by Flatman, NJ
And that night, I was hoping I’d find the courage. I was hoping that I’d finally be able to do more than give her a quick kiss. Every moment I spent sitting next to her, looking at her and seeing the sparkle in her eyes, I wanted her. I needed her. But every time I thought it’d be the one time that I’d pull her into my arms, I chickened out.
I was afraid I’d disappoint her. I wanted to give her everything she fantasized about when she watched those chick flicks and read her sappy books. I wanted to make her feel as loved and beautiful as I thought she was. And hopefully, that night I’d get a chance to try. If that annoying friend of hers wasn’t there.
She didn’t like me. I knew that every time she looked at me. I just wasn’t sure why. Sometimes I thought she was mad. Perhaps she was jealous that I’d picked Avery at that party and not her. Sometimes I thought she was the reason my girl felt so bad about herself. That was my problem with her. She made Avery feel bad and I didn’t like anything or anyone that made Avery feel bad.
I just never said anything. I never wanted to be the reason that she lost a friend. I could deal. I’d just undo whatever damage her conceited ass tried to do. Because my gut told me that she was on a mission to ruin our relationship. And I’d be damned if I let her.
Once I finally decided what to put on, I ventured out and headed towards her apartment. This was going to be the night that I changed everything. As I stood outside her door, knocking and waiting on an answer I only hoped that she’d be there. I hoped she’d be happy to see me. Most of all, I hoped that I could show her that she was the perfect one. Not her snotty little friend.
I’d known Avery for a very short time at that point and suddenly her happiness had become my number one priority. I would live to see her smile. I would do anything in my power to make sure that she never had to know the sadness and heartache of the world. And I would destroy damn near anything or anyone that tried to show her. Even if that someone was me.
Chapter 5
“Why does this not surprise me?” she rolled her bitchy blue eyes and glared at me. “You are beginning to get predictable.”
I had never been a person that hated others. So I wouldn’t say that I hated Colby. It wasn’t that intense of an emotion. But I passionately disliked her. It wasn’t even really her. It was her damned attitude.
The way she looked at me might be understandable if it hadn’t always been that way. As Avery’s friend, I could see her being protective when she was hurt. But Colby had always looked at me with the same contempt. If I really thought about it, she’d done it the day we met. She was simply a hateful and condescending person. At least that’s how she came across. Of course, it could just be me that she was hateful and condescending to.
“Is being a bitch a choice you make every day, or just a part of your genetic makeup?” I wondered if this had been a mistake. Perhaps I should have found a different way to get an answer to the questions that I had. Anything that didn’t involve her.
For the second week in a row I’d tried to go by the old apartment. Our apartment. The one I’d left. The home we were supposed to share.There was still no sign of life. In fact, there was no sign anyone had been there at any point. Avery had never gone home.
I was beginning to feel crazy. Where in the hell was Avery? I had thought their trip to the beach was only supposed to last a week or so. I wasn’t sure how long she’d been gone, but I had been trying to find her for well over a week. So something had happened. That scared me. Avery didn’t just vanish like that. She was a homebody.
The hard part was that there were so many ways this could have gone badly. Something could have happened to her. She might be somewhere sick or hurt and I had no idea. She may need me and I couldn’t be there because no one told me I needed to be.
Not entirely true.I knew that. I just didn’t want to admit it. It was because I was dumb and I’d left her. I’d walked away. It was me that sent her to the great unknown of South Carolina with a broken heart and no one to love. At least I would have assumed she had a broken heart. Hoped almost. The alternative was unbearable to think about.
“With you,” she nodded her head, causing her hair to bounce against her shoulders. “It is definitely a choice.”
I kept reminding myself that I was there for a reason. I needed answers. I had to know that everything was okay. I hoped to find out that maybe she’d been staying with Colby while she deals with her own feelings. Anything except the two worst possible scenarios.
That she was hurt or that she was with someone else.
Those were my biggest fears and the things that kept me up at night. Lying in the bed, on the verge of tears, praying to a God I had never believed existed, that she wasn’t somewhere hurting without me and praying even harder that she wasn’t somewhere lying with someone else.
I wasn’t sure I could survive either one. In fact, I was pretty damned positive that I couldn’t. Which was why I had turned to the last person I wanted to talk to. Colby. The thought had been that her best friend would know what was going on. Her best friend would know where she was and how I could find her. The question was whether her best friend would tell me. Given that she hated me and all.
“You really know how to boost a man’s self-esteem Colby,” I shot at her, unable to contain my annoyance even though I knew I needed to. If I wanted answers, I couldn’t piss off Colby. At least not any more than she was pissed off on a normal day.
