Nancy tried not to panic. No way would he quit working with Mina because of her. Paul was not that kind of man. If he said he would do something, he did. And he told Mina he would help her with Thomas’ house. “Is he sick?”
Thomas’ tapped his other boot on the matted grass under their feet as he flipped his cell over and over in his hands. Finally he looked up at her.
“What happened with you and Paul?”
She was right. Mina was weird yesterday. Come to think of it, her future daughter-in-law was a little strange the night before at dinner too. All this time she was focused on Paul and how he was acting. It never occurred to her to pay attention to how she was acting.
It was probably obvious as hell.
Nancy scratched at a nonexistent spot on her jeans as she worked through an answer.
Thomas sighed beside her. “I’m just asking because Mina’s going to start driving me nuts if I don’t have an answer soon.” He turned to her. “And then she’s going to start asking Paul.”
Part of Nancy wanted to hear how Paul would explain what went on between them. It was only a little part though. The rest of her was terrified of what he would say. And what it would make Mina think of her.
“We knew each other in high school.” Nancy closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the barely warm air and mulled over how to explain their history. Her history. “More than knew each other I guess. I liked him, I knew he liked me.”
“Before dad?”
She nodded, trying to swallow the lump forming in the back of her throat. “Right before your dad.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
She cleared her throat. “They were friends.” She shook her head, ashamed to admit the truth. Even worse, for her son to know it. “Best friends.”
Thomas stayed quiet, waiting.
“Paul and I went out on one date. He was the nicest guy.” She remembered it like it just happened, sometimes it felt like it just did. Maybe because she’d replayed it so many times over the years. It was one of the best nights she’d ever had, but at the time, she didn’t appreciate it.
Paul was quiet and kind and a perfect gentleman. Traits a seventeen-year-old girl wouldn’t value until years later. He’d taken her to a movie and dinner in the beautiful car he’d worked his ass off to pay for. A bright orange GTO.
Then, she’d fucked it all up.
“Your dad asked me out the next day.”
Thomas’ eyebrows went up. “Wow.” He shook his head. “Dad just fucked everyone didn’t he?”
Nancy sighed. As much as she wished she could blame it all on Sam, that wouldn’t be fair. “It wasn’t just your dad’s fault.”
Thomas studied her for a second. “Why’d you pick him?”
It was something she’d struggled with for years. The truth was stupidity. Arrogance. “I was a dumb, superficial girl.” And she suffered greatly because of it. Lots of people had. “Your dad was the captain of the football team. The homecoming king. I suppose I was just captivated with the fact he wanted me.”
“Why didn’t you guys try again after dad? I mean, you were both single.”
“He never asked again.” She always hoped, maybe one day he would, but anytime they ran into each other it was obvious he wasn’t thinking the same thing. Not until a few months ago when he helped her with Maddie and Charlie. Then she thought there might be a chance he wanted to see what could happen between them.
But he didn’t. She didn’t hear from him again.
“Have you talked to him about what happened?” Thomas’ tone was gentle, but she knew he didn’t blame Paul. She couldn’t either.
“Last night.”
Thomas cocked his head to the side. “Last night?”
“Yes.” Nancy rubbed her temples.
Thomas reached across to put his hand on her arm. “He might just need a day to himself. Don’t worry.”
Nancy swallowed. “He’s such a good man. He didn’t deserve what I did.” She held her breath and clamped her hand over her mouth as an unexpected flood of emotion threatened to overwhelm her.
After a few seconds, when she felt confident the chances of her either breaking into sobs or screaming like a lunatic were significantly reduced, Nancy dropped her hand. “I don’t know how to fix it. I just wanted him to know how sorry I am.”
Sorry for him, sorry for her, sorry for Thomas, and sorry for Rich. When she chose Sam over Paul, she sealed all their fates. Even Beth and the girls were suffering because of her and the guilt was eating her alive.
Maybe Paul wasn’t the only one she owed an apology.
“I’m sorry to you too.”
Thomas scoffed. “You weren’t the problem.”
“Well, I chose the problem didn’t I?” Nancy rubbed her hands over her face. Her head was beginning to hurt. “Let’s talk about something else. I can’t…”
“We need to get Beth and the girls taken care of.” Thomas turned his outstretched leg slowly from side to side. “I don’t know that Mina and I decided where we were going to live. I think with everything going on, we figured we would decide later.”
Which house they wanted was the least of her worries. “Can we swing all the houses?”
“If Beth can help with the books it would be no problem.” He paused while he stood from the bench. “I’ll go home and run the numbers. The hardest part will be now until the fall when our money comes in, but we should be able to get through.”
Thankfully Thomas took his entire share each year at the end of the season. Over the years Rich tried many times to get him to keep it in the pot and take an allowance, promising he could invest it and make Thomas even more money. He’d never taken him up on the offer thank goodness, opting for the certainty of money in the bank instead. If he had, they would be really screwed right now.
“Do you think Mina will mind?” It was a lot to ask of her. She would basically be helping support Beth.
Thomas shook his head. “Mina’s been asking some questions that in hindsight make me wonder if she was already thinking this.”
