by Kim Carmody
“You doing okay, Aussie?” I jumped as Buck appeared, planting a giant hand on my shoulder.
“God Buck, you scared me.”
“Really? Cause you looked like you’d seen a ghost well before I showed up.”
I attempted a laugh which came out more like a strangled moan. “I guess it was something like that.”
“Don’t worry, you weren’t the only one.” Buck tucked me under his arm in a brotherly gesture that was strangely comforting.
“Oh God, I deserve this, don’t I? It’s my own stupid fault for getting involved.”
“Nah, it’s your own stupid fault for walking away.” He squeezed my shoulders surprisingly gently for a guy his size before looking down at me. “Why don’t you try talking to him?”
We both looked over to where Will was now entertaining the media, Elena laughing at something he’d whispered in her ear. “Yeah, right, I’m sure he’s just dying to speak to me. He looks so cut up about the whole thing.”
“Don’t be fooled. The guy’s a master at keeping up appearances in public.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “Thanks for trying but there’s really no point. What’s done is done.”
Buck just shrugged. “Fine, don’t take my advice…no one ever does.” He kissed my cheek. “But look after yourself.”
Thirty minutes later the foyer had cleared out, all guests now bunkered down with popcorn and ice creams waiting for the movie to begin as Dana and I snuck down to the front to our seats. If only front row seats at the movies held the same prestige as being front row at a concert or a fashion show. Instead they just had a tendency to give you a sore neck.
About halfway through the film I was starting to regret my decision to have a large coke and popcorn, my pea-sized bladder shifting from gentle awareness to painful pressure between approximately the 1960’s and 70’s era’s in Warriors history. It was one of the few things in life that I never learned my lesson about, the combination of salty kernels of corn and sweet liquid sugar too good to turn down despite the mid-movie challenges they posed.
When I couldn’t stand it any longer I made my move, crouched down as much as my dress would allow to get to the aisle, saying a silent prayer when I made it to the cinema doors without tripping up the stairs in front of New York sporting elite. I lingered in the bathroom, thinking how good it would be to just sneak out and go home, to not have to worry about seeing Will at the end of the movie. As I walked back into the foyer, I was contemplating doing just that when my eyes met his.
I stumbled forward and his hand reached out to steady me on instinct, both of us pulling away almost as quickly as we’d connected.
Will had been leaning against the wall looking at his phone when I’d walked out. Had he been waiting for me? His casual stance reminded me so much of our last encounter in the corridor of the stadium that I recoiled slightly at the memory. It was painful to be alone with him again, in such different circumstances to all the other times. There would be no casual flirting this time around, no touching, no whispered promises of things to come.
“Why are you out here?”
He shrugged. “Not a big fan of the 80’s era.”
I nodded, not knowing what to make of his response. “Oh.”
He continued staring at me, but this time his eyes stayed firmly on mine, not wandering to roam over me like they had earlier. Just the force of his gaze was enough to put me off balance. It was torture having his attention once again so focused on me—I both craved and despised it in equal measure.
When he didn’t say anything I gave a small shrug and made to keep walking. “Well…have a good night.”
“Why’d you wear that dress, Emma?”
I turned back slowly, not wanting the flush of my cheeks to show the truth. After meeting his eyes I looked down at it, hoping to come off as casual. “I guess because it fits the dress code. Why?”
At my response he laughed, but his words were full of bitterness. “Right, of course it does.”
Even though his suspicions were right, I felt a pang of anger spike through my veins and the words tumbled out before I could stop them.
“Why’d you bring Elena?”
He blinked before throwing my words back in my face. “I knew she’d fit the dress code.”
And she did, every perfect feature of her was eaten up by the camera lens, the star quarterback and the beautiful model—what more could the press want? I pulled my eyes away from his, drawing in a deep breath as I focused on the zigzag pattern of the cinema carpet to calm myself.
“Why do you care who my date is?” His tone became soft, gentle.
“Why do you care that I wore this dress?” My voice was barely a whisper as I looked back up in time to see his arm extend to my side. Fire spread across my skin as his fingers traced a path from my elbow to my shoulder, so feather light I couldn’t be sure if he was actually touching me or if it was just the heat of his body so close.
My breath caught as I watched him watching his fingers on my skin, now trailing a path across my shoulder to cup my neck in his warm hand. It felt so good I wanted to sink into him, to shut my eyes and think of nothing other than what it was like when it was just the two of us, no one and nothing else in the way.
A sound came from behind and I jumped, turning to where it came from only to relax when I realized it was just a cinema usher. It was enough to break the spell though, the reality of where we were and who was around making me step away from his touch.
As if reading my thoughts, frustration marred his face, the tic in his jaw a sure sign he was biting back words.
“Emma….” I saw the pleading in his eyes, knew he was about to push me for things I couldn’t give him.
“I should get back.”
He shook his head in dismay. “Good to see you’ve still got your priorities in order.”
“Will…I…” My voice trailed off when I realized there were no words that would make things okay.
