But that’s exactly what Aria did. She worried, and ran everything that had happened over and over in her mind for the next hour, until Juliette told her that everyone was in the sitting room.
As she walked in and all eyes focused on her, she thought of all the other meetings they’d had in this room. They’d spoken of hardships and disappointments, problems with each other, and struggles with men. They were now her sisters, and she reminded herself that, while they might not always get along, they were there for one another. They were there for her.
Clara, the mother hen of the group, walked forward and embraced her. “I guess this was a good day for a visit.”
Aria giggled through a sniffle. “I’m glad you and Olivia could make it on short notice,” she joked.
Olivia’s green eyes twinkled. “These meetings are one of the things I miss about living here.”
“There’s others?” Willow asked, and a few of them snickered.
Juliette patted to an empty chair next to her. “Come sit down and tell us what this is all about. We’re guessing it has something to do with a man.”
“Cameron Grant to be exact.” Violet arched a brow, as if daring Aria to object.
Aria took her seat and as her cheeks heated. “This is about Cam.” She hesitated a moment before adding, “But it’s about Jimmy Thornton too.”
Rosalie laughed. “Oh, Aria. I’m so proud.”
“Hush,” Sadie chided. “No joking right now.”
But Aria didn’t mind Rosalie’s teasing. She appreciated the levity. “Jimmy Thornton asked me to marry him.”
A gasp sounded, then complete silence filled the room.
“He did?” Clara finally asked. “What did you say?”
“He didn’t want me to say anything. He knows I’m in love with Cam and I need to figure out my feelings, so he asked me to wait to answer him.”
Violet cocked her head, mulling the information over. “How… thoughtful. And surprising. That says a lot about the man. Did he kiss you?”
“Violet!” Olivia exclaimed. “That’s personal.”
“Not that personal. We are talking about a marriage proposal here.”
Aria held up her hand. “It’s fine. He didn’t kiss me. He said he wanted to, but he wanted to respect my feelings.”
Pleasantly surprised, Violet said, “A man that actually cares how a woman feels? Maybe you should accept him, Aria. You don’t know how rare that is.”
Violet wasn’t being rude, Aria reminded herself. The woman had been through a terrible relationship and her views on men were skewed. “He’s a good man. At least from everything I’ve seen. But I don’t love him.”
“You love Cameron Grant,” Sadie said.
Aria nodded. “But he doesn’t want me.” She looked down, unable to make eye contact as she said, “He’s kissed me. Twice. And both times were amazing. He seemed to let go of all his reservations and just feel. But the minute it’s over, he pushes me away.”
“Why?” Rosalie asked. “That’s not rational.”
“To him it is.” Aria shrugged. “He had a bad marriage and doesn’t want to repeat that.”
“But his children need a mother, and you’re their nanny and they love you.”
“And I love them. But this is about so much more. As you said, it’s not rational. He would rather have a nanny until his kids are grown up than take a wife.”
Juliette leaned forward. “And there’s nothing you can do to change his mind? You can’t convince him that you wouldn’t have the same type of relationship as his previous one?”
“It doesn’t seem to matter what I say. He won’t budge.”
“Is there anything to be done? Maybe Sawyer can talk to him,” Clara offered, speaking of her husband.
“No!” Aria could just imagine that conversation, and she was sure that while Sawyer’s intentions were good, it would make things worse. Cam wouldn’t want other people involved. He was private that way. “Thank you, but I don’t think it would help. Jimmy has been courting me as a way to force Cam’s hand, and while it does seem to have an effect on him, he still hasn’t budged.”
“That was nice of Jimmy,” Olivia said.
Aria agreed wholeheartedly. “It was. When I asked him why, he said it because he wanted to spend time with me.”
“I’d take Jimmy,” Violet said under her breath. “Forget Cam.”
Aria wished it was that easy. If she didn’t have feelings for Cam, she probably would’ve accepted Jimmy’s offer. She looked at each of the women in turn, accepting their silent pushes of compassion and shared misery. “What should I do?” she asked softly.
No one had an answer for her.
Finally, Juliette reached out and took her hand. “You have to make a choice. Tell Cam you love him. Tell him that you want a life with him. Lay it all out there, and see what he says. But one way or another, I don’t see how this can continue. It must be so painful for both of you.”
Juliette couldn’t even imagine how much it hurt. But as Aria turned to Clara and Olivia, and the newly engaged Belle, she realized that these three women knew just how much love could hurt. “What do you three think? You’re all in love; you’ve been through this.”
Belle took a deep breath. “I think Juliette’s right. You need to tell him everything, then once he’s made his decision, you need to accept it. Dragging it out will only hurt you both, and even if you don’t choose to marry Jimmy, these feelings for Cam, if unfulfilled, could end up damaging you for any other relationship.”
Clara and Olivia both whispered their agreements, and as she glanced back at the others, they all nodded.
“I’m scared.”
“We know,” Clara said. “But we’re all here for you. And we’ll be here for you no matter what. Whether it works out with Cam, or you choose to marry Jimmy—”
“Or become another mail-order bride to a crazy miner who will probably have eight other women he’s sent for,” Rosalie added and most everyone laughed.
