by A. E. Radley
She bent down to ruffle his hair. “I will be when I’ve had some tea. Move over, young kitchen assistant. I think I have some cereal puffs you’d like.”
After breakfast, Aimee and George were cuddled up on the sofa watching Christmas shows so Kit got cleaned up and ambled over to Howard Hall.
Her breath steaming and crows cawing to welcome the Christmas morning, Kit pondered if Laura had meant for her to use her spare key or if Laura would be there to check for smells with her. She hoped for the latter with such force that she marched to the tall Edwardian door in record time.
She rang the doorbell and waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
With a sigh she gave up and reached for the keys in her pocket. Right then the door opened. Kit expected to see her girlfriend but was instead faced with a familiar short, plump woman with two layers of makeup. Maybe three. Mrs Imelda Smith, Howard Hall’s part time cook, smelled of sprouts and sherry this morning. Hopefully due to cooking and not what she’d had for breakfast.
Kit took a step back. “Oh! Hello Mrs Smith.”
“Hello lass. Happy Christmas.” Mrs Smith threw a huge coat over her shoulders and said, “Well, I’m off. I have my own Christmas dinner to see to now.” Her face broke into a grin. “Would’ya thank Laura for the bonus for me? I reckon I was too blown away to say ‘ta’. I’ll be taking the family to Tenerife next year with that sort of cash! Cheerio.”
She stomped off, leaving Kit with a ‘merry Christmas’ on her lips. She shook her head and then stepped inside, calling “Laura?”
“Coming,” came from upstairs. “Hang on. Don’t come inside! Wait until I’m down.”
Kit dutifully stepped back out. Before she did, she noticed the smell of open fires, some sort of sweet spice, and oranges, which all seemed to be congregating the air of the old building.
Laura strode down the stairs. In one jolt, all breath left Kit’s body.
Laura wasn’t wearing her usually work attire. Or even the comfier clothes she sometimes wore around the house. She was wearing a red dress which hugged her body almost indecently tight, putting every curve on display. Decorating the dress was a fine film of black lace at the front. Her hair was up in a bun with a few curls hanging down to frame her face in a casual-but-clearly-deliberate way. Her make-up was perfect and her legs in a pair of black tights. Or maybe stay ups. Kit’s mind was too blown to even dare guess. Finishing the ensemble was a pair of black pumps with impressively high heels.
Kit watched her descend the stairs, still breathless but with a heart that was working overtime. When her eyes found Laura’s, she found her usually so insecure and self-deprecating girlfriend smiling a knowing little smirk.
“I take it you like my outfit?”
“L-like it? I want to bloody well marry it! Look at you.” Kit made a sound somewhere between a sob and a sigh. “You look like… I don’t know… all the good things in the world. But even better!”
She cursed emphatically and was grateful George wasn’t with them. Not only because of the cursing, but because her mind was painting images of what she wanted to do to Laura when she got her out of that dress, and suddenly the air seemed heavy with lust.
Laura took her hand and pulled her inside. Her smirk grew into a beaming smile. No one could embody the word ‘beam’ like Laura.
“God, I’ve missed you, Kit. So much that I had to take action. I’ve put all paperwork aside over the holidays and told the Stevensons and everyone else that I’m out of communication. Even for emergencies.”
“Really? That’s amazing news! When did you decide that?”
“Two days ago. I was working and suddenly began missing you as if I hadn’t seen you for years. All while you were only a few minutes’ walk away. So, I started planning to give you the perfect Christmas. I was going to ask you over yesterday but I wasn’t quite finished getting the tree up.”
Kit squeezed her hand. “Hence the plumber story?”
Laura bit her lip. “Yes. You caught me. I’m sorry, I hated lying to you. But I wanted everything to be perfect for our first Christmas together.”
Kit took her eyes and attention off of Laura for a second. The Christmas smells were even stronger now. Some wafting in from the kitchen downstairs and some from the drawing room where a fire was lit and a huge tree took centre stage.
