by Ann Omasta
Forgetting everything except our mouths, I allow a groan of happiness to escape. Apparently viewing my approving sound as permission for more, Cam deepens the kiss. Before I have time to react, his tongue fully invades my mouth, forcefully probing in further––nearly gagging me. I yank my head back instinctively, trying to end the onslaught, but his hand on the back of my neck effectively holds me in place. I try not to be overly obvious in my distaste, ever mindful of the camera on the step below us recording every move we make––probably in close-up, high definition.
Finally, I am able to tip back and far enough away from him to end the kiss. Cam smiles at me before saying, "Wow!"
"Yeah, wow," I reply, quite certain that I don't mean it in the same way he does.
He helps me stand back up straight, and I realize that the other two couples are gawking at us. Evidently our first kiss lasted longer than either of theirs had.
The Captain clears his throat before announcing, I now present to you, "Mr. and Mrs. Paul Thomas," indicating the bride with the whitish blonde hair and her new husband. Turning to us, he says, "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron Belchmeister."
"What?!?" I blurt as he turns to the couple with the redheaded bride. "My last name is now Belchmeister?" I screech without thinking. I wonder why they don't pronounce the "ch" with a hard "k" sound so at least the name wouldn't sound like the King of the burpers.
My new husband is looking at me as if he can't imagine what my problem could possibly be with his surname. The bride whose announcement has been disrupted by my outburst is glaring at me as if she wishes I would keel over on the spot. The director is holding a palm to his forehead and shaking his head back and forth as if he suddenly has a piercing headache.
At least he hasn't called "Cut!" again on my account. Deciding to try to smooth things over, I add quietly. "I was planning to keep my last name, Rose."
The Captain turns to announce the final couple with a look of exasperation evident on his face. I don't even register the names because of the blood rushing in my ears. I so wanted to make a good first impression with my television debut, yet had somehow managed to make a complete ass of myself at my own wedding. Hopefully, they will cut out the embarrassing parts of the ceremony in editing.
After the final couple is presented, applause erupts on the deck above us. For the first time, I realize a crowd of actual passengers on this cruise has gathered at the railings to watch our weddings. Feeling silly about my numerous faux pas, but grateful for their warm reception, I wave timidly up at them.
With perfect timing, "At Last" by Etta James begins playing over some hidden speaker system. My new husband takes my hand and guides me to a makeshift dance floor on the pool deck. We dance slowly, and I lean my head against his shoulder, enjoying the feeling of being held in his embrace.
As we dance, I decide that everything can still turn out okay. I'll keep my last name and apologize to the other girls for my klutziness during our wedding. I'll be more careful going forward, and I will win over the viewing audience.
That horrible kiss is still weighing somewhat heavily on my mind, but that can be fixed, right? I can train Cam on what I like and don't like. It will be fun to practice, and I'll be careful to approach the subject sensitively, so as not to hurt his feelings along the way.
When the music changes to a more upbeat song, Cam swings me around, proving that he does have some smooth moves. We are laughing, swaying to the music, and having a grand time. As the song comes to a rousing end, Cam lifts his arm to twirl me around. I gracefully spin around a couple of times before knocking into the red haired bride who is chatting with the Captain and manage to knock them both into the pool.
As I stand at the pool's edge, still dry and gorgeous, the furious, dripping wet bride splutters to the surface. If I had any doubt before, I'm certain that she hates me now. The Captain glares up at me as he retrieves his waterlogged hat and returns it to his nearly-bald head.
I'm horrified by this entire turn of events. As much as I'd love to blame the rocking of the ship, I fear it's just my clumsiness that has caused this catastrophe. Wanting to do anything I can to help, I reach a hand down to the soaked bride. "I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you."
I only have an instant to see the gleam in her eye as she accepts my offered hand, just before yanking me into the pool with her. I break the surface, shocked that she would purposely dunk me, when what I had done had clearly been an accident. Taking a moment to calm down, I decide to make the best of a rotten situation.