Clara rolled her eyes at the joke. “Or that. No matter what, we’re here for you.”
Aria knew it was the truth. No matter what, they always had each other.
Chapter 12
Cam crumpled the piece of paper he’d written on, before grabbing another sheet and starting over. When his ink bled, he threw his pen down and leaned back in his office chair, scrubbing his hands over his face.
Ever since his kiss and conversation with Aria in the woods a few days before, he’d hardly been able to function. He’d been a total bear at work; his employees scrambled away each time he stepped foot out of his office now. Even Phoebe and Thomas sensed something was off, and they’d been extra helpful and quiet when he was home.
He hated being like this, hated that he didn’t have more control over his feelings. Before Aria had come into his life, he’d been fine. Great. Maybe not happy, but really, who was?
What was happy anyway? He’d found satisfaction in his job, and he loved his children. He had a place in the community, and he was respected. It had been enough.
At least until he’d met Aria.
He glanced down at the ruined paper and wondered if he’d ever be able to go back to the way he was before. But, heaven above, thinking of her leaving gutted him. Would he really be able to manage everything once she was gone? He could replace her with another nanny, but he didn’t think he and the children would ever be the same without her.
He cursed. What was wrong with him? He was a full-grown man, struggling because he was attracted to a woman he couldn’t have. You can, his mind taunted, but he shut down the thought immediately. He couldn’t have her. He couldn’t go there again.
Things might seem great now, but a year down the road, five or even ten, things could change. The future wasn’t guaranteed. It was better for him and his children if he chose the safe course. And that was exactly what he was doing.
It might gut him every time he saw her with his kids, or each time she went out with Jimmy Thornton, but he w
ould get over it. He had to, because if he didn’t—
“You can’t go back there!” Cam heard the raised voice of his teller from the bank’s main lobby outside his office.
Obviously, whoever he spoke to wasn’t listening. Reaching for the pistol he kept in his desk drawer, he hoped the robber put up a challenge.
But then Cam’s door burst open, and all hopes for a robbery were dashed. Although, he still might shoot the person.
“I need to speak with you,” Jimmy Thornton said.
Cam’s clerk raced in behind the intruder. “I’m sorry, sir! He just pushed his way through. Should I call Sheriff Morrison?”
Part of him would enjoy watching Jimmy being hauled away, but this meeting was a long time coming. “No, it’s fine. You can leave us.”
The older man looked at Jimmy in displeasure, and Jimmy only smiled as if he was certain of this outcome all along.
Once the door was close, Cam asked, “What do you want?” He didn’t bother offering the man a seat. He was sure Jimmy wouldn’t take it, and Cam wanted him out of there as soon as possible. So help him if he mentions Aria...
“I wanted to talk to you about Aria.”
Cam’s face went blank as rage filled him. “I have nothing to say about her.”
Jimmy laughed. “Oh, we both know that’s not true.” He looked around the room like he had all the time in the world. “I bet you have plenty to say.”
Cam’s hand clenched under the desk, and it took all his willpower not to slug the man. “Anything between Aria and me is exactly that... between us.”
“Not exactly.”
Cam laughed harshly. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, but I do. I asked Aria to marry me.”
Cam felt the blood drain from his head as he slumped deeper into his chair.
Jimmy studied him. “So you do love her.” The statement was uttered with a little surprise.
“I don’t,” he snarled.
Jimmy tsked, and Cam came within a breadth of murder.
“You do. Listen, I don’t know all the details, but Aria cares about you. If she had her pick, she’d choose you over me.”
His words soothed a little of Cam’s anger.
“But you’re an idiot, which makes me one lucky man.”
Cam’s anger spiked again. “Did you come here just to insult me?”
Jimmy placed two hands on the back of a chair opposite Cam’s desk and leaned forward. “I came to talk some sense into you, to tell you to stop being such an idiot and see what’s in front of you. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to tell you to get out of my way.”
Cam’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve done nothing to you.”
“You’re stringing Aria along. I told you, she cares about you, but if you don’t want her, then let her go and she might move on. I want her for my wife, and I’ll be damned if I see you injure her. She’s worth so much more than that.”
Cam wanted to yell back that he knew all that. He knew Aria deserved someone that loved her, but he couldn’t. Marrying Aria would only result in misery for them both. He wouldn’t be a good husband for her, that much he’d already learned. Really, he was doing what was best for them both. “You shouldn’t have come here.”
Jimmy nodded. “I see that. I see that you’re every inch as stubborn as she said.”
“What has she told you?”
“That you care about her, but won’t let her in. That you’re too afraid to take another chance on love.”
“What do you know about love?” Cam yelled. “You can’t even fathom what I’ve been through. If I have to turn away Aria to never experience that again, I will. And don’t you dare come back here and try to make me feel guilty. You can just go to hell.”
Jimmy’s eyes hardened as he smiled tightly. “You’re right. It’s better for Aria if she’s with me. At least I’ll treat her well and make her happy.” He pushed away from the chair. “Things you’re obviously not capable of. Once we’re married, you’re not going to see her again. It’ll be your loss.”