“Whoa! Look at that. George will love it.” Kit’s head snapped back to Laura. “Ah. You planned all this not knowing that Aimee and George were coming. Sorry.”
“No need to apologise! I simply made a few alterations to the plans. I had bought you a naughty Mrs Santa Claus outfit to wear, but that will now have to wait until it’s just you and me. Other than that, everything can be changed to incorporate them. After all, they lived here for a while, they’re basically family.”
“Speaking of family, I’m guessing what you said about Tom was true?”
“Yes, but he didn’t leave because of plumbing issues. I paid for him to get some winter sun and he happily —”
“Buggered off,” Kit interjected.
“I was going to say ‘vanished in an instant.’ But yes.”
Laura suddenly leapt and giggled. Kit looked down and realised that her fingers were snaking around Laura’s waist, clearly tickling. When had she done that?
What the hell? My hands are perving without even involving my brain now? Bloody hell, was I that Laura-deprived? Well, yes, silly question.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I really didn’t notice I’d started touching you.”
“Well, now that you have.” Laura lowered her voice, “Why don’t you touch something a little more… sensitive?”
Kit grabbed a handful of Laura’s bum and growled deep in her throat. In response, Laura kissed her. Kit found herself forgetting all about the wonderful surprise, Aimee and George back in the cottage, the Christmas tree, the food smells from the kitchen and even Laura’s delicious outfit. All she could think about was how good Laura felt and how much she needed her.
Clearly on the same page, Laura broke away and whispered, “Come upstairs, dearest. The plans can wait.”
“Aimee and George will wonder where I am.”
“We’ll be quick. We only need enough lovemaking to take the edge off. The real, full session will be tonight.”
“Oh,” Kit paused to lick Laura’s lower lip, “will it now?”
“Yes,” Laura growled. “I wasn’t joking about the sexy Mrs Claus outfit. One of us is wearing it tonight and the other is going to get to take it off, using only teeth.”
“Count me in,” Kit purred. “But a quickie first, before I implode.”
Laura took her hand and they rushed upstairs to start the Christmas celebration by unwrapping each other.
That afternoon, while Aimee and George watched the Queen’s speech, Kit stood down in Howard Hall’s suddenly more decorated kitchen with Laura. Despite Kit being so full from the Christmas lunch that she never wanted to see another kitchen in her life. They’d just gone over the checklist of all the food for the rest of the day, including the puddings that they’d picked up from the cottage while fetching Aimee and George.
Kit blew out a breath. “Wow. The feast continues then. That’s a lot of food.”
“The way you exercise, you’ll work it off soon enough, dearest,” Laura said as she inspected tupperware boxes of parsnips, sprouts and carrots.
Kit checked out the decorations. The holly above the stove seemed to have spread to the rest of the kitchen, while red baubles painted with black snowflakes hung from the ceiling light. They matched Laura’s dress perfectly.
It was all perfect. The Christmas which Kit had been dreading was now shaping up to be one of the best of her life. Still… it wasn’t quite right. She wasn’t lonely anymore. But she knew someone who was.
“Baby?”
“Yes?” Laura replied while opening the lid on a huge saucepan simmering away on the stove.
“Would you mind if
I invited one more person?”
“What? No, of course not. Goodness knows we have enough room and food. Mrs Smith has gone a bit overboard, bless her. Who did you have in mind?”
Kit shoved her hands into the pockets of her chinos. “Rajesh.”
“Oh. I didn’t think he celebrated Christmas?”
“He doesn’t. But he’s not overly religious and whether or not he’s willing to admit it, I think he’d rather be with us while we celebrate than be alone.”
Laura tilted her head. “I don’t know, dearest. I love you for worrying about him but… Rajesh usually likes to either be alone or be romancing a lady. A family holiday, especially one he doesn’t celebrate, doesn’t sound like his sort of event.”
“I know.” Kit looked up at the holly above. “But I can’t shake the feeling that he didn’t really want to be alone this time. When we closed the library yesterday, he seemed… like he wanted to drown his sorrows in chocolate more than enjoy his beloved alone time.” She gazed back to Laura. “I won’t be able to relax until I’ve at least offered that he should join us.”
