by Joy Elbel
“Come on, dirty girl,” he said as he wiped a smudge of something off of my cheek. “We have some reading to do.”
We took turns grabbing a quick shower. Rachel was meeting Boone for a late date and I certainly didn’t want to be alone with Zach looking the way I did. Rachel let me borrow some of her clothes and I felt infinitely better. I was in such a hurry to start reading the diaries, that I didn’t bother doing my hair. Zach already saw me at my worst—I figured that at least now I was clean. And he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss me looking the way I did.
I settled into a chair and waited for Zach to finish getting dressed. Diane and Garrett were at the movies, Rachel informed me on her way out the door.
“They’ll be home soon, so don’t get too cozy with my brother.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Look at me—he wouldn’t want to touch me anyway.”
She just shook her head. “You think? Why don’t you ask him yourself?”
Zach walked into the living room just at that moment. I was glad to see that he hadn’t done anything to his hair either. Norse god fresh from the shower—it looked good on him.
“Ask me what?” The look of innocence on his face made him even more appealing to me.
“Nothing. I was just saying goodbye to Rachel.” I waved with a sarcastic smile. “Goodbye, Rachel.”
“See you guys later.” She waited until she was half way out the door to add, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
“Which is what?” I yelled back playfully.
Her laughter was the last thing I heard as the door closed behind her.
“So where do you want to start?” Zach pulled the box of diaries closer to the chair and sat down beside me.
The chair was just big enough for both of us to sit in—closely, but comfortably. We rifled through the leather-bound journals and rearranged them according to when they were dated. I pulled out the earliest two and handed him one. He placed it back on top of the box.
“I think it would be more romantic to share,” he said as he settled back in the chair and put his arm around me.
“Your parents will be home soon, don’t forget. And we haven’t completely solved the mystery yet, you know.” The words coming out of my mouth said “no”, but I snuggled closer to him and opened the diary anyway.
“Mom and Dad won’t say anything if they find us like this. Knowing Mom, she’ll probably wonder why she never catches Rachel and Boone just reading together.” He smiled his best Norse god smile and there was no way I could resist.
The first entry was dated June, 1865.
Dear Diary,
This journal was a gift from my father for my sixteenth birthday. He thought it would be lovely for me to share my youthful thoughts with my own daughter someday. I know he longs for me to find a suitor, someone who I could one day marry and bear children to. He does not know that I have already pledged my undying love to someone of whom he would not approve. We meet in secret, hoping that maybe when the war is over things will be different. Until then, I must suffer through endless parties and attempts from the finest bachelors in Charlotte’s Grove to win my hand. But to my love I remain true and will continue to do so until my dying breath. Maybe even longer.
“I wonder who she was in love with. I couldn’t imagine not being with you simply because my dad didn’t approve.”
He got a panicked look on his face. “Your dad doesn’t like me?”
“Of course he does! I don’t think there’s a single person on the face of this earth that you can’t charm! I just meant that even if he didn’t, that it wouldn’t change how I feel about you.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, you had me worried there for a minute. It wouldn’t change how I feel either, but it sure does make things easier.”
I agreed. “Let’s keep reading. I want to find out who she was in love with. He may be our second ghost.”
Passage after passage, Scarlet described her love for her mystery man. She never named him, but we knew every detail of their lives together. She grew up with him as a playmate. We gathered that his family was not as wealthy as the Bakers because he didn’t attend school. She taught him how to read and write and he shared his love of planting with her. They remained friends until they were fifteen when friendship blossomed into romance.
“He must have been a soldier—she talks about how things would be different after the war. He must have died and she never learned of his fate. How awful!” I snuggled closer to Zach. I never wanted to know how she felt.
“Let’s skip ahead a bit—to when the war was over.” He leafed through the pages until he came to an entry dated August.
Dear Diary,
Word reached Charlotte’s Grove today that the war is over. The Union armies prevailed and slavery has been abolished. I was so happy that I asked him to kiss me. Ever the gentleman, he declined. He vowed not to kiss me until the day we are wed, but I long for the moment he forgets that vow. I fear that our marriage will never be possible. Is there a minister who would wed us? I think not. Many men fight for my hand, and I fear that if I cannot make our love known, my father may arrange a marriage for me. To be with another is unthinkable.
The sound of tires on the gravel outside meant that Diane and Garrett were home. Nervously, I shifted around in the chair.
“Maybe I should go sit over there,” I said pointing to the couch. “I don’t want them to think we were…well, you know.”
“We weren’t and they won’t. It’s okay, really.” His arm was still around me and he wasn’t budging an inch.
He was right. They didn’t even flinch when they saw us sitting together.
“What are you guys doing inside on such a nice night? I thought you would be out enjoying what’s left of the summer,” Diane said as she tossed her purse on the kitchen table and kicked off her shoes.
“Ruby and Rachel found some old diaries today that belonged to Scarlet Baker. We were reading through them—they’re pretty interesting.”
