by P. C. Zick
"How much is that house worth?"
"The Shores is one of the fastest growing country club communities in this area, so it’s probably increased in value since they bought it. But I'm not sure she'll want to move."
"She may have to. How can she maintain a house all by herself?"
"Your grandmother will manage just fine. Philip left her in good shape financially."
Kristina looked at me sharply, but her luggage arrived at that precise moment. Our conversation would have to be delayed until the drive home.
Once we maneuvered out of the airport and settled on the highway heading back to Ocala, I attempted conversation with her once more.
"Why did you come, Kristina? Really?" I asked.
"Don't you think I should be here for my grandfather's funeral? After all, I'm entitled to inherit something. Don't you think I should get some of it now? That's what Pam thinks anyway. Gary never left me a dime, and Philip said it would be all mine some day."
I let my eyes leave the road for a second to look at the too-beautiful young woman who seemed to think the world owed her a living.
"You know most of Gary's money went to his care during those final months. It could have been worse. He could have left you with the medical bills. Besides Philip would never leave Claire unattended financially, even though he might have been a bit of a bastard during their marriage. Right now we should be concentrating on helping Claire get through the next few difficult days."
"Whatever, Ed. You always know what's best, don't you?"
"Let's just get through these next few days, Kristina," I repeated. "I loved my uncle even if you just see his death as a way to make a little money. I'll forgive you that, if you'll just be kind to Claire this week. Don't let her see your greed."
"What about your greed, you asshole?"
"What do you mean?" I turned to look at her again. Suddenly her bad mood had jumped by degrees into anger.
"Your greed for me. Don't you remember, Eddie? You always want me. You probably want me right now. Shall we take the next exit and have a little go at it before we greet the family? I'll be especially happy to see your little wife. Claire tells me you've put another seed in that soil."
"You disgust me," I said. Her beauty seemed to curl up right before my eyes. If I'd had a pot of boiling water, I think I could have poured it on her at this point and watched her shrivel up.
"Maybe, but I bet you I could turn you around, just like that." She snapped her fingers.
"Kristina, can we call a truce for the next few days? I'm concerned about Claire, and I need my full concentration to take care of everyone. Let's not fight, OK?"
I turned to her, and once again, she changed. Her eyes filled with tears as she reached for my arm.
"I'm sorry, Ed. I don't know what gets into me. It's like I keep hearing Pam's voice in my head, telling me that the Townsends need to show me that they care. I think I care about you more than I even know. Forgive me, please," she said.
"It's OK. I care about you, too. Probably too much," I said.
"Can we stop for a burger or something? I haven't eaten since early this morning," she asked as we neared a turnpike station.
"Sure thing. I should have thought of that," I turned to smile at her, and she looked at me seductively between half-closed lids. My stomach turned.
When I pulled into the parking space next to the restaurant entrance, she came close to me, pressing against my arm.
"Eddie, I feel bad about Philip, too, you know. I just don't show it like you do. I'm not a nice person. I guess I don't know how to be one, not like you. Sometimes I think that maybe you'll rub off on me." She laughed as she began rubbing my neck.
"You haven't had very good teachers. I always feel guilty whenever I think of how you were raised, but you need to try harder. Quit trying to equate money with love for one thing. Enjoy Claire; she's the best grandmother around. She's always loved you from the moment she first saw you." I turned toward her and put my arm around her shoulders.
She turned her face upward to give me a kiss. At first, I started to protest, but then she began rubbing against me, and as usually happened, the sensation made me forget everything else. I began to return the kiss as I reached for one of her breasts and began working on the nipple until it hardened under my fingertips. Kris pulled back and began breathing between her teeth.
"You could call and say the plane was late," she said.
"Kristina, we can't, really," I said.
"You want me, don't you? You can tell I want you." She reached for the front of my pants and found the answer to her question as she touched me.
I went to a pay phone and called Claire. I told her the plane was delayed by two hours. Then we drove to the nearest motel and completed what we began in the car.
Slowly, I removed her clothes and picked her up and placed her carefully on the bed. She reached up and caressed by cheek.
"I love you, Eddie. Please love me," she said as I quickly removed my shirt and pants.
"Please take care of me; we're meant to be together like this, Eddie, don't feel guilty," she said as I buried my head in her breasts and cried for the pain and joy, overwhelming me. I cried for Gary and for the guilt consuming me. Kristina held me close and murmured soothingly in my ear.
I made sweet and slow love to Kristina on that afternoon as I forgot the rest of the world. She did whatever I wanted as she told me repeatedly how much she loved me.
"You love me, too, don't you, Eddie?"
"Yes, for chrissakes, I love you. What more do you want from me," I finally screamed. I had given my all to this woman who had etched herself into my very soul.
Kristina never did get her burger, but we both came away from the session satiated and satisfied as if we’d just gotten up from a Thanksgiving feast. We smiled at one another slowly as we got back in the car. Before I started the engine, I reached over and gave her a deep and loving kiss, and then I held her face between my hands and looked intently into the blue eyes that I knew so well.
"Kristina, it can't happen again, you know," I said.
