by Dow, Candice
The next day was the groundbreaking ceremony. Cam had to leave a little earlier, so I had to drop Caron off at the bus stop. Cam and I were running late because of our long night of lovemaking. There were other kids at the bus stop when I got there. Cam usually waited until the bus came, but if I did I would be late for the ceremony. I wanted to be there to stand by my man. He deserved my support. I rushed Caron out of the car and sped off.
When I arrived at Blake’s Overlook, I was just in time. The mayor, Cam, and the contractors wore hard hats as the bulldozer dug into the ground. I knew that Cam had dreamed of this day so many times. I was so happy that it had come true. As I watched him in admiration, I knew he deserved it. So many women would have walked out on him, but I’d known I had something good. Once the ceremony was over, he came over to hug me. I stayed around for a while, but he was so busy talking to reporters, I figured I’d head back home to get a manicure and spend the rest of the day relaxing. This was the beginning of my pampered life and I was ready to get adjusted.
When I sat in the car, my phone rang immediately. The Bluetooth in my car picked up the ring because I had my phone on silent. It was the nanny calling from the house. She said, “Ms. Small.” The hesitant sound in her voice scared me.
I said, “Is everything OK with Ethan?”
“Ethan’s fine, but I got a message from the school saying that Caron never made it. Is he with you?”
“No, he’s not with me. I dropped him off at the bus stop.”
She said, “The principal said the other kids saw you drop him off and then you came back to pick him up.”
“I came back to pick him up? I don’t get it. From the bus stop?”
“Yeah. That’s what the kids say.”
“Let me go to the school.”
I sped down the highway trying to get to the bottom of this. Had Caron walked away from the bus stop? I was so confused. I decided not to ruin Cam’s day with the news and headed to Caron’s school on my own. An unknown number called and I quickly picked up. The voice was disguised.
“You’ve finally gotten rid of the one nuisance.”
“Who is this?” I shouted.
“Your helper. You never wanted Caron. Now that you have your new baby, you can get rid of him.”
“No. That’s not true. Who is this?”
“Ha ha ha.” The laughter sounded spooky with the voice distorter. “Whatever you do, don’t call the police. Because I will take Caron out with one shot and it will look like you did it. Remember, you picked him up from the bus stop.”
I said, “What do you want from me?”
“Meet me at your grandmother’s house.”
“My grandmother’s house?” I asked, confused.
“Yes, asshole. Your father’s mother’s house.”
My face frowned. Who could this be? We’d decided to keep my grandmother’s house in the family after she passed. My father was mainly responsible for the upkeep. We’d gone back and forth on whether to rent it out. My father had reservations and I think preserving it helped with his grief so we all went along with it. He often went there to relax alone. He kept the electric and cable on. This person was someone who knew me well. A part of me thought it was Yasmin, because she was a certified stalker.
But why would she threaten to kill her own son? I didn’t know, but I sped to my grandmother’s house to save him.
I got out of my car and suddenly felt that maybe I should call Aaliyah. Then again, I was running on adrenaline and wanted to get to the bottom of this. I was down for a tussle but I really wasn’t feeling murder on my hands, especially the murder of my stepson. My motherly instincts kicked in for Caron. I wanted to protect him, and whoever this lunatic was trying to harass him had to be exposed, even if it was his mother.
Using my key to enter, I called out, “Hello.”
Caron’s voice trembled as he said, “Ayana, we’re down here.”
Before heading down to the basement, I went to the kitchen to grab a knife. My curiosity overpowered my fear. I slowly walked down the stairs. It was dark but there was enough light peeping through the small window for me to see Margo, my patient who had threatened to kill her father. Caron sat tied to a chair. He looked helpless and scared. She held a gun to his head. His eyes begged me to do something to fix this.
“Ayana, are you going hurt me?”
“Why would you say that, Margo?” I asked, placing the knife on the floor. “I didn’t know it was you when I came down here.”
My mind raced. I’d called the psychiatrist treating her several times after she was admitted and he hadn’t returned my calls. While I’d prayed that he had taken my advice to keep her for an extended period, I often wondered if she had been released.
She said, “What do you mean you didn’t know it was me? You don’t know me? You don’t care about me?”
“I do care about you.”
“You don’t!” she snapped.
“OK.”
“You made me feel like you cared about me and you could give a shit about me. You tried to send me to jail.”
“No, I just wanted you to get help.”
“I was talking to you in confidence.”
Using my hands to talk, I said, “Margo, I told you that I am mandated by law to call authorities if I believe you’re going to hurt someone.”
“Bitch, you didn’t tell me and you didn’t even have the decency to take me to the hospital yourself. You’re a sorry motherfucker. And then you just got rid of me. They told me I was released from your care at the hospital. You’re a goddamn coward. I guess it’s in your blood.”
I should have taken her case more seriously from jump. The first day she came in, I’d thought she needed a psychiatrist, but I overestimated myself. Here I was being terrorized by this woman and wondering if there was anything I could have done differently. Regret wasn’t going to help me at the moment. All I could do now was keep talking to her. I said, “I’m sorry if you felt like I betrayed you. I shouldn’t have. I really shouldn’t have.”
