by A. E. Radley
But a Christmas party? People celebrating a day that Kat was dreading? She wasn’t at all sure about that.
‘Oh, you’ve got to come’ Emily insisted. ‘Because people get really wasted and do terrible karaoke and then, whenever they give you shit, for the rest of the year, you can just picture that and you don’t sweat anything they say.’
‘Well…’ Kat muttered, beginning to wonder if maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
‘Look, just turn up for half an hour. That’s it. You want to go home after that, I won’t say a word’ Emily said, giving her an affectionate arm nudge.
And Kat couldn’t say no to that, could she? ‘Alright. I’ll come. For half an hour.’
Emily beamed, thrilled. ‘Great. It wouldn’t be the same without you’ she said, dashing into the back office to finish some stupid paperwork.
Kat was left in the afterglow of Emily’s smile. It wasn’t like when she’d flashed her teeth at that dreadful woman a few minutes ago. This time it was for her, and this time it was genuine. As she thought of that smile, Kat felt something happen, somewhere in the region of her bathing suit area.
Kat was shocked at her body’s reaction to Emily. It was shameful to think of your boss like that. And stupid. So why did she feel all tingly and silly and…
‘Scuse me’ said someone in front of her and Kat jumped and turned to see a teenage girl holding a pair of headphones. ‘Can I buy these?’
‘Sorry, yes, of course, sorry’ Kat said as she rang up the purchase.
CHAPTER 4
Emily was standing outside The Brass Lantern; the location of the Christmas do. She was freezing her tits off, truth be told. But she was waiting for someone. Kat.
She’d texted her a few minutes ago and she knew the girl was en route. There was no real reason Emily needed to stand out in the cold like this, but Kat was such a shy creature, she thought that it might be nicer for her to have someone to walk in with. She remembered being the new girl, it was never fun. Of course, Emily had gone in all guns blazing in her first few days, determined not to let anyone think she was scared. But that was only because she was scared. And Kat wasn’t that type, she didn’t just throw herself into the mix, demanding to be seen and heard. In fact, so far, she didn’t think Kat had spoken to anyone other than her. She needed a shove. Emily could do that for her. And god knows, the kid needed some fun.
Emily had been watching her this last week, and she reminded Emily of a hummingbird. Diligently working away, moving so softly, so quickly, always seeming like she might fly away at a sharp noise. Emily had to resist the urge to wrap her in a protective hug half a dozen times a day.
Emily hoped that if Kat cut loose tonight, just a little, that she might breathe a bit easier on the job, not feel so outside of it. Emily was outside of it and happily so. But that was her own choice. Kat didn’t have to feel that way, not if she didn’t want to. Not if she needed not to.
‘Hi’ Kat said from behind her and Emily spun to see Kat, wearing jeans and a Christmas jumper with a reindeer on it. Emily was overwhelmed by the unassuming charm of it.
‘Well, you came! I half thought you’d ditch me!’
Kat gave a shy shrug and smile that only added to the appeal of her outfit. Emily suddenly remembered her reaction to Kat the first time she’d met her. Just too fucking cute.
But that way lay madness and sexual harassment complaints. So Emily shrugged off her mad moment and said, ‘Come on. Let’s drink until this becomes fun.’ And she opened the door for Kat.
Kat had had two beers. Which was one more beer than she’d ever had in a sitting before. She was feeling a bit loose, a bit wobbly. She was watching a woman named Sue who worked on the meat counter giving a truly shocking rendition of Santa Baby, trying to be sexy with it. It was a bit tough to watch. But Kat couldn’t seem to look away.
‘Oh Sue’ Emily said from the side of her. ‘Please, no.’
Kat turned and laughed. ‘You weren’t joking about the karaoke, were you?’
‘If anything, I undersold it’ Emily said, still watching Sue, agape with horror.