"OK, Ed, whatever you say," she said. "Just remember that I love you no matter what happens. And I know just as well that you love me, no matter how you act in front of the others." She kissed me one last time before I pulled out of the motel parking lot.
Only when I began the familiar drive north on I-75 toward Ocala and the grieving Claire and my pregnant wife, did the feeling of fullness turn to nausea at what had happened on the afternoon of Philip's death.
Somehow, I managed to get through the rest of the day and the funeral without incident. I concentrated on Claire who had just lost her husband, and Cassie who wasn't feeling very well throughout most of the ordeal. I also watched Kristina who seemed to enjoy the attention from all of the neighbors. They saw her as a sweet young girl who was comforting her grandmother. The two made a sad picture, the daughter and granddaughter and the wife and mother who had both lost the important men in their lives.
As a result, nearly everyone at the funeral said something to me about the burdens I would now face in helping both Claire and Kristina. Little did they know that those burdens had been dumped there even before Gary's death.
Late in the afternoon the phone rang. Since I was the closest, I ended up answering it.
"Hello, I would like to speak to Kris Timmons, please," the voice on the other end said.
"Pam, is that you?"
"Ed? How's sainthood these days? Talking Claire out of giving Kris any more of what is rightly hers?" Pam and I had not talked since Kristina was put on an allowance.
"I'm fine, thanks for asking. Philip's death came as a great shock to all of us. Let me get Kris."
Kristina grimaced when I told her who wanted to speak to her on the phone. I gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder, and she looked at me gratefully. After a moment's hesitation, she headed to the hallway extension. I never found out exactly what Pam wanted, but from Kristina's unhappy fa
ce after her return, I surmised that she didn't give her any comfort.
That night after all of the guests left, Claire asked if Cassie and I could stay for a few minutes more. After a quick call to Tessa’s babysitter, we sat in the living room, just the four of us, alone for the first time during the visit. Aunt Susan, exhausted by the day's events had gone to bed already.
"How are you, Claire?" Cassie asked, always solicitous of Claire’s well being. The two women had become close over the course of our marriage, and I knew Claire could confide in Cassie the things she couldn't with me.
"I'm tired. And I'm wondering what happens next," she said. She sounded like a lost and confused child, not a condition I’d ever seen her in before.
"Do you want to move from this house?" I asked.
"No, but I don't know what else to do. I certainly can't handle all of the upkeep and worry that comes with a home. Judy, from next door, told me today about some new apartments a few miles from here. But an apartment? I just don't know." She looked at me for help.
"What about Susan? Have you discussed this with her?" Cassie asked.
"I think you should just sell this thing," Kristina said, not giving Claire a chance to respond to Cassie's question.
"It's not as easy as all that," Claire said, as she patted Kristina’s hand.
"Sure, it is. I bet you'd get a mint out of this house. Look at how this area has grown," Kristina said. "My mom thinks that you could get a good price on this house and then invest the money. The rent on an apartment would be covered by pension and social security."
"I'm sure your mother is very concerned, but the money is the least of my concerns right now," Claire said.
" I know, but you should care about it. That money could be added to the portfolio."
"Kristina, I don't think Claire cares about that right now," I said. " Claire, do you have any ideas?"
" I did think of one thing." She hesitated.
"And?" I asked.
"Have you and Cassie ever thought about giving up the apartment and moving into a house?" she asked.
Actually, this subject was a sore spot for Cassie and me. We’d been fighting about it ever since we found out about the new baby. She wanted to move into a bigger place, preferably a house with a yard. I was dragging my feet out of a reluctance to make any changes with our life. Although in the last few days, the idea had begun to hold some appeal, especially when I wondered how we could add a nursery to the already crowded apartment.
"Funny you should mention it. We’ve been talking about it. But we haven't made any decisions. Why?" I asked.
"You know this house is big enough for all of us. There's three bedrooms, plus the study. I could move out of the master bedroom, and we could easily take that porch that's off the master bedroom and turn it into another room, maybe a nursery. That would still leave a room for Tessa and a study for you, Ed." She paused to take a breath and to look at us. She obviously had been thinking about this since Philip's death.
"Claire, we couldn't do that," Cassie said. "You wouldn't want a toddler and a new baby cluttering up your space."
"That's right, Grandma. That would be an even bigger burden than just worrying about this house. I'm sure Ed and Cassie wouldn't even consider it," Kristina said.
" I would love having Tessa and the new baby right here under my nose to spoil. It would give me a reason to live. I discussed it with Susan, of course. She feels the same way that I do."
"You know, it's not such a bad idea," I finally said warming to the idea. I loved their house with its open rooms and large sliders in each room leading to a porch that extended for the length of the house. It could easily be expanded. "Of course, we'd pay rent."
"With an option to buy, at a very good price?" Claire asked.
"With an option to buy, and we'd pay for the addition. You know we could even expand one of the bedrooms so you'd have a little sitting room, Claire."
"Ed, are you saying you like the idea?" Cassie asked.
"Yes, I think I am. This could solve everyone's problems."
"Right, it'll be just like Little House on the Prairie," Kristina said as she skulked away into the kitchen.
I followed her and watched as she pulled a beer out of the refrigerator.
