by A. E. Radley
She was just a chicken, after all, and couldn’t possibly comprehend the intricate workings of the lives of the featherless ones.
CHAPTER 1
Jess traced the lines in the photograph, her gaze fixed on the face she remembered so well yet hadn’t seen for years. More years than she cared to count, though she recalled their last day together like it was yesterday. Vividly, acutely, in a way that still made her stomach pinch with a combination of guilt and grief.
Here it was, the whole reason her parents had left New York in the first place, nearly fifteen years ago.
“Jeremy,” she whispered, her voice catching. Her brother looked back at her, grinning and mute, and perpetually frozen in 2004. Silenced forever by the accident that had claimed his life when he was only twenty-two and Jess was still a teenager.
Shit happened, and life went on, but that didn’t mean she’d ever stopped loving her big brother.
Back when he’d been alive, he’d been Jess’s mirror image – dark brown hair, velvety brown eyes, tall, and with a laugh that she loved to hear. She wouldn’t mind hearing that laugh again, at least one more time.
The back door swung open, bringing in a gust of wind, along with Nat as she hauled an armful of firewood across the threshold. “Jeez, it’s really blowing out there. Why did Joe and Kate have to pick this week to go on vacation? We can’t deal with this nor’easter without them.” The redhead kicked the door shut behind her, then clattered across the kitchen, not trying at all to be graceful as she moved into the living room with her burden.
Jess didn’t need to ask what Nat meant. The statement encompassed everything – the wicked winter weather, the farm, and playing hostess to last-minute guests. As if she hadn’t been thrown for enough of a loop in the past year and change with ending one relationship and starting another… with an employee, of all people.
Yet Nat had proven the most loyal and loving of the women Jess had ever met, and now she would be the rock she needed during this difficult time. She had to be because Jess couldn’t get through this holiday week without her.
It’d been a long time since the Morgans visited their daughter. Once Jeremy died, they’d wanted to be anywhere but here. Being left with the entire property to manage hadn’t really bothered Jess, but being nineteen and abandoned by her parents, all because they couldn’t deal with losing their son?
Well, that was another story.
Drawing in a breath, Jess set the framed photo aside and pushed up from the kitchen table. “Well, I can’t imagine why they’ve decided to visit now, after all this time. I guess it sort of makes sense, being Christmas and all, but I’ll be glad when it’s over. Is that wrong of me?”
Nat sliced her a look, then quickly flicked her gaze down to the bundle of wood as she loaded the rack next to the fireplace. “Okay, first of all, that’s not wrong of you. Most family gatherings are awkward as it is, without what you guys have been through. Second, it’s Christmastime. We’re supposed to want to be around our loved ones, so maybe your parents decided to make things right.”
Jess knew her voice sounded dull as she said, “I guess I might feel that way if I was the person they loved.”
“Hey!” If Nat had ever been so sharp in the year and a half she’d lived with Jess, Jess didn’t recall. She stood in the doorway, frozen, heart hammering as she looked down at the beautiful redhead she felt privileged to call her fiancée.
Nat straightened, lips compressed in a grim line, and dusted remnants of bark off her hands. She took a step toward Jess, eyes narrowed.
“Your parents love you,” she said. “They love you. Losing Jeremy didn’t change that and maybe they want to come here to show you that.”
Jess twisted her upper body, trying to resist the urge to shrug. Still, one shoulder went up and she dipped her face toward it. Why was it that all her confidence failed her where her family was concerned? “Somehow, I doubt that.”
“Don’t you dare.” Nat reached out and curled her fingers over Jess’s shoulders, yet kept her at arm’s length. The way Nat’s gaze roved her features, Jess knew she was thinking of what to say next. That blessed girl, always so sweet, so diplomatic. “Look, just give them a chance, honey. The holidays should be a time of family togetherness.”
“But my family can’t be together,” Jess whispered. “Not without Jeremy.”