Cam swore profusely. “Get out.”
Jimmy held his hands up like he was washing his hands of Cam, and Cam couldn’t remember loathing another person more in his life.
“Your loss.” Jimmy shrugged as he walked out, closing the door behind him.
This is it. Aria took a deep breath as she sat in the Grant’s dim living room. It was one of Cam’s late days at the office, and she’d already tucked the children in bed. Normally Mrs. Farnsworth stayed until Cam got home, but Aria had told the woman to take off early.
She lounged on the sofa with a book in her hands, but she hadn’t accomplished much reading. How could she, when all she could think about was stress over the upcoming conversation?
It had taken her a few days to work up the courage to confront Cam, but she couldn’t put it off any longer. Jimmy was wonderful, acting as if it wasn’t a big deal taking her around town to places she knew Cam would be, but it couldn’t go on forever. Jimmy needed an answer.
When the front door finally opened and closed with a soft click, she thought she was going to jump out of her skin. I’m not ready!
No matter how ridiculous the thought was, it was true. She wasn’t ready to confess her love to this man, she wasn’t ready to put her heart on the line. What if he rejected her again? What if he didn’t return her feelings?
“Mrs. Farnsworth?” Cam called out just as he stepped into the living room.
Aria took a breath and stood, turning to face him. “I sent her home early tonight.”
Cam carefully placed a stack of papers on the entry table. “Why?”
“We need to talk.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “Listen, it’s not a good time. It’s been a long day. Perhaps we should wait until the morning to discuss whatever you need.”
“But then Mrs. Farnsworth and the kids will be in the way, and I don’t think you want me discussing this in front of them.”
His body tensed, and she knew he’d guessed what she wanted to say. It didn’t bode well, but that couldn’t matter. Now or never.
He slowly moved into the room, physically placing himself as far as possible from her without being rude. But she knew what he was doing. He didn’t want to be near her. She only hoped it was because he didn’t trust himself not to touch her, and not that he was already rejecting her.
“Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to hear me out.”
“Is this about the kids?” he sounded as if he desperately hoped for that to be the topic, but she was going to have to disappoint him.
“No. This is about us.”
He gulped.
“Jimmy asked me to marry him.”
He looked away from her, but not before she saw a flash in his eyes. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Jimmy paid me a visit.”
Lead pooled in her stomach. “I didn’t ask him to do that.”
“I never thought you did,” he said, but his eyes hardened as he looked at her. “He had plenty to say, actually. But the bottom line was that he’d asked you to marry him.”
“Oh.” She wanted to ask how he felt about that, if he had any objections, but couldn’t bring herself to. She didn’t want to hear his rejection so quickly. Not yet. “I’m sorry you had to hear about it like that. I haven’t given him an answer yet.”
“But you will.” His look taunted her, daring her to deny it.
She nodded slowly. “I will. But I don’t know the answer to his proposal yet.”
“What’s there to think about?”
Her chin notched up. Was he really that dense, or was he refusing to acknowledge their connection. “Us.”
He shook his head. “There is no us.”
“But there could be.” She stepped toward him, but he remained still, so she didn’t get too close. “I know you feel something for me. You can’t deny that. You never would’ve kissed me otherwise
.”
“How would you know?”
His words were like a slap, but she refused to be cowed. “Because I’ve come to know you. I know you’re not the kind of man to do that sort of thing unless you cared.”
She felt a little satisfaction when he didn’t argue her point. At least they could agree on that. “You can’t deny it.”
“No. And I won’t lie to you. I do care about you, Aria. You’ve been wonderful for our family, and I appreciate all you’ve done for the children.”
“Is that all?”
He held up his hands and looked around. “What more do you want?”
She’d heard that when a person had their heart broken, it caused physical pain. She’d never believed that until this very moment. His words pierced her. “I want you, Cam! I want you.”
His mouth fell open.
She didn’t care if her words shocked him, they couldn’t be held back any longer. “I don’t care if you want to pretend you feel nothing more than friendship for me, I know it’s a lie. I can still feel your kiss on my lips, still feel your arms wrapped around me. I get that your wife made your life miserable, but I could make you so happy, both you and the kids. I love you, Cam. I’m not going to pretend any more. I love you, and this is agony. Jimmy might’ve asked me to marry him, but there’s no one I want more than you. You’re the only one I want. I don’t care if I have to wait a year, or two, or five for you to get used to the idea of marriage again. If you’ll just give me some hope that you want me, that you want a future and a life together, I’ll wait.”
She took a step toward him, but he held up his hand to stop her progress. She forced back her tears.
“I’ll never love anyone more than I love you. Give me a chance to prove that to you. Give us a chance.”
He looked away from her, and she willed him to speak, to say something, anything.
“Cam?”
“I can’t give you what you want,” he said forcefully. “I’m just not capable of it. I care for you, Aria. Probably more than I ever will another human being. But I can’t give you what you want.”
“You mean you won’t.”
“Does it matter? Can’t or won’t, it still isn’t going to happen. I understand if you decide to marry Jimmy.”
A Mail-Order Dream (Miners to Millionaires Book 4) Page 8