by Tina Leonard
“You knew him too well. People change.”
“Why do you care?” he asked, letting his hand drop to his side. “You have no dog in this fight. No pawn in the war.”
“Luke,” she said softly, “whatever was between you has been put away by him. He’s waving a white flag. Can’t you do the same?”
“Did you say you were a doctor or a psychologist?” Luke demanded, unwilling to bend.
Pepper hesitated a long time before she said, “I’m just someone who cares.”
His face broke into a grin he was surprised to find he couldn’t control. “I knew it. I knew there was something between us. You felt it, too.”
She took a step back. “No,” she said, “you’re looking for an excuse. I care about all my patients.”
He frowned. “You’re playing games.”
“You’re misreading me.” She walked outside and he followed her to her van. “I need to get to the saloon, so you’ll have to excuse me. I’ll bring a list of internists for your father to choose from tomorrow when I come to see him.”
Silently, Luke watched as she drove away.
PEPPER FELT SAD after talking to Luke. She drove to the Tulips Saloon, thinking about the depth of bitterness he still held for his father. Everyone in town knew that McGarrett was a tough man with few—or no—friends, and that he’d been hard on his son. Real hard. But she felt pretty certain he hadn’t taken care of himself in a long time, long enough to be doing some real damage that needed to be managed with a doctor’s supervision.
She wondered if Luke would care if his father passed away. Right now, it felt as if she cared more than he did about his father’s condition—and it wasn’t just the doctor in her who was concerned.
Toby and Josh deserved the chance to know the only grandfather—only grandparent—they had.
Her conscience ate at her hungrily. Savagely.
She had some fault in this, too. It wasn’t just Luke who made decisions based on the past.
On the sidewalk in front of the saloon stood her friends, people who had known her all her life. They were examining the front door with interest, the door they were so proud of. Behind them, Duke’s dog, Molly, waved her plumed tail, happy to be part of the crowd. They made such a whimsical, picturesque, Norman Rockwell portrait that it took Pepper’s breath away. Thank heavens I brought the boys home—they might have missed all this. These are the best people I know.
She got out of her van and everyone turned around to greet her and hug her. Instantly, she was bathed in their warmth and approval.
Until she heard a truck engine switch off behind them. Turning, they all watched Luke get out of the vehicle and walk onto the sidewalk with a stiff nod for all of them. Which includes me, I suppose, Pepper thought.
“Hi, Luke,” Pansy said. “Stopping in for tea?”
“No.” He looked at Pepper. “I want to talk to Pepper, if you don’t mind.”
She frowned. “We just talked.”
“I decided I needed a little more of your wisdom in my life.”
“I think you’re fine.”
“You don’t think I’m fine. You think I’m letting my father down.” He looked at Pansy, Helen, Hiram and Bug and then at Pepper, again. “I deserve a chance to defend myself.”
“Not to me,” she said quickly. “It isn’t necessary. Nor did I mean to be judgmental. I’m not in a position to be.”
“Still, I’d be happier if we talked.”
She didn’t want to speak with him. Not now. One day, they’d have a serious talk, on a topic he couldn’t possibly anticipate. “I see your father in a professional capacity, Luke. I’d prefer to keep our relationship that way.”
He shook his head. “I feel a need to put your opinion of me straight. I think you believe I’m not aware of my father’s feelings. I think you believe that I’m being selfish where he’s concerned.”
“You didn’t say that, did you, Pepper?” Helen asked. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
Pepper certainly had no right to judge him about his actions, considering her own secret. Her dearest friends looked at her with disbelief and concern, and a war raged inside her over what she, as a doctor, knew needed to be said to Luke and what she, as a woman, wanted to say to him.
She faced him and her friends, saying softly, “I’ll be wasting my time and your breath if I let myself care what anybody thinks about me. I really will, at least in this regard. Luke, what I said to you about your father’s health was important. I won’t discuss that here. He is my patient and deserves privacy.” She looked at everyone, feeling the weight of her secret and her responsibilities. “Luke, please don’t presume in the future that I’m willing to discuss anything and everything in front of other people.”
She looked around at her friends, her dearest companions, and knew she’d drawn an inflexible line around herself.
But she had to right now—for Toby’s and Josh’s sakes. Whatever she and Luke had to say to each other for the rest of their lives should be in private—as much as she loved her friends.
She and Luke were parents together, though he didn’t know it, and parents needed to keep their bond, their conversations, even their disagreements, between themselves for the sake of the children.
The moment to tell him had arrived, Pepper realized, her soul tearing in two.
It wasn’t going to be easy.
Chapter Seven
Pepper’s declaration about not wanting to talk made Luke realize how off base he was in being drawn to her. Why did attraction have to grip him when this woman was clearly not someone he could relate to on a simple, man-to-woman basis? She was cool, perhaps even cold and professional to a fault.
She could even turn chilly on her friends, as he’d just witnessed.
“We do need to talk, Luke,” she said now, and he looked at her.
“Professionally speaking?”
She hesitated. “I would call this more of a personal conversation.”