The other bride is still glaring at me. Obviously, getting even hadn't lessened her anger. I look at the black streaks trailing from her eyes and realize that I must look just as ridiculous. Unable to stop myself, a snort of laughter bubbles out of me.
Her eyes blaze at me for a moment, but then I see a transition in her. "You are an absolute hot mess," she finally says as she erupts with her own laughter.
"So I'm told," I admit as my new husband proves he's up for anything by jumping into the pool in his tux.
Before long, all of the brides and grooms are in the water and the Captain has scurried out to dry off. Cam suggests we water wrestle and lifts me onto his shoulders. The other couples follow suit and we each try to knock the other couples down. We laugh and play like kids.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the director swiping a hand over his face, but I notice he keeps the cameras rolling. I'm guessing this isn't at all how he planned for things to go, but it should at least make for interesting television.
Chapter 10
After a good amount of playing in the pool, we are instructed to return to our rooms to get ready for dinner with the Captain. This announcement makes me somewhat nervous because I'm fairly certain I'm not his favorite person, after having unceremoniously dumped him in the pool.
Jamie, the PA, escorts me to my room. I notice the others don't get a private guide. It makes me wonder if the show's producers think I can't find my room on my own or if they fear I'll get in trouble along the way if left to my own devices. Either way, I try to chat with the woman, but she merely nods or shakes her head in answer to my questions. Once we reach the threshold of my room, she ushers me in and shuts the door with her on the other side.
Dying to dish about all that has happened, I quickly remove my wet gown, don the comfy, cotton robe, and try the door to the adjoining make-up room. I'm pleased to find it unlocked. Syd is sitting on the sofa, so I scurry over to join him.
He bugs his eyes out at my appearance. "What happened to my masterpiece?" His voice sounds screechy with disapproval.
I proceed to fill him in on what has happened since I left him. "Never a dull moment with you, Girl." He chuckles as I describe the wet ending to our ceremony. Turning somewhat serious, he adds, "It looks like you hit the jackpot in the arranged marriage department. I peeked at your groom, even though they told me to come straight back here. He is cuuu-uute." He drags the word out and emphasizes the last part by lightly shoving my shoulder.
Nodding in agreement with his assessment of tall, dark, and handsome Cam, I give him a sad smile before adding, "Just one problem, though."
Syd's eyes widen at the prospect of learning some major gossip. "Spill," he orders me.
When I reveal the truth about our horrid wedding kiss that turned out to be by far the worst kiss of my entire life, Syd has the audacity to laugh. "It's not funny," I pout. "It was like my mouth was under attack by his probing tongue."
This description makes him cackle even harder. "Oh Honey," he tells me, "You can train him. Kissing is an art. Maybe he just needs a good teacher."
Hoping that he's right and that I'll be able to tactfully broach the subject without hurting Cam's feelings, I nod. "Oh, and I haven't told you his last name." After a dramatic pause during which Syd raises his perfectly groomed eyebrows in anticipation, I close my eyes before saying, "Belchmeister."
Syd audibly sucks in air, gasping at this revelation and patting his chest with one palm as if I've given
him heart palpitations. "That just won't do," he decides firmly, shaking his head, appalled.
"I let them know that I'll be keeping my last name," I inform him.
"Good call. Maybe he should take your last name. Belchmeister..." He visibly shudders after saying the name aloud. "Well, here's hoping Ole' Belchmeister bangs better than he kisses, huh?"
Giving him an odd look, I say, "We're a long way from finding that out. I just met the man."
"And married him," Syd interjects.
"Yeah, but nobody could expect me to sleep with him right away. That's gross." I scrunch my face up at the thought.
"Hmm." Syd nods noncommittally, making me wonder what he knows. "Let's make you gorgeous for dinner," he changes the subject suddenly.
I decide not to worry about the whole sleeping together thing. Married or not, they can't make me do anything like that against my wishes. After promising to be back in 'two shakes of a lamb's tail,' which makes Syd look at me like I've grown an actual lamb's tail, I head over to my side of the adjoining rooms to shower off the chlorine from my unplanned post-wedding plunge in the pool.
