by A. E. Radley
“Oh, just some neighbour you started talking to. I think he lived on the second, maybe third floor?” Kate supplied. “He took a shine to you.”
Victoria gripped the arm of the chair a little tighter.
“It’s so weird, all these people I sort of know… but sort of don’t,” Holly said. “Maybe I should try to touch base with people again?”
Victoria opened her eyes and looked at Holly. She didn’t like the direction this conversation was taking. It felt like it was taking Holly away from her.
“Maybe,” Kate said. “It’s up to you. You seem to have a new life here.”
Holly bit the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it. Excuse me, I’m just going to head to the bathroom. You two will be all right, won’t you?”
“Absolutely,” Victoria agreed.
“Of course,” Kate confirmed.
Victoria watched as Holly left the room, praying that she would return shortly and that she’d be able to get through any small talk with Kate without too much hassle.
“Sorry about calling the police,” Kate said.
Victoria frowned. “You’re sorry?”
“Yes, it’s clear that Holly isn’t here against her will. I was just worried. I hadn’t seen her for so long and suddenly her life has changed, and she’s suffered a brain injury. I might not have been a part of her life anymore, but I still worry about her. I’m sure you understand.”
Victoria nodded. She did understand. Although she didn’t grasp why Kate’s first port of call was the police rather than attempting to speak with Holly.
“She’s a great person, you’re very lucky to have her,” Kate continued.
“She is. And, I am,” Victoria agreed.
“We never would have worked out,” Kate said. “We were just too different. I think we were the right people at the right time, at the start of our relationship. But then we both started to become the people we wanted to be… and then we just stopped working. She’s grown now, she’s clearly the person she wants to be. And that person fits with you.”
“I like to think so,” Victoria said. She had no idea what Kate was playing at, whether she was sincere or not. All she wanted to do was kill the time until Holly returned.
“So, I’m sorry. Calling the police was wrong and immature. I just didn’t know what to do. When I was with Holly she was… I don’t know, younger. Sure, she could take care of herself, but I always thought of her as someone who needed protecting. Don’t tell her I said that, she’d kill me. But it’s to be expected, when you know so much about someone, about their hopes, dreams, and even their fears. You want to protect them.”
Victoria wasn’t about to actively agree with her. Even if she did concur with the sentiment.
Kate got up and walked over to one of the shelves that housed Holly’s journals. She ran her finger along the spines. “Thank goodness for these journals, without them… she wouldn’t know a thing about her past. I can’t imagine that.”
“No, nor can I,” Victoria admitted.
“I remember the first time we sat down together, and she showed me her journals. It was such a privilege to be let into her world. Sure, she’d read passages to me now and then… but to actually be able to sit and read them, unhindered. That was when I knew how much she trusted me. Loved me.” Kate sighed. She held onto the shelf and stared at the volumes. “It was also when I knew she didn’t love me anymore. When she stopped letting me see them.”
Victoria swallowed, trying to bring moisture back to her suddenly dry throat.
Holly entered the room again. “Sorry about that. Now, can I get anyone another drink?”
“No, I think I should get going,” Kate said. “I’ve just realised the time. Thank you for dinner; it was good to see you again.”
Kate pulled Holly into a tight hug. Victoria got to her feet, relieved for the evening to finally be over but anxious about the changes it had brought about.
“Look after her,” Kate said to Victoria.
“I will,” Victoria confirmed.
Holly led Kate from the room, Victoria followed them to ensure that Kate finally left. As she passed the shelf of journals, she looked at them longingly. Holly had never offered for her to read them. She swallowed and hurried on.
“I’m so sorry,” Kate said again. “I feel like a complete idiot.”
“It’s fine,” Holly reassured as she got her coat from the closet. “I get that you were worried about me. I mean, calling the police was a little overkill, but I do get it.”
Victoria stood stiffly in the hallway. Holly knew that she was relieved that it was finally over. Time had run away from Holly; she hadn’t realised how intoxicating it would be to speak with someone who intimately knew her. Someone who could fill in the blanks and answer questions she thought would never be answered. Kate hadn’t been too awful, in fact, she had been fun at points. Although, she doubted Victoria had much fun.
“Oh, I left my phone in the library…” Kate said. “Be back in a flash.”
She left Holly holding her coat and looking at Victoria. “How’re you doing?”
Victoria shrugged. “Suitably drunk.”
Holly rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t too terrible was it?”
Victoria shrugged again.
“When she’s gone, maybe we can watch some television together?” Holly suggested. Victoria had a secret love of watching trashy television. “There’s a whole season of Storage Wars recorded?”
“Shh.” Victoria looked anxiously towards the study, not wanting her secret to be shared.
“Man vs Food?” Holly asked.
Victoria rolled her eyes. “You know I don’t watch it since Adam left. Now, keep your voice down.”
Holly chuckled. “Don’t worry, no one will ever find out about your dirty little secret.”
Kate reappeared in the hallway. “Sorry, it had fallen down the back of the sofa cushion.” She waggled the device in the air.
“Typical,” Holly replied.