Pansy, Helen, Hiram and Bug—as well as the golden retriever—took that as a cue to melt through the door of the Tulips Saloon, leaving him on the sidewalk with Pepper. “I’m listening.”
“Not here,” she said. “And not now.”
He began to sense a level of discomfort on her part. She was always so cool and competent, he was surprised to see her acting uncertain. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure they were completely alone, she gave him a look he would almost call pleading.
“This isn’t about my dad?”
She shook her head.
“When do you want to have this talk?” His curiosity was getting the better of him, he had to admit. “The sooner the better, I always say.”
“I would have disagreed with that a week ago, but today, perhaps that philosophy is correct.” She seemed to stop to collect her thoughts. “There is no easy way to tell you what I have to say.”
He frowned, wondering if she was going to protest the fact that he’d kissed her. She’d really take offense if she knew how well I remember making love to her and how much I enjoyed it.
The memory was enough to put him in danger of an erection, which would be hellish and serve no purpose. He already felt awkward and uncomfortable enough with her; sexual desire was only going to tangle him up.
He hated feeling like an inexperienced teenager, particularly when he knew that she didn’t remember those stolen moments they shared. If she ever did, she certainly didn’t seem to recall them with fondness, which was even more bruising to his ego. “Just name the place and time.”
He wanted to get it over with, and lock his pining thoughts for her in a dark closet, where they deserved to stay.
“I don’t know the best way to do this,” she murmured, “and any way is going to be wrong.”
“I can’t really help you with that,” Luke said. “I’m the kind of guy who just spits out whatever has to be said. Trust me, you don’t need to put a lot of planning into telling me something.”
She
stared at him, her face very nearly white.
“Are you…all right?” he asked. “I realize you’re the doctor, but you look like you’re not feeling quite yourself.”
“I’m not,” she said quietly. “Take me for a walk.”
He frowned, not wanting to be alone with her. She seemed to take offense at any little thing, and with his current luck, he’d find himself touching her in some way, guaranteed to make their friendship, or whatever, more tense. “Is a walk a good idea?”
She gave him an exasperated look. “Let’s just walk, okay? Don’t make this more complicated than it is. Believe me, it’s already…crazy enough.”
He shrugged. Whatever the lady wanted, he’d provide. “Okay.” He steered her away from the eyes he knew would be peering—if not now, eventually—through the windows of the saloon, and away from the jail. Silently, they walked away from the town center and toward her clinic. That was safe, he decided. She’d feel on secure ground with her own home base advantage. Then maybe he could leave her there, knowing she was safe, and be on his way before he made some error that would scare her off for good.
He’d always been so smooth with women that he wondered when he’d lost his finesse.
“My house will be fine,” she said, breaking the silence they’d been sharing not so companionably.
He didn’t say anything, because it hadn’t been an invitation as much as a grudging surrender, and he wasn’t exactly in a lather to go inside her house with her. “It’s a nice June night,” he finally stated. “We could sit on the porch and talk.”
She glanced up at him as she unlocked the front door. “We need privacy.”
“Coming from anyone else, I might think that was—”
Her expression stopped his teasing comment. “It’s not.”
“I figured that.” One thing about Pepper, she didn’t leave him with any futile hopes for a rebirth of sexual relations between them.
Glancing around her hallway, he noted her house was clean and already decorated, as if she’d lived in it a long time. He envied her ability to set down roots as quickly as she did. “I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t living out of a suitcase. It’s been years since I lived in Tulips last.”
She gestured toward a sofa in her den, a floral-patterned affair that was pretty but not overwhelmingly feminine. Overstuffed and large, it was a couch a man could lean into and not feel claustrophobic.
Yet he did. He perched on the edge, forgoing the natural lure of the comfortable softness. “So. You wanted to talk.”
Pacing the room, she stopped to look out a window, then faced him again. Her eyes were so big in her face that she seemed startled.
“Go on,” he said, “tell me what’s on your mind. You’re starting to worry me.”
Her lips worked but nothing came out.
“Pepper,” he said, standing to walk over to her, “if you don’t relax, I’m going to call the gang over to help you. I swear you’re scaring me.”
Tears jumped into her eyes, and she frantically wiped them away. He didn’t know what to do, so he put an arm around her, surprised by how quickly she collapsed and leaned her head against his chest.
This was new and different—a pliable, soft Pepper. She was almost relying on his strength for a change, instead of fighting him with hers.
The moment was too brief. Pulling away from him, she squared her shoulders and stuck out her chin. “Luke, years ago, you and I—”
“Wait. I think I know where you’re going with this. If you think I’m being nice to you because I’m expecting you to sleep with me, that’s the last thing on my mind.”
Her eyebrows rose.
“Well, not the last thing,” he clarified, “but it’s not something I expect. I don’t even think about it much. What happened happened. We were just kids.”
She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Well, we kids made kids.”
He stared at her, perplexed.
“God, that was awkward,” she said. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice came out a whisper. She put a hand on his arm as if trying to comfort him, but he realized by the tenseness of her grip that she still needed support. “I was pregnant,” she said, so softly he didn’t think he heard her right, and then he realized he had, and his whole world bottomed out. Rapid heart palpitations tore through his chest, tightening his breath.