“Really? The historical society will want to see those—after you’re done reading them of course.” She took a peek inside the box. “Looks like it will take a while to get through all of those. We won’t bother you, goodnight.”
Diane followed Garrett back the hallway to their bedroom. I heard her say to him, “Why can’t we ever come home and find Rachel and Boone reading?”
I giggled and Zach said, “I told you so.”
We read until nearly midnight but Scarlet still hadn’t revealed the name of her secret love. I didn’t want to stop reading, but I had to get home. Zach drove me back to Rosewood reluctantly. As I reached for the door, he stopped me.
“Just a minute, Ruby. We’re so much closer to an answer than we were this morning. I want you to know that every minute of this has been worth it to me.”
“Thanks—I needed to hear that.” We embraced for longer than we had in a while and he kissed me on the cheek. As I walked inside, I realized something. For the first time, I truly felt that everything was going to be okay.
33. This Will Have to Do in the Meantime
Every day started to feel the same. Mornings at the shelter led to evenings spent reading. We learned everything imaginable about Scarlet Baker except for the identity of her secret love. I was burned out and losing hope. Desperately, we needed a break. Summer vacation would be over in three weeks and we still had no answers. The thought of starting at a new school was frightening enough without the added stress of nightly nightmares. When Rachel announced that Open House was being held the following Friday— Friday the thirteenth to boot—I had mixed feelings. Having a chance to tour the school ahead of time would definitely make things less frightening, but it also ground the reality home. There was a good chance we wouldn’t find the answers in time.
The night before Open House, I started to freak out. “We’re just not reading fast enough. We still have three diaries to get through,” I said handing Zach his own journal. “We have to read separate
ly—we can’t be together if we can’t find the answers.” Weeks of frustration and a wicked case of PMS combined together like fire and dynamite.
“If we get to the end and we still haven’t found anything, then what? Are you saying we’re through?” He sat staring at me with a blank expression.
“I don’t know what I’m saying! This halfway relationship is killing me—it must be killing you, too!” He deserved someone better than me, someone he didn’t have to work so hard to be with.
“For the last time, Ruby, I don’t care how long this takes! I told you before that if we have to wait until next summer, that’s okay with me. You have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself and on this relationship—you’re going to make yourself sick.”
I didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. Worrying about things was giving me an upset stomach and I hadn’t been eating right in weeks. For a split second, I wished I’d never met him. As hard as it was, mourning Lee was much easier to deal with. I understood why Scarlet never moved on with her life. But one look in his beautiful blue eyes and I remembered why I was moving on with mine.
“I’m sorry, Zach. I’m just so frustrated! I only want one thing in life and I can’t have it. Maybe I’m being childish, but I don’t want to wait until next summer—I want you now!”
“You already have me.” He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear.
“You know what I mean. I want us to have a normal relationship. One where our biggest problem is deciding which movie we’re going to see.”
“I know. But the best things in life don’t come easy—you have to work for them.”
He was right—as usual. I felt like a bratty little kid who didn’t get her way. But Zach was so perfect and I was so in love with him that I thought I might explode if I couldn’t kiss him soon.
Calmly, I opened the diary in my hand and sank back into the chair beside him. He put his arm around me and said, “That’s better.”
We read for about an hour before we found something interesting. We found what we were looking for. It was dated July 1866.
Dear Diary,
We have given up hope of ever changing Father’s mind. He would never approve of his only daughter marrying the son of a former slave. If he could only see Levi the way I do, I know that he would understand. But he worries too much about marrying me to the richest, most handsome man he can find. Levi has tried to change my mind but I will not be swayed. We know that we cannot be married properly by a minister, but we can still make our vows in the eyes of God. We have set the day. We shall be married the first of August. I only regret that my mother could not have lived to see me so happy. Levi suggested that we wed at the mausoleum so that my mother could be with me on such an important day. The red dress my father had made for me in Paris will serve as my wedding gown. I would have liked to wear white, but Lee says that I am most beautiful when I wear red. He has always hated that his name sounds like that of a slave, so I have taken to calling him Lee instead. Our wedding must remain a secret for now. I fear what would happen if Father were to discover our plans. Soon I shall know Lee as my husband, and nothing shall stand in our way.
We finished reading the page and I looked at Zach. “Should I flip ahead to August first?”
He reached over and took the diary in his hands. “Here, allow me.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek then turned the pages quickly until he found the date we were looking for.
Dear Diary,
Lee is gone. I fear my father sent him away. We were to meet at the mausoleum at dusk but my father sent for me shortly before. Alexander Barstow had come to call on me. I received him in the parlor for what I hoped would be a short visit. He wanted to discuss a marriage proposal with me. My father had given his blessing and Alexander waited patiently for me to accept the offer. I declined and ran away from him in tears. I went to my father’s study to speak with him and plead for his blessing to marry Lee. Father was gone. I went to the mausoleum but Lee was not there. I waited for hours but he never arrived. I wanted to throw myself from the top of the steps down onto the stone below. But I thought of Lee and knew that he would never leave me willingly. Father must have discovered our plans. I vowed not to die until I knew the truth.