Laura kissed her tenderly. “All right, dearest. Go make the call and whether he accepts or not, send him my love.”
Kit went upstairs, mobile in hand, to get a signal. After a few rings, Kit heard Phyllis barking in the background and Rajesh telling her to shush.
“Hey Rajesh.”
“Katherine. Hello. What’s that racket in the background?”
“The Queen’s speech mixed with George singing Last Christmas. I’m at Howard hall. Laura surprised me by arranging a Christmas celebration. Before that, Aimee and George surprised me by coming to stay for a few days.”
Rajesh grunted. “That’s a lot of surprises. What’s wrong with people?”
“I don’t know,” Kit said, stifling a laugh. “I think they did it because they like me and wanted to stop me from moping around.”
“I suppose,” he muttered.
“Anyway, I was wondering…”
“Yes?”
“I know you don’t celebrate Christmas and that you were hoping to catch up on your reading but I, well, I miss you. And Aimee, George and Laura are all nearly as crazy about you as I am. Is there any way we can convince you to pop in for a while?”
“Katherine…”
“Wait, hear me out. You wouldn’t have to take part in anything Christmas-y. It would be like a nice non-religious dinner with friends. There’s loads of food, including parsnips which look like they’ve been drowned in butter and honey. I know you love them.”
There was a grunt on the line. “Katherine, some people like to be alone.”
“Of course,” Kit replied, regret making her squirm. “I know that lots of people truly enjoy being alone, whether it’s a holiday or not. I get that and I respect it. If you don’t wanna come then I’ll leave you alone I only wanted —”
“No,” Rajesh barked. “I’ll come. For your sake. And because Phyllis needs to be taken out for a walk anyway. Are there chocolates?”
Kit’s heart lifted. “Loads. Laura bought really fancy brands.”
“Fine. Don’t eat them until I get there. And make sure young George doesn’t pull the hair in my ears again.”
“Consider it done,” Kit chirped.
“Good. I’ll be there around five. I have a book to finish.”
“Great. I’ll see you and Phyllis then. Laura sends her love, she—”
Kit was cut off by that Rajesh had hung up. She chuckled as she put away the phone and went to join Laura in the kitchen again.
IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS
The clock struck five, signalling that they were now an hour away from Christmas dinner. Kit wasn’t sure where the hell she was going to find room in her still full stomach but considering how great everything smelled, she was willing to figure it out.
The doorbell rang and Kit raced Aimee to the door with George at their heels. Kit won and opened the door for Rajesh. Phyllis caught sight of George and stormed straight in to greet the boy with a face-licking he’d never forget. He laughed and tried to hug the overweight, overexcited mutt.
Meanwhile, Kit and Aimee invited Rajesh in and took turns giving him hugs.
He had a bag in one hand and was holding it awkwardly out of sight.
“What’s in there?” Aimee asked.
Rajesh shuffled his feet. “A couple of toys for Phyllis, a hat for if it’s colder when I walk home and… well… I made some naan. I know it’s not for Christmas but I wanted to contribute and, while people don’t appreciate my curries, everyone seems to like my naan bread.”
After closing the door behind him, Kit peered into the bag. “You could say that we like your naans,” she said. “Or we could be honest and say that we bloody well love them! And that any food you bring, particularly if it’s something that makes you feel more at home, is welcome and appreciated.”
“Especially if it’s not icky sprouts or dry turkey,” Aimee said with a grin. “Thanks for making something special.”
He scowled at her and said, “well, you four have all become pretty special to me” under his breath.
Kit wanted to thank him and fuss over him for being so sweet, but knew he’d hate it. Aimee, as always, had less self-restraint. At least she stuck to only patting his shoulder and softly saying, “I wish I could meet a bloke like you. But, you know, younger, less hairy, and less likely to seduce every woman over fifty.”
He rolled his eyes at her and went to extract his dog from the toddler, who was now trying to blow a raspberry into the dog’s fur.