“You were pregnant?” he asked, just to make certain he understood what she was trying to tell him. “As in, were?” She must have lost the baby, he realized—no wonder she was so unbending and brusque around him. She probably blamed him for not using proper protection, and he guessed his condom use hadn’t been exactly foolproof.
“I was pregnant and…” Her big eyes stared at him.
“And?”
“And we have two sons.”
He frowned at her. The woman was nuts. He had no sons. He could feel his head shaking, his neck turning automatically, and her hand on his arm tightened more, now trying to strengthen him.
“We have two beautiful sons,” Pepper said, speaking a language he didn’t understand, couldn’t understand and would never be able to decipher.
“No,” he said. “It can’t be possible.”
Her hand dropped from his arm. Slowly, she went to the fireplace, taking down a picture. Her gaze on his, she reluctantly handed it to him. In the photo, two strong, healthy boys stared up at Pepper, and they were all laughing, surrounded by snow and stark, ice-lined trees.
The boys were the spitting image of their mother. These are not my sons. I don’t know them.
In spite of the instinctive denial, he did know them. He forced himself to admit that. He looked at Pepper, searching her eyes for answers. “Why?”
“I’m so sorry.” The words were a plea. “I have no excuse for what I’ve done.”
“You think very little of me.”
Her face returned to its papery-white color.
“Where are they?”
“At the Triple F with Duke and probably Zach.”
Luke resisted the urge to yell at her that he had to see with his own eyes the truth he could not take in. “I’m going,” he said.
“Wait,” she said, clutching his arm again, “they don’t know. They don’t know you’re here.”
He turned to her. “They know I’m their father?”
“No. I never told them anything about you.”
“I’ll never forgive you for that,” he said.
She nodded. “I know. Let me go with you. Please! This needs to be as gentle as possible for them.”
“I’m going to my truck. You can get in it, but don’t say a word,” Luke said, his mind still not completely believing that his life as he knew it had pretty much been a lie. He had to hear their voices, touch them, before he’d know—accept—that he’d been a father. Was a father. Am a father.
He strode down the street toward the saloon, where he’d left his truck. Pepper followed him anxiously. Normally, he would be a gentleman and offer to get the vehicle, return to pick her up. Too much anger flowed through him.
It was impossible to slow down, anyway. He had the overwhelming urge to race to meet his destiny.
Chapter Eight
An iron band of terror tightened Pepper’s chest. She’d set in motion something that couldn’t be stopped now, yet a profound sense of relief warred with her fear. Luke drove quickly toward the ranch, and the whole way Pepper didn’t dare glance at him.
He parked the truck at the Triple F, and silently, they walked to the porch. She let herself in and he followed. They stood under the chandelier in the hallway for a moment, and Pepper could no longer remain quiet. “They’re such good kids, Luke.”
He frowned at her, his dark features forbidding.
“I want this to be as calm a meeting as possible,” she said, “something they’ll look back on and remember was a good thing for them. Their father coming into their lives should be a positive experience.”
“Not positive enough th
at it should have happened years ago.”
“That’s a discussion for another time,” she said firmly. “It doesn’t involve them. That’s between you and me and the past.”
“And obviously the future.”
She didn’t understand his meaning, but was satisfied he intended to handle the situation with her sons carefully. Pepper walked into the den. Duke was showing the boys how to braid rope, and they were drinking it in with huge eyes. When her brother looked up and saw that Luke was with her, he slowly got to his feet.
“Hello, Luke,” he said. “Long time no see.”
Luke nodded.
Pepper sensed the tension between the two big men, and clearly, the boys did, too, for they glanced back and forth at times. After a moment, Duke said, “I best get back to Liberty and the baby,” and he left. The front door closed and they heard him gun the truck engine and take off.
“Hi, Mom,” Toby said, and Josh nodded, always content to follow his brother.
Pepper walked farther into the room. Luke followed. “Boys,” she said, “I’d like to introduce you to someone.”
They didn’t like the sound of that, because their brows furrowed. Pepper realized they thought she had a boyfriend, and quickly said, “This is Luke McGarrett, an old family friend.”
Luke reached out as the boys got up reluctantly to shake hands with him. “Rope tricks, huh?”
“Not tricks,” Toby said. “We have to learn to make one.”
Luke nodded. “I do sailors’ rope knots.”
“You do?” This interested the boys.
“Yeah.”
“Sit down, Luke,” Pepper said, and the boys moved back to their previous positions.
“I think…I think I’ll head home,” Luke said. “I guess you’ll need a ride back to town, Pepper.”
“We can stay here,” she said. “We’re sort of half here and half at the house right now.” She didn’t want to accept a ride from him—and she was surprised by how quickly he wanted to leave.
He stared at his boys for a long time as if trying to decide what to do. They had busily returned to trying to practice what Duke had taught them. Luke’s gaze caught hers as he glanced at her. She saw confusion and pain in his eyes, though he clearly didn’t want to share his emotions. She quickly looked away.