“And you used him.” She nodded. “Doll, he probably has some hot ass on the side. You aren’t a couple, so why does it matter?”
“He doesn’t. He wants me back.”
“No shit.”
“Yeah. No shit. And I can’t stop thinking about it. Something happened between us. It was like I was going home.”
“How’s the no-strings-attached thing working out for you?”
She moved her head slightly side to side, her lips forming a frown. “It’s not.”
“You’re not capable of separating sex and love with him. I knew this would happen.”
“Tell me about it.” Wetness spilled down her cheeks as she tried to make heads or tails out of this entire saga. Not only had she dug up repressed feelings for Jacob, it was obvious he had too. And undeniable attraction to Gavin, even though he wasn’t honest about being the Dom at the Resort, still burned her loins. Was it possible to fall for two men at the same time? Was she really that fucked up?
“Gavin knows about my lifestyle. What about work? How long has he known? And there’s Jacob, someone I’ve come to respect again, and I pull the rug out from under him.”
“Come here.” She fell against his chest. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You had no idea. What did Gavin say when you told him you knew?”
She sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve. She rose, brows furrowed.
“Doll...”
“What?”
“The Shane I know would have called him out, clocked him in the face, fired him, or all of the above.”
“I couldn’t with half of Omega’s staff there. And I can’t fire him. Gavin has to see Ryan Digmore through to his release date. Don had us put it in the contract.”
“You’re choosing work over what’s morally right,” he said slowly.
“If John Talbot finds out we lost the Digmore account because of personal shit, he’ll have my head. He’s practically breathing down my neck after Icarus Descending fell through.”
“But this is serious, Shane. This crosses all lines.”
“Maybe. I mean, I don’t know.” She twisted her hands in her lap.
“Okay, let’s take a step back. Do you love Jacob?”
“Loaded question. I’ll always love him to some degree. I don’t know if there’s anything left long-term.”
“But there is with Gavin?”
“Not what I said.”
“But you’re using some stupid contract as an excuse. You can take care of Digmore without him. You told me the other day how much you bonded with his manager over lunch.”
She stalled as her insides twisted against her emotions. Right and wrong. Deceit and desire. Curiosity and choice.
“Gavin deceived you. He took advantage in your most vulnerable state and chose to lie about it.” His words were delivered harshly to help break through her fog.
“I think he’s misguided. The more I talk to him, the more I know he struggles with…”
“Being normal?” He leapt to his feet, waking Dickens from his slumber. The dog jumped from the couch with a yelp before running to the bed in the corner of the room.
David paced the length of the living room, hands flailing. She shrank into a ball. “It’s about human decency, Shane.” His hands moved in her direction, emphasizing each word. “He manipulated you.”
“You’re making assumptions.” Guilt roiled at her defensive words. David didn’t know the worst of all. The video. She slammed her mouth shut. If she told him, he’d insist she end it or worse, probably kill Gavin for making it and her for agreeing to it. She was seriously losing it.
“Oh. My. God. You’re falling for him!” He searched the heavens, probably hoping a lightning bolt would strike her.
She threw her body back on the couch. “I don’t know what I am right now. Gavin is the most intriguing creature I’ve ever met, fucked up mind and all! The sex…” She dropped her voice to a throaty sound of angst. “Oh my god, the sex…beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. And my brain is trying to compute that the Dom and Gavin are the same person. I’m out of control, and I’m dying to find out more.”
“Despite his indiscretions?”
She pounded the back of the couch. “He made me fly, David. If he didn’t care, why would he try so hard? He could have done the minimal to prove a point. Besides, I can’t let him win. I have to stick to the original plan. Get him to fall.”
“You’re a lost cause.” He plopped down next to her. “And for all we know, he could be out to get you to fall. And not in love.”
Her job.
Her hands covered her face. “Look, I know I’m looking for justification behind what Gavin did but there’s so much leading me to believe he’s changing. I want to fix him.”
“It’s nothing but classic sub frenzy. Haven’t seen anyone in this state in a long time, doll. Why him? Other than the sex, ’cause lord knows you’ve won the golden ticket to sexual sin. Not to mention with two men. Lucky bitch.” She lifted her head to encounter the smirk on his face. She laughed. “What? Seriously though. Who’s better?”
“Let’s not get into that, please.”
“Fine. Why Gavin?”
She gnawed her bottom lip. “He’s demanding and takes charge of situations. He’s focused and knows what he wants. Going toe-to-toe with someone like him daily makes me want surrender sometimes. Reminds me of my relationship with Jacob, only more intense. More on the line. Ya know? And of course, there’s the…”
“Mystery,” he finished. “We all love the intrigue and excitement of something new. But for all we know, his lies could be damaging all parties involved. He struggles with sharing who he truly is with anyone, including himself. Honestly, he’s not ready for something like this.”
She straightened. “Something like what?”
He rested his arm on the back of the couch and tilted his head. “Something long-term. Sharing his life with someone else without judgment. Unconditional love. You deserve unconditional love from someone. He doesn’t like who he is at his core, and it shows. He’s incapable of giving you more.”