"What's the matter, Kristina?"
"Nothing, Eddie, nothing at all. I just thought things would be different after the other day." She looked at me sadly.
"Nothing changed, Kristina. I know how you feel, and you know how I feel, but I still have a wife and family. Anything else is impossible."
"I know, Ed, but a girl can hope, can't she?" Then she lifted the beer bottle to her lips and guzzled the amber liquid until it was all gone.
After I went back to the living room, we spent the rest of the evening making plans. We decided we wouldn't move in until the addition of a nursery was complete, which would hopefully occur before the birth of our second child.
The next day when I drove her to the airport, Kristina made sure she let me know what she thought of the idea.
"You're moving in on my territory, aren't you, Eddie, boy," she said as we sped along I-75. "Pam's been warning me for years, but I always defended you and said that you wanted the best for me."
"What territory am I moving in on?"
"Don't play so innocent with me. You know that you'll be able to control Claire's finances living so close to her. And I bet the first thing you do is cut my allowance."
"I wouldn't think of it. Claire is perfectly capable of handling her finances without my help. Kristina, this is a good thing for Claire. I'm sure she'll put our rent check back into the portfolio so you'll actually be coming out ahead."
"I'll be watching you very carefully. It's almost like you had this planned." She feigned sleep the rest of the way to the Orlando airport.
When we arrived, she told me not to bother seeing her off, so I dropped her off at the terminal. Before she got out of the car, she turned to me. "Claire will never leave you anything. She would never go against Philip's wishes."
"Kristina, please understand one thing. I don't want anything from Claire except for her to live long enough for my children to have a memory of a grandmother figure in their lives. I don't need the money, nor do I want it. It's yours when the time comes, but not before."
"You know you claim you're not greedy, and I guess you're not for money. But let's not forget what you are greedy for, shall we." With that, Kristina leaned over and grabbed me and gave me a long and lingering kiss, which left me stunned. I grabbed the back of her head and kissed her back with all of the pent-up passion I'd been feeling since the day at the motel.
"Don't forget how I feel about you, but remember it won't matter if you start messing around with what is rightfully mine," she said when we'd finally managed to pull apart.
She gave me her mother's sardonic grin and then left the car, slamming the door behind her. I breathed a sigh of sadness and of relief as I watched her walk into the terminal to the plane that would remove her from my life for now.
When I got back to Ocala, I decided to stop by the house to check on Claire. She greeted me with an angry look on her face.
"Claire, what's wrong?" I asked as I came into the house.
"That woman just called," she said.
"What woman?"
"Pamela, Gary's first wife. She wanted to tell me how sorry she was about Philip. I hate that woman.”
I had never seen Claire express hatred toward anyone. She could be sarcastic and cynical, but she liked everyone and treated people with respect.
"I imagine you blame her for causing this family lots of pain," I said.
" I didn't let on my feelings while I was on the phone, but my stomach was in a knot. I kept remembering how I took care of Kristina when Pam couldn't or wouldn't when Kris was a baby. I remember the anguish I felt all those years that Kristina was away. She caused damage to this family, especially to Kristina."
"What makes you say that now after a
ll these years?"
"Not often, but occasionally Kris gets a tone in her voice, a look in her eye. Then I remember the times you and Gary warned us about her not always being what she seemed. So I know about her pain and scars, and I blame Pam for that."
"I'm glad you can see that, as unpleasant as it is. I see it too sometimes. But Kristina does realize that you've been the one constant in her life."
"I hope so. I decided to be cordial to Pam on the phone to get the conversation over. I kept thinking if I let her do this phony bit, then I won't have to talk to her again. She even had the nerve to bring up selling the house. It was enough that she put Kristina up to asking me about it, but she had to go ahead and mention it to me.
"I know Gary probably didn't treat her very well. I know that now, but I never liked the way she was with Philip. I couldn't ever put my finger on it, but it wasn't quite normal."
"It's over now," I said. "Shall we call around to some contractors tomorrow? My book seems to be dragging right now so a break might do it some good."
"Yes, let's do that. This will be so much fun, Ed. I can't tell you what this means to me. Are you sure that you and Cassie can put up with a mean old woman like me?"
"You bet, and the meaner the better, I always say. Tessa is going to love it here with the yard and two aunts to spoil her rotten."
We moved into the house by the beginning of 1994. Claire had an expanded room off one of the spare bedrooms, and we built another bedroom at the end of the house for Aunt Susan so she could have a little more privacy. Claire's addition was not quite completed when we moved, but since the baby was due any day, we decided to settle in even with the dust.
Our son, Gared was born in February. Claire and Cassie dreamed up the name as a combination of Gary's and my names. At first, I thought it was rather silly, but it began to grow on me as I looked down into the sleeping face of the new little Townsend.
I hoped for him a happier life than that of his partial namesake, and I prayed he wouldn't fall heir to my weaknesses and faults. Even though we hadn't heard much from Kristina in the past few months, she constantly nagged at the back of my consciousness as I fought to block visions of our encounters from my mind. I replayed the scene over and over in my mind when I finally screamed I loved her. She had reached down into the depths of me and pulled out my guts.