I held his eyes and then looked down. How could we be friends, when I knew nothing about him?
“You know, Finnarún is quite convinced you’re angry with her.”
A little laugh escaped me, painful as it fled my throat, and I covered my mouth in surprise. I glanced at him. He was still looking at me with the same expression of compassion. I broke his gaze again and stared at the ceiling. “I can’t explain it to you,” I said.
“Why not? Do you think I wouldn’t understand?” he asked. “I’ve known Finnarún for nearly my entire life.”
I shook my head, still studying the designs in the molding. “I had a task to do, and she made it impossible. And now I’ve lost something. The most precious thing I ever had.” Tears came again, but this time I let them roll down my cheeks. “It’s not her fault, really. It’s mine. I should never have come here. I should have refused. If I’d known—I would have never come. I would have gone home to Asterlund right away.”
“If you had known what?”
I looked at him then. “That Reister would make me stay here.” As each word formed, my voice grew more bitter. “That he would take my son from me.”
Liut’s eyes widened. “He took your son?”
I nodded, my throat closing with grief.
“When? What happened?”
I tried to swallow the lump but it remained. I shook my head, covering my mouth. He squeezed my hand.
“Take your time,” he said.
I searched his face, and read nothing but sympathy there. The tears burst then, sobs shaking my body, and he took me in his arms and stroked my back. My grief was violent and it was some time before I regained control. When I did, I told him the whole story of the night of the coronation, and Reister’s demand that I attend Finnarún’s soirée and prove myself a good wife. I told him how my early return had infuriated Reister, but I left out why I had come home, and Reister’s brutality.
“Did you leave because we went to the Perle? Is that why you blame Finnarún? I swear, Myadar, no one would ever have found out.”
I shook my head. “You must have noticed… how she touches me.”
A realization dawned on his face and he lifted his eyebrows. “She tried to seduce you, then?”
I felt my cheeks warm and I nodded.
He chuckled. “Finnarún lets nothing stop her from pursuing what she wants.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Maybe so. I just wish she didn’t want me.”
“You don’t feel the same way?” he asked.
My eyes flicked up to meet his, then away again, and my cheeks grew hotter.
He raised his eyebrows. “Ah,” he said.
“I never—I mean, she’s a woman and I—I never—”
He held up a hand. “Myadar, you wouldn’t be the first woman Finnarún has… introduced to feminine love.”
“Well, I don’t want to pursue it. I want to forget it ever happened. I want my son and I want to leave this place and never see Reister again.” My hand touched the scarf again absently.
Liut narrowed his eyes as he watched me. “Myadar, what haven’t you told me?”
I pulled my hand away in a jerk, then berated myself for the gesture. It would only make it more obvious I was trying to hide something.
Sure enough, Liut leaned forward and took the knot of the scarf carefully in his hands. “May I?” he asked.
I brushed his hands away. “Please don’t.”
“Show me what’s under the scarf, please.”
I don’t know why I felt such shame over the way Reister had hurt me, but I didn’t want Liut to know about it—or anyone, for that matter. “No,” I whispered. “I can’t.”
“Please, Myadar. I already have some suspicions. Please just show me.”
My fingers trembling, I untied the knot and removed the scarf, the silk making a hissing noise as I pulled it from my neck. Liut echoed the hiss and grimaced at what he saw.
“Gods, Myadar,” he breathed. In an oddly detached thought, I wondered if he would get in trouble for the epithet, since Tyr was the only god now.
He reached out, his fingers hovering over the bruises.
“Reister…?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
Anger flashed in his eyes, but then he met mine and his face softened. “I’m so terribly sorry, my dear friend.”
I smiled even as tears came to my eyes again, and I nodded at him. “Thank you,” I said, though I felt choked.
He took my hand and patted it. “What will you do?” he asked.
I inhaled deeply, and the tears passed. “I don’t know,” I said. “I can see no way out. I tried to find out where Bersi is, but I found nothing. I can’t leave without him.”
Liut nodded. “It does sound as though you’re trapped here, for now. I can’t say it saddens me too much, though. Not for myself, anyway.” He gave me a wry smile.