Nat looked like she wanted to argue, but she dropped her hands and nodded. “I know how you feel. I miss my parents every day. My goodness, I barely had enough years with them and losing them in my teens was the worst. It never gets any easier, but having someone who understands how you feel can at least make things a little better. Now, I’m still freezing, so why don’t I make some hot chocolate? And, if you want, I can pick your parents up from the airport.”
The knot of dread that’d tied itself so thoroughly in Jess’s stomach loosened. “You would do that?” She followed Nat into the kitchen and watched her put the kettle on. Of course, Nat would do that. Natalie Wells was sweetness personified – the face and demeanor of a Disney princess with the tenacity of a fighter. That was just one of the many reasons why Jess had fallen in love with her.
That, along with her stubborn determination, intelligence, and willingness to try anything all made Nat a formidable woman. Jess didn’t just love her. She admired her. Nat didn’t let anything stand in the way of what she wanted. And what she wanted right now was to make this entire week easier on Jess. How could she not take her up on that?
“Of course I would. They know I exist, so why not? I can tell them you’re busy seeing to the property since Kate and Joe are on vacation. They’ll understand.” Nat pulled two envelopes of hot chocolate out of one of the cabinets and waved them. “Marshmallows will fix everything.”
“Technically, they’re marbits. Not real marshmallows,” Jess pointed out, feeling a little more of the tension drain from her. Nat was right about the holidays. It should be a time of togetherness, of sharing love and joy. Jess knew she was privileged to have everything she had in her life, but she would have traded nearly all of it just to heal that rift with her parents. At least to know they loved her, despite choosing to run from the awful memory of losing their eldest child.
Shrill whistling pierced the air and Nat removed the kettle from the burner to pour boiling water into two mugs. “No matter what, they’re bits of sugary deliciousness that’ll make you feel a little better. Then, you can stay here and gird your loins, while I pick up the parents.”
Jess gave in and sat down at the kitchen table, choosing the chair she’d only vacated a few moments prior. “I guess.”
The way Nat’s lips quirked to one side, Jess knew she felt triumphant. At least, for now. Nat set the mugs of hot chocolate on the table and took the seat across from Jess. “May I ask you a question about your parents?”
“Mm.” Jess nodded and fanned her face after taking her first sip.
Nat winced, clearly sympathetic, before blowing on her own drink before trying it. “When we first got together, you told me they didn’t mind the fact that that you were gay. What I’m wondering is if they’ve ever met any of your girlfriends. And, well, I’ve been more than that for a while now, but we’ve never really talked about your family much.”
“True. On the one hand, me being gay was always pretty obvious and accepted. At least, I think so.” Jess nibbled at her lower lip as she pondered her own words. “Both my parents and their employees seemed cool with it. Being who I am never seemed to bother anyone. But, no, they’ve never met any of my girlfriends. I didn’t get romantically involved until after Jeremy died. He was the perfect one, anyway, so I think they pretty much forgot I existed.”
Once again, Nat winced, but Jess knew it was for a different reason this time. It wasn’t often that she told anyone what she really thought about her parents choosing to leave after their son died. In fact, the two of them had somehow managed to keep it from being a topic of conversation until now.
Work helpe
d. There just wasn’t enough time for these kinds of conversations. Every day, they were busy managing the farm. From spring to summer, summer to fall, fall to winter, and winter back to spring, there was always something to do. Winter was particularly difficult, since they needed to keep the chickens fed and watered, the greenhouse tended, and the firewood coming. Being shorthanded for a week meant all the labor fell to the two of them.
Not that Jess begrudged Joe and Kate their time off. Joe wasn’t getting any younger and Nat had taken over many of his duties. While Kate still cooked, cleaned, and managed the business, it seemed Jess would have to consider additional help for spring.
Her chin settled against the palm of her hand, elbow braced against the table, as she glanced up at Nat. “What is it?”
Nat tucked her lower lip beneath her teeth for a moment, and then said, “You’re worrying again and that worries me.”
Jess reached out with both hands to capture Nat’s between hers. “Hey, don’t do that. Let me handle the worrying. You know I take care of everything.”