“You’re not sorry,” she said. “You’re only worried about yourself. You got the police to come to my house and you never even called to see if I was OK. I got evicted and was on the street. You didn’t care.”
“Listen, Margo, I told them to keep you in a residency program. You needed their help.”
“They threw me out on the street to be homeless.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, because I got a place as Ayana Blue. Don’t you like how easy it is to be someone you’re not?”
My mind flooded with all these questions, wondering if she’d been doing all these things to me this whole time. As I was stumbling over the timeline in my mind, she shouted, “Why should you have all the luck? Why do you steal the man and live happily ever after?”
I said, “Margo, I didn’t steal the man and I swear I have problems too.”
“Bitch, don’t patronize me. How are you going to feel when they lock you up and you lose everything?”
“Margo, please. Don’t do this.”
“Why? Why shouldn’t I? You have hurt me my whole life. You! I want you to feel my pain.”
Her hand was trembling with the gun and I was trying to think of a way to get it away from her. “I never meant to hurt you. What can I do to change it?”
“How would you feel being a child and your father treated you like you didn’t exist?”
“I’m sure that would be very hard.”
“You and Aaliyah would come here every Sunday, wearing the best clothes. Our father would usher you inside so you couldn’t play with the neighborhood kids. Do you know why?”
Before I could answer, she snapped, “Because he never wanted you to see me! He wanted to act like I didn’t exist. He treated me like a piece of shit. The same way he treated my mother when she told him she was pregnant.”
I started putting all the things she’d told me about her father together. It all added up. This woman was my sis
ter and it had been my own father’s life I’d saved.
“I’m sorry, Margo. I’m really sorry. I don’t know why he would do that.”
“You’re not sorry. All he cared about was making sure his little princesses were fine. I was treated like a mistress my whole life.”
“Did you have any contact with him growing up?”
“No.”
“Did he and your mother have a relationship?”
“Yes, they were in love and then he went to Morehouse. My mother wasn’t good enough. Your mother took him from my mother and she knew my mother was pregnant and didn’t care. She married him and they pretended that me and my mother didn’t exist.”
“Margo, that wasn’t right.”
“Duh! You’re the fucking psychologist. Say something smart. You fucking quack!”
Caron cried loudly and she pushed his head. “Shut the fuck up, you little brat. Your father is in your life.”
Caron sniffed back his cry. I said, “I understand why you’re upset, Margo, but it’s not his fault. Let him go. If you want to take it out on someone, hurt me.”
She pointed the gun at me and I instantly wanted to swallow my words. I said, “Margo, you know me and Aaliyah didn’t know. We would have loved you anyway.”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Yes, we would have.”
“When I first starting seeing you, I believed you were a good person. Then you left me to rot just like your sorry father.”
“I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can to do make it better?”
“It’s too late. You’ve forced me to do this.”
“I wish you would have told me before,” I said, still very confused and shocked by what she had told me.
I heard footsteps over my head and Margo smiled. “She made it.”
My eyes questioned and she said, “Yasmin, we’re down here.”
There was no way Yasmin had been working alone, and this explained it all as I heard her anxiously approaching. Her neck snapped back. “Margie?”
Margo pointed the gun at her. “No, bitch. It’s Margo. I fucking tried to tell you my name a million times and you keep calling me Margie. My fucking name is Margo!”
Yasmin said, “OK, I got it, Margo.”
Yasmin was even more confused than me. I realized that Margo had been working solo, but how did she know Yasmin?
“Why are you making them pay for my mistakes?” I asked.
“Number one, this bitch talks too damn much. Tells all her business in the salon. I got my hair done to snoop and she told me everything. I knew every move you made because she couldn’t stop talking about you. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you just storming in and doing the same thing to someone else that your mother did to my mother. I hated it!” she yelled.
She looked at Yasmin. Tears welled in her eyes. “I was trying to help you. And you looked right through me like I was invisible every time I came into the salon.”
Yasmin shook her head. “I’m sorry. We went skating together a few times. I thought we were cool. Whatever I did to offend you, please forgive me.”
“Fuck you. You dumb bitch. You’re so self-centered you didn’t even know I was trying to reach out to you.”
I said, “Let’s start over. Let’s be sisters. Now that I know you’re my sister, I will never leave you. I’m sorry that my father abandoned you. I’m sorry that my mother did what she did. No one will hurt you again.”
She looked to be softening and turned the gun to Yasmin. “Do you want me to get rid of this insensitive bitch?”
My eyes shot at Yasmin. As much of a pain in the ass as she’d been, I didn’t want anyone to hurt her, especially not in front of Caron. Yasmin was confused. Margo was bitter and she didn’t care who it was, she wanted to kill someone, anyone, so they could feel her pain. Yasmin said, “Please, Margo.”
“Now you know my name?”
“I’m sorry, I have a bunch of clients. I just…”
“You just care about your own stupid problems. You spend all day talking about this bitch instead of getting to know the people who pay you.”
