by Lexi Blake
She did not need to do this tonight. “Bab…Karina, go to bed. It’s okay. We can talk in the morning. Or not.”
Her lips curled to the sweetest smile. “Because you don’t care?”
That wasn’t the truth. “I care. I care a lot. I just…Karina, you’re crying.”
He’d fucked up again. She’d been through hell and only now was she crying. He’d been the one to bring her low.
“I’m worried that you won’t love me when I tell you my story, and I love you so much I think I’ll die if you can’t love me back.”
His heart skipped a beat. “What?”
She turned to him and patted the seat beside her. “I said I love you. Please listen to me and then you can tell me if you think you might be able to love me back.”
He loved her. He loved her with every fiber of his being. The story she was about to tell him wouldn’t change that in the slightest. He didn’t care. He loved the Karina who sat in front of him, the Karina who—if he had any say in it—would bear his children and hold his hand when they were old and gray. He loved the Karina who was strong and beautiful and who could save herself.
But this was her story to tell and he was going to listen.
She seemed to take his silence as acquiescence. “I have no idea who my dad is. He could be alive or dead. I don’t know. I went into foster care. I was okay for a long time. I got adopted. Her name was Marcy Giles and she was so nice. I was fourteen when she died. Car accident this time. I had a sister by then. Regina. She was two years older than me and I tried so hard to keep us together. There was no blood between us. Regina was born with Downs. Marcy didn’t care. I didn’t care. The state did. She died when I was sixteen. I only found out because I ran away to her halfway house.”
So much death for someone so young. He couldn’t stop himself. She was naked and offering herself to him. Not in a sexual way. She was giving him her pain so he could understand her. So he could take a piece of it into himself and make it less of a burden on her heart. He reached for her because this story was best told when she was in his arms, safe, loved.
He would take all of her pain and halve it because she belonged to him. Her pain, her soul, was a beautiful half of his. “I’m sorry to hear that. What happened to you?”
She sank into him, her shoulder finding his neck. Trusting. Her arms wound around him. No hesitation. She was his. “I got shuffled around. Some of my foster parents were good. Some weren’t so good. A couple…they used their position against me.”
He tightened his arms around her. She’d been abused. He wanted to go back and protect her but all he could really do was love the woman she was, to worship her for her beauty, her survival. There was something so strong, so vivid about the woman she was now. “I love you.”
Her head turned up. “Don’t say that yet.”
He already knew what she was going to say. He’d figured it out long ago. Emotion welled inside him. “I will love you until I can’t breathe anymore. And long after. I believe, Karina. I believe there is a heaven and if I go first, I will wait for you. Don’t say you can’t go there. God is greater than we make him. Bigger than we think he is.”
“I did drugs. A lot of them.”
So many people would have. “It doesn’t matter.”
His faith could take them far past where her legacy could. She’d been dealt a bad card. He had a full deck and he would share it with her.
“Derek, I did hard stuff.”
A deep peace settled over him. She trusted him. She was talking to him. Now he had to make her believe because they had a shot—a shot at life together, a shot at love, and that was all either of them could ask for. There were no guarantees. She could die tomorrow. She could change. She could fall away from him.
So many things could go wrong but he needed one thing, just one thing to go right. “I love you.”
“I was arrested twice and the only reason I don’t have an adult record is because Kevin sent me to rehab.”
She thought she could turn him away? He was made of stronger stuff than that. It was time to turn his back on his marriage. That had been crap but he’d seen real love. He saw it when his father looked at his mother. And he fucking saw it in the mirror because he was in love with her and that wouldn’t stop. It was a terminal condition. He would love her forever. “It doesn’t matter because I love you.”
“Derek, you don’t understand. It was bad. My rehab was awful. I couldn’t keep anything down for days. I wanted to die.”
“I’m glad you didn’t because I love you.” There was only one truth and he was going to make her believe.
“When Kevin found me I was living in a house where they cooked meth and ran drugs, and I was two steps away from selling my body because I didn’t care. The drugs were all that mattered.”
He pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. She was his love. So brave. So smart. “I love you.”
Slowly, so slowly, her arms wrapped around him and they were together in a way they had never been before. Halves of a whole. He was the boy who had everything and still felt hollow and she was the girl with nothing who had so much to give.
Together they were complete.
She started talking. She told him about how alone she’d felt, how she’d been kicked to the curb at seventeen and found herself in a meth house. She’d had nowhere to go, but somehow she’d helped the people around her. She talked about the deal she’d made with Kevin. It sounded easy, but he knew damn well how much strength it had taken.
She’d conquered something so few people ever did. She’d faced it and come out stronger. Her words made him think she thought less of herself because she needed to go to meetings and talk, but he was in awe of her resilience.
Karina fell silent, her head against his chest. After a long moment, she spoke in hesitating tones. “Derek, I understand if you need to think about it.”
“Marry me.” He didn’t need to think about it. He loved her. He needed her to react emotionally before she really thought about the fact that he didn’t deserve her. He would worship the ground she walked on, would feel blessed for every day he lived with her.