“I know, but when are you going to let someone else take care of you?”
CHAPTER 2
Keeping secrets wasn’t exactly Natalie’s style. It had never been. If anything, she detested people who weren’t completely transparent about their motivations and intentions, especially after the events that’d caused her to quit her job over a year ago and take one at the farm.
But as she gripped the steering wheel to guide the pick-up truck across the covered bridge, she acknowledged to herself that she might have bitten off more than she could chew.
There was a time to step into a bad situation a time to let things go. Maybe her interference was going to cause more trouble than it was worth, but she’d already seen two holiday seasons come and go with Jess, both without family. There was simply no excuse for Jess’s parents not to be there, no matter how difficult it was for them to face the past. So, Nat had done the only thing she could think of.
She’d invited them to spend Christmas at the farm.
Jess would be pissed when she found out, Nat knew that. She also knew she was tired of going out to the chicken coop for a private cry when Jess wasn’t looking. The tension her fiancée carried around with her had hit a breaking point and Nat couldn’t take it anymore.
It was risky, Nat knew, to go behind her fiancée’s back and invite her parents for a visit. Even worse, she’d lied by telling Jess it was her parents’ idea. But they’d be landing as Nat arrived at the airport, which meant there was no going back now.
“Well,” Nat said as she blew out a breath. “I never did get anywhere in life by not taking chances.”
Just thinking about it brought a huge grin to her face and chased away her fears.
Oh yes, taking a chance was what’d put her in Jess’s path and, as far as Nat was concerned, there was no looking back. This was the woman she loved and after more than a year together, she knew that wasn’t going to change.
So if Nat was going to be a part of this family, she wanted to get to know them. Furthermore, she wanted Jess to have her parents back. No more of this hiding from a sad past stuff. Some chances were worth taking.
At least, she hoped they were.
In an airport teeming with holiday travelers, Nat was grateful to realize the Morgans looked exactly like their photographs, Mr. Morgan tall with salt-and-pepper hair, and a mouth that didn’t seem accustomed to smiling. Mrs. Morgan had that same gorgeous hair as Jess – dark and wavy, with chestnut highlights, though hers was cut to chin length and her eyes betrayed a weariness that went beyond her years.
Nat approached them, hand extended. “Hi there, you must be Mr. and Mrs. Morgan. I’m Natalie Wells, from the farm. We’ve been in touch by email. I told Jess I’d pick you up, so I hope you don’t mind.”
The Morgans exchanged glances, but Mr. Morgan reached for her hand to shake it. “Of course it is,” he said in a gruff voice.
“Great. Thanks. We’ve just been so busy at the farm. Joe and Kate took the week off, and we had a nor’easter blow in last night. Seems to have settled down out there, thank goodness. Anyway, I wanted to give Jess a chance to relax since she works so hard. Can I help you with your suitcases?”
“No thank you, I think we’ll be fine.” It was Mrs. Morgan who spoke, the timbre of her voice just a little deeper than Jess’s.
Nat gave them the smile she’d perfected over years of being first a socialite, then a gallery director. Not too many teeth showing, but just enough to give her eyes a crinkle. The idea was to be disarming, if at all possible, with a tough crowd.
“Great. Well, let me know if you change your minds. I’m sure the flight from Florida is long, especially non-stop. If you’ll follow me, I’ll get you to the house and you can settle in. Was it a good flight?”
With the social graces hammered into her for so many years by her grandmother, Nat was able to draw the Morgans out at least a little bit. The drive out of the city and back upstate gave her plenty of time to do that, with the low hum of Christmas carols playing in the background on the radio.
As they crossed the covered bridge that signaled they’d entered the rural little town, she heard a sharp intake of breath from the back seat. Peering into the rearview mirror, Nat saw the way Mrs. Morgan's brow creased and the lines around her mouth deepened with pain.
So, this was where it’d happened.
