by A. E. Radley
“That’s really an awful break,” Jessica said. “Let’s do a toast to your parents.”
“To Rufus and Primrose,” Sutton said, making it clear why she and her sister had such…interesting names. Their parents probably thought they were playing it safe.
By the time we’d attempted to put a single bite of a really delicious yule log into our mouths, we all had to admit we’d overindulged. But having a great meal made up for a lot of minor squabbles, and I was feeling very charitable toward my new friends.
The bill was outrageous, but when you had two cocktails, two bottles of wine, and three courses, the dollars piled up. Jessica whipped her phone out and started to divide the bill, with Sutton and I exchanging sly glances when it became clear we’d each started to do the exact same thing. CPAs loved to figure out the check.
“Okay,” Jessica said. “If we split it four ways, we’re each at seventy-five—without tip.”
“I’ve got cash,” I said.
“I’ll take your cash and charge it,” Jessica said, always trying to earn points on her credit card.
“Can we split it?” Sutton said. “I’ve only got twenty dollars on me.”
“I have cash,” Paisley said. She tossed three twenties, a ten and a five onto the table.
“Ooo, I didn’t include tip,” Jessica said, picking up the bills and leaving her hand lying open on the table.
“Oh, I don’t do that,” Paisley said.
“Don’t do…what?”
“Add extra money. I used to, then I decided, ‘Why should I have to pay more because someone wants to be a waiter?’ Nobody pays me extra to write commercial insurance policies.”
Once again, I jumped in to educate Paisley on the simple rules of polite society. Something her late parents obviously hadn’t had time to do before their untimely demise. “Do you make ten bucks an hour?”
“Of course not,” she sniffed. “I have an MBA.”
“Well, that’s what servers in California make. Part of the cost of going out to dinner is picking up the slack between what they’re paid and a living wage.”
“Ten dollars is a lot!”
“No, it’s not.” I put my hand next to Jessica’s and wiggled my fingers. “I always tip twenty percent, but you can’t go less than fifteen. It’s just not right.”
“I’ll add enough for both of us,” Sutton said quietly. “It’s not a problem.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Paisley said. “I can pay for myself.”
“Then pay your tip,” I said, letting my fingers slide closer to her body. I wasn’t strong enough to grab her by the neck and shake her, but I’ll admit it was a nice fantasy.
“I don’t owe a tip. I paid my portion of the bill, and that’s all I’m giving.” She stood up and went to get her things from the poor woman at the coat check, who was also going to be stiffed out of a tip.
“I’m so sorry,” Sutton said, her cheeks having grown flushed. “It’s a long-standing issue. I always tip forty percent to make up for her.” She put her credit card down, looking like a kicked dog.
“We’ll toss in another five each,” I said, with Jessica nodding in agreement. “That’ll help.”
“That would be nice,” Sutton said, “but I’ll still go for forty percent. Let’s give our server a little extra. He’s had to be away from his family to wait on us on Christmas Eve.”
Ooo. I almost cried! She had a jerk for a sister, but Sutton was really pretty sweet.
Back at the condo, Jessica and I got together to slander Paisley after the twins had gone to their rooms. “What in the hell is going on with that woman?” I asked. “Is that what people in St. Louis are like?”
“Of course not. My mom’s sister lives there, and she’s not a cheapskate. Paisley’s obviously the bad seed.”
“Ooo. What if the parents thought Sutton was the bad one? You know? What if they were ashamed of her for throwing good money at servers who make like two bucks an hour.”
“God, I hope they got on their knees every night and prayed Paisley miraculously turned into a nice person.”
“Maybe it was one of each. Rufus was a prince, but…what was the mom’s name? Peony?”
“Petunia? Impatiens? It was a flower…”
“Whatever. Maybe she was the one whispering into Paisley’s ear, ‘Don’t you ever give those lazy servers more than a pittance. Half of them are probably wetbacks, darling.’”