“Come away from the child, Phyllis. You’ll knock him over. Here, have a toy.”
He picked up a toy from the bag. Phyllis took it and began chewing on it with her tail wagging.
Kit stared at the toy and began laughing hysterically.
Aimee, George, Rajesh and Phyllis all stared at her.
“Kit? Have you lost it?” Aimee asked.
Kit cleared her throat. “No. I, um, have to ask… where did you get that toy, Rajesh?”
“What? The one Phyllis has got now? She found it when we were out one day. Probably in the park.” He took his coat off as he added, “She chewed it beyond recognition right away so I can’t say what it’s meant to be, some sort of squeaky toy shaped as a bone I suppose? Why?”
Kit fought back more laughter. Why Rajesh would say ‘beyond recognition’ was understandable when you looked at the thing Phyllis was chomping on. Kit however, took in what looked like a hole for batteries, the bright pink colour and the phallus shape and recognised… that she had just found Pinky.
“Oh nothing,” Kit croaked. “I thought it was something else. Why don’t you all get comfy in to the drawing room. I’ll be with you soon. I’ve got a call to make.”
They strode off, taking Phyllis and the destroyed Pinky with them.
Kit got her phone out and called Shannon, laughter still bubbling up inside her.
“Merry Christmas, Kit,” Shannon’s husky voice boomed.
“Same to you. I’m gonna skip the pleasantries here and get straight to the important news.”
“Ooookay. Which is?”
“I found Pinky.”
“What?”
“Yep. That’s the good news. The bad news is who the thief is.”
“Who?!”
“Phyllis. She’s been using it as a chew toy, clearly ever since she and Rajesh visited your house.”
“Bugger, crap, bollocks.” There was a thud as if Shannon had hit or kicked something. “Hm. Sorry about that. So, does, uh, does Rajesh know what it is?”
“Do you really think he’d let his dog play with it if he did?”
“No, fair point. Good thing I had taken the batteries out of it before I washed it. I wouldn’t want Phyllis to have eaten batteries.” Shannon paused to blow out a long breath. “Well, I guess that’s the end of Pinky then.”
“As a sex toy? Yes. As a dog toy, its life carries on,” Kit rep
lied.
“Not much of a relief.”
“I guess not. How are you going to —”
Kit had been about to ask Shannon how she would break it to Rachel when she heard the woman in question in the background, asking, “Who’s that on the phone, babe?”
Shannon made a comical gulping noise.
“Tell her the truth,” Kit whispered into the phone.
Then she stood back against the wall, unsure of if she should be listening or not, while Shannon told Rachel all.
Kit heard high-pitched laughter in the background. Then the laughter turned into distorted words sounding like, “you thought I was upset over the dildo? Honey, it’s only a toy.”
“Then what were you upset about?” asked Shannon.
Kit couldn’t help but strain her ears to hear Rachel’s answer.
“Christmas and your mum. You know how she feels about you being gay and that bleeds through to how she feels about me. The second she invited not only us, but my entire family, over for Christmas… months of anxiety lifted off my shoulders. I thought you knew that?”
“Christ,” Shannon groaned. “That makes so much more sense. I thought it was because of Pinky. You said that it was the perfect size and shape and that we couldn’t replace it.”
“I did say that and I was upset. However, it was the worry about your mum that made me overly sensitive to everything that went wrong, including Pinky’s disappearance.”
“Oh,” Shannon said softly.
Kit heard Rachel laugh again and add, “Don’t worry about the loss of Pinky. It only means that we have to buy - and try out - loads of toys until we find the perfect replacement. It might be a bit pricey but… it’ll also be heaps of fun.”
The tone in Rachel’s voice made Kit decide it was time for her to extract herself from the conversation. “Um, right, so that’s the mystery solved then,” Kit said.
“Huh? Kit, sorry mate, obviously you don’t want to listen to all this. You’re right about the mystery. Thanks so much for the help! Tell you what, would it be all right if Rachel I and pop over with some treats tomorrow night? To thank you and to catch up.”