, walking around the exhibits and laughing at how each and every ride looked like a deathtrap. They saw a lot of people they knew and Rachel introduced me as “Ruby, Zach’s girlfriend” each time. And every time, I was scrutinized like a new disease under a microscope at the CDC—especially by the girls, of course. Narrowed eyes, fake smiles—one of them even looked like she was about to burst into tears. Some of them were really pretty too and I assumed they were wondering why he chose me instead of them. Why exactly did he choose me, anyway? When I commented to him that I was public enemy number one for stealing away the most eligible bachelor in Charlotte’s Grove, he blushed and denied it.
“So you’re saying that if you asked out every one of them that you actually think even one of them would say no?” For real, he couldn’t be that stupid.
“I barely know any of them. I’m not ‘Zach Mason, star quarterback’ anymore so what makes you think they would all say yes?”
While my brain usually had excellent control over what it would allow my mouth to say, occasionally it dropped the ball. I blurted a response without even thinking and instantly wished I could reel it back in. “Maybe because you’re the hottest guy on the planet!”
Zach gave me a cocky little smile. “Is that really how you see me?” he said. Then he paused and the smile disappeared. “That’s not the only reason you want to be with me, is it?
We stopped walking and let Boone and Rachel go off on their own. “Of course not! I’m not that kind of girl,” I replied defensively.
He put his arm around my waist. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page here. I’m looking for a relationship not just some summer fling. I’m more than just a pretty face, you know.”
Of course I knew that. I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t so it never occurred to me that he might be insecure about my motives. “I know that, Zach. That’s the number one reason why I’m with you. You’re different from other guys, more mature. But when I look at all the hot girls who would kill to go out with you, I guess I wonder why you’re with me.”
He wrapped his other arm around me, looked me in the eyes, and I promptly melted. “You really don’t know how amazing you are, do you? You’re a good listener, you love animals, you have a great sense of humor, you’re smart, and you’re the hottest girl on the planet. Not to mention, you smell soo good. That’s why I want to be with you. And when we’re together, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”
My cheeks grew hot and I lowered my head in embarrassment. I wasn’t sure I deserved all of the praise and I was afraid he would take it all back when I told him the truth. Ah, yes. The truth. It would have been the perfect time to finally get that malicious little monkey off my back but I wanted to enjoy just a little more time with him. When you finally feel special, it’s not a feeling you’re readily willing to lose.
“Look at me, Ruby. I don’t care how many girls want to go out with me. Or how many guys want to go out with you, for that matter. I want to be with you and if you want to be with me—and only me—then that’s all I care about.”
I raised my eyes to his. “I do want to be with you. And only you.” More than I’d ever wanted anything in my entire life. Please let him feel the same after I tell him everything!
“Now that we have that settled, let’s go have some fun. It’s my duty to go win you a stuffed animal, you know. I’d be the worst boyfriend ever if I didn’t.” He flashed that perfect smile and I couldn’t help but smile back. Boyfriend. An ordinary word made extraordinary when used in the right context by the right guy.
He looked around for a game he thought he would be good at, eyes widening when he finally spotted the perfect one. One involving a football.
“Throw the ball through the hoop and win a prize!” a greasy looking guy shouted repeatedly from one of the booths, leering at me like he wanted to throw his balls through my hoop. Gross! I was still underage and he had to be at least in his fifties. Someone should cut his ass out and hand it to him on a silver platter just for thinking about me in that manner. Two athletic-looking guys walked away empty handed as we app
roached and I assumed Zach would end up the same way. And the quicker the better—I didn’t want to spend any more time around Chester the Molester than I absolutely had to.
Zach stepped up, handed him some money and took the ball in his hands. The hoop was small and set back far into the booth and I was sure he would never get it in. He pointed to a large teddy bear with a heart on its chest. “I’m winning you that one.”
He eyed the hoop for a second, drew his arm back and floated the ball in effortlessly. Chester looked just as shocked as I was. But he had to get it in nine more times to win the bear so I figured his luck would run out long before that. He took another shot and landed it straight through the hoop again. He wasn’t exaggerating about his football prowess—he was the real deal.