“Why’d you switch into a bad English accent?”
“Don’t Rufus and Violet or Marigold or whatever her name was sound English? I assumed Sutton and Paisley were, and that’s before I even heard their parents’ names. God, I’d love it if they originally came here on tourist visas and overstayed. Maybe we could have Paisley deported.”
“But they’d take Sutton too,” Jessica said, giving me a dramatically sad look. “Wouldn’t you hate to have the only single lesbian I’ve been able to find in the whole company get deported?”
I grasped her by the shoulders and pulled her close, speaking right into her face. “No.” Jessica was laughing when I let her go. “I’d wave goodbye as ICE was dragging her out of the building. If I could get rid of Paisley, I’d happily let Sutton be caught in the net. They could spend their time figuring out Boxing Day and all of that British stuff.”
“You’re throwing away the only prospect I’ve been able to dig up. Aaand…she’s awfully cute.”
I laughed at her hopeful expression. “Sutton could look like a combination of every supermodel in the world, and I’d run for the hills. I’ll admit she gets points for not having parents, given my last girlfriend’s dad was always trying to borrow money from me, and her mom was a total nag, but having a toxic sister is a disqualifying event. Sorry, Jess. I know you’re my self-appointed matchmaker, but you’re going to have to keep looking.”
Christmas Day was a pretty cool time to go skiing. Everybody seemed happy, large family groupings gathered to cheer each other on, and the sun shone brightly on the glittering, fresh snow. This winter thing was actually kind of cool.
Jess was a good instructor, patient and persistent. I certainly wasn’t a natural, but by the time my legs gave out—about three hours after we started, I was able to keep my feet under me for short distances. Yes, it was on the bunny hill, but the word “hill” was still in the name, so I was happy.
I saw the twins fly by, and Jess wanted to keep going, so I went into the lodge alone, hoping to drink a little cocoa with some form of alcohol in it. I read somewhere that boozy cocoa would fix all of your aches and pains. Or maybe I just wanted that to be true. Either way, I was going to get some and sit by one of those huge windows and watch people ski.
I’d just gotten settled when one of the twins…please be Sutton!…sat next to me. “Hi,” she said, and in just one word I knew it was her. It wasn’t that her voice was different than Paisley’s. It was more that her affect was gentler, kinder.
“Hi there. Have a seat. Actually, I’d recommend having a seat after you grab some of this.”
“What have you got?” she asked, leaning over to peer into my mug.
“Cocoa and peppermint schnapps.” I removed the candy cane from the mug and waved it under her nose. “This makes it Christmas.”
“Be right back,” she said, giving me a shy grin that I’ll admit was on the cute side.
A few minutes later, Sutton sat right next to me on the sofa. It was technically the only place available, given how crowded the lodge was, but I still gave her points for being a little bold. Not that her bravery was going to get her anywhere. Unless she pushed Paisley off the mountain, that is. Then I’d make a play for her—pronto.
“This is pretty nice,” she said, her attention fixed on the skiers sliding down the hill.
“Yeah. I could get used to this. Jessica’s always trying to get me to come up here with her. I think I’ll start saying ‘yes.’”
“I love to ski,” she said softly, with her eyes growing a little mist
y. “My parents loved it too, and we went to Colorado pretty much every year, either for Thanksgiving or Christmas.”
“You miss them, don’t you.”
“Oh, god, so much,” she whispered. “I’m a long way from being over their deaths. My dad was just fifty-two, and my mom was about to turn fifty. We’d planned a trip to Colorado to celebrate. Some of their closest friends were going to join us.” She took a big sip of her drink. “I keep wondering if Paisley might have made some different choices if they were still alive.”
“Like…learning how to tip? Or…looking at people rather than stereotypes?” I could see she was trying not to laugh, so I kept going. “Stop me when I get to something that might make me not regret being here.”
“You’re unhappy you came?” she asked, the sincerity I could feel coming from her catching me by surprise.
