Not the right gender? ‘A woman?’ Tirsa blurted without thinking.
It was Artride who blushed this time, and she rubbed her cheek nervously, dropping her head, keeping her pace up past luscious meadows.
‘You are the first I have ever told.’
She did not know what to say, but her mind raced. Is she joking? How did she keep this a secret? Is this a coincidence? Is she fooling me?
A long moment of silence followed, but Tirsa’s mind was still going full speed.
‘You do not believe me, do you?’ and she laughed. ‘It gets awfully lonely in the castle and … well, Ezra was there when I needed her.’ She was shocked how silly and selfish that sounded, and in a serious tone added, ‘I mean … there were other people to fall in love with of course; there were many other people I could choose from, men as well, but Ezra, she was the daughter of the older maid I used to have and assigned to me when her mother retired. I was eighteen and she was about the same age. Being my personal maid she cared for my room, brought me food when I wanted it, did my hair and so on. It is hard not to get to know a person like that. She became my best friend.’
Tirsa remembered the young, pretty woman she had seen, who gave her the small package with the bread and biscuits they never even had a chance to taste.
‘I had an arduous time facing my future role; my tasks, my training and she helped me endure it all. We became very good friends and, well – lovers. I know she really cared for me as well, but after a couple of years I understood I was asking too much of her and we tried to end it.’
She gazed around at the morning sky; a marvellous orange painted sky, a sign that the sun was on his way. Artride sighed deeply.
‘She made it easy for me, for she fell in love with someone else and married him; a cook. Her love for me, I realised later was more out of loyalty; the love for her queen, than for me as a person. I doubt she would have truly fallen for me if I had been a servant as well.’
‘She most certainly would have noticed you, even as a servant you would have your amazing beauty and good heart and … after all … she married a cook, so –’
Artride smiled warmly at Tirsa.
‘Yes, but he is a man and low in rank; that would mean they truly love each other. I mean … I am the queen. If I had been a male, it would have been the same to her. She loved me because of my rank, like so many hate or love me for my title, not for the person I am. They do not know me,’ she said briskly.
‘Ezra obviously did, she was your friend first of all.’
Artride sighed. ‘Yes I thought so, but she worshipped the very ground I was walking on. I mean is that love? Should it not be more equal? Sometimes it was sickening and frightening how much she would have done for me. She even would have given her life for me. One time she drank wine suspected of being poisoned. It was a gift from a rival king and she drank it before I could touch it; saying that if she died, I could dismantle him and have him arrested for attempted murder. That king had always been a threat to our country. Luckily she did not die of course, for I understood he would not be so foolish to endanger himself like that. However, it shocked me all the same. From that day on I awoke and my eyes opened.’
‘Still, it sounds like love to me,’ Tirsa quietly spoke.
‘Love … if it were, Tirsa, she would not have married someone else. It wasn’t true love. It was admiration and obsession in a dangerous, awful way and I failed to see it.’
Would you not die for someone you loved? Have you ever loved a person that much? Tirsa thought, but said softy, ‘Yes, loving someone sometimes comes with a price; sometimes that price is too high for a person to pay and then the only option is to let each other go.’
A long silence followed. Artride was pondering about this, and when she felt she finally understood, her eyes filled. Tirsa noticed it and tried to lighten the mood.
‘Well, I guess it is not easy to love a queen if you are a woman yourself. The book won’t allow a marriage, will it?’
‘No. I have to marry a man.’ It was almost a whisper.
‘Can you?’
Artride straightened her back and reflected, ‘I seriously do not know. I have always believed it is the person you have to like, fall in love with and the gender should not really matter. But I do prefer women … but it is not an issue anymore, so why bother discussing it?’
‘Why not? Because you cannot turn back safely without a serious penalty on your head for killing your uncle?’
A funny thing she mentioned my head.
‘Yes. I will die.’
‘Don’t say that.’
Artride exchanged a sad look. ‘I know I shall, Tirsa.’
Tirsa winced and a surge of fear was creeping up her back. ‘Not here, not now!’ She was really upset and angry.
Artride smiled lightly at her concern. ‘No, not now, but soon.’
‘Does the curse have this much power then? How does this work, how long do you have?’ Upset was marking her words.
‘Not here in Dochas. Only when I return to Ceartas it will be, not as long as I am here, but do not worry, I have not given up. It is my life we are talking about, and the lives of others; such as your brother. No, we shall continue.’
Tirsa nodded, still looking concerned. No wonder she initially wanted to stay here.
‘Exactly, that’s what we’ll do.’
If we do not find a counter spell, her only chance for survival is staying here after all, or moving to another country. She will not mind, will she?
‘Look, I will understand if we are not able to get a spell and you need to stay here. You have to in order to survive. I just want you to know, I will support you either way.’
Artride reached for her hand close to her hip and gently took it. ‘I appreciate that, Tirsa. But do not be bothered by it yet.’ She still held her hand and squeezed it lightly to comfort her. ‘My … you are really worried about me, you are shaking!’
Tirsa pulled back reluctantly, descending her face. ‘Just cold, that’s all.’ But she wasn’t really.