Nervously I watched as Yasmin approached her and Margo cocked the gun. Yasmin didn’t seem to be afraid at all, probably because she was equally crazy. She said, “You’re right. I hate her. I hate that bitch so much that I want her dead. And Margo, you hate her too. She doesn’t care about you. She only cares about herself. She’s a selfish, self-centered bitch and she’ll abandon you like everyone in your life.”
Margo nodded and tears rolled down her cheeks. I couldn’t believe it. Yasmin was connecting with her with some bullshit. Were they in this together?
Yasmin continued, “She has a sister. She can’t be your sister, but I can. I promise I won’t hurt you.”
She stepped closer to Margo, whose hands shook. She looked almost as if she no longer had control of the gun. I closed my eyes and shifted to the right, thinking that if she inadvertently fired I didn’t want to be in her path. She aimed at me. Yasmin kept getting closer to Margo. My eyes shifted back and forth. I wasn’t sure how this would end. In a flash, there was a struggle. Yasmin tackled Margo and started beating her.
“Get the gun, Ayana!” Yasmin yelled.
I was frozen and afraid. I didn’t want to touch the gun but I knew I had to in order to save everybody. Suddenly the Atlanta Police Department busted in and took control of the situation. Yasmin hugged Caron, and I just stood there as Margo was arrested. I was still stunned by everything she had told me.
Yasmin hugged me, and I said, “How did you know we were here?”
“She called me and pretended to be you, saying you were about to kill Caron. I knew that was a lie. I just knew.”
To my surprise, I reached out to hug Yasmin. She had saved my life. When we walked out of the house to all the police cars, I asked Yasmin, “Did you call Cam?”
“No, I just called the cops and came straight here.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
“And I think I owe you an apology because I’ve blamed you for a lot of things that I now believe Margo was doing.”
“No big deal. I’m not totally innocent.”
“I guess we should start over,” I said.
Ayana
A year had passed since that fateful day and a lot had changed. Caron and I had gotten extremely close. Yasmin and I had built a respectable relationship and Cameron and I were finally at peace. We joked that our relationship was the opposite of most: it had started out hard and now we were enjoying the fruits of our labor. I closed my practice and focused on writing and the talk show. Ethan was running around the house like a big boy. It was a good thing I had gotten so many extensions on my book, because I changed the entire second half to discuss the blended family. It was tougher living through the situation, but it made me a better psychologist. Instead of just understanding the theory behind it, I now had my own real-world experiences.
My father felt horrible about the Margo experience and admitted that it had been the wrong thing to do. He’d felt that he had to deny her because he didn’t want to hurt my mother. He said my mother didn’t know anything about Margo or her mother and he thought it was best to keep it that way. He claimed his love for my mother blinded his judgment. He had been my hero, and to say that knowing he had a child that he never claimed didn’t taint my image of him would be a lie. I didn’t understand, and the illusion that we were a perfect family was shattered. Aaliyah blamed Margo, but I knew better. I blamed my father. So in the blended family section of my book, I discussed conceiving a child with someone other than your spouse. It was important for people to know how to approach it. Most people are more afraid of hurting their spouse than they are of hurting the child. They don’t realize that kids carry the burden of rejection longer and feel it more deeply than adults.
To promote my book, Quentin suggested we have Yasmin on to discuss how far we’d come. Cameron was nervous, because a part of him always
felt that Yasmin could revert at any time. Based on conversations we’d had, I thought her therapist had really helped her change her behavior.
I started the show by saying, “Love and Marriage hits bookstores today and I expect to see all my listeners at my mega book release party tonight. And I want to thank you all for your support and encouragement.” I paused. “Today I have a special guest, my husband’s ex-wife, Ms. Yasmin Small. You all may be familiar with her as ShearGenius08 on Twitter.” Yasmin smiled and shook her head. I said, “Thanks for being on the show.”
She said, “You’re welcome.”
“I think everyone wants to know how we can be in the same room together. I will let you answer and then I will answer that question myself.”
Yasmin shifted her body sassily and curled her lips. “Well, it’s hard to accept that someone you love is in love with someone else. For me, it was hard and I just didn’t want to accept it. I figured that if I could make your life miserable, I could win him back. I was committed to it. But it took a lot of therapy to accept that life doesn’t always work out the way you plan. So for me, I’m here because I finally accepted that Cameron moved on.”
I was slightly stunned by her rendition of how we’d arrived at this cordial point. I didn’t speak immediately, and Quentin waved his hand as if to say, “Hurry up and respond.” I said, “And I guess for me, forgiveness is a crucial part of life, and holding grudges and anger is no good for anyone. I’ve seen the growth in you right before my eyes. And who am I to judge by past mistakes? I can sit here because, as a human and more importantly as a therapist, I believe that people can and do change.”
Yasmin said, “Wow.”
“Can you tell me your thoughts on raising kids in a blended family? Especially from the perspective of being the first wife and having your biological child integrated into another family without you?”