“Derek? Did you hear a word I said?”
Brat. Little fucking brat. Did she think he’d drifted and decided that the only way he could appease her was to ask her to marry him? She’d walked out naked. She’d meant something by that. She’d offered her submission by offering her body. “Knees, Karina.”
She slid off his lap, getting to her knees in front of him. He touched her hair and forced her to look at him.
“Karina, listen to me and listen well. I love you. I want you to marry me. I want you to call me husband in front of the world and Master in our safe places. I want you to trust that I will always take care of you.”
“I love you, Derek. Master. I love you but for a long time that felt wrong because I loved him, too.”
“I’m not asking you to forget about him. Tell me your stories, but, baby you have to let me be a part of them.” It was so hard to remember. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “No, baby. I’m sorry. He called me that and I felt guilty because I wanted you to call me that more than anything. I loved Kevin. I did. But I’ve never wanted a man the way I want you.”
“That’s good because god knows I want you.” His cock pulsed and there was no way he left her alone for the night. “How much do your arms hurt, baby?”
Her lips curled into a sexy grin. “I don’t think you’ll be tying me up for a few weeks, but I can handle whatever else you want to throw at me, Master.”
“I’m glad you said that because I’m dying here. Help me out.”
Her hands went to the fly of his jeans. She made quick work of the button, releasing his cock. Her hand went around him, holding him in a tight grip. His girl wasn’t tentative. She knew what he liked and she gave it to him. He liked her rough, strong, giving as much as she took.
Yeah, he’d been an idiot and he’d wasted s
o much time, but he wasn’t going to waste another second. She stroked him, her eyes on his dick as she licked her lips. That made him feel about twelve feet tall. “You’re going to marry me, baby.”
“Yes I am,” she replied. “I’m going to marry you because I love you and you keep a really clean house.”
Brat. “I would spank you if you hadn’t already been through hell.”
Her eyes came up as she licked the head of his cock. “I think you can come up with a way to make me feel better. I know I can make you forget about our crappy night.”
If he let her, she’d suck him dry and while that was usually a damn fine idea, he had other plans for tonight. It was his turn to be the supplicant. He gripped her wrist gently and pulled it away. He didn’t want to come until he was deep inside her. “Karina, I don’t want to wear a condom. I don’t want to wait.”
All of their friends were having kids. There would be a big group of them running crazy and wild and growing up together. He wanted that for his kids. His and Karina’s. Damn but her daughter would be a handful.
A brilliant smile crossed her face. “I’m not getting any younger, Master. I think I would like to be a mom very much.”
She moved back and let him stand. He quickly got out of his jeans and boots and shrugged off his shirt. He held a hand out to help her stand, but the minute she got to her feet, he leaned down and gently picked her up.
Her arm went around his neck and a dreamy look crossed her face. “I love it when you do that, Brighton. Somehow you make me feel dainty.”
She was dainty compared to him. He started for his bedroom. Finally, finally she would be where she belonged. In his bed. “Then I’ll just carry you everywhere.”
She laughed. “I think that might make it hard for me to work.”
Another thing to talk about. “Baby, I know you love what you do, but can you tone down the dangerous stuff? Please. You’re going to give me a heart attack.”
“I can’t have that.” She touched his jaw, brushing her fingers against the bristles there. “I think I’m going to take some time off and see if I can put that money Terry was willing to kill me over to good use. I’ve hidden so much of myself for a long time. I’m ready to talk, Derek. I’m ready to stand up. I think DPD can help me with a youth outreach.”
Oh, shit. She was going to be the bossiest community advocate any of them had ever worked with, and he would love every minute of sparring with her. “I can make that happen.”
Because making sure she got what she needed was his job.
When she gave him hell, he would just have to take her to the bedroom where he could be the boss.
He laid her down on his bed, turning on the light on the nightstand. He was damn glad he’d never had a woman here. He’d always gone to the woman’s place, telling himself this was his space, but now he realized the truth. Somewhere deep down, he’d been waiting for her.
He stared at her, memorizing the vision of her golden skin laid out, her face open and trusting. This, this was the start of his life, and he didn’t want to forget a second of it.
“Derek?” Karina held her hand out.
He took it, joining her on the bed. He touched the place on her forehead where a lump had formed. She’d fought like hell.
“Don’t think about it, Derek. It’s just a little bump. It doesn’t even hurt. It won’t scar.”
He kissed that little lump that she’d gotten while fighting for her life. And then he kissed the small scar on her cheek that wasn’t even noticeable under makeup. “Your scars are beautiful.”
He kissed them all, finding even the smallest of places where she’d once been hurt and lavishing affection there.
She protested and giggled when he flipped her over and caressed every inch of her skin. “You’re making me crazy. Kiss me.”
