by Avril Ashton
Nothing would ever happen between Is and him. Reggie knew that, so maybe that was the reason he was putting the ball in Is’ court, because he knew Is wouldn’t make that move. Leaving them exactly where they were now. Nowhere.
But this wasn’t about them. It was about Is going back to the life he knew, the one where he fit and where there were no questions as to who he was and what he wanted. Familiarity. That’s what they both needed. And distance.
He rolled his shoulders with a grimace. Fuck, but he missed his bed. He put a new couch on the list of things that needed fixing in the cabin, along with the dock, and one of the porch steps. For years he’d avoided coming back here, but he remembered all the calm and tranquility that being here brought. He should make visits a regular thing.
His phone rang in his pocket and he fished it out. He scowled when he saw it was his father calling.
“Pop.”
“Morning, son.”
Reggie lifted an eyebrow. “Uh, morning.”
“Your mother wanted me to call and check on you.” His father paused. “You’re okay, right?”
“I’m fine, Pop. Why?”
His father took a long time to answer, but finally he let out a loud sigh. “She says you sounded different when you spoke yesterday, and I have to agree. You don’t sound like you.”
Reggie’s hackles rose. “In case you and Mom haven’t noticed, Pop, I’m a grown man.”
“We’re well aware of your age, Reginald.” There he went. Pulling out Reggie’s government in that tone that let him know he was acting out for no reason. “What have you got yourself into?”
Reggie wanted to laugh. Even if he could confide in his father, he wouldn’t dare. His father was Grenadian. From that same West Indian culture that Is clung to. No way was Reggie going there.
“I’m fine.”
“Okay.” His father’s tone changed. “How is the old cabin? I’d expect everything to be falling apart by now.”
Now this was a topic Reggie could grab on to. “The dock and porch steps are pretty messed up, but the cabin itself remains in fine shape,” he said. He kneaded the back of his neck. “I’ve made sure the utilities remained on so that’s all good.”
“I didn’t know that,” his father said, voice filled with shock.
Reggie shrugged, wincing at the twinge in his shoulder. “Yeah. Well…”
“Thank you, son.” The humbled quality of his father’s voice pissed Reggie off.
“I didn’t do it for you, Pop. I did it for me, and because this was Grandpa’s place and he would have wanted it to be taken care of. I didn’t do it for you.” He cursed when he heard the cold, harsh words falling from his mouth. Damn it. This always happened. He lashed out every time.
“Okay.” His father backpedaled fast. “I’m just glad you did.”
“Yeah.” He rolled his eyes to the sky. The little boy in him wanted his father back, wanted what they had before his father abandoned his family. But the stubborn grown man he now was refused to allow his father close enough to decimate him again.
“You didn’t tell us who you brought with you,” his father said. “Is it a girl?”
“I’m thirty-five years old. Any female I associate with will be a woman. Get that straight, please. Also, it doesn’t matter who I’m here with, does it?”
“Son.” His father sighed. “I just want to make sure you’re not using the cabin for something illegal.”
Son of a— “Hate to bust your bubble, Pop, but yes. Lots of illegal shit is happening.” Reggie ended the call and squeezed the phone in his palm. Only the reminder that he’d bought the very fucking expensive phone hardly a month prior stayed his hand when he really wanted to pelt the Goddamn thing into the lake.
“Rude boy.”
He looked over his shoulder. Is stood a few feet away, one hand braced against the top of the dock. He was fully dressed, jeans and a gray hoodie, but only socks on his feet. “’Sup?”
Is nodded at the phone in Reggie’s hand. “Your parents?”
Reggie moved his stiff shoulders in the semblance of a shrug. “My pops. Checking on me, making sure we aren’t using the cabin to do illegal shit.”
Is’ brow wrinkled. “Like what?”
“Fuck knows? Bagging up the weed? Cutting the coke?”
Is grinned. “Did you tell him we already have places for that?”
Reggie scowled at him. “Whatever.” He pointed to Is’ socked feet. “What happened to your sneakers?”
“Nothing.” Is gave him his back as he began walking back to the cabin. “Come inside. I made porridge.”