“How do you know?”
He lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “Someone keeping secrets like he does is afraid of someone finding out who he is deep down.”
He had a point. Gavin’s background check for Omega Records revealed only the surface of his secrets, but what else was he hiding? What could’ve been so bad he was afraid to share simple things like his family or what he was like as a kid?
Her mind spun. Did she need to know, when he hid the biggest secret of all? Knowing he fucked her in his club.
“And whether you choose Jacob, Gavin, or someone else, don’t discount yourself for the mystery.” She dialed back from her thoughts when he gave a comforting squeeze on her arm. “There are too many questions surrounding Gavin’s reason for lying. He’s got to go.”
Too many questions. And ones her heart desperately wanted answers to. Curiosity had gotten her this far in life, so why not pursue it a little further?
“I need to ask him why. Give him the chance to explain.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You’re not serious. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“There’s a good person in there. I’ve seen it, David. In the last few months, I’ve seen a change in him. In the way we are together.” A thought crossed her mind. “And he came to me.”
“When?”
“At the award show and again last night.” She rubbed her forehead as her voice faded. Gavin had appeared unsure. Upset.
“What did he say?”
“Something about...” A possible path to reasoning hit her as the pieces fell into place. “He was going to admit it. I know it.”
“Now you’re making assumptions.”
“No. No, I’m not. He said there was something we needed to discuss—about ‘us’.” She made air quotes.
“I don’t see how this makes it better.”
She shrugged, twisting her fingers until they ache
d. “I know there’s a story there. And I want to understand his past and what makes him this way.”
As they fell silent each part of their conversation broke down, the rising tide swept her deeper into confusion.
A conversation about us…
Toe to toe with him in the workplace...
Getting her to fall…
Surrendering herself…
He was after her job…
Her head lifted as she gasped. David nearly choked on his coffee. “Jesus, doll. What the hell?” He wiped the spilled liquid from his chin and shook out his hand.
She smiled as elation released the pain deep in her chest. Gavin might think this was about taking her job, but it was something more. She tapped two fingers on her lips.
“The concert’s coming up.”
“I know that look. What are you thinking?”
“Not sure yet, but we’ll see come next weekend.”
“You’re setting yourself up for something bad. You have to play it straight. The game is over.” His hand landed on her knee. “Look, I know you want to fix him, but you can’t.”
David wouldn’t understand the dynamic she and Gavin shared at The Resort. The way his dominance rooted in her submissive bones and the pure joy he had from release. Subordinate or not, Gavin was wired that way. And she’d given him what he craved. Control over her. Something he couldn’t have in their daily lives.
“I know it seems like I have one foot in the insane asylum, but like with all business deals, sometimes the highest risk yields the best reward.”
He sighed, angrily rising from the couch. “This is not a business deal. This is your life, your heart. You’re making a huge mistake.”
18
Madison Square Garden bustled with concertgoers. The anxiety swarming her thoughts muted Shane’s normal anticipation of the band’s performance. A week had passed since finding out, and with a travel schedule and perpetual work demands, she was able to avoid Gavin until a plan came to mind.
By dissecting their time in the workplace and at The Resort, things had become clearer. Once the playing field and solid timeline had been established, the obvious changes in Gavin emerged.
His patience in the club after learning about her two-year absence from submission.
The way he prepared her for each scene.
The masterful blend of pain meeting unimaginable pleasure.
The respect she’d earned over the Digmore deal.
The way he showed jealousy toward Jacob at the award show.
All of it, put together, showed an interesting evolution of the one she should call enemy but desired to call Sir.
She tugged her white knitted hat down to cover her ears. Standing among the crowd, the dark sky filled her vision. The winter breeze cooled her hot skin. A few light snowflakes fell as she breathed in the chilled air.
“This is it,” she said aloud.
“What is?”
She froze. Gavin. “Ah, nothing. How are you?”
“Cold.” He smiled while his gaze raked over her. She hoped he couldn’t see her restlessness.
“Shall we?” She moved to the line. “So, how was your week?”
“It was fine. You’re acting strange.” He raised one eyebrow.
“I am? Sorry, long week.”
Once inside, he removed his coat and slung it over his arm. He wore dark jeans and an untucked black dress shirt. Sleeves rolled to his elbows exposed a gunmetal gray watch and muscular forearms. Damn.
“What?”
“I’ve never seen you in normal clothes.” She removed her cape and hat.
“Normal clothes?” He laughed, rumbling her insides. “Whatever you say, Flashdance.” He plucked the hem of the oversized, torn graphic-tee falling from her shoulder.
“Hey! I happen to love this shirt. It’s a rock concert after all. Beer?”
“If you say so.” She wasn’t sure if he’d made another joke about her shirt or agreed to the beer. She chose the latter.
She turned quickly to take the entrance leading to the floor while he walked straight ahead. “Gavin,” she called. He stopped and pivoted to face her.
“Our box is this way, Shane.” He pointed down the corridor.
“We’re not going to the box.” She nudged her head to the stairs. “Follow me.”