God Nancy loved that girl.
Nancy stood and they started back down the path together. “Well, I think the first thing we need to do is talk to Beth. See if it’s something she would even want.”
Thomas nodded. “I think it should be you who talks to her.”
“I’ll see her tomorrow. I can talk to her about it then. I don’t think she has too many options. She can’t move back home unless she finds a decent teaching job and last time she checked, it wasn’t looking good.” Nancy couldn’t imagine if she had been far from home when Sam died. If she hadn’t been able to move in with her dad, she would have been screwed. “We just need to help her.”
Thomas patted her shoulder as the woods closed back in around them. “We will. She’ll be okay. She’s a strong girl.”
Nancy didn’t want Beth to be okay. She was okay and it sucked.
She wanted Beth to be happy. Like Mina.
“I hope so.”
They stayed quiet as they made their way back down the trail. His downhill steps were clearly easier. It took them half the time to get back down that it did to get up. “You’re looking pretty good there.”
Thomas shrugged. “It’s hard to tell anymore. I just keep trying.” He pulled out his phone and checked the time. “I gotta go. I told Mina I’d come help her with a few things at the house and then we could go to lunch.”
“At least somebody gets to go to lunch with her.” With Mina working on a tight schedule there was much less time for their lunch dates.
Thomas grinned. “It’s nice to know I pull at least a little weight.”
He wrapped Nancy in a hug. “I’ll call ya later.”
“Okay honey.” She got in her car and started the engine, knowing he wouldn’t leave until she did.
Nancy flipped on the radio as she drove home. Every breath she took felt deeper than the last. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. The smile on her face surprised her.
After the difficult conversations she’d just had with Thomas she would expect to feel sad, depressed, even angry. She didn’t.
She felt… light.
Maybe even a little relaxed. It could be the relief of finally confessing a few of the mistakes she’d made in her life or it could be the exercise and fresh air. Either way, she felt good.
Really good.
Maybe Thomas was right. Maybe Beth would come out of all of this and be better than fine.
Maybe she would too. Hell if she wasn’t going to try.
By the time she got home, Nancy was mentally planning another girl’s night. And another trip to the park. If she was going to fix this mess she’d made of her life, that place might have the perfect combination of physical activity and calm quiet for her to figure out how.
She pulled into her driveway and immediately hit the brakes, the positivity and excitement she’d gained evaporating instantly, like drops of water in a hot skillet.
There was a car in her driveway. A car she knew well. Along with the man who’d owned it for over thirty years.
Standing in her driveway, beside a bright orange GTO, was Paul.
SEVEN
Paul stood in Nancy’s house for the first time in well over thirty years. The place was dramatically different than the farmhouse he remembered. Much more… feminine.
“Um.” Nancy looked at him then quickly looked away to hang her jacket on a hook by the front door and slip her shoes off onto the matt directly under it. “Do you want coffee?”
“If you have it made.” Paul stood at the front door, his work boots fused to the throw rug protecting the lightly colored hardwood floors. Those, he remembered staring down at while Nancy’s dad eyed him from his easy chair in the corner. They looked exactly the same as they did when he was a seventeen-year-old kid ready to shit his pants in fear.
Everything else though...
Everything else was completely different. The worn, simple furniture was gone. In its place were a number of large couches and chairs that filled the large space perfectly. The six-foot console cabinet that held a record player and television when John was alive was replaced by a sturdy antique chest with drawers and topped with a flat-screen. In place of the braided rugs, faded with age and abuse from dusty boots, were shaggy, oatmeal colored carpets, one under the couches and one on the other side of the room in front of a large cabinet beneath two extra-wide armchairs.
In spite of all the differences, the place looked exactly as he imagined it would. From the lace curtains to the dirty work boots by the door, the house was a perfect reflection of its owner. Soft and tough at the same time.
Only he was beginning to wonder if maybe the owner wasn’t as tough as he’d always thought. It was that newly planted suspicion that kept him up all night then dragged him here today.
“It’s not, but I could use some too.” Nancy turned and went to the kitchen, her socked feet barely whispering across the floor as she went.
The floors were spotless, hell the whole damn house was immaculate. Perfectly clean, perfectly organized, thus leaving him unsure about his boots. Looking down at them again he tipped the soles to the ceiling to see what sort of random construction crap might be jammed in between the treads.
“It’s okay.”
He looked up to find her propped in the kitchen doorway, watching him, the sound of steadily dripping liquid reaching him mere seconds before the scent of freshly brewing beans joined the soft vanilla hanging in the air.
That was what he always expected Nancy to smell like. Sweet like vanilla, rich like coffee, and familiar.
Like home.
“You can leave them on.” She smiled slightly.
“Okay.” Paul stayed put anyway and tried to work through the things he wanted to say. The reasons he came here were quickly moving to the back of his mind behind lace curtains and perfect scents and...
Her.
But it had to stop. He had to stop. He was here for her. To release her from whatever guilt she carried about him and what happened. Then, most importantly, he had to set boundaries.
And that was what he was going to do. For her. For Mina.