I managed to return it. “Thank you. It’s good to have someone to talk to, at last.”
He leaned in closer. “You know, Myadar, you needn’t suffer every moment,” he whispered. “Reister will no doubt insist you attend more functions, but I will be there. I’ll look after you.”
Something in my chest loosened. “That would be nice.”
He stayed another hour, and we spoke of lighter things—the latest fashions, which Liut seemed to follow closely, the trends in cuisine, the jarls and jarldises throwing the most popular parties. He even made me laugh once or twice. When he left, I felt a great deal lighter, and I left my bed to take a bath.
~~~
Liut was right. That evening at dinner, which I mustered the will to attend, Reister announced that we would attend a lunch the following day. It was beginning already. I considered refusing. I considered letting him rage—so what if he killed me? Except I couldn’t do that to Bersi. Bersi needed me, and though I had no way to find him now, that might change one day. If I ever had a chance, I would free Bersi and run away with him. Grief and guilt gnawed at my heart as I imagined Bersi crying for me as I did for him. Where was he? I hoped with all my strength that I would find him soon. I hated that I saw no way to make it happen. I hated Reister. My jaw tightened as I looked at him. Maybe one day the risk wouldn’t be that he might kill me, but that I might kill him. If I ever had a chance, would I take it?
Mother Tora had ordered several dresses made for me when the dressmaker came before Finnarún’s soirée, so by the next morning three more were delivered. One was pale slate blue. The jacquard silk fabric had stylized flowers and leaves in relief made by the weave. I liked it. Liut’s face came to mind and I wondered if he would like how I looked wearing it. It brought out the blue of my eyes, although my blue was common enough compared to his amber. Thinking of Liut made getting ready for the lunch much easier. I brushed my hair and put a band covered in rhinestones on, made up my eyes and mouth and chose a choker of pearls that would hide my bruises. I added another two long strands of pearls and stood in front of the mirror, taking in the effect. Mother Tora entered my room without knocking and stopped short when she saw me.
I looked at her. “What do you think? Not bad for my first time dressing myself?”
She came to stand next to me and gazed at my reflection. “Not bad at all,” she conceded. “You’re learning, Myadar. You’ll need gloves and shoes.”
“I didn’t like any of the ones I have,” I said. “They’re too dark. I need something light with the blue.”
She gave me an appreciative nod. “Quite. Sveinn!” she called. “Send for Rani, and tell her to bring all her latest accessories. And shoes! She must bring shoes. Immediately!”
I had not met Rani yet, but apparently she could be commanded on a moment’s notice, at least by Mother Tora. She arrived within the hour pulling a cart piled high with cases. She presented us with dozens of silk and leather gloves, patent leather and suede shoes, silk and satin scarves, necklaces, earrings, and bracelets made of semi-precious gems, glass beads, pearls, and metals, beaded and embroidered
hand bags, feathery headbands and sparkly combs, and countless other items.
“Do you take your wares around to all the jarldises in the court?” I asked as I tried on a pair of cream-colored gloves made of the softest leather I had ever touched.
“No indeed, Jarldis,” she answered. “I come here special for Jarldis Sölbói, she’s such a good customer. I have a store in the Torc.”
I glanced up at her. “Not the Perle?” I asked, feeling the beginning of a blush.
“No, Jarldis, it’s called Hereidr—the Bird’s Nest.” She smiled. “Birds like to collect shiny things, you know.”
I nodded. The thought of the birds in the orchard trees at Söllund gave me a pang, but I pushed it aside. I wouldn’t gain anything pining for Söllund. Those days were gone, never to return. I would never see the orchards of Söllund again. I had to accept that.
In the end we bought four pairs of gloves for me—including the soft leather ones—and two for Mother Tora, three pairs of shoes for me and one for Mother Tora, two scarves each, several pieces of jewelry, for me a handbag, and for Mother Tora a set of pale jade combs.