She said her farewell to Kate with a hug and a promise to catch up again in the future. Kate waved goodbye to Victoria, who just inclined her head by way of reply. Kate left, and Holly watched her walk down the short flight of steps before closing the front door. She let out a loud sigh of relief.
“Well, I’m glad that is over with! Thank you, for enduring it. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“She appears satisfied that I’m not… holding you hostage,” Victoria agreed.
She didn’t know if it was the drink or if Victoria’s mood was off for another reason.
Holly looked at her watch. “We have another hour before the kids are home. Did you want to watch television, or do something else?”
Victoria shook her head. “No, I have some work to attend to.”
The Book had been delivered during dinner and Victoria had taken it through to her office. Working into the evening on the Book wasn’t unusual, but Holly had hoped that Victoria would take the rest of the night off.
“Are you sure?”
Victoria nodded. “I have to see if the art department have finally understood the very basics of style. I doubt it, but best to check before I fire them all.”
Holly worried her lip. It had been a while since Victoria had retreated into herself like this, something was clearly bothering her. Space was usually the best solution, Victoria often came to her eventually.
“Okay, I’m going to watch some television. You’re welcome to join me if you change your mind.”
“Thank you.” Victoria grinned tightly. “I’ll see you in bed.”
CHAPTER 9
Victoria swept into her office and angrily pulled her chair out before sagging into it. She’d love to rip Kate limb from limb. Clearly, she was an expert at manipulating Holly. She knew exactly what to say to appease her, all the while sending a mocking grin towards Victoria. It had taken all of Victoria’s strength to not cave in and react to the childish display. Unfortunately, she wasn’t resilie
nt enough to ignore all of the comments that were obviously intended to upset her.
The worse thing was that Holly seemed to bond with her. They’d laughed and joked with each other while they shared little secrets of their past. Usually sexual, if Kate managed it. And they’d hugged goodbye. Not the polite hug that she’d seen Holly do before, no this was the full-body hug. The one that meant something. It seemed like Kate might become a permanent fixture in their life. The very thought made Victoria’s head hurt, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.
She opened the Book and immediately saw something else headache inducing. She opened her desk drawer and reached in to pull out her trusty sticky notes. Her hand didn’t immediately land on them and she turned to look at the drawer.
She frowned. A book was in her drawer. A book she didn’t put there. She pulled it out and placed it on her desk. With realisation and horror, she recognised the book was one of Holly’s journals. She wanted to throw the private object across the room so as not to be found with it, like a murderer who tosses the smoking gun into a bush. But her shock at discovering it caused her hands to unwillingly grip the book, holding it tight as fear coursed through her body.
The alcohol dulled her thought process and she couldn’t grasp why it was in her desk, or what to do about it. The only thought that was ringing in her head loud and clear was the certain knowledge that Holly would find out and then leave her.
“Think,” she mumbled to herself.
The door to the office opened.
“Knock, knock,” Holly said even though she was already in the room. “I brought coffee. I thought you might need it after all that wi—”
She paused and looked at Victoria with a frown. Her gaze drifted down towards the journal tightly clasped in Victoria’s hands.
There was suddenly a nasty pain in her chest. Her grip on the book tightened, she could feel the leather bending beneath her white fingers.
“Victoria?” Holly’s voice seemed to echo in the room. “Why do you have my journal?”
Victoria looked down at the offending item, still tightly wedged in her hands. Her eyes frantically searched the desk for a reason why the journal was there. She knew there must be a logical explanation. Even if one was elusive right then.
“I…” Her mouth remained open. She wished that common sense would kick in and the obvious answer would fill in the gap.
It didn’t.
“I…” She tried again.
Suddenly Holly was beside her, her hands on hers as she attempted to ease the journal from her grasp.
“Let go,” Holly gently requested.
Victoria watched as the journal was pulled from her hands and placed on the desktop. Holly pulled the arm of the office chair to swivel it a little. “Come on, let’s go and sit on the sofa.”
Victoria’s legs felt like lead. There was no chance she’d make the few feet to the sofa.
“I didn’t—”
“I know,” Holly said. “I know you’d never disrespect my privacy like that. It must have been Kate, probably when she was looking for her phone.”
Victoria looked up at her. She looked calm, concerned but not angry.
“I…” She looked at the journal again. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol, the shock, or a combination of the two, but she felt like she’d been hit by a train. She swallowed and started to get control of her breathing, willing her thundering heart rate to return to normal. “Why?”
“Because Kate’s a bitch. She’s a manipulative bitch,” Holly said. She held out her hand. “Come to the sofa?”
Victoria took the offered hand and walked the short distance to the sofa. Now the panic was receding, she was able to think more clearly. Tearing Kate limb from limb was too instant a death. She needed to suffer first.
She sat on the sofa, Holly bringing the coffee over and placing it on a side table before curling up next to Victoria.
“I could see what she was doing,” Holly said. “Trying to get on my good side, trying to be my best friend.”
“Why were you so… nice to her?” Victoria asked.