And selfishly, for him.
Nancy watched him intently for a second before slowly turning back into the kitchen. He heard gentle clinking and a few seconds later she emerged with two cups. Wisps of steam curled up from the freshly brewed coffee as she carefully walked toward him.
“Do you want to sit down?” She tipped her head to the center of the room where two deep rose sofas and coordinating floral print chairs were situated in a little cluster facing the general direction of the television where it backed up against the same wall that opened into the kitchen.
“Sure.” Paul waited for her to select a seat in one of the chairs before sitting across from her in the middle of one of the couches. It was softer than it looked and the weight of his six four frame sank low into the plush upholstery.
Nancy looked down. “Oh, sorry.” She leaned deeply across the low rectangular table he’d strategically placed between them, holding out one cup of coffee. “This is yours.”
His eyes dragged down the length of her neck, hanging on the drape of her sweater as it gaped away from her body giving him a glimpse of pale blue lace running along the swell of her breast. The same breast burned into his memory as if he’d touched it a million times.
He took the cup from her and swallowed a scalding hot mouthful trying desperately to refocus his thoughts. Now was not the time to get distracted by his nonsensical feelings, especially ones like that. He was here for one reason and that was Nancy.
“Are you feeling okay?” Nancy’s voice was soft, hesitant.
Paul rubbed one hand across his mouth and jaw line, regretting not taking a minute to look in the mirror before leaving his house. He must look like shit. Considering he hadn’t slept last night, the look of regret and pain etched in Nancy’s face haunting him every time he closed his eyes, it would make sense.
He always believed when Nancy walked away from him she’d never looked back. It was an easy assumption. Every woman since her had done it. Easily.
Oh sure, he’d imagined differently. Sometimes he even let himself believe her smiles and waves when they passed in town were more than simply her kind nature. But the truth was always there to quickly bring him back to his senses.
But last night.
Last night was threatening his hold on the truth and he was here to get his grip back. This time it might have to be a stranglehold.
“Nan, I’m sorry about last night.”
She laughed out loud.
That wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting, but it should have been.
He was an idiot. Once again, reading more into her actions than was actually there. Stupid. He was so stupid. Even after all this time he still didn’t want to believe the truth even as it slapped him in the face.
“What in the world do you think you have to be sorry for?” She looked shocked, which shocked him in return, making him doubt his doubts and sending his head spinning.
“You were upset and I…” He raked his hands through his hair as he struggled to keep up with what was actually going on between them right now. “I should have been nicer.”
Nancy leaned back on the couch and studied him. Her eyes moved across his face with an intensity that made him want to squirm.
“I can’t imagine why you would want to be nice to me at all.” Her voice caught at the end of her statement. Just barely, but it echoed through him filling his body with certainty.
And dread.
He was right the first time. She was upset. What happened between them did matter to her.
For the first time it dawned on him this new reality might be more difficult to handle than the truth he’d been living with for thirty years. All this time he’d known Nancy didn’t want him. If that wasn’t really the case…
Paul swallowed hard and focused on suffocating the part
of him that sprang to life at the possibility. He needed to keep it together right now. This didn’t change anything. “What happened between us was a very long time ago. We were kids. Kids make mistakes.”
Nancy raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you think us not ending up together was a mistake?”
Paul froze as he realized what he’d said, his bottom lip pressed against his coffee cup. Her eyes were locked on him as she waited for his answer. He set the cup down and rubbed his hands over his face. Shit.
“Please. Tell me. I need to know.” She reached across the table and gently touched his arm. “Please.”
His attention narrowed to where her hand rested against his body. The heat from her palm seeped through his flannel shirt. What in the hell was it about this woman? Just the feel of her hand on his arm could completely scramble his thoughts and steal all coherence from his mind.
“I just meant kids do stupid things and don’t really think of how it affects other people. All kids do it.”
He thought of the women he’d known since her. “Hell, some adults still do it.”
“Do you hate me?”
His head snapped up to look at her. “No. How could I hate you?” Words fell from his mouth before he could filter them. “I would never hate you.”
“Then why--” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He could see her throat move as she swallowed. She took one quick breath before opening her eyes. “Then why do you act the way you do around me?”
He straightened as much as he could on the overstuffed couch. “What do you mean?”
Sure he’d been brisk with her. He had to be. But he never thought it was more than that, certainly not enough to make her think he could hate her.
“Like you can’t wait to get away from me.” She clamped her mouth tightly shut as soon as the statement cleared her lips.
Damn.
It was because he couldn’t wait to get away from her. Being close to her was the worst form of torture he could think of. Hell, it had taken him hours to work up the courage to come here today, knowing he would be alone with her and, lucky him, it was turning out to be as agonizing as he expected.
Just being in the same room as her was awful but this was worse. She was so close. So beautiful. So perfect. He could smell her perfume, her shampoo, even the lotion on her hands. He wanted to bury his face in her neck, breathe it all in so he would never forget it. Hold her in his arms just once so he would at least know how it felt.
Regret (Never Waste a Second Chance Book 2) Page 6