“Um, no, not really. I mean, I don’t regret coming—at this minute.” I acted like I was trying to see over Sutton’s shoulder. “Of course, your sister’s not here…”
She closed her eyes when she took another healthy sip. “I’d give anything to turn her into a nicer person, but…” She shrugged. “What can you do? She was always pretty self-involved, but it’s gotten worse since our parents have been gone. I think she tried to be less obnoxious in front of them, and since that was the only time she and I saw each other…”
“Really? You weren’t close before?”
“We were very much not close,” she said, her expression darkening. “She said some things when I came out to her in high school, and she wouldn’t apologize, no matter how much my mom tried to convince her to.” Her head shook slowly. “Paisley seems to feel she’s got free rein now. She’s got some ridiculous ideas, and she follows a bunch of wing-nuts who amplify every one of her deluded views. She absolutely refuses to read anything that contradicts her bigoted positions, so her ideas just get hardened into beliefs.”
“But you go on vacations with her.”
“I have to,” she said, looking like she’d start crying any second. “We’re just about the only family we have. If she didn’t have me…” She let out a sigh. “I couldn’t enjoy myself if I abandoned her on the holidays.”
“Better you than me,” I said, gently patting her leg. “I’d probably let my sister sit alone in her apartment.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she said, giving me a gentle smile. “I can tell you’re kind-hearted.”
“I try to be. Even though I’ll bend, I refuse to break. I’ll only go so far.” I shrugged. “Maybe I’m too inflexible.”
“There’s only one way to find out, and I hope you’re never put in the position. Being the only person your unpleasant sister can depend on isn’t a party.”
I gave her another sharp slap to the leg. “You’re already a nicer person than I am, since I’ve got a string of much harsher words than unpleasant. Want to hear?”
Sutton let out a laugh. “I’ve heard most of them. It took me a little while to figure out she wasn’t tipping. When a server chased us down in a parking lot, I heard a really good assortment. Then they started arguing, and I got the whole list.”
“Poor you. I don’t envy the position you’ve been put in.”
“What are you going to do? Everybody has some kind of family trouble. Once this vacation’s over, I only have one more this year.”
“Another?” I gawped.
“Her birthday. Actually, our birthday, but somehow we only wind up celebrating hers.”
“Oh, Sutton, that’s really going the last mile.”
“I guess it is, but…” She reached up and wiped her right eye, which had begun to tear. “My parents would want me to take care of her. I know they would.”
“You’re probably right,” I said, really unhappy that Sutton was a woman with such loyalty for her family. Had I just said that? There were few things I loved more than loyalty. What was up with me? Nothing. I just wished Sutton wasn’t loyal to this particular sister. In my screwed-up worldview, I apparently wanted you to be tried and true, unless I had a problem with one of the people you loved.
I sucked!
Sutton bought our second round, while I tried to seem like I was gazing across the room at nothing in particular. Of course, I was checking out her ass, which wasn’t bad at all. Truth be told, Paisley was the more attractive of the two, if you were only considering their bodies. While they were the same height, Sutton was a little stockier, and carried some extra weight, while Paisley looked like she might have been a long-distance runner. But she could run to Mars and back and I wouldn’t have found her attractive.
Sutton looked like a normal adult, veering off a few degrees from perfection. But her personality was kind of great. And as my mother always said, you have to talk to a woman a whole lot more than you’ll spend looking her over. Actually, my mother never said anything close to that, but she always counseled my sister and me to put little stock in looks. Mom was right, of course, but that hadn’t stopped me from chasing girls whose only stellar trait was their looks. Maybe I’m finally starting to grow up? Given that I was unable to take my mind off Sutton’s butt, that might have been premature.
I shifted in my chair, trying to look like I was focused on the great outdoors. Sutton returned and placed a mug on the small table in front of us. “I hadn’t planned on drinking my calorie budget for the day, but…” She raised her mug and toasted against mine. “It’s Christmas, and calories don’t count then, right?”