The knowledge caused a pang in Nat’s chest, but she kept her mouth clamped shut. Nothing she could say could ease their grief. She couldn't bring back the dead, but she could try to help the living make peace.
“Nearly there,” she finally said as she took the last turn. “We have a lovely dinner planned, so I hope you brought your appetites.”
Neither of her passengers spoke. So much for the effort she’d put into trying to get acquainted. Everything about their posture and demeanors told her they’d closed up for the moment. When she pulled into the driveway of Morgan Orchard, Nat caught a flicker of recognition crossing their faces.
“I take it the orchard and farm are doing well?” At first, Mr. Morgan's voice sounded thin, but he cleared his throat and pointed just beyond the house, to where the leafless apple trees stood out starkly against the snow-white sky.
“Very well,” Nat assured him, putting the truck into park and turning off the engine. “We’ve been able to expand every year and Jess is very proud of the work that’s gone into this place.”
She flashed them both a smile and then got out of the truck. If this was all they’d get her at the moment, she’d take it. Small talk was better than no talk. There was a tentative touch on the sleeve of her coat and she turned to see Mrs. Morgan.
“Frank, would you give us a moment.”
Mr. Morgan nodded, curled his fingers around the handle of his suitcase, and walked toward the back door. That familiarity with the property gave Nat some hope that the Morgans would at least feel comfortable here since they seemed to be struggling with their memories.
When they were alone, Nat turned to Mrs. Morgan.
“I'm just curious…” Mrs. Morgan pressed her hand over her lips as if trying to hold back the wrong words. “What's your relationship with my daughter?”
Well, crap. This wasn't what Nat expected, and she clasped her hands in front of her. It was one thing for her fiancée’s parents to know their daughter was gay. It was another to introduce herself as the woman who’d been living there for at least two winters, the one she intended to marry. The polite thing to do was let Jess lead that conversation.
“I'm a farmhand here.”
“And what else?” Mrs. Morgan persisted. The way her eyes flashed reminded Nat very much of Jess when she was in one of her stubborn moods. Clearly, the woman knew or at least had some idea that there was more to the situation.
Nat felt her resolve bolster and then, under this woman’s scrutiny, soften. As Jess’s mother, she had a right to ask questions and Nat didn't want to start the visit off on
the wrong foot.
But it might start off harder than she’d imagined.
“I'm her fiancée,” Nat admitted with a slight smile.
“Well, that explains a lot.” Mrs. Morgan drew in a deep breath and nodded toward the house. “I’m sorry if we’re a little tense. We’ve never met any of Jess’s girlfriends in the first place, but it’s hurtful to see she got engaged and didn’t tell us. But I guess that doesn’t matter since the farm looks good. Is Joe still keeping it up?”
Everything about Mrs. Morgan’s words threw her for a loop and Nat had to swallow the bile rising in her throat. How could she possibly address the fiancée matter? “For now, though he’s certainly slowing down. We need to hire additional help this spring, so no more expanding for now.” As they approached the house, snow crunching beneath their feet, Nat hesitated. “There is something else that I should tell you.”
“What's that?” Mrs. Morgan looked curious as she turned to her.
“Jess… didn't invite you,” Nat hedged, twisting her hands together. “I did.”
Mrs. Morgan's gaze darkened slightly. “Why?”
“It's none of my business, really, but for more than a year, I've been watching Jess mourn the loss of her family, and I wanted to do something about it. I couldn't watch her go through another Christmas like this. So, I asked you to come out here and I hope you’ll understand why.”
Nat waited, stomach twisting in the same way she twisted her fingers in front of her. After a moment, Mrs. Morgan said, “Well, you're right about one thing. It is none of your business, Ms. Wells.”
CHAPTER 3
Jess glanced from her mother to her father. After exchanging hugs, it didn’t seem like there was much to say. Not that they’d ever been a particularly talkative family after Jeremy died. Their old boisterous ways were a thing of the past, leaving Jess to tap her foot and shove her hands in the back of her pockets, as she tried to figure out what to say next.