He stepped closer, eyes hard as he leaned into me. “You want to know why I brought Elena?” His breath washed over me, broad shoulders expanding with every harsh inhale. “Because she wanted to go with me. There’s no conditions with her. She’s just as happy on my arm tonight as she was in my bed this morning. That’s why I brought her.”
He turned and walked away, leaving me slumped against the wall for the second time that night.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
She’s just as happy on my arm tonight as she was in my bed this morning.
If he’d meant his words to hurt, then he’d hit his mark. Will’s voice replayed over and over in my head as images of the two of them together in bed burned a hole in my brain.
“Ouch.”
“Yep, big ouch.” Ouch was the understatement of the century.
“Wow, you really hit a nerve with him.” Julia nursed her wine as she pondered the sad turn of events that was my love life. “Do you think it’s the shock of being rejected?”
I shrugged. “Quite possibly. I mean, I’m not sure he’s ever been turned down in his life. In any capacity, not just by women.”
“Just think of it as an achievement. Emma Lexington, first woman to ever say no to the great Will Jensen.”
I laughed. “Great, do I get a medal?”
“Yep, I’ll even make you a t-shirt.”
Julia took a slow swig of her drink before asking, “Do you ever think about just throwing aside work and seeing what happens with him?”
It took me a while to answer because the truth was, the thought had crept up on me more times than I cared to acknowledge. But each time the idea came up I pushed it away almost immediately, not willing to even entertain it. I held more than my own career in my hands, I held Jim’s and the rest of my Australian colleagues’ too and the thought of jeopardizing everything they’d built up for my own selfish need was enough to make my stomach queasy. Besides, Hayes had been right about one thing. Will might be able to protect me over here, but there was noth
ing he could do if Hayes decided to drag my name through the mud back home. And home is where I would be in less than twelve months’ time.
“No.”
Julia leaned over, rubbing a hand up and down my forearm. “I’m so sorry it’s turned out this way.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile but thankfully didn’t push the issue any further.
#
After waking up with a stellar hangover following a night of drowning my sorrows, I made it my mission to get my sorry ass back into gear. Three weeks of wallowing in self-pity was more than enough torture to inflict on the innocent people who had to spend many of their waking hours with me.
I made a conscious effort to forget about Will, switching off whenever his name was mentioned, or if I had to, focusing only on the mechanics of whatever conversation I was in, rather than letting my mind wander to more personal thoughts. It wasn’t easy. In fact, the first few days were a constant internal battle to steer my mind in the right direction, but by Thursday I felt like I had more clear space to enjoy the simple things in life, could function like a semi-normal human being. I had even started to enjoy the taste of food again, and was about to tuck into a big dinner when the doorbell rang.
“Hello?”
“Aussie! It’s me, let me in.”
“Buck? Is that you? What are you doing here?”
“I want to talk to you. Can I come up?”
“Um…okay, sure.” I held down the buzzer until I heard the door click open. “I’m on the top floor.”
I opened the door and watched him bound up the last few steps to the landing, more than a little curious to know why he was there.
“Hey Aussie.” He pecked me on the cheek, messing my hair with his hand as if just popping over to my apartment was the most normal thing in the world.
“Hey yourself.” I frowned, pushing the door wider so he could walk in.
“Oh God woman, that smells amazing.” He didn’t wait for an invitation as he sauntered into the kitchen, hovering over the pot on the stove. “Whatcha got cookin’?”
Laughing, I said, “Lamb ragu.” There really weren’t many people who could make a strange situation seem normal like Buck could.
“It’s nearly ready…if you want some?”
“Seriously?”
I nodded. “Sure, my housemate just called to say she won’t be home, so there’s plenty.”
Buck grinned. “Hell yeah, I do. I’m starvin’, coach was vicious today.”
“What’s so special about today? I heard he was always tough.” I drained the pappardelle, glad I’d decided to cook double for leftovers.
Buck shrugged. “Just keeping us on our toes, I guess.”
I handed him a heaping bowl of food and he followed me over to the couch, plonking his enormous body in the middle of the three-seater.
“Sooooo speaking of you popping in, not that I’m not happy to see you and all, but what are you doing here?”
“Now I’m glad you asked Em, because I did come here for a reason.” He groaned as he devoured an impossibly large mouthful of pasta. “But God, if you cook like this often, we could make it a regular thing.”
I watched him carefully over my own bowl of food, curious beyond measure to know the reason he’d shown up so abruptly.
Not taking his eyes off the TV he said, “Coach sent me.”
Thinking I hadn’t heard correctly I said, “I’m sorry, did you just say Coach sent you? As in Coach Rattray?”
“Yeah.” He continued gulping down his food while keeping one eye on the TV as if his last sentence helped clarify things in any way.
“But…why?”
“Coach thinks we have a potential problem on our hands.” He swallowed another mouthful, pointing his fork at me. “And I agree with him.”
“Oh, I get it. Now you’re making sense. Your tight end’s down and you’ve come to ask me to fill in.”
It was his turn to stare at me. “Geeze Emma, how’d you guess?”