And while Emily watched Sue, Kat watched Emily. The stare lasted about three seconds. But they felt like three very dangerous seconds. A dash of alcohol in her system was making her think all sorts of crazy thoughts. For instance, she was noticing the way that Emily was filling out her flouncy black top, the way it clung in the nice places and fell off her in others. And how good she looked with her golden hair down, unlike her usual strictly business ponytail. And how lovely her eyes looked with the cheap disco lights hitting them in just the right way, making those sapphire blue flecks in her eyes dance.
Emily turned to look at Kat. Kat almost jumped in surprise, taken aback by what she was sure she’d just been caught doing. Ogling. That was the word her mother had used for such things. ‘Can I get you another drink?’ she asked in panic.
‘Sure’ Emily said easily. Kat hoped that meant she hadn’t been made to feel uncomfortable. She would have hated that. Emily was the only person she actually liked at work. Kat couldn’t afford to screw that one good thing up.
She raced off to the bar and stood in line, glad to be alone in the crowd. What was she doing? Emily was her boss and also, very much a grown-up woman. And Kat hadn’t had much experience in the S-E-X department. Actually, none at all. She’d always thought girls were as nice as boys and sometimes, she thought they might be a bit nicer even. But she’d never so much as held someone’s hand. She’d been shy throughout school and never gone to parties or places where teenagers got ‘Handsy’, another of her mother’s terms. And then she’d gone straight to the shop and of course, there weren’t too many opportunities to meet hot young people there. It was strictly the over forties crowd at Pretty Things. So she was now twenty two and absolutely useless about all that. She was pretty sure she was going to die without getting deflowered. She would go to her grave, virginity intact. And that was OK. Or, not OK exactly. But Kat had made peace with it.
But now she was here, at the Sampson’s Christmas bash, a bit tipsy and gazing at Emily with her body feeling all tingly and weird. It was utterly unchartered territory. She was pretty sure she should go home and have a lie down. A cold shower wouldn’t hurt, either.
But first, she had to deliver the drink.
‘Hey, here’s that beer’ Kat said, thrusting the drink into Emily’s hand, quickly adding, ‘Right. I’ll be off now. Have a good night.’ And she turned and sped away before Emily could say anything.
If she’d looked over her shoulder, she would have seen Emily with her jaw on the floor. What had just happened? Kat had seemed to be having a nice time a few minutes ago and now she was doing a fair impression of the roadrunner cartoon, speeding off without the courtesy of even a meep-meep. Was something wrong? Emily wanted to find out. She couldn’t just let her run off like that.
She dashed through the party, dodging around revellers - all of whom were locked on the car crash that was Sue, who had decided to make her performance a medley, drifting jaggedly into I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – hitting the stairs, no sign of Kat.
She raced out of the front entrance and into a surprise. It was snowing. Thirty minutes and the street looked like it had a fresh coat of white paint. After the shock of that had passed, she looked around and there was Kat, walking up the street. Emily dashed after her. ‘Hey, hang about!’
Kat turned to see Emily, trotting through the snow to get to her and she stopped, astonished. She thought Emily wouldn’t care that she was leaving. There was plenty going on at the party. She was certain her presence wouldn’t make a difference one way or the other.
But here Emily came, trying not to slip on the fresh snow. ‘Where do you think you’re going, young lady?’
Kat didn’t quite know what to say. ‘I… Oh… I mean, you said I could go after thirty minutes.’
Emily’s face fell. ‘Were you really having such a terrible time that you were counting dow
n the minutes?’
Kat was horrified at the disappointment in Emily’s eyes. ‘Oh no! I just thought I wouldn’t be missed.’
‘Well… You are’ Emily said, suddenly feeling perilously dramatic. She’d run out into the snow after a girl. Why? If Kat wanted to go, shouldn’t she have just let her? Why the big production?
It wasn’t about making her welcome, although she wanted to do that. And it wasn’t about being kind to someone who’d been through a rough time, although that was a part of it. Emily didn’t want Kat to go because she was cute and shy and had a way about her.
Oh shit. I like her.