I wore my new soft leather gloves and a pair of white patent leather pumps to the lunch. I was proud of how I looked. When I entered the apartments of Jarl and Jarldis Snúa, I spotted Liut lighting the cigarette of a jarldis. As I approached, my hand resting on Reister’s arm, Liut’s eyes drank me in. I saw how they traveled from my head to my feet. I felt the pleasure he took in my dress. Liut liked fashion, and I had succeeded in delighting him.
Jarl Snúa poured a clear liquid into fine crystal glasses and handed them out. It smelled of peaches. After a toast I took a sip, and it burned my mouth. I almost coughed, but I managed to swallow the urge. Liut smirked at me as I blinked back tears.
“Your brandy is delicious as always, Jarl Snúa,” Liut said cheerfully.
I took another sip. This time I expected the potency, and it went down much easier. It quickly made me dizzy, however. Reister had left my side to chat with someone I knew not the name of, and I wondered if I would embarrass him yet again by stumbling on my way into the dining room. Our hosts seemed in no hurry to take us in, and Snúa refilled my glass after I finished it.
I sat in a black armchair, clinging to my glass, and another jarldis in a beaded gray gown sat in a chair nearby. “Is it common to drink spirits before eating?” I asked her in a hushed voice.
She flicked a strand of her straight brown hair away from her face, but it returned to its former position immediately. “Of course,” she muttered, but she didn’t look me in the eye and I wondered if she was answering me, or speaking to someone else entirely.
I finished the second glass and Snúa came by instantly and refilled it. I marveled at him. Was he watching me? Was he poised, awaiting the moment my glass was empty? Why? Did he intend to humiliate me?
And yet I didn’t really fear humiliation anymore. A soft ringing in my ears distracted me, and I felt very relaxed. It was a relief, actually, to stop worrying so much. I worried far too much, in fact. I simply had to let everything go, after all. What control had I over anything? Why put myself in a state over things I couldn’t change? This was far better.
I listened to some of the guests talking and laughed at their cleverness. I saw Reister shoot a look my way. His face looked pinched. What was the matter now? Couldn’t I laugh when someone said something clever?
“Myadar!” Reister growled into my ear. Had I spoken aloud? And when had he crossed to my side?
“Jarl Sölbói,” Liut said, appearing on my other side. “I was just telling Jarldis Gyllir about the ball after the coronation. Can you believe she had to miss it?”
Next to Liut, a rotund woman with stunningly golden hair nodded. “It’s true. I had to go to bed. I had the most terrible headache.”
“It can’t be true,” I said. “You have such lovely hair.”
The woman laughed lightly and Liut joined her. “Lovely hair!” he echoed. “How can someone with lovely hair have a headache?” She laughed louder.
Reister glared at me.
“Jarl Sölbói, may I impose upon you? I have no companion and I would very much like to walk your lovely, funny wife into dinner. May I?” Liut asked.
“Oh, and you can accompany me, then, Jarl Sölbói,” Jarldis Gyllir of the golden hair said. “My silly husband injured himself yesterday at the games, you see. I was hoping to have Liut’s arm, but Jarldis Sölbói has charmed him, so…”
Reister gave her a stiff nod and offered his arm. She took it, smiling up at him coquettishly.
Liut leaned close to my ear. “Myadar, can you stand?”
I tittered and covered my mouth with my hand. “I don’t know,” I whispered.
“Snúa’s brandy is notorious,” Liut said as he put a steadying hand under my arm. He placed his other hand in the small of my back, and through some miracle I stood without wavering. “Let’s just walk around the loveseat there. Good. Now it’s straight to the dining room.”
~~~
The rest of the night was a blur, but I have a memory of Reister tossing me onto my bed. He stalked out of my room and after that I must have slept. I awoke still wearing all of my clothes, even my shoes.
I rubbed my eyes and then realized I’d most likely smeared the cosmetic paint all over my face. Sure enough, when I looked in the mirror, I was a fright. I sighed and stripped off my clothes, heading into the bath.
As I soaked I marveled at how well I felt. I’d had too much to drink on occasion before, and always paid for it the following day. But I had no headache, and while my stomach did feel a bit sour, I was hungry and not nauseous. Snúa’s brandy was strong, but it must be distilled very cleanly.