“You did?” Reggie scrambled to his feet and raced after Is. He caught up to him on the porch. “How did you make porridge?”
Is walked into the cabin and headed straight for the kitchen. Reggie sniffed. The place smelled warm, like cinnamon and brown sugar.
“I found a bag of corn meal at the back of one of the cupboards,” Is said. “There were cinnamon sticks, canned milk and honey. Made sense.” He pointed to the oven. “Toasting bread and we’ll smother that shit in butter.” He waved a hand. “And breakfast.”
Reggie smiled at the twinkle in Is’ eyes. “You sound awfully proud of yourself right now.”
“I am. You know how long I been feenin’ for some real real porridge, dude?” The smile on Is’ staggered Reggie’s heart beat. He grabbed on to the doorway to steady his weak knees.
“I should make you cook for me every time,” he said, more breathlessly than he’d intended. “That’s a good look on you.”
Is’ grin dropped and awareness flooded his gaze then he turned swiftly, giving the stove his attention.
Reggie licked his lips and tried to rearrange his thoughts. “I made arrangements for us to leave. We’ll fly out later this evening.”
“Thanks, man.” But Is didn’t even turn around to look at him.
Reggie stared at his back. Lots of words burned his tongue, but he swallowed them all. He wasn’t brave enough. Instead, he stood there as Is poured their porridge into bowls then buttered their toasted bread.
“You’re quite the domestic one, aren’t you?” He chuckled when Is threw him a scowl over his shoulder. Reggie liked them like this, ribbing each other, talking, playing around. He didn’t like the thick tension that fell over everything, making their camaraderie awkward and strained.
“The SUV will be brought down later by one of my guys.” He pulled out a chair at the tiny, round table.
Is jerked his head up to stare at him. “You have guys up here?”
It was Reggie’s turn to grin. “I have guys every where. You should know that by now.” In truth, his guy up here was the same guy who’d be flying them back to NYC. While on paper Reggie was the owner, Edmond operated the small flight company that ferried tourists to and from the Adirondacks, going to NYC, Boston, and Vermont. Even up to Canada. The pilot also had a service that took care of any vehicles, bringing them down to the city on a trailer for a small fee.
He began eating as Is took a seat and did the same. The intimacy of this wasn’t lost on Reggie, but he chose to ignore it, watching as Is dipped a piece of bread into the porridge then pop it into his mouth.
“Tastes good.” He slurped his from the spoon. It really was good, hot and thick and— That was rapidly turning sexual in his head.
Is grunted his appreciation and kept eating.
“What do you plan to do once we get back?”
Is lifted his head and licked his lips. “Need to set some new businesses in place.” His face morphed into a hate-filled grimace. “Fucking Russian did some damage.”
Reggie nodded.
“You know.” Is sat back and narrowed his gaze at Reggie. “I still don’t know why you didn’t tell me you knew the Russian. A lot of things could have been avoided.”
“Really? You were warned, weren’t you?” Reggie leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Teo told you specifically not to fuck with Dima, but you and your cousin dec
ided to ignore that warning.”
“We wanted his streets, of course we weren’t going to listen to Teo.” Is scowled. “You should have told me he and Teo had been together.” He waved a hand, gaze veering off Reggie. “Like that.”
“Like what?” Reggie wanted him to say it.
Is jaw ticked, but he finally faced Reggie, their gazes clashing. “Lovers,” he grated. “You should have told me they’d been lovers.”
“What difference would that have made?”
“Maybe I could have trapped him—”
“Like he trapped you,” Reggie finished. “Fuck, Is. I don’t know any other man who thinks with his cock the way you do.” Mentioning Is’ cock made Reggie harden. He rolled his shoulders and shifted in his chair. Damn it. “The truth is, as crazy as Dima is, you can’t trap him with sex. He’s very particular about who he fucks, and who fucks him.”
“How long were they together, Teo and him?”
“Dunno.” Reggie went back to eating. “Few years,” he said through a mouthful of bread.
“You were with Teo all that time.”