Kat was looking up at her with her big brown eyes and she did something she knew full well she wasn’t’ supposed to do. She leaned in and touched her lips to Kat’s. She waited for the girl to push her away. But she didn’t.
It was a real kiss.
Kat fell into this surprise kiss quickly, her eyes flickering shut as they pushed gently into one another. It was her first. She’d always wondered if it was something she’d like, pressing her face to another face like this. But as she felt Emily’s soft lips massage her own, and felt the flicker of a tongue, she knew why people liked doing this so much. It were as though Emily were using the contact to pass small shots of electrical current directly to her. And she thought she was doing OK at it because Emily gave a soft little moan. It felt wonderful, too wonderful. It was making her head swim.
Kat, after around a minute of kissing Emily, suddenly felt a jolt of panic and she broke the kiss, jumping back sharply. And now she had her eyes open and so did Emily. They were looking right at each other. Kat shook her head, ‘I’m sorry!’
‘What for?’ Emily asked, trying to get her head around what had happened and what was happening now.
‘I don’t know’ Kat said with a frown. And then she turned and walked away, nearly running.
Emily was left in the snow, confused and still a little turned on by the unexpected kiss. She was wondering if she’d just done something wrong. Because a person didn’t run off from a kiss like that for no reason.
CHAPTER 5
Emily checked her watch, anxiously. Kat was due to start work at 8am. It was now 7.40. She’d come in a dash early, hoping she might get a minute to speak to Kat before everyone else turned up. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to do, but she had to say something about what had happened. She couldn’t seem to find the right note to strike in a message. She didn’t want to be too casual, or too dramatic. She couldn’t find anything in-between. In the end, she didn’t send anything.
But she couldn’t put it off forever. They worked together. They were going to have to see each other, every day, for the foreseeable future. She still hadn’t worked out why Kat had legged it like that, Emily had thought the kiss was stirring and she could have sworn Kat felt the same in the moment. But Emily had to conclude that she’d obviously misread the situation. If she had an apology to make, she was willing to make it.
But Kat – who was always at least ten minutes early for her shifts – didn’t show up by 7.50. Or 7.53. Or 7.56. And then everyone else was dribbling into the electronics department and the opportunity to talk was gone. Kat scurried in at 7.59 and gave a brief nod to Emily before opening her till and positioning herself for the work day.
Emily didn’t know what to think. So she went in the back office to organise the rotas.
Kat was watching the clock. Lunchtime cometh.
She was planning to leave the store rather than sitting in the break room with a book and her lunchbox, her usual way. She wasn’t in any denial about her reasons for breaking from the routine. She was trying to avoid Emily. Her boss. The one she’d semi-drunkenly snogged outside a work function.
The reason for avoidance was that she was deeply embarrassed. She’d ran off into the night like Batman, but unfortunately not with the intent of stopping crime. She was just a little virgin and Emily was a confident woman who didn’t care what anyone thought of her. And Kat couldn’t handle that. She wasn’t nearly experienced enough to be kissing such a person. She had no jurisdiction.
She should have started with someone simpler, someone as virginal as she was, someone who wouldn’t expect much. Because that’s what they’d be getting, this invented virgin. Not much. Just a girl who’d lived too long with her mother. In fact, if she hadn’t gone and died on her, Kat thought she would have continued to live with her mum till past middle age. Because her mother had always told her that outside the door of Pretty Things was ‘Nothing but trouble’. Kat never really found out what she meant by ‘Nothing but trouble’. But she could hear in her mother’s tone that it was bad.
And now Kat was alone, out in the world she’d been warned about. And she wasn’t equipped to deal with things like attractive women being nice to her and kissing her in the snow. Because surely that would lead to the trouble she’d been warned about, wouldn’t it?
So she’d do what her mother had taught her to do in uncomfortable situations. Which was to ignore the problem altogether and hope it went away. Of course, that hadn’t served her mother well in a number of ways. But Kat didn’t know what else to do. So despite the fact her mother was gone, she did the only thing she knew to do and listened to her voice, the one she’d left behind, in Kat’s head.