“I am kissing you and this is my time, so you be still.” It was his time to explore her body with no limits, no walls between them. He kissed the nape of her neck, nibbled on her earlobes, and licked his way down her spine. He kissed everywhere those damn ropes had burned. His ropes were the only ones that would ever touch her again. He would bind her in silk and make her feel his love, his devotion.
He could smell her arousal. He chuckled a little as he noticed her hands were fisted in the bedspread.
“Do you want something, baby?” He loved making her beg.
“You know what I want. So give it to me.”
Oh, she really was asking for it. He gave her ass a quick but hard smack. “That was your warning. I’m not going to give you a full-on spanking no matter how much you beg. You might think you know best, but I’m in charge here. I will continue to play with you and not allow you to come.”
She whimpered a little, the sound making his cock jump. “Please, Master.”
“That’s better.” He kissed the place he’d just spanked. “Now ask me for what you want. Use words that get me hot and ready for you.”
He loved it when she talked dirty.
“I want your cock, Master. Please give me your cock.”
He turned her over, loving the way her skin had flushed. He let his fingers find her pussy. Wet. Soft. His. His fingers parted her labia as she whimpered again and closed her eyes, giving over to him. He played for a minute, fucking her with a single finger while his thumb found her clit.
“Is that not enough, baby?”
She shook her head. “You know it’s not enough. I need your cock.”
But she would take what he gave her and he wanted more than whimpering cries. He wanted to make her scream because he wasn’t sure how long he would last once he got inside her. There was too much emotion riding him, too much longing.
He gave her a second finger, curling them inside her to find her sweet spot. He leaned over and sucked her clit.
She screamed his name as she came.
And then he was done with waiting. He covered her body with his and was finally where he’d needed to be all night. Skin to skin. His chest to hers, their legs tangled, their eyes meeting. He made a place for himself between her legs and smoothed her hair back. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Her arms wound around him, binding him as securely as he bound her with ropes. She didn’t need ropes. She just needed to be close to him to make him feel safe.
He leaned down and kissed her, thrusting his tongue in even as his cock found its home. He pushed deep inside her in a single ruthless thrust. She groaned against his mouth.
She pulsed around him, her pussy tight as a vise. So hot. So fucking good.
Over and over he thrust inside, keeping his body tight to hers, wanting nothing at all between them.
Her legs wound around him and he was utterly enveloped in her.
She kept pace with him, matching him thrust for thrust and leaving her mark on his back. He loved the way she fought for her pleasure, gave him everything she had.
But it was too sweet to last. He felt his spine tingle, his balls drawing up and ready to blow. Anticipation flashed through him. This wasn’t the end, just the beginning. He would make love to his wife for the rest of his life.
He ground down against her clit as he thrust in as far as he could go.
Karina tightened around him, holding on as she moaned and rode the wave of her orgasm. She clung to him as pure pleasure swamped his system. He lost his rigid control and plunged mindlessly into her. Over and over he thrust, giving her everything he had, giving up every ounce of come.
He finally couldn’t move again and let his body fall to hers. Her hands found his hair, sinking in and holding him to her body.
He let his head rest against her breast and promised to never let her go again.
Epilogue
Karina dropped her Styrofoam cup in the trash. All around her the meeting was breaking up. Some of the members were old friends and some came and went, their faces fleeting in her memory. They were all passengers on a journey they took together, a journey they chose to take because they’d dec
ided life was worth more than a momentary high. So much more.
“I heard a rumor that you’re going to be doing some charity work,” the meeting leader said with a grin. Howard had been running the three p.m. every day for years.
“As soon as I can find a space.” She was beyond excited about this new chapter in her life. She was in the planning stages, but she was going to start a youth outreach that helped young drug offenders find rehab instead of jail, an education instead of death. “And I’ve been told by my soon-to-be mother-in-law that everything can wait until after the wedding.”
She’d never imagined it, but she was having a big church wedding complete with a white dress and all the trappings. Derek had gone a little pale at the thought and started to argue that they could just elope, but Karina knew a woman on a mission when she saw one.
“Congratulations to you. You’re looking good for a woman who nearly died.”
She let out a rueful laugh. It had made the news and several papers. “I’m good. Terry’s trial is coming up but I’m not really worried that he’ll get off. The prosecutor is a shark.”
And had sort of weirdly become a friend. Maia had promised both her and Derek that Terry would spend the rest of his life in prison. Of course, she’d actually said he’d spend the rest of his life being someone’s chew toy, but that was just how she talked. Maia seemed perfectly happy prosecuting a case she was sure would get her plenty of TV time.
Then there was Will, who just seemed to want everything to go away. She’d been trying to talk to him, trying to get him to come to Sanctum, but so far he’d ducked all her calls. She had to hope he wouldn’t ignore his needs for too long.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Howard patted her shoulder.
“Thanks. I’ll see you next time.”
He gave her a grin. “I bet you will. And bring the grim reaper with you. We’re getting used to him.”
Derek wouldn’t let her come alone. If she needed to go, he would drop what he was doing and drive her and sit outside the church until she walked out. He would be there, waiting to hold her hand.