I washed my legs, thinking of the lunch party. What time had we returned home? How long had I slept? I’d missed dinner, no doubt. What time was it now? There were no clocks in my bathroom. I had a sense that it must be morning, if early.
Had Liut stayed with me the rest of the time at the lunch? Had I said anything embarrassing? I pursed my lips. I had no way to know for sure—my mind was a blank for most of the time after Liut took me into the dining room. But I supposed that Reister would have made his displeasure known to me if I’d shamed him, and he hadn’t done worse than dump me in my bed.
Liut had rescued me from Reister’s ire. I smiled. It was much nicer to enter the dining room on Liut’s arm than on Reister’s. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of lavender in the water despite my hunger and irritated stomach. I closed my eyes and leaned back, thinking of Liut’s eyes as they traveled from my head to my feet. He’d liked the dress, I was certain. I wondered if he liked me. Well, I knew he was my friend—but did he think I was pretty? I wished I hadn’t cut my hair. I liked my long hair. I liked the weight of it on my neck when I put it in a bun. I ran my fingers into it now, and they came out so quickly. I felt shorn.
Did Liut like my hair short? He was such a fan of fashion, he must. Well, then, I wouldn’t grieve for my long locks. Thinking of what Liut would like made a lot of my new life easier to take.
But it made me wonder—did he ever think of pleasing me?
~~~
As it turned out, I’d slept until mid-morning. Reister was gone when I emerged and asked Sveinn to bring me breakfast. I was sipping tea and mopping egg yolk up with toasted bread when Mother Tora meandered into the dining room.
“Myadar, you’ve risen,” she observed.
“Indeed,” I said.
“That is good news,” she said. “Sveinn, the mail.”
The robot left and returned after a moment, carrying a tray. Mother Tora scooped up the small pile of letters from it and began sorting through them.
“You have several invitations, Myadar.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“It seems you’ve managed to make a good impression after all,” she mused. “The Eythiófers. The Øringers. The Asleifers. The Fastulfs! Well, they’re favorites of the konunger. And the Hólmdórrs.�
� She nodded. “Very impressive, Myadar. What did you do?”
I imagined it was probably due to Liut’s attentions at the Snúas, but I didn’t want to talk about Liut with Mother Tora. “I don’t know,” I said instead. “I suppose I was cheerful and friendly at the lunch yesterday, so perhaps I made some friends.”
“Well, it’s a surprise, and a welcome one,” she said. “Tonight you must choose between the Fastulfs and the Hólmdórrs.”
“I haven’t the first notion of whom to pick.”
“I say go to the Fastulfs. They’re younger. More likely to have other favorites over.”
I thought of Liut. He was a favorite, I believed. I gave her a nod. “Very well, then, let’s send a note back to the Fastulfs accepting, and the Hólmdórrs declining.”
Mother Tora beamed at me. “I knew you would come to embrace the court life, Myadar. Reister will be so pleased.”
I wanted to say that Reister could go hang himself, but instead I forced a smile and turned my attention to my tea again. I might as well make Reister happy. There was always a chance, however small, that he might decide to reward me with a visit from Bersi. I didn’t dare imagine it. I couldn’t let myself hope. And yet, I must prepare for the possibility, mustn’t I? How stupid it would be if Reister summoned Bersi home and I had no plan in place for our escape. The trouble was, I couldn’t think of how I’d manage it. We would need transportation—that was the main thing. How could I procure it? How could I sneak us out of the palace and hire a car or a boat to carry us from Helésey to freedom? I had no money, no contacts.
I took a long sip of tea, considering the problem. Money could be acquired a number of ways. The easiest would be to sell something, and I still had the ruby jewelry I’d taken with me to the Temple of Tyr. Did I dare go to Rani or the owner of the Perle and offer them?
Reister entered the dining room and his mother turned towards him. “Oh, Reister, dear, I have good news—” she began.
“Not now, Mother. I have a meeting.” He turned to Sveinn. “I’ll need tea in the study.” The robot gave a nod and exited through the door that led to the kitchen. Reister disappeared the way he came.
The City Darkens (Raud Grima Book 1) Page 10