After a few more accurate throws, a crowd started to form. I could hear his name being whispered about and I realized that he was such a good quarterback that they actually knew who he was. He threw several more perfect spirals and the bear was mine. Someone in the crowd yelled, “Why won’t you do that on the field, shitass!” and several more voices sounded in agreement.
I was livid and whipped around to see who it was so I could give them a piece of my mind. Zach remained calm and guided me away from the crowd, teddy bear in tow. “Forget about them, they’re nobody.”
Forget about them? They didn’t know the first thing about the real Zach. He didn’t deserve such nasty treatment. He gave up football for the right reasons, reasons they couldn’t possibly understand. “But doesn’t it bother you, the things they say? If it were me, I would want to punch every last one of them in the face!”
“Not anymore and certainly not when I’m with you. There are way more important things in my life than football.” He squeezed my hand and I knew that one of those things was me. “Let’s go find Rachel and Boone. I need the keys so I can put the bear in the car. He’s a little too big to carry around all day.”
“Well, if I had to guess, I’d say they’re probably in the car making out.” You didn’t have to be clairvoyant to come to that conclusion.
“You’re probably right,” Zach agreed. “They’ve been together for two years and they’re still inseparable. Especially since they….” He stopped there, his cheeks growing increasingly scarlet.
“Since they started having sex,” I boldly finished the sentence for him. It was so weird. For some reason, I was less afraid to say what was on my mind when I was with him. And less afraid to do certain things, too.
“Yeah.” He was suddenly shy, staring at his shoes as they kicked through the dusty field.
We walked in awkward silence for a bit and I wasn’t exactly sure why until he said, “How long did you date what’s his face?”
“Lee? We grew up together as best friends but we officially started dating when we were fifteen.” It was weird talking about him with Zach. Lee was the only boyfriend I’d ever had so talking about exes was new territory for me. But uncomfortable or not, he’d just given me my perfect opportunity. Open mouth, release truth. Simple as that. “So there’s something about him that I need to tell you….” But that was as far as I got.
Zach cut me off like he hadn’t heard a single word I’d said. “So two years then, as long as Rachel and Boone.”
It was only one year for us because of Lee’s untimely death, but I nodded in agreement. I was curious about where the conversation was going so I tucked the truth into my cheek and let him finish his thoughts.
“So…were you guys like that too…you know, after?” He was a deep shade of ruby by that point.
He looked at me like I could read his mind but I was completely clueless. I looked him square in the eye. “After what?”
He averted his eyes. “You know, after you…slept together?”
“WHAT? NO! Lee and I didn’t…I mean we NEVER did!” Suddenly awkwardness was a contagious disease. And I was seriously infected.
“So you guys never…? You’re still…?” His voice sounded hopeful all of a sudden. “Not that it would change how I feel about you if you had, of course.”
“No, we didn’t. We never got past kissing. I’m still…well…you know.” Geez, why couldn’t I just say the word? Virgin.
He exhaled as though he’d been holding his breath throughout the entire conversation. “Me, too. That’s a relief.”
Relief. “So it would have mattered to you if I had?” I’d never heard a boy talk about sex like this before and, awkward or not, I wanted to hear more.
“No. If it happened before I met you, I couldn’t hold that against you. But it would be kind of intimidating, you know. Knowing that you would have something to compare it to and I wouldn’t.”
Usually I was the one avoiding his eyes but this time the situation was reversed. I put my hands on his shoulders. “Look at me. You don’t have anything to worry about. Anything past kissing and you’re literally going where no man has gone before.” I shook my finger scoldingly at him. “Not that you’re going there any time soon.”
“No! I’m not trying to rush you! I just think about stuff sometimes. Not in a dirty kind of way either. There are so many things I want to do with you, to share with you. And when I think about our future, obviously things like that are a part of it.”