“Oh! Is there a man here?” her smirk and giggle were supposed to enhance the power of her remark, but I only found it childish and immature. She was showing the exact reason I didn’t date girls like her when I did choose to date. “I didn’t realize.”
Everything in me wanted to turn and walk away. I wanted to get as far from her and the condescending comments as I could be. But at that moment she was my only potential connection to Avery. She was my only hope. The only resource I had to know that everything was okay. Without that knowledge, I was pretty damned sure I’d die.
“Can we be serious for moment?” I teetered with a smart-ass comment of my own and decided that it was in my best interest to get right to the subject. Colby wasn’t just rude— she was vindictive. Even if she could help me, pissing her off would ensure she refused to.
There was no love lost between the two of us. There never had been. Truth be known, we could stand outside her apartment and argue all fucking day. We could insult each other. We could swear, yell or laugh. It wouldn’t matter. Neither of us was going to change our minds.
The point was to get to the truth. I had to get to Avery. I had to know that she was okay. And stopping the banter with Colby was the first step.
“Funny,” she twisted her mouth. “I don’t recall you ever being serious about anything Spencer.” I saw the daggers in her eyes. Had they been real, I would have been dead in the hallway.
“I know you don’t like me,” I had rehearsed this. Her reaction wasn’t a surprise. I’d expected it. So for two hours I’d sat in my car, outside my old apartment, rehearsing what I’d say to the bitch and forcing myself to go and face her.
“That’s an understatement,” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t like mushrooms. I don’t like country music. I don’t like women who wear leggings as pants. But you Spencer,” she paused, as if she had to really think about what she was going to say. “I despise you.”
“Well, as much as I’d love to stand here and get the long list of illogical reasons why you feel that way,” I shook my head, trying to clear the hateful words that wanted so badly to be spewed in her direction. “That isn’t why I am here.”
“I didn’t assume it was,” she clenched her mouth tightly and her jawline hardened. “I assume this is yet another worthless attempt to convince Avery you were wrong and are a decent guy that will love her the way she deserves.”
Her words stung. For the first time since she’d opened the door she managed to hurt me. She was right. I had been worthless. I had been the guy that’d hurt Avery repeatedly. Bu
t I didn’t have time to think of that, because she spat out the rest of her comment.
“Sorry to disappoint you Spencer,” she smirked and I could tell she was anything but sorry. “But Avery isn’t here.”
Those words created a hole in my gut as I felt my breath exhale. I had held it in waiting on the answer. Longing to see her. Praying that she was inside the door that I was being kept away from.
Everything in me had hoped that she would be with her best friend. Knowing she wasn’t opened the situation up to several things, none of which I wanted to think about.
“Do you know where she is?” I tried to force logical thoughts and sentences, but they were getting more difficult as I realized that my last hope was gone. Colby had been the last resort.
“Obviously staying away from you,” she shot back. “It’s about fucking time.”
“Colby,” I heard my tone change to one of pleading. “When did you guys get back from South Carolina?”
I didn’t have time to waste on Colby and her hateful responses. I had to find out what was going on. Even if it was bad, I needed to know. She could attack me later.
“I came back a week and a half ago,” her eyes glazed over and her emotion was impossible to read, but something in her body language changed. “I don’t know when Avery came back. I guess the day we were supposed to.”
My head jolted up as I heard the words. She didn’t know? What the fuck did that mean? They were traveling together. It was their trip. The trip of a lifetime they’d said. Why would they leave at different times? It didn’t make sense. Sweat formed along my brows. My hands became clammy as I clenched them into fists to hide the anger. My heart was racing and breathing seemed a bit more difficult.
“What do you mean you don’t know, Colby? Didn’t the two of you travel back together?” At this point, the anger I’d been holding back began to bubble to the surface.
I heard a laugh, but it sounded phony. It was sarcastic. Low. Honestly, if it weren’t Colby, I’d have said it sound like pain more than anything. Maybe her anger wasn’t totally at me. The fact that her and Avery would part ways meant that something significant happened. I wanted to know what. But first, I needed to know where the hell she was.
“No,” she finally spoke. “We— I left a few days early.”
“Why?” I wanted to shake her. Knock some fucking sense into her stupid head. How could she be so calm and cool when Avery was gone? Did she know something I didn’t know? “Why would you leave your best friend halfway across the country alone?”
“She’s not my best friend,” her teeth clenched together. “She hasn’t been since she met you.”
The disdain in her voice was hard to miss. She was angry at me, but she was also angry at Avery. I could understand her viewpoint. Hell, who wouldn’t? She felt betrayed. She felt like she’d been replaced. But was now the time to argue about that?
And for the love of God, did she have to leave the love of my life alone almost one thousand miles from home?
“Colby,” I began, clenching my own teeth to avoid spewing a slew of venomous words in her direction. I kept reminding myself to think of my goal. “Did she even make it back?”