Chapter 12
As promised, Syd makes me beautiful once more. He has selected an emerald green, beaded full-length gown that hugs my waist and somehow makes me look like I have actual curves. He returns the sapphire and diamond necklace I wore during the wedding to the room's safe and emerges with a stunning emerald choker and matching earrings.
"Wow!" I gush as he helps me put on the jewelry.
"One of the many perks of being on television," he reminds me.
"Me likey," I joke with him, making him smile at my reflection. I take a good look at his perfectly straight, brilliantly white teeth. The man is physically stunning, and it makes me wonder if he has aspirations of being in front of the camera, rather than behind the scenes.
When I try to ask him, he shoos me away, indicating that I'm going to be more than fashionably late for dinner if I don't get a move on.
Jamie is waiting just outside the door when I emerge. She looks at her wristwatch impatiently, before tipping her head indicating I should follow her. I scurry to keep up, but my tight dress and high heels aren't conducive to long strides.
"I noticed your watch," I say to the woman in an attempt to draw her into a conversation as we ride the elevator. When she doesn't acknowledge me, I continue, "Cell phones have all but replaced the classic wristwatch nowadays, huh?" I try again.
The woman gazes at the lit numbers indicating the floor changes without responding to my attempt at chitchat, so I give up. Turning to face the glass at the back of the elevator, I audibly gasp as we are lowered to the main deck of the ship. The marble floor, enormous crystal chandelier, and brass trim are all pristine and shiny. I feel like I am on a modern-day version of the Titanic. I just hope we aren't headed for a similar fate.
Jamie leads me into the grand dining hall. The massive room is empty, except for a large round table where the captain of the ship and the other participants in today's wedding are waiting. I'm distressed to find that I am the last one to arrive. I was hoping to stay a little more low-key for a while, since I had been the cause of today's wedding fiasco.
"Sorry I'm late," I huff as I plop into the vacant chair next to Cam. I'm out of breath from hurrying.
Cam leans over to give me a sweet kiss on the cheek, which helps calm my jittery nerves significantly, until the Captain sneers, "Well, I guess we can finally get started."
I am tempted to give him a snippy response, but I suppose he has every right to be annoyed with me. Besides, I am fairly certain that the gorgeous orange hibiscus centerpiece in our table hides several tiny video cameras.
The waiters zoom in to get our drink orders and deliver our clam chowder crocks and Caesar salads. The table falls into an awkward silence, so I attempt to fill in the void. "Where is everyone else?" I ask the table at large, sweeping my hand out to indicate the empty dining hall.
Cam leans in to tell me the regular cruise passengers had a dinner seating earlier in the evening. I'm guessing by the way he whispers his answer that this topic was discussed prior to my arrival.
Silence prevails once more. For some reason, my diarrhea of the mouth kicks in when I'm nervous. Apparently, the lack of conversation at our table makes me anxious because I turn to the staid Captain and ask, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Captain Stubing?"
It's a dated reference from an old show called 'The Love Boat.' Baggy used to love watching reruns of it whenever Roxy and I stayed with her. I can tell by the way he is glaring at me that he is familiar with the character.
The blank stares I am receiving from the rest of the table indicate that no on else has ever heard of the show. I wish they had because they would easily see that he truly is the actor's doppelganger.
"No," he says firmly, effectively putting an end to that topic. I'm pretty sure he's lying, but I'm sure as heck not going to call him out on it.
"Bellamy," the captain turns to the redheaded bride, smoothly shifting the conversation away from me. "You look absolutely ravishing this evening."
The woman beams at his praise before narrowing her eyes in my direction as if to say 'Bellamy 1, Ruthie 0.' There is no denying the accuracy of his statement. Her silvery gown looks glamorous and elegant. The color of her deep red hair almost looks burgundy in the glowing light of the dining room. The effect is absolutely striking against the shiny dress. Looking at the perfect, luxurious waves tumbling down past her shoulders, I wonder about her version of Syd. He or she must be über talented, just like my wonderful stylist.