“That’s it! It’s Scarlet! She’s the one who’s been torturing you!” Zach jumped up from the chair pulling me with him in a strong embrace.
It wasn’t the answer I was hoping to find but I tried to share in his excitement anyway. I hugged him back distractedly. I had so much in common with Scarlet—how was it possible that she was the cause of this horror? She had to be the comforting spirit—she just had to be.
Zach sensed my hesitation to celebrate. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you happy?”
I felt like a fool. I should have been doing a victory dance but instead all I could think about was what this said about me. If I couldn’t be with Zach, would I end up like Scarlet? Would I haunt some poor innocent girl a hundred years from now? I felt silly even saying the words, but I voiced my fears to Zach anyway hoping he would take them seriously.
“Oh, Ruby—is that what you’re afraid of? You won’t end up like that! Number one—you got past Lee’s death and moved on with your life which apparently she never did. Number two—we’ll be together soon. It’s not the same situation at all. Your dad approves of me and even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t let that stop us!” He held my face in his hands, his eyes penetrating mine. “Things between us will never change.”
“But what if? What if something unforeseen happened and it drove us apart? I don’t want to be like Scarlet. I don’t want to spend eternity bitter and alone!” Tears streamed from my eyes. The connection I felt to Scarlet was a strong one. She probably never wanted to end up that way either.
“Then you won’t. She made a choice to be that way but that doesn’t mean you have to. Even if something did separate us, we would find our way back to each other. I know we would.” He held me close as I cried.
I heard movement in the next room so I hurriedly dried my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for Diane to see me this way. Zach offered me a tissue and I mopped up my face. Zach believed that we would be together with his whole heart—I needed to reach deep inside to find that same conviction. I thought my life was over when I lost Lee but I was so wrong about that. Maybe I was wrong again.
“It’s getting late. I should probably get you home. I can’t wait to show you around the school tomorrow.” He smiled devilishly. “And maybe show you off a little in the process.”
He had a way of making me laugh and now was no exception. “That’s right—time for all of the girls to start really hating me, huh?” I wondered if the We Hate Ruby Club would have a booth set up at the front door to garner more members.
“Actually, I was thinking more about all the guys who were going to hate me. You forget how beautiful you are.” He led me outside and opened the car door for me. “Trust me. They’ll all be mad that I got to you first. I’ll have a harder time fighting all of them off than you will with the girls.”
“I highly doubt that. You’ve seen the looks I’ve gotten already.” No other boy that hot would be worrying about other guys stealing his girlfriend.
“Exactly. I’ve seen how the guys look at you. Even Boone thinks you’re hot and he’s madly in love with my sister.” Zach kept a cool exterior but I got the impression he was actually a little worried.
I remembered the conversation I overheard in the car when Zach and Boone thought I was sleeping. I had to sound surprised—Zach could never know that I was awake the whole time.
“You’re joking, right? Rachel’s way prettier than me.” A small part of me was glad that Rachel was Zach’s sister and would therefore never be an alternate dating choice for him.
“Nope, no joke. And I know he won’t be alone. At least the girls all know I wasn’t interested in any of them last year—you’ll be a shiny new toy all the boys will want to get their hands on. Literally.” A tinge of anger mark
ed his last word.
“You don’t have to worry about that. You’re the only one who’s going to get his hands on me—eventually, that is.” As much as I couldn’t understand it, it was kind of nice not being the only insecure one.
He pulled alongside the fountain and turned off the car. Dad and Shelly turned the lights on in the fountain every night since they were installed so the water was reflecting a soft shade of pink. Zach stared at the fountain thoughtfully.
He took my hand in his. “Close your eyes,” he instructed me and I watched as he closed his.
“Okay.” My eyelids fluttered as I sat there waiting. Now that we were so close to the truth about the haunting, his fear of kissing me must have abated. I waited breathlessly for his warm lips to touch mine.
Instead, he spoke. “I want you to imagine us standing in the fountain together. The water’s warm and you can feel the spray hitting your face.”
I didn’t have to imagine it—I once felt it in my dream. The warmth of the water, the heat of his lips on mine. It was the best kiss I ever had. I didn’t want to just imagine it. I wanted to feel it for real this time.
Zach continued. “I’m holding you closer than I’ve ever held you before. We’re so close you can feel my heart beating next to yours.”
I forgot about the dream and slipped into the fantasy he was creating. “Tell me more.”
“I have one hand on your back and the other is on the back of your neck, my fingers wound in your hair. We’re face to face, eye to eye. My heart starts to beat faster and yours races to match it. We’re so close you can feel the heat radiating off of me. Together, we close our eyes and our lips touch. Then we kiss—our first real kiss. And we stay there just like that for what feels like forever. Like time has stopped just for us.”
And I was the one who wanted to be a writer! He continued to describe the kiss so vividly that I almost felt it. And even when he was done, my eyes stayed shut. Opening them would only break the spell and throw me back into reality. I wanted to stay there in the perfect moment he created until it didn’t have to be imaginary anymore.