“Well come on, Buck! Would you just spit it out already? Why on earth would there be a problem that Coach Rattray needs my help with?”
Buck put down his now-empty bowl and shifted to face me. “Are you in love with Jensen?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, are you in love with Jensen?” His eyes widened as if to say well come on now, it’s a simple question.
“No, of course not…I…hang on, what does this have to do with anything?”
“Bullshit.”
“What?”
“I said Buuuuullllshit.”
I balked at him. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I am not in love with Will.”
“Right, so your reaction when you saw him last week was just a bit of petty jealousy?”
I opened my mouth to say that yes, there was nothing more to it than that, but he didn’t give me a chance. “Emma, I saw you, remember? That wasn’t the reaction of someone who was watching their crush with another woman. You looked devastated. I actually thought you were going to faint and I’d have to smuggle you out of there.”
I let the bowl of pasta, forgotten, plonk into my lap. “Really, was it that bad?”
Buck nodded. “‘Fraid so. Now be honest, do you love the guy?”
I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes as I let the feelings I’d blocked out all week rise to the surface again. Because even though I’d made big steps towards pulling myself together, I was still absolutely, one hundred percent in love with Will. Those feeling didn’t disappear just because you decided you wanted them to.
“So much,” I whispered.
Admitting the thought out loud was like opening an old wound, the words slicing my chest as they rose to the surface.
“Thought so.” Buck’s voice softened.
We were both silent for a beat until I realized I was still no closer to understanding why he was here. “Seriously, can you just spit out what the hell this has to do with Rattray sending you here?”
Buck straightened, propping himself up with an arm over the back rest. “Well the good thing for you little lady, is you’re not the only love-sick puppy going round.”
I rolled my eyes. “What are you even talking about? He’s obviously fine. He made that very clear last Friday when he turned up with her.”
“You mean Elena?”
“Yes, Elena.” I spat her name like it was a dirty word.
“Nah, that’s just for appearances, just doing what’s expected of him. Probably didn’t hurt knowing he’d be rubbing it in your face too.” Buck chuckled.
“That’s really nice of you to say but I’m pretty sure it goes further than ‘public appearances.’”
“What makes you say that?”
I sighed, really not wanting to re-hash the worst sentence in the history of the English language. “He said and I quote, ‘she’s just as happy on my arm tonight as she was in my bed this morning.’”
“Ouch.”
Why did everyone think that word was an adequate description for the pain Will’s words inflicted on me?
“Well, I can tell you for a fact that he was lying.”
“What?”
Buck nodded slowly. “He might kill me for divulging this, but what the hell, I’m all about winning a Super Bowl.” He scratched his neck before going on. “We took the same car that night, and we picked Elena up on the way. She was running late because she’d just gotten home that afternoon. From Paris. Where she’s been working for the past month.”
“Oh.” A warm liquid spread across my chest where I’d felt a gaping hole since last Friday night.
I leaned over to put my bowl on the coffee table before tucking my legs up beneath me on the lounge. “So, I don’t want to sound slow or anything, but I still don’t really get how this has anything to do with you being here.”
Buck leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “You’re right. Let me get to the point.” Rubbing his palms together he said, “It might not be obviou
s to most, but Will’s been taking out whatever he’s feeling at the moment physically.”
I recoiled. “Physically? What, you mean like fighting?”
“No, no I mean like punishing himself physically. The guy’s gone mad, non-stop weights sessions, cardio, running drills like crazy. Ever since things ended between you two, he’s been pushing himself to the limit.”
I shook my head slowly, still not seeing the problem. “Isn’t that a good thing though? I mean, all anyone can talk about is how he’s in the best shape of his life.”
Buck nodded. “Sure, it’d be great if this had happened going into the playoffs, but now? The way he’s going, he’ll be worn out before we’re halfway through the season. The guy is literally working himself into a state of exhaustion. Every. Day.”
“Oh…I didn’t know.”
Buck scooted closer to me, fixing me with his gaze.
“Now I have no idea what happened between you two, but I know he sure as hell didn’t want it to end and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way.” He shrugged, leaning back into the lounge. “So what gives Em?”
“Uhhhhggg.” I fell back against the lounge, covering my face in my hands. “It’s complicated Buck.”
Buck pulled my wrists from my face, leaning in close. “So uncomplicate it, Aussie. Sort it out.”
I looked long and hard at him, debating whether to reveal the real issue behind walking away from Will.
“If I tell you something, do you promise it stays between us?”
“Sure.”
“You didn’t promise.”
Buck rolled his eyes. “I promise.”
I sucked in a big breath. “Hayes threatened to fire me if I didn’t end things with Will. Oh, AND he said he’d end the whole partnership between our two clubs, which is kind of the only thing between my organization back home and bankruptcy at the moment.”
Buck nodded slowly. “Riiiiight. And I take it Jensen doesn’t know any of this?”
“No. Hayes just wanted it to go away quietly, let Will focus on football. He didn’t know how serious we were and, well, neither do I for that matter.”