12.30 came and Kat turned to Jeb at her side. ‘Can you call Lou? It’s my lunch’ she asked politely, and Jeb got on the speaker and called her out from the back. Kat glanced back through to the office where Emily had stayed all morning. She’d managed to get this far. She might not see Emily for the rest of the day if she was lucky.
Free at last, Kat walked through the store, past the tinned goods and the freezers and the fruit and veg, headed for the main exit. The store was on a large high street so she didn’t need to hide in the break room. There were other ways to waste her time, ways that were a lot less likely to find her bumping into Emily.
Out on the street, Kat looked up and down to see where she might go. She saw a café. She could take her book in there. They wouldn’t let her get her lunchbox out but if she bought a cup of tea, she could while the half hour away quite easily.
She went in, ordered the drink and sat down. The tea came, and Kat got her book out, quickly burying herself in it. In fact, she was immersed so deeply that she didn’t hear the bell tinkle or the door open or Emily walk right in. Not until she felt a shadow fall across her and she looked up to find she was eyeball to eyeball with the woman herself.
‘Oh!’ she cried, shocked.
Emily, just as surprised, exclaimed, ‘Oh!’ right back.
A second passed. A long damn second.
And then Kat, in her panic, cried out ‘Would you like to sit?!’
Emily sat, hastily. ‘I sometimes…’ she started at the same time that Kat began, ‘I was just…’
‘What?’ they both said, realising the other was trying to say something. And then they both waited to see if the other would take the invitation to speak. And no one did. So they both tried again, speaking over each other for the second time. They stopped again.
‘OK’ Emily said, reaching her limit on this nonsense. ‘I was just saying that if I work on a weekend, I always come in here. My little treat. What were you going to say?’
‘I actually can’t remember now’ Kat said, truthfully. She picked up her teacup and took a long, slurpy sip. A woman behind the counter called, ‘Usual, love?’ to Emily and she nodded and smiled.
Soon, a latte and a slice of carrot cake was delivered to the table. But Emily made no move toward the cake or the coffee. Eventually, she cleared her throat and said, ‘Listen…’
Kat knew immediately that what she’d been trying to avoid all morning was happening. They were going to talk about the kiss.
‘I realise you’re just trying to get on with things and you don’t need your boss treating you like a piece of meat. So I’m sorry. I won’t do it again’ Emily said hurriedly.
‘A piece of meat?’ K
at repeated. She found herself laughing. ‘You never made me feel like that.’
Emily bit her lip. ‘But I overstepped. I know that.’
Kat was stunned. Emily thought she’d done wrong. She thought she’d done something that Kat hadn’t wanted. ‘I didn’t… I didn’t see it like that.’
‘You don’t have to say that, seriously’ Emily said, dismissively.
‘No, no, I’m not… I mean it’ Kat said, surprising herself. She hadn’t wanted to deal with this, but now she knew her avoidance had given Emily the wrong impression. Kat had liked every moment of their kiss, until she’d freaked out. But that wasn’t Emily’s fault. ‘I liked kissing you’ Kat said. And then she blushed. ‘Oh, I mean… I’m not trying to… I mean…’
‘We work together’ Emily finished.
‘Exactly.’
‘So we don’t want to make it weird, do we?’ Emily said. ‘And I’m your boss too, which is a whole other kettle of fish.’
‘True’ Kat agreed.
‘But thank you for saying that you liked it. I liked it too’ Emily said, embarrassed.
Kat went mute, unable to think of anything more to say on the subject.
‘So, that’s that then’ Emily said with a short laugh. Kat felt herself join in, and she felt a relief. Kat was the person at her work that she really liked, the only one. She would have been deeply disappointed to have that ruined.
And then she noticed her cup was empty. She could leave this situation. If she wanted. ‘Could I have another tea?’ she called over to the woman behind the counter.