I decide to take the high road by smiling kindly at her––after all, she has legitimate reasons for not being overly fond of me. It doesn't stop me from hoping that I'll be able to win her over. She quickly glances away as if she's unwilling to accept the idea that I might actually be a decent human being.
The captain is openly admiring Bellamy, which makes her new husband shift uncomfortably in his seat. Never taking his eyes from Bellamy, the captain gushes, "You're a lucky man, Joshua."
Josh is cute in a boy-next-door kind of way. His golden blond hair swooshing down towards his blue eyes makes a good match with his long, lean frame. When we were playing in the pool earlier, I noticed he has a dimple that pops out when he smiles, so that is an added bonus.
Right now, he's looking down at his soup tureen and shaking his foot violently enough that the water glasses are jittering like a T-Rex is heading our way. It is obvious the captain's overt attention aimed at his new wife is making him uncomfortable. He likely doesn't want to say anything for fear of causing a scene that will play out on television. The situation makes me feel bad for him and my initial distaste for Stubing––as I am now rebelliously (but silently) calling the stuffy captain––is growing exponentially.
Finally forcing himself to break his enamored gaze away from Bellamy, Stubing turns to the blonde bride. "You look gorgeous as well, Tiffany." Both the way he says it as an afterthought and how he purposely omits me from receiving any compliments totally irk me, but I try not to show it. Tiffany clearly holds no ill will about being second choice because she bubbles with high-pitched laughter.
Swooping in to save the day like a true hero, Cam lifts his water glass for a toast. "To all three beautiful brides." He pauses for added effect before adding, "We are some lucky bastards to have gotten to marry them."
He has effectively broken the ice as we all laugh and clink our crystal champagne glasses with the people on either side of us. I'm even more grateful for Cam as he leans over to whisper in my ear, "You are by far the most beautiful." His sweet words make my cheeks feel warm as I decide I kind of like having a husband on my side. When he reaches over to clasp my hand in his much larger one, I don't object.
Throughout the course of our dinner, I begin to see the roles that we have been cast to play in the show. Reality television or not, I'm confident the producers were looking for a wide mix of personalities to throw to
gether.
There is no doubt in my mind that Bellamy is the vixen. Her stunning looks and somewhat cunning personality make her the perfect candidate for the job. Although I'm surprised to learn that she is a veterinarian, the way she openly flirts with the captain and the snide comments she occasionally shoots my way make me confident that she has been cast as the fiery seductress.
Her husband, Josh, is clearly Mr. All-America. I'm not at all surprised to find out that he was a basketball star in high school. He couldn't be more of an opposite from the siren that is now his wife.
All evening, I had been considering the idea that Tiffany might have been cast as the bubble-headed blonde. While I hate to stereotype anyone, she has already made several comments that make her seem like the epitome of an airhead.
When one of our waiters tells the old joke, "Did you hear the one about the guy who told his server that his soup tasted funny?" He waits for us to shake our heads before dropping the punch line, "The server asked him why he wasn't laughing then."
Groans and light chuckles emit from around the table. Tiffany, however, bursts out with her high-pitched, gregarious laugh. Once that dies down, she says, "I don't get it," which makes us all erupt with real laughter. I feel bad for laughing at her expense, but the blank stare she gives us before joining in with a chuckle of her own tells me we haven't hurt her feelings.
The only one who rolls his eyes at Tiffany is her newlywed husband, Paul. If anyone in the group is somewhat bookish and nerdy, it's Paul. He is shorter than the other two grooms and has wire rimmed glasses. The look works on him and he's certainly not unattractive, but I do wonder what the producers were thinking when they placed the somewhat snooty, brainiac with the ditz of the group. Maybe they are hoping opposites attract? I'm afraid their gamble might not pay off because Tiffany and Paul seem so far to be the least compatible of the three couples.