“Because she does know me, she can fill in gaps in my memory. And because I want her to think that her little scheme worked so she leaves us alone.” Holly threaded her fingers through Victoria’s. “I could see in her eyes that she was wildly jealous of you, and I’ve read enough in my journals about Kate’s previous behaviour to know what she’s like. It was obvious that she’d try something.”
“Jealous? Of me?”
“Of course.” Holly pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. “She can see I’m in love with you.”
The pain in her chest vanished and was replaced with butterflies in her stomach. “I love you, too.” She turned and softly kissed Holly’s lips.
When Holly pulled away she was smiling but still looked concerned. “Are you okay?”
Victoria nodded. “It was a shock. And then you walked in…”
“She was obviously hoping for a misunderstanding and an argument.”
“Before she left, she told me that you used to allow her to read through your journals. She claimed that was when she knew you loved her. And conversely how she knew you stopped loving her when you would no longer allow her to read them.”
Holly’s eyes widened. “I… I don’t think I ever let her read my journals. I, well, I don’t know for sure. But I can’t believe that I would. They’re private to me.” Holly got to her feet and paced the room. “That manipulative bitch. She obviously told you that to sow the seed of doubt, then swiped a journal from the library and put it in your desk drawer.”
“If she can’t have you, she doesn’t want me to have you either,” Victoria said.
“She thinks she’s so clever,” Holly grumbled. She lent on the edge of Victoria’s desk and looked at her sincerely. “I do love you and trust you. If you want to read my journals… I-I’d let you.”
Victoria had to admit that she’d love to read them. She knew Holly poured her heart and soul into them.
She shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t want to. They are yours, your private space.”
“I wouldn’t mind,” Holly pressed.
“No. I don’t need to read your journals, I trust you. You need your own space. If technology allowed it, I wouldn’t let someone into my mind to read my thoughts. And you shouldn’t be penalised just because you choose to transcribe your personal thoughts onto a medium that could be read. No, I don’t need to read your journals. The fact that you offer means more to me than I can say. But, rest assured, I will never read them without your express permission.”
Holly smiled. “I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I feel comfortable enough to have them on show in the library. I probably won’t always have them there, but while I’m still reading them over and over, and trying to take them in, I’d like them on hand.”
“Of course, the space is yours to do with as you wish. I can only imagine how hard it must be to come into a space that doesn’t feel your own, a family home where people have already claimed their favourite chairs for dinner, spots for reading.”
“You’ve gone above and beyond to make me feel at home. And I do.” Holly pushed away from the edge of the desk and sat beside Victoria again. “I really appreciate that. I trust you with my life, and my privacy.”
Victoria pulled her into a one-armed hug, smoothing her hair with the other hand. “I feel the same way. Which is why I said I didn’t want a Christmas present, I already have everything could ever want or need. This relationship, our strength. Our understanding of one another.”
“We are very lucky,” Holly said as she nuzzled into Victoria’s chest. “What did you get me?”
Victoria chuckled. “Nice try, darling. Nice try.”
CHAPTER 10
Holly smothered a yawn behind her hand. She didn’t expect the Hastings household to wake up at five o’clock on Christmas morning. Alexia had hammered on their bedroom door and started singing Christmas carols at the top of her lungs before
bounding down the stairs to the living room where “Santa” had delivered presents the night before.
“Merry Christmas,” Victoria said sleepily.
“Is a five o’clock wake up normal?” Holly asked.
“Yes. The good news, she’s often sleeps through the afternoon.” Victoria sat up and stretched her arms above her head. “We better hurry, she’s not good with waiting.”
“Wonder where she gets that from,” Holly mumbled. She leapt out of bed before Victoria could retaliate by tickling her.
They quickly took turns to use the bathroom before grabbing their robes and leaving the bedroom. As they walked downstairs and into the living room, Hugo joined them. He looked as exhausted as Holly felt.
“She’ll grow out of this soon, right?” He asked his mother.
“I don’t know, I indulged you until you were thirteen is memory serves,” Victoria replied.
Holly sighed at the prospect of criminally early Christmas mornings for another five years.
“True,” Hugo said. “And if you two decide to have another, we’ll be doing this a lot longer.”
“Very true,” Victoria agreed.
Holly stopped dead in her tracks. Have another? She’d never thought about having children. She just naturally assumed that Victoria wouldn’t want anymore. They had a family, two children who she loved as if they were her own. Victoria didn’t seem startled by the statement. Did she think they would eventually have another child? Holly’s heart swelled at the thought of Victoria holding a baby. Or maybe Victoria was so exhausted that she just readily agreed with whatever Hugo said?
She shook the cobwebs away and walked into the living room. Alexia was excitedly pulling presents out from under the, much smaller, tree that was positioned in front of the window. Several piles had already been established, dictating where people would be sitting as they opened their gifts.
Victoria had already taken her seat and was reminding Alexia to leave some gifts for after their Christmas meal.
Holly sat beside Victoria. At her feet was a small pile of presents, the one she desperately wanted to open was nowhere in sight. Victoria had kept her gift to Holly hidden away to prevent any shaking or sniffing to guess the contents. Her face dropped. It was Christmas day, and she was up at five o’clock. And for some reason she still had to wait before she could finally discover what Victoria had gotten her.