Gripping the handrail, she could feel his stare. She sauntered down the stairs, swaying her ass, hoping he would like the view in her tight jeans.
They approached the floor, and she squealed excitedly, “Come on! Over here.” The energy of the stadium took her back to why she’d fallen in love with the music industry. Listening to the crowd banter, nostalgia bloomed in her chest.
“Did you hear their new album?”
“Heard their last show was epic.”
Over her shoulder, she caught sight of a small but noticeable twitch on his lips. It showed amusement, shooting tingles through her.
“The box would have been more comfortable.” He sat placing his coat on the back of the chair.
She set her things down. “Come on, Gavin. Learn to live a little.” She raised her arms. “This is where the magic happens.”
“Magic, huh? A bunch of screaming fans crowded on a floor. Sounds great.” His hard passive expression made him difficult to read.
Her smile fell, and he laughed, the low, throaty sound smothering any previous lingering tension.
“Think you’re funny, Mr. Mayne? Seriously, don’t you remember experiencing the music? Being in the crowd and taking in the atmosphere?”
“There’s no time.” He sipped his beer avoiding her question.
“Sure, there is. You just don’t remember how.”
He rolled his jaw. “Is that why we’re here? For you to help me remember? Why the curiosity to know my personal life?”
Because you manipulated me as Gavin.
Because you cared for me as a Dom.
Because I’m fucked up and want to give you what you crave.
Saved by the dimming lights and cheering fans, she jumped out of her chair. “Show time!”
Gavin remained in his seat. What was she doing? And why would she bring him to this show?
“Stand up!”
He reluctantly stood. She continued chanting the band’s name. Like a little kid seeing her favorite band for the first time, her smile lit the room. It resonated within him.
She didn’t give a fuck what people thought. He, on the other hand, was out of his element. With his left hand shoved in his jeans pocket, his eyes bounced across the stage as the band grabbed their instruments.
A low, steady strum sounded from the guitar. Screams overpowered the intro as the crowd instantly responded to the first chords. Shane whistled between two fingers as he swallowed a long pull of beer. His foot lightly tapped along to the beat.
Her warm hand snatched his and held it in the air as she sang the first few lines to “Everlong.”
The lyrics echoed in the deep cavern of memories he’d buried. He’d heard the song a million times over, but tonight it sounded different. Could he feel something real? Could he cross his own boundaries?
After the last time she gave her submission to him at The Resort, he’d been unable to reconcile his once loathing response to the present burning desire. She’d crossed a barrier he’d let slip, and she continued breaking the walls down. As much as there was fear, he also had hope. In the forefront of his mind, Shane existed, not his quest to becoming CEO. And telling her the truth weighed on him. Kept him awake at night and distracted during the day. He wanted nothing more than to explain what he’d done. He’d tried and, both times, stalled like a coward.
Thankful for her absence from the office this past week, he’d attempted to process a course of action. Yet nothing had come except the same scenario where he lost her and his job. And right now, losing her would hurt more.
Swiping his forehead, uneasiness ran rampant. As she swayed to the music, her eyes closed as she took each moment for wh
at it was. Perhaps he could learn from her. Live each moment tonight and see where it would take them.
He closed his eyes. Each note teleported him to his younger years. Lying on his bed with his earphones in, he would clutch their album against his chest. He liked to imagine being on stage with the band. A fantasy of a different life. A life where he’d escaped his father’s will and his mother’s neglect for one on the road toward happiness. The souring thought turned his stomach. He opened his eyes to find Shane his reality. He was his father’s son, and she was his victim. Telling her was the only option.
Shane’s knee bounced as she bit her thumbnail. The energy was too high. The hope of Gavin showing his true colors and letting go frayed her nerves.
With two beers in hand, Gavin returned, flashing a panty-dropping smile from ear-to-ear. God, it was beautiful. “Did I miss anything?”
She laughed at his boyish tone. “No, they’re setting up for the acoustic set.” They stared at each other for a moment.
“Ga—” she started.
“Sha—” he began.
“Go ahead.”
“I was going to say thank you.”
“Thank you? Wow, Gavin Mayne, the gentleman. Who knew?” she joked. “No need to thank me.”
“Why’d you do this?” His eyes—a smoky blue-gray—narrowed under the dim house lights. His tone was warm and genuine.
She ran a thumbnail along the edge of the plastic cup. “I don’t know.”
“Shane,” he said sternly, causing her to meet his gaze.
“You mentioned you liked them, so I thought…”
“Thank you. I mean it.”
“Well…” She faded out as Grohl sang.
Removing her cup, he set it on the floor with his, and stood. He held out his hand. A hot rush flooded her body as his eyes exposed the storm brewing behind his irises.
Her heartbeat drowned out the music as she slowly lifted her hand and placed it in his. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he swayed to the music. Her nerves soothed into thrumming electricity, his hard figure enveloping her small frame from behind.
She closed her eyes as he sang into her ear. She imagined the words were his to tell, and for the first time, he wanted to let his past go and learn to live for himself. For her. For them.
Beyond the Masks Page 18