‘Do you still see her?’ Tirsa tried to shift the queen’s attention.
‘Who?’ She had forgotten for a moment what they were discussing. ‘Oh, you mean Ezra. Sometimes. I do not need a maid anymore.’ Artride laughed lightly. She chose to be the head of the kitchen and her husband is the baker. I just love her creations. But well, although there is still some chemistry between us, and she knows about the curse of course and that brings a certain intimacy, the physical thing is over between us.’
Tirsa did not expect to hear this, and she wondered why she was telling her these private things.
‘I was so ashamed and I began to detest myself. I had the feeling I had used her.’
‘It sounds more like you used each other.’
Artride looked oddly at her. ‘Yes perhaps you’re right; well, we certainly had a good time.’ The queen knew she had gone a step too far and she regained her composure quickly. ‘She lives in freedom now and has two children. She even asked my permission to marry the man she loved, saying she would not if I did not agree.’
‘And did you?’
‘Of course. I wanted to see her happy. If you ever loved someone truly, whatever has happened between you, you want that person to have a good life. I do not believe that love can turn to hate. Moreover, everyone should have the right to be happy. With me she would never have had what she has now.’
‘Indeed ironic. To turn down a queen, while so many fight and die for your hand!’
Artride laughed, showing her perfect white teeth and waving her hand indifferently.
They noticed the wind had picked up.
It must have been extremely dangerous for her. What if someone found out? The law book was strict on this as well, but no specific punishment was ever set out; but marriage or living under the same roof with your same sex loved one was forbidden, otherwise banishment would follow. She remembered how risky it had been for Mabel and her. A couple of time
s they were near exposure, but always managed to keep things hidden. There was gossip of course and the visible signs of affection between them, even if they avoided touch when they were among other soldiers; you had to be blind not to see it. It would have taken only one person to go to security, the protectors of the law, and they would have been banned from Ceartas, stripped of all their honour and possessions, not allowed to return ever again.
If anyone knew, no one ever did turn them in, and since they were not living together the curse could not get to them either. Tirsa Lathabris was too much respected and high ranked. Even though besides the admirers there were a couple of ill-minded, envious people who would rather see her leave and take her position. She always appeared untouchable, and if these people would have found out it could have destroyed her career. Little did anyone know that she didn’t care less for herself, it was for Mabel she had feared exposure, for she was born and raised in Ceartas and despite its cruel law system, she had loved her country greatly. More than Artride did anyway. In most countries, romantic relationships between the same gender were accepted and tolerated in their societies, and taken as such, seriously; even marriage was heard of. The more distressing it was that Ceartas had still such a long way to go.
She pondered telling Artride about Mabel and their relationship. About her death and seeing her in the Afterworld, and what she had told her. Before she had the chance to even consider the matter, the queen pointed and said, ‘Looks like we are leaving this paradise behind again.’
Before them the ground was covered with a thin layer of snow, and holding each other’s gaze they feared the worse. The wind was getting stronger again and colder, but with hope in their hearts they continued in what they hoped was the right direction: west.
CHAPTER 13
WINDBORNE
Even as I breathe comes an angel to their keep
Enya
Thin slanting rays of the spring sun glistened on the icy snow which cracked beneath their feet. Still heading west, they made their way through the roaring wind, searching for any new wards or signs of the sorceress.
But soon a pale white mist emerged out of the deep and enclosed the two women; however, it still enabled them to see enough to continue. Rocks and wet moss were another hindrance now that the snow seemed to lessen.
They had only walked a few miles through the clearing mist, before the ground seemed to open in front of them. Carved through the hills was a long wide, but mostly deep, ravine. It looked as if a giant meteor had hit the earth with such force it had left an enormous hole; and not even the sun would be able to reach the bottom it seemed. It was about five miles in length and perhaps two miles across. It was gigantic and overhung by the steep slopes on every side. Stocky trees leaned wearily over it, mostly pines and birch. But nothing grew in the bowl, which might as well have been a bottomless abyss, for it was hard to see from the gloom in there. Darkness and cold lived there and sand and … wind. Gusts of wind blew and circled through the ravine, bringing up sand and even small rocks, spitting it all out on the almost barren slopes. Behind and around the ravine a new snow-capped mountain range begun; almost no different from the one they were about to leave behind. That was if they could cross the ravine, which seemed nearly impossible. It was clear that doing so would cost them many days. Precious days.
Artride and Tirsa exchanged a discouraged glance, with the wind tugging at their clothes and hair, blowing the mist away. There was no downward track and the sides so steep and crumbly, it would be very treacherous. Artride flopped down on a rock out of breath, holding her head in her hands to protect her eyes.
Tirsa looked up at the sky and whispered, ‘Sempervirens … where are you?’ and waited for an answer. The wind carried her words.
Nothing. She turned and repeated the same line over and over, and with every time louder. Artride looked up, somewhat distressed at seeing her partner like this, like she was about to lose her mind; but she reasoned it wasn’t such a bad idea, since Roalda had mentioned it was possible the sorceress might be able to hear them when calling her name, even if it was through this roaring wind. And that was all they wanted, right now, be it good or bad. After all they came for her aid, and for that they had to have her near.