For the first time since she’d opened the door I saw Colby’s eyes flicker with something resembling concern. I don’t think until that point she’d considered that anything could happen to Avery. She’d been angry and she’d let that drive her decisions. As usual, Colby was a selfish person fueled by passion for whatever emotion she was feeling.
“I would assume so,” she tried to continue the bitchy attitude, but something had changed. There was a softer tone to her voice. One that realized she’d made a mistake. For a split second she cared. She was worried. And then, in the flash of an eye, it was gone. “Probably lying in bed at home calling out your name and crying like a god damned infant.” Her hateful tone had returned, along with her eye rolling.
“She’s not at home,” I interjected, ignoring her stabbing words about the person she’d once vowed to love and protect. “I’ve been by there constantly. Her car hasn’t been there. No one has been there.”
Colby’s eyes focused on the ground and mine followed. She was shuffling from one foot to the other. An obvious nervous habit, and she couldn’t help it. She was worried. She didn’t want to admit it. She was too angry. But standing there with me, she was worried.
“Maybe she’s avoiding you?” her suggestion seemed ridiculous at best. We both knew that she wouldn’t avoid me if she were home. Not just because of her feelings for me, but because she was unable to lie and sneak. At all. Ever.
“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t buy that.”
“What if you just keep missing her?” Colby suggested, looking hopeful again.
“I doubt it,” I didn’t want to tell her I’d stalked the apartment several times a day, just waiting to catch a glimpse of her. No way would I admit that.
“Did you call her?”
“No Colby,” my words dripped with sarcasm. “I thought I’d run over here and ask you before I tried something simple like that. After all, who could pass on a chance to enjoy your sparkling personality?”
“Not very many,” she giggled, and I shook my head. Did she really think that was something to be happy about and proud of? “What’d she say?”
“Straight to voice mail,” I answered. “For over a week now.”
That was when Colby took it seriously. That answer bothered her. She knew Avery as well as I did. Maybe better, but that was debatable. No way would she have left her phone off on purpose. Something was wrong.
“Did you check the diner?” Colby’s eyes lit up as she watched me nod. “Let me call them. Maybe she really is hiding,” she darted off to make the call.
“Okay,” I waited in the doorway, still not invited inside by Colby.
I looked into the kitchen as I waited. I could see Avery, standing over the counter with a beer in her hand. Her long hair would be messy and untouched by a brush. Her eyes would light up and she’d smile at me, telling me what we should do for dinner.
The visual made my heart ache. How on earth was I going to survive having let her go. She had to come back to me. She had to come home.
“She quit,” the words, spoken in an eerily worried tone, startled me.
“Quit?” I asked, shocked. Avery had loved that job. She needed that job. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, have quit.
“He said she called in last week. Told him she wouldn’t be back,” Colby couldn’t look at me, but I could see tears forming in her eyes. “I knew she was upset, but….”
“You knew she was upset and you left her across the country?” the rage was going to explode. “You were all she had Colby!” I screamed, no longer caring who heard me or what it did.
Her blue eyes shots up at me, ice cold with hatred. “You have the nerve to blame me?” she yelled. “You did this Spencer! You did all of this.”
She was right. I knew it. Everything she said was the truth. This was all my fault.
“You ruined us. Our friendship. You took that away.” She was still going on as I felt the panic spreading through me. “You killed what we had. Then you killed her.”
“Don’t say that,” I begged, fear taking over my thoughts.
“I’m going to try and call her,” she spat, turning again and shutting the door as she did.
I waited. I knew she’d get no answer. My gut told me something was wrong. And I knew when she heard what I’d heard, she would open the door again only hoping I’d be there. Because as much as we disliked each other, and as much as we wanted to blame the other, we both knew the truth. If something was wrong with Avery, it was because of us both.
Within moments the door flung open. I looked up, expecting to see Colby in tears. But she wasn’t. She was smiling. Her bag was flung across her shoulder and she had her keys in her hand.
“Let’s go,” she announced, closing the door and walking down the hallway.
“Where a
re we going?”
“To her apartment,” I noticed her purposely leave out my name in claim to the place I’d once called home.
“Is she there?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “But I have a key. So we are going to go find out.”
“And the call?” I knew the answer, but I needed to hear it.
“Voicemail,” she mumbled. “But she’s fine Spencer. Just hiding. And we are about to go find her.”
“I sure hope so,” I sighed, knowing better.
“I know so,” she pushed the button for the elevator and I watched her hands shaking. Colby may be pretending, but she was terrified. This was just her one last attempt to make it all okay in her head. And both of us stood there in the hallway knowing that it wasn’t going to work. For the second time, we’d worked together to destroy what was most important to both of us.