by Sarah Fine
He placed a tender kiss at the junction of her neck and shoulder, right next to the bandage. “I know exactly how that feels. Where’s Eli?”
“He was here until a few minutes ago.”
“Good.”
“Are you all right?” she asked. He was holding her so tightly, and he’d looked so sad when he’d come through the Scope.
“No,” he admitted, lifting his head. She laid her hand on his cheek, and he leaned into it. “Galena, my friend Trevor was the one who went to visit Jian. He’s the one responsible for killing some of your volunteers.”
“Why would he do that?” she asked in a broken whisper. “Why?”
“I honestly don’t know. All he said was that he’d wanted to get back at Moros, and when I talked to him, he could barely remember how he’d gotten so angry. But Erin was with him, and I’m going to find her and ask her. He doesn’t want her involved, because he’s trying to protect her, but if it means saving his life, then I’ll do it.”
“Saving his life?”
“He’s asked to be executed. Moros would be the one to do it.”
On the one hand, execution sounded just, considering this Trevor person had murdered innocent people. On the other, Dec looked so upset about it that she hoped it worked out. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, leaning to kiss his cheek. “These past few hours must have been so hard.”
He blinked. “Yeah, actually.”
She stood on her tiptoes and touched her forehead to his. “I’m really glad you’re back.”
His hands rose to her hair, his fingers sliding through her locks, holding her face to his as his eyes dropped closed. “Me too.”
She stood there like that for a minute, nose-to-nose with him, then her lips were on his, questing and hungry. He went still, maybe with surprise, but then his arms turned to steel around her and his lips parted, letting her in. Galena closed her eyes and inhaled his hot masculine scent as she ran her tongue along his, exploring his mouth. Her body was made of craving, of desperation. She wanted to destroy anything that stood between them. She wanted to see him, and for him to see her.
Dec’s thumbs caressed her cheeks before his fingers slid into her hair again. He tilted her head up and made the kiss deep, the slow thrusts of his tongue only growing the need inside her. And then he pulled back, nipping her bottom lip. “Galena, you’re not safe here. After seeing what’s happened with Trevor, how out of character this was for him, I think there may be something or someone controlling some of the Kere. And if any of them find out you’re here—”
“Make me safe, then,” she whispered.
His gaze was heavy on hers. “God, I wish I could.”
She laid her hand on his chest, then let it slide down to his stomach, moving lower inch by inch. His muscles were rigid beneath her palm. “You can.”
He stared at her, then shook his head. “Too soon.”
“There’s no time, Dec. And if you do this, you won’t have to worry about me anymore.”
His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you think I want?”
She tried to lower her head, but his hands were on either side of her face, holding her there. “Eli said that your father told you to protect me. That you’re honoring his final wish.”
“And you think that’s all this is.” He waited until she looked into his eyes. “You’re wrong.”
“I shouldn’t have done this to you,” she blurted out. “It’s not fair to you.”
“Stop. I made the decision for a lot of reasons, Galena, and one was that I wanted you.” He chuckled to himself. “At least I can admit that to myself now.”
“How could you have wanted this? You don’t even know me.”
“I probably know more than you think, but I definitely don’t know as much as I want to.”
Her hands smoothed over her belly, and a chill rode across her skin. “You’ve risked so much for me, even immortality.”
“I take risks all the time. I’ve never had a better reason than I do now.”
Galena wanted to scream in frustration. “Has it occurred to you that I want to protect you, too?”
The hard edge of his jaw softened. “You want to protect me?”
She tilted her head. “Dec, you’re the best man I’ve ever met. You make me feel safer than I have in years, maybe even before the attack. I don’t know how to feel worthy of you.”
“You realize that’s bullshit, right? Everything I do for you, it’s because you’re already worthy. Of protection and so much more.”
Tears burned her eyes. “But I don’t know how to be good for you! How’s that? I have no idea how to give you what you need, and it feels awful.”
“Would you like to know what I need?” he murmured.
She nodded, swiping a stubborn tear off her cheek. Dec’s hands skimmed down to her shoulders. “I need to know everything. I need to know, or I won’t ever be able to reach you.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “And that is something I want more than anything in this world right now.”
She closed her eyes. “I’m so afraid.”
He kissed each of her eyelids. “Me too. But we’re together. And I think we’re a good team.”
She reached up and touched his face, sliding her fingertips over the planes and angles she’d begun to memorize. Once she did this, once she showed him, once he knew, there was no going back. He wouldn’t be able to forget, and neither would she. And if he pulled back, if she lost him because of this, that would be it. She didn’t think she’d recover.
But if she denied him, she’d be pushing him away. She’d be allowing her memories, those monsters, to win.
Her voice shook as she asked, “Are you sure you want to know?”
Dec brushed his nose against hers. “I think I need to.”
She inhaled a shuddery breath, and he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “What can I do?” he whispered.
Please don’t be disgusted by me. “Just . . . stay with me, okay?” Her voice broke, and Dec pulled her into the shelter of his arms again.
