He didn’t respond to what I was saying to him. He just continued to stare into space, his left hand absently stroking the edge of his glass.
I put my hand on his knee. “Hey,” I said to him. “Look at me.”
He did as I asked, a questioning look in his blue eyes.
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to marry you. I just need some time. I hope that I can recover my memory, and then I think that things will be different. But you really have to give me the time that I’m asking for. And that means not showing up at places where you think that I’m going to be.”
He nodded silently, and went back to sipping his scotch. “I’m sorry, CJ. I shouldn’t have meddled with your issues with your family.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” I said. “But I understand why you did.”
At that, I kissed his lips gently. He responded to my kiss without aggression.
I put my forehead to his, and kissed his nose. He sighed and leaned back on the couch. I snuggled up to him, and kissed his neck and played with his thick dark hair. “I will have to go soon, Asher,” I said. “I need to get my life together. I need to prove to myself that I can handle my problems and issues on my own. My family, my job, my finances…I need to know, for myself, that I’m not helpless without you. I hope that I can get my head straightened out about all of this, and I can come back to you and take you up on your proposal. I’m not making any promises, though.”
I saw in his eyes that he was confused and hurt. “I can’t keep you here, of course. But I do hope that you do end up back with me, where you belong.”
“I know. But, I hope that I’m not being too forward in asking you if I can have you for at least this one night.”
He nodded and tried to mask the hurt in his eyes. Then he gently kissed me again. My body responded to the tender way his lips enveloped mine. A trail of heat went from my lips to my netherparts, and I sighed. There was just no doubt about it, I felt like I was drawn to him through electricity and heat and love.
I so wished that I could just go on feeling and try to ignore my brain.
He was almost shy as he lifted my shirt over my head, and he slowly and deliberately unhooked my bra and let it fall to the floor. As his lips and mouth started to suck and lick my nipples, gently at first, and then more insistent, I put my legs around his back and laid down. I let the erotic feelings wash over me again and again. I pulled his hair and he moaned.
I pulled down my pants and panties. His lips made a trail down to my clit and he lightly flicked it while his mouth hungrily covered my pussy. His tongue was soon inside of me, swirling lightly, while his fingers worked around my nether areas. I reared my head back in ecstasy, loving the feeling of his beautiful mouth on my clit.
He pulled down his pants, exposing his massive hard-on, which he sheathed deftly. Then he slowly entered me. I could feel the swelling of my pussy enveloping his massive manhood, and he made me come for the first time of the evening. I cried out, unable to keep it in. He rhythmically worked his beautiful cock in and out, while he felt each of my breasts, and his hands worked their way around to lightly grazing my ass.
I pushed him on his back and then rode him hard. By that time, I was getting into it. I was losing myself in the feeling of ecstasy that I was getting in feeling his beautiful dick working inside of me slowly and steadily. I sucked on his neck and he groaned, his head moving side to side.
Then he put my head in his hands, and brought my lips to his. With a groan, I knew that he had come, and I came to my climax at precisely the same time.
I was out of breath and shaking, and I laid down on top of him. I could feel our hearts beating in rhythmic sync, and I smiled. “Thanks for that,” I said in a whisper. “I do love you. I hope that you know that.”
He sighed, and I knew that he wasn’t feeling happy at that moment. It definitely was not the sound of somebody who was content, but, rather, it was the sound of somebody who felt that he was defeated.
I didn’t want to defeat him. I didn’t want to hurt him. There was something about him that made me want to completely forget about all my misgivings and just go with it. Just go with the emotions that I was feeling and try to just forget about all of the issues that I felt were keeping us emotionally apart.
It wasn’t that he was handsome, sexy and wealthy, although he was definitely all three of those things. It was mostly that I knew, deep down, that he and I were the same. Especially after he told me his story about his brother and his mother, I could see that there was a thread that was between us. A thread that was sturdy and solid and, I hoped, couldn’t be broken.
Yet I had to separate from him. For real. I needed to get away.
I had promised, him, though, that I would stay the night, so I put my head on his chest and listened to his beating heart. He wrapped his strong arms around me, and his breathing was even and relaxed. “I know that you have to do what you have to do,” he said to me. “I just wish that there was something that I could say to change your mind.”
“I’m not going to be gone for good. I hope that you know that. But I get really confused when I’m around you. I feel like I can’t think straight. And that’s dangerous for me, because I can’t lose my head around you. That’s how I will end up getting sucked into something that might not be healthy for me.”
He was silent for a few minutes. Then he finally spoke. “I’m sorry that you feel that I’m not healthy for you,” he said, his voice even. His tone, though, told me that he was starting to get agitated. His voice pitch rose ever so slightly. “But if you only knew the lengths that I went through to find you after you were abducted, I think that you would know how much I care for you.”