Our future. He was thinking about our future?! I had to tell him about the haunting and I had to do it now. Only problem was, we finally made it back to the car and we were no longer alone. It was like the universe sensed that I’d finally drawn up the courage to confess and was now forcing me to choke on it for a while. Damn you, universe, damn you to hell.
Rachel and Boone were in the front seat glued together at the lips, completely unaware that they had an audience. As much as I didn’t want to interrupt them, it was long past time for confession. I rapped sharply on the windshield, sending them both nearly through the roof of the car.
Boone looked up, clearly annoyed. “You guys are gonna have to find another place to do your business—we’re a little busy here. Zach, I love you buddy, but I just can’t make out with your sister with you guys in the backseat.”
“Take it easy, man! We just came to drop this off.” Zach shoved the bear—ass first—into Boone’s face.
“Make it quick, will ya! Boone insists on going to the demolition derby and it starts in half an hour. And every second spent talking to you is one less second of kissing for me.” Rachel clung to Boone like she never wanted to let go. Would I be the same way with Zach some day?
“Don’t worry, I don’t want to see what’s going on in this car,” Zach responded, quickly stuffing the bear into the backseat. “But I do want to see the demo—if you don’t mind, Ruby.”
“That’s cool—whatever you want to do.” I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into but I was having too much fun with Zach to care.
“Dude, enjoy it while it lasts! Once you’ve been together as long as we have, she won’t always agree with you so easily.” Rachel punched Boone in the arm for his comment then pulled him in for a kiss. Wow. Love sure was sickeningly sweet when you weren’t the stricken party.
Having had enough of their over the top PDA, we started walking toward the grand stand for the demo. Along the way, we came across a booth operated by a local artist. We watched as he drew caricatures of a woman and her grandchildren. The finished product was hysterically well-drawn so we decided to have him draw us, too. He was quite talented and worked quickly so in less than five minutes we had a cartoon portrait of ourselves.
Zach laughed when he saw the picture. “I look like Bart Simpson on steroids!”
I took the drawing from him. He was right. “Maybe so but I look like the Corpse Bride! Minus the worms in the eye sockets, of course.”
“Of course.” He rolled up the sketch and tucked it in my bag. “Here, I want you to have it. So you don’t forget what I look like when I’m not around.”
Yeah, like that was possible. His face was the only thing I saw when I closed my eyes. If I went blind this v
ery moment, I would still be able to mold his image perfectly into a block of clay. Assuming I was artistically inclined of course. Which I wasn’t. It would end up looking less like a Norse god and more like a lopsided turkey loaf left in the oven for five days. And I knew exactly what that looked like, too. Every once in a while, Shelly got the idea in her head that she could cook and it always resulted in disaster. But since the need to create a sculpture of him would never arise, I could pretend that it would be as perfect as my mental image of him was.
The roar of multiple engines grew louder as we walked so I knew the demo was about to start. We were almost to the grandstands when Zach pulled me aside to a picnic table nearly hidden beneath a large maple tree.
“There’s something I need to tell you.” He looked uneasy and his voice was laden with apprehension.
Regardless of what he had to say to me, it couldn’t compare to what I had to say to him. And I couldn’t put it off any longer. “Okay, I have something to say to you, too.” He gave me the perfect opening I needed to drop the bomb. Okay, maybe perfect wasn’t the right word for it. There was no such thing as the perfect time to tell the boy you loved that you were being haunted by your dead boyfriend.
“Me first, if that’s okay. You don’t know how bad I feel for waiting so long to tell you this,” he said as he took my hand. Little did he know that I knew exactly how bad it felt to keep a secret for way too long. But as much as I wanted to vomit out the truth like a woman possessed, I nodded my head and let him go first.
Zach drew in a deep breath and held every ounce of it as he spoke. “After today, I’m going to be gone for two weeks. Family vacation. I should have told you earlier but so much has happened so quickly between us. I’m sorry.” He fired it all out in one mashed up sentence and exhaled forcefully at the end. He sounded just like Rachel.