Artride got up and walked over to her; together shouting the name of the so called Queen of Dochas.
‘Sempervirens, show yourself!’
‘Sempervirens!’
Then from the ice mountains ahead of them came a stronger gust of wind whirling about, and somehow it got a firm hold on the two shouting, distressed women, suddenly lifting them up from the ground, tossing and pulling at the very heart of them.
‘A whirlwind!’ Tirsa heard Artride yelling above the raging sound of the wind, which sounded like upset voices itself. Everything seemed smaller, which made Tirsa realize they were being lifted and carried away from the ravine. They were going round in circles, caught in the whirlwind. Trying to get hold of Artride, she looked down and saw they were leaving the mountains behind, now getting ever smaller below them, heading for the sky. They never realized mere wind could be this strong, as where they came from there were hardly ever storms.
Besides, this had to be something other than a natural whirlwind holding them in its tight grip. Something that could think. Something or rather … someone.
I hope it is her finally, Artride thought, barely able to hear her own thoughts above the raging sound, before she lost consciousness.
~ ~ ~
‘Ashmanthecartenth … moonti washa oenca saalthen,’ said a soft whispering voice.
‘Wilthnan washa minthe.’ Another voice, higher than the first, but upset.
The old tongue! Tirsa recognized it immediately and jammed open her eyes. Everything around her was of the purest white she had ever seen; however, it didn’t hurt her eyes. It made her think of the Other Side, but she somehow knew this wasn’t where she was right now. And she was alone. But the voices, I heard voices! And she got up from her stretched position. Quickly she checked her body, but it seemed alright apart from cold, damp stiffness.
‘Artride?’ she called out, worried as the sound stretched out, but then seemed to bounce and return to her. The white ground underneath her was soft, smoky, damp and … liquid. The cloth covers on her feet were drained, so were her leggings and tunic and when she started walking this floor it was like nothing she had ever felt before. She imagined walking on air must feel like this.
‘I am right here, Tirsa, stop shouting.’ And she emerged through the liquid smoke, like an angel, looking relieved to see her. ‘Are you alright?’ She didn’t smile this time, her face troubled.
‘Nothing but a little ruffled, not to mention confused. Where are we?’
‘The last thing I saw were the mountains beneath us.’ She rubbed her forehead. ‘How long were we out, anyway?’ Artride stretched one arm, trying to grab the fine layer of mist surrounding them. It felt cool and damp, moist.
‘It looks like we’re in a cloud, but that is impossible, isn’t it?’ And Tirsa’s voice bounced back to her again, just like it would in a small solid room.
‘A cloud?’
‘Well, a magical one I suppose. I heard voices, Artride, speaking in the old tongue.’
‘The same language the Woodchildren speak?’
‘Yes, Artride. We must have encountered their relatives, the Windchildren this time. They are distant cousins.’
‘Windchildren?’
‘Greetings, Ceartasians.’ It had sounded all around them in youth-like voices, both male and female.
‘Carahoose meanta hinthe.’ Tirsa greeted the voice in the old tongue gingerly; turning around, searching with her eyes for them.
Slowly a figure appeared out of the mist, with completely colourless skin and hair, all but his crystal blue eyes that seemed to mirror the sky it self. He was tall, white as snow and young with slender, muscled limbs. His thick, fair hair stood erect and his blond brows curved. As for the clothes around his firm
body: silk-like breeches and tunic hung loose and quivering around him like feathers or … clouds, for mist sprung from the unknown fabric giving him an ethereal appearance.
Artride’s mouth hung open, for she had never had seen such a beautiful young man in her life before; even if he was as white as a dead person, he seemed somehow very much alive and his lips were rosy pink.
His sky eyes sparkled with curiosity for Artride as well, although a wave of grief and anger painted his young face. Then he turned his attention to Tirsa, and as if he knew her he spoke in a metallic singing voice, ‘By Father Sky, why would you call out the name of that pernicious creature? It was a very foolish thing to do.’
Artride, still speechless, glanced at Tirsa who answered gravely, ‘Simple; we need her help.’
‘You do not. Believe me, you who speak the old tongue; you do not,’ he replied grimly, shaking his head while white mist rose from his hair.
‘You don’t seem to understand–’
‘Tirsa, I do.’ He sounded calmer and looking into his eyes she knew he did.
‘So, you know who we are, and I presume, why we are in Dochas.’
He walked over to her, almost without effort. ‘We know, but we cannot be troubled.’
‘Oh, I see. I remember your kind,’ Tirsa started ruefully. ‘I know you higher beings don’t care for the whereabouts of humans, and to be frank, I am the last to blame you. But now you are in danger. We could have attracted her to attention to you, couldn’t we? And therefore you are frightened as you have never been before. For this is real danger and affecting you as well. We have heard about the abductions and the torment from your goddess Roalda. Now, we have no intention in wanting to bring your people any distress or expose them to any more danger, but this is a matter of freedom; which I know is very dear to you. She has something for us, our people, that can bring us justice and freedom. Could you please tell us more about her and where she lives?’
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