“I’ve heard that,” I agreed, privately admitting I could stand to lose ten pounds, too. Being a CPA gave your brain plenty of exercise, but it didn’t burn many calories.
We watched a remarkably cute little girl try to go down the hill by herself, winding up face-down in the snow, with her little pink boots digging trenches as she slid.
“That had to hurt,” Sutton said, chuckling softly. “I bet Paisley and I did that a hundred times when we were learning. Of course, if I fell on my face now, I’d probably be popping pain killers and whining to anyone who’d listen.”
“I’m surprised you don’t have someone at home, avidly listening to all of your complaints,” I said, clearly not heeding my own advice to avoid flirting.
“Not now,” she said, letting out a soft sigh. “It’s been…two and a half years.”
“You were tight with someone?”
“Pretty tight,” she said, not sounding thoroughly convinced. “But Samantha wasn’t very supportive after my parents died.”
“What kind of beast wouldn’t have your back when you really needed her?”
She turned and smiled at me, letting me get a good look at those big, brown eyes again. “I was kind of a mess…”
“So? My dad’s mom has to do almost everything for my grandfather. He’s got really bad arthritis, and can’t even open a jar by himself. Do you think that’s her idea of fun?”
“No, I’m sure it isn’t. But I don’t think Samantha was as committed to me as I was to her.”
“So she just dumped you? After you lost the two most important people in your life?” I was about to go try to find this vulture and give her a piece of my mind.
“No, she didn’t dump me,” Sutton said, as her face took on a firm certitude that was pretty impressive. “I broke up with her. After a few months of her wanting to be busy every minute, it finally dawned on me that she wasn’t trying to keep me occupied so I wouldn’t be so depressed. She just wanted to have an excuse not to talk.”
“Did you try to work it out?”
“Of course. But the more I looked at the situation, the more I saw that we just didn’t sync. Family is super important to me, and Samantha never understood that. I honestly think she was slightly relieved when I lost my parents. She thought that meant we’d be able to go on a cruise or something over the holidays.” She shook her head slowly. “She didn’t understand that I needed to be with Paisley on our birthday, especially that first year. It was our thirtieth, and Samantha wanted to take me to Rome.”
“Not a bad present…”
“No, and I would have loved to have gone any other time. Just not that year. We started off having a fight about the trip, and before I knew it—I’d started to pack a suitcase.”
“Damn! You move fast!”
“No, I don’t, really.” She paused for a few seconds, as if thinking this through, even though I bet she’d considered the whole scenario a million times. “I think I’d been mulling it over for a while. It just reached my conscious mind that night.” With a sigh, she added, “I don’t regret it.”
“If you don’t regret it, you made the right choice. I’m still second-guessing myself for breaking up with my last girlfriend, and she cleaned out my checking account playing on-line poker.”
“Seriously?” She’d choked a little on her cocoa.
“Serious as a heart attack. But in my defense, she was a nine point nine. I thought she was a ten, but I had to take a tenth of a point off for being a thief.” I could laugh about it now, but when I added my therapy bill to the money she took from my checking account… “It seems that I let myself be overly influenced by looks. At least that’s what my therapist, my mom, and all of my friends think.” I let out a short laugh. “My dad thinks I should get back with Melania, though. I guess it’s clear where I got my skewed perspective from.”
Her smile was as warm as the cocoa, and just as smooth. “Well, it’s easy to be lured in by a pretty face. Is your mom gorgeous?” She waited just a second, then caught me by surprise when she added, “Or doesn’t she look like you?”
“Look at you,” I said, giving her a friendly pat on the arm. “Mild-mannered CPA who’s got some game.”
“Not much,” she admitted, blushing adorably. “I wasn’t going to say that, but two drinks in the middle of the afternoon has loosened my tongue.”
“Let’s go for three,” I said, getting up and grabbing my wallet to pay for the next round.