She leaned her head on his shoulder and began to speak, halting and quiet. She got through telling Dec about the first part, the terrible moments she and Eli had discussed earlier. But with every second that passed, her heart beat faster, knowing what was coming. Her fingers curled tighter into Dec’s sleeves. He was completely still, solid as a rock, just taking it in, it seemed, just listening.
“I was screaming for Eli,” she mumbled. “They were hurting him, and I could hear him yelling. I could see him thrashing.” She pressed her face into Dec’s shoulder. “And then he went limp. And the ones who were holding me . . .” She blew out a shaky breath as she opened the cage and set the memories free.
The blond one, narrow face, slash of a mouth, grinned as he yanked up her skirt. She kicked out hard and hit him in the thigh, and the black-haired one slammed his fist into the side of her head, sending starbursts of light across her vision. A third one, built like a police tank, walked away from Eli’s body and grabbed one of her legs, yanking it wide. And then the blond one pulled a knife. Its blade glinted dully in the yellow moonlight. She shrieked and struggled as the blade descended, as he cut her panties away, the knife’s edge stinging the skin on the crest of her hip. Her mind was a jumble of terror, her thoughts wordless, full of red.
“He pushed his fingers into me,” she whispered.
“Oh, fuck, that’s tight.” The knife was clutched in his fist, blade flat against her abdomen. His knuckles bearing down mercilessly. Her arms pinioned, rough hands around her ankles. She couldn’t protect herself.
Dec’s voice was strained as he said, “I’ve got you, Galena. I’m right here.”
“I remember the sound of him pulling down his zipper,” she squeaked. “I remember exactly how it sounded. And then he was crushing me, and . . . God, it hurt . . .” She shook violently as the sensations crashed over her. Dark spots floated behind her closed eyelids.
“Breathe,” he reminded her. “You have
to breathe.”
She focused on Dec’s voice, her anchor in the storm, and inhaled. “I don’t know how long it lasted,” she said. She only remembered the weight lifting and her body shuddering as she gulped for air. But before she knew it, the heavyset one crushed her to the ground again.
“The others were laughing,” she whispered. “Making fun of him as he forced himself into me, jeering about this being the only way he could get with a woman. And it made him angry. He put his hands around my throat.”
Dec let out a low, strangled growl and held her head against his shoulder, his fingers buried in her hair. Her hand landed on his chest. His heart was knocking against her palm, fast and fierce.
“I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was going to die. But then he . . . finished and the other one . . .” She let out a sob. “I can’t do this.”
“You’re doing it,” he murmured. “And I’m with you.”
“The black-haired one, he grabbed my hair. My head hit the cement.” He pressed his forehead against the side of her face as he slammed into her, his grunts echoing in her head. “The blond one, I think he was in charge. He grabbed the electroshock baton and shocked the guy who was on top of me, and the jolt went through him and into me. My head . . .” Had exploded into a shrieking, hissing mass of shattered thoughts. And when she’d come back to herself, the blond one was between her legs again, laughing.
“The fourth one was screaming that he heard sirens. He was dragging his unconscious friend away,” she choked out. “But the blond one, he wasn’t done with me.” Galena’s hands became fists. Now was the time, and if she stopped, if she avoided it, all of this would be for nothing. She pushed away from Dec, and at first he didn’t seem to want to let her go. But she persisted, pressing her palms against his broad chest and moving away from him.
She closed her eyes. With shaking hands, she pulled her shirt off, and then pushed her sweats down her legs. Her fingers traced across her lower belly, the hollow of her abdomen, traveling across the maze of scars, two thick and raised, others puckered, the leavings of all the surgery it had taken to repair her shattered body. “He stabbed me.” She swallowed hard, shuddering as she remembered the impact, the agony. “Twice. He was going to kill me.”
In the distance, a siren wailed again. “Shit,” said the heavyset one. “That sounded closer.”
The blond one looked over his shoulder, his knife raised for another blow. Then he disappeared, and she heard footsteps retreating down the block. Her trembling fingers traveled to her belly as she stared up at the sky. Nothing but pain.
“There was nothing left after that,” she breathed. She’d summoned all her strength and crawled over to Eli. She’d curled herself around him. And that was how the medics had found them.
Galena’s eyes fluttered open. Never in her life had she dwelled in a silence as complete as this one. A cold wave of dread rolled through her as she forced herself to focus on Dec, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed. A tear slid down his cheek as he stared at her body.
“I was Marked a long time before those Kere even knew I existed,” she said quietly. She felt out of breath, like she’d been running and running, though she wasn’t sure if she was fleeing or chasing. All she knew was that she felt emptied out. “Dec?”
“Yeah,” he said hoarsely, blinking and dragging his sleeve across his face. But his eyes didn’t leave her scars.
“Say something,” she whispered as the shaking began again, tears filling her eyes.
He reached forward and took her hand. His felt warm against her chilled, clammy skin. He drew her toward him, until she was standing between his knees. And then he guided her hand to his hair and leaned his forehead against her stomach, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her head fell forward as she felt his breath against her skin, his lips brushing over flesh smooth and scarred with a gentleness that would have brought her to her knees if he hadn’t been holding her up.
“You,” he murmured. “You are so strong. And so brave.” His voice was unsteady as his arms tightened around her body. “And so beautiful. These scars . . .” He let out a trembling sigh. “They’re a reminder of how much courage you have.”