“I was there from the beginning. I watched them circle each other and watched them give in, and was right there to witness the end.” He’d always thought the relationship between Teo and Dima was fucked from the start. Both were into different things. Dima wanted stability, Teo wanted to run from it. Neither man had been ready. Reggie had seen Teo in all his man-whoring glory. Hell, he’d been right there along with him, pulling the women while Teo had his pick of both sexes.
Is put his spoon down and leaned forward. “What did you think about it?”
Reggie frowned. “Teo and Dima?” When Is nodded Reggie said, “I didn’t think about it. Teo was my friend, he had my back and I had his. I didn’t care one way or the other who he fucked. Just as he didn’t care who I fucked. He cared that my head was in the game when he needed it to be. I cared that he was solid and reliable. Nothing else mattered. Not then,” he held Is’ gaze, “and definitely not now.”
‘So you’re saying it never bothered you?”
“Shit, Is. The things I’ve seen in this world we live in? The very last thing that bothers me is love. Two men, two women. Whatever. Doesn’t bother me.”
Is’ mouth twisted. “I didn’t talk to X for a long time. I burned him out.” He sounded as if that had hurt him, as if it still did.
“Why?”
“What else was I supposed to do?”
This conversation was riling Reggie, making his stomach churn with dark foreboding. “You could have done nothing, ever thought about that? What does it matter who someone loves, who they sleep with?”
“It mattered.” Is dropped his gaze to the bowl in front of him. “It matters. To me.”
Reggie’s appetite fled. “Good to know.” He got up from the table and brought his dishes to the sink. His hands were shaking, with anger, with regret, with everything that just flooded him. “I’m going to take a swim.” He began waking out the kitchen. “You should start packing.”
“Reggie.” Is grabbed his hand as Reggie strode by him. “I’ve accepted who my cousin is. I love him no matter what.”
Reggie brought his gaze to where Is held him, where his fingers bit into him. His body pulled taut.
“Same with Teo. He and I are cool, and I like Tommy. You know that.”
“I know,” Reggie said hoarsely.
“That’s other people. You’re right. Their lives don’t affect me, so I don’t care. Not really.” He licked his lips, dark eyes begging Is to understand as he said, “But to me, personally, it matters. It’s just something I could never see myself engaging in.”
Pain sliced through Reggie, hot enough, deep enough to draw a hiss from him. “Of course. I get that.” He cleared the emotion from his throat. “And why would you?” He stared pointedly at where Is held him, and those tight fingers fell away, bringing a hollow relief. “I’ll be back.” He left without looking back.
* * * *
Felt as if he’d done something irrevocably wrong. Is couldn’t shake that feeling as he cleaned up the kitchen then the bedroom. The look in Reggie’s eyes stayed wit him. A hollow ached bloomed in his chest and refused to dissipate, refused to leave him alone. It didn’t matter, shouldn’t.
But fuck…
He shoved his clothes into his duffel bag with a savage snarl. He was out of sorts, out of his element, out of his mind because he wanted to take away the hot flare of pain in Reggie’s eyes. He wanted that shit gone. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t responsible for what Reggie felt, for how he felt. Just as Reggie wasn’t responsible for Is’ feelings.
But God, everything was crumbling. Everything was falling apart while he watched. He listened as Reggie came back into the cabin and moved about in the living room. Probably getting dressed, which made Is think about a naked Reggie, skin glistening with beads of water.
He dropped down onto the mattress, a hand over his eyes. As if that would stop the images filtering through his mind.
“Fuck!” He flung a pillow across the room. What the hell was he supposed to do with this? He put on his Timberlands and tucked his jeans into the top then pulled on a sweater. It was summer, but you wouldn’t know it from the freezing temps out here this morning.
Fully dressed he went in search of Reggie. He found him alright. On the couch, jeans on but unbuttoned as he kneaded the back of his neck and cursed.
“Shit.”
His back muscles flexed. Is stared. He’d never paid so much attention to another human being’s body, male or female, the way he paid attention to Reggie’s. His friend rolled his shoulders and twisted his head from side to side, but that didn’t seem to help.
Is didn’t think, he just strode over and covered Reggie’s hand with his. The one kneading his nape. “Let me help.”