He raised his head, and the look in his eyes made her ache. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” His hands slid to her hips, and his voice faded to a harsh whisper. “But I am so thankful that you’re here now, with me.”
Deep inside her, something shifted, powerful and fundamental. She sank onto him, no longer strong enough to remain upright. And Dec caught her, held her, refused to let her fall. He guided her into his lap as she began to sob. Broken, rasping cries for everything she’d lost, everything that had been ripped from her grasp on that night two years ago. She didn’t try to hold the tears back. She didn’t try to cram the memories down. She let them come, and Dec absorbed each shudder, each teardrop, each clutch of her fingers as she held on to him, desperately clinging to his strong frame as the noises and sensations of the past tried to pull her away and bury her.
He didn’t shush her or rock her or stroke her or make promises. He was the ground beneath her feet. Unwavering and unflinching. He tucked his head against her bare shoulder and held on as her body heaved, like it was trying to wrest control from the enemies inside.
She had no idea how long they remained like that, locked together, a tangle of grief. She lost track of time. She lost track of herself. She was aware only of the memories and Dec’s arms around her, refusing to relinquish her no matter how hard the bad memories pulled. His arm was laid against her spine, his strong fingers around the back of her head, as if he wanted to siphon the poison right out of her mind.
He couldn’t, though. The memories would always be in there. She knew that now; there was no way to erase them. But that didn’t mean they should hold dominion over her.
You’re so much stronger than they are, Eli had said. Tackle the enemies in your head with as much determination as you tackle all those germs in your lab.
She drew in a deep breath, her body relishing the oxygen as if she had been held underwater, deprived of air. Slowly, she lifted her head and looked at Dec.
“I’m still here,” he said quietly.
Her fingertips traced across his cheekbones. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
He took her face in his hands. “Luck has nothing to do with it, Galena.” Tenderly, he lifted his chin and brushed his lips over hers. “It’s you. Just you.”
Dec held her as they slowly sank onto the bed. She curled into his body, her arm around his waist, her head on his chest. Her limbs felt like they’d been filled with concrete. They lay like that for a while, until she felt his thumping heart slow. She looked up at him. His eyes were closed. “Dec?”
He was asleep. She inched up to take a closer look at him, his ebony lashes shadowing the hollows beneath his eyes, his lips slightly parted. As she stared, the longing inside her replaced the sorrow. Finally, she kissed the rough underside of his jaw. “I’m falling in love with you, Dec,” she whispered.
Slowly, she got up. She took a shower, letting the lukewarm water wash the tears from her cheeks. She felt a little unsteady, but she was still standing. Her hands ran over her body, and for the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt gratitude. She was glad to have it. Her palm skimmed over her arms, over her breasts, along her hips, up her neck to her face. This is mine, she thought.
Hope surged inside her. She wasn’t done. She knew she had so far to go. The fear was still there, the cruel memories still reaching. But they wouldn’t rule her. She wouldn’t allow it.
It was time to reclaim her body, her soul, her mind. Inch by inch. Thought by thought.
And touch by touch.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Dec ran down the alley, his heart in his throat as she screamed. “Galena,” he shouted. Where was she? God, where was she? It felt as if his chest were being squeezed in a vise. “Galena!”
“I’m here,” she whispered, so c
lose.
Instantly, the vise loosened. “Where are you?” he called, whirling around. Somewhere in the distance, she screamed again. His eyes stung and burned. “Please tell me where you are.”
“Right here.” Her lips grazed his cheek. He felt it. But she was nowhere to be seen.
He was running out of time, and he knew it. If he didn’t find her soon, he would lose her.
She screamed again, more faintly, like he’d been running away from her instead of toward her. The horror gripped him. He couldn’t lose her now. Not after she’d let him in, not after he’d realized, in those painful, rending minutes, exactly how much she meant to him.
Suddenly, the ground disappeared, and he was falling. Hard and fast, nothing to catch him. This is it, he thought. When I hit, I shatter. He spread his arms and surrendered to it, using his last few moments to picture her face.
He woke with a shuddering gasp. Galena stood a few feet from the bed, her wet hair pulled over one shoulder, dripping onto the towel she’d wrapped around her body. His breath whooshed from his lungs as relief swamped him. “I fell asleep,” he said stupidly.
Her smile was tender and achingly beautiful. “I know.”
“And you took a shower.” He rubbed at his eyes and looked at her again, his gaze following a glistening drop that snaked down from her neck and disappeared between her breasts.
“You’re very perceptive.” She took a step closer. “Are you okay? It looked like you were having a nightmare.”
He leaned back and braced himself on his palms, unable to take his eyes off her. “I was. But you’re here.” Looking amazing. He could smell her: fresh, sweet, astringent. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. “But I was hoping you’d help me with something.”
Anything. “What?”
Her dark-green eyes were on him, sliding up his body, making his groin tighten. “I want to see you.” Her gaze met his. “And I want to touch you.”
His lips parted as the air left him, as all the blood in his brain drained south. “Are you sure?” he said, his voice strained as she took another step closer, her bare knees brushing the edge of the bed.