Reggie froze. Is didn’t stop to analyze any of it. He sat next to Reggie on the couch and dug his fingers into Reggie’s flesh, trying not to let the heat or smoothness register.
“I told you, you should have taken the bed.” He pressed his knuckles into the area where Reggie’s neck and shoulder met.
Reggie’s head fell forward and a sound, rough and rich and…Jesus, reached Is ears. His belly contracted.
“It’s— Oh, fuck.” Reggie moaned. “It’s no big deal.”
Is licked his lips and kept his gaze on what he was doing, on Reggie’s skin. He heard himself, heard his breaths, loud and raspy in the quiet. He tried to tamp it down, but he couldn’t. Not with Reggie’s skin so hot under his fingertips, not with his pulse right there, racing for him. Not with those fucked-up sounds falling from Reggie, hitting Is in the nuts.
“You’re tight,” he heard himself say then quickly corrected it. “Tense. All knotted.”
“Yeah.” Reggie shivered, Is felt it reverberate under his palm. “God, Is.” He groaned. “That’s good.”
Is’ body responded to that. Hell, to everything, cock getting harder in his jeans, palms slicking with nervous sweat, heart thundering. He leaned in closer, getting a nose-full of Reggie’s musk, the scent of the lake and his skin. Who knew that shit would smell so good, get him so hard?
Reggie shifted, pressing himself firmer into Is’ touch, a needy sound drifting from his throat. Is tried to ignore all of that, concentrating on massaging Reggie’s neck and shoulders. Reggie’s body began vibrating, his breath coming in pants.
Is raked his fingernails across his nape, and Reggie grabbed his knee.
“Is—” He sounded panicked.
“Yeah.” Is did it again, the fingernails trick, and Reggie whimpered as his head jerked up, his pupils were dilated, nostrils flared wide and his bottom lips was red and puffy and …moist.
“Fuck.” Reggie knocked Is’ hand away and surged to his feet. “Goddamn you, Is.” He practically sprinted to the bathroom as Is stared after him.
What? “Reg, what’s wrong?” Is jumped to his feet. “Reggie.” As he neared the bathroom, painful grunts reache
d his ears so Is pushed the unlocked door open.
And stared.
Reggie stood at the sink, jeans around his ankles, cock in his hand as he stroked himself. Lips parted, eyes closed. The tendons in his neck stood out as he pulled on his wet, flushed cock roughly, as if in punishment.
“Reggie.”
At the sound of his name, two things happened simultaneously. Reggie’s eyes flew open and he came, knees buckling, a surprised cry bursting from him as spurts of cum squirted into the sink.
Is almost came himself. In Reggie’s fist, his cock jerked then erupted again, shooting again, and Reggie was cursing, chanting.
“Fuck. Fuck.” He threw a hand out, palm flat against the mirror to hold his balance, and he kept stroking himself as Is watched, until he had nothing left. Is fisted his hands, nails cutting into his palm as he watched Reggie’s naked ass clench.
His body was hot, burning up, making him sweat. He wanted to pull off his clothes, dive into the icy waters outside, but nothing, no one, could make him move from the spot where he stood, watching Reggie stand there with his cock in his hand, his cum decorating the white porcelain sink.
“Reg—”
“Shut up, Is. Shut. The fuck. Up.” Reggie’s words shook just as much as Is’. “Is this what you wanted?” he demanded as he faced Is and pulled up his jeans. “Is this what you wanted to see when you followed me in here?”
“What?” Is sputtered. “Hell no!”
Reggie’s expression hardened. “Yet here you are, watching me, Is. You haven’t moved yet.”
“I—” He had nothing.
“Maybe you wanted to see, huh?” Reggie walked toward him. His words were soft, but his eyes…Is glanced away. “Look at me.”
The words were so riddled with pain, Is had to. He had to look. He had to face it. Reggie stood right there, close enough for Is to smell him. Reggie lifted a hand, the one that was just wrapped around his cock.
Is flinched, but Reggie touched him. His face, cupping his jaw with that same hand. Is took a deep breath, calming his pulse, his nerves, his heart. “Reggie.” He tried to make it sound like a warning, but it sounded more like a plea. For mercy, for forgiveness?