I shook my head. “That’s what I’m trying to find out for myself. Why I was where I was when I was abducted. How I was feeling when you apparently dumped me. I don’t remember any of that, and that’s incredibly frustrating for me. I know that you hurt me, though, and you’re hurting me now too. You’re killing me, Asher. I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m around you. All I can think about are your lies.”
It was then that he finally had enough. “Please leave,” he said, “I’ll call my driver to come and get you.”
I started to protest. “Asher, I told you that I would spent tonight with you.”
“I don’t want you to anymore. You apparently see nothing but deceit in me, and, quite frankly, I’m tired of it. I’m sorry. I made a mistake with my ex-girlfriend. That happened, and there’s nothing that I can do about it. But everything else that I have kept from you was for your own good. I’m sorry that you can’t see that.”
I was just as angry as Asher was by this time. “Oh, no. You patronized me. You should have just manned up and told me all the crap that I needed to know as soon as I was strong enough to handle it. But you didn’t. So, that’s on you.”
Asher was on the phone, calling his driver.
“Don’t bother,” I said, putting my clothes on. “I’ll just call a cab.”
“You can if you want,” he said coldly. “But if you would like an escort, then my driver and the limo will be waiting for you downstairs.”
I finished dressing, and left the penthouse without another word.
Chapter Four
I stared out the window of the cab as it made its way back to my home. As Asher had said, the limo was there waiting for me, but I chose to tell the driver that I didn’t need him. I hailed a cab instead.
I felt the need to get back home, and I hoped that Scarlett was back. I missed her so much. She was the person that was always there for me, through thick and thin.
Just thinking that she might be at the apartment to greet me made me feel just a tad less anxious. But just a tad. In reality, I could feel my chest constricting as I thought about the possibility that I would come home to a dark and empty place. I was already feeling the loneliness of staring at an empty wall, as I sadly contemplated what my life had become. And why it had become that way.
/>
I didn’t know how I could retrieve all my memories. I felt that was the key to feeling as strongly about Asher as he apparently had felt about me. My doctor told me that there was a possibility that all of my memories might be restored as the part of my brain that was damaged in the crash gradually healed. But there was also the chance that nothing would ever come back to me, and nothing would ever make sense from that period of time that was lost.
I guessed that I should have been happy that the fragments had returned to me. The fragments that told me that I needed to forgive myself for what had happened to Nathaniel were restored to me, and perhaps I just needed to be satisfied with that.
But I couldn’t be. The problem with that is that these memories weren’t enough to sustain my relationship with Asher. He was way, way ahead of me in our relationship, and that didn’t really seem fair. Things were unequal between us just because so much of him was lost to me. So much of our time together was gone.
I just had to go on and live my life, and hope that my memories could come back. That the part of my brain that was injured would heal, and I could catch up to Asher as far as our relationship went. That was the only thing that could help me learn to trust him again. Remembering our relationship before would give me some kind of positive feelings for him. Hopefully it would be enough to erase all the negativity that had happened since I awoke from my coma. Perhaps getting my memory back would offset all the lies and deception that came from him.
I therefore would have to get back to work, start hanging out with Scarlett again, and hope to get some sense of normalcy back. I was working a job, apparently my dream job, as a photojournalist. I was very much looking forward to that. Between going back to the job and seeing Scarlett, who was really my anchor, as she was the only person who I remembered from my old life who could stand to be around me, I could maybe pick up the pieces of my shattered life.
At least that was my hope and my goal.
The cabbie stopped in front of my building, and I got out and tipped him five dollars. I opened the door to my building and trudged up the four flights of stairs. I hoped that Scarlett was home, because I really needed her. I needed to be around somebody who had my back. Somebody who I could trust not to lie to me or deceive me.
Unfortunately, at that point, the person whom I could trust wasn’t my boyfriend. It was my best friend.
I prayed that she could help me pick up the pieces of my shattered life.
Chapter Five
Asher
CJ had just left, and I was angry. Angry with CJ for doubting me. Angry at myself for getting into the trap that Sophie had laid. And angry with Sophie for laying that trap in the first place. I was increasingly believing that Sophie had a hand in the whole abduction scenario, from start to finish.
Why I didn’t suspect that at first, I don’t know. Sophie was devious and cunning. And she would still stop at nothing to get CJ out of the way. I was therefore starting to doubt Sophie’s story about how she was having CJ trailed because she wanted to see if CJ and I were together. That was a suspect story from the start, but I didn’t question it at the time, simply because I was focused on one thing and one thing only – getting to CJ on time. I would have done anything, absolutely anything, to make sure that this was accomplished. I would have danced with the devil to ensure CJ’s safety, which is exactly what I ended up doing with Sophie. Dancing with the devil.
Things were clearer for me, though, since CJ was out of danger. And I was starting to have my suspicions that the abduction went down the way that Sophie said it did.
I was going to win CJ back. Of that much, I was sure. But I first had to square things away with Sophie. She was the most manipulative person I had ever met, and I wondered if she had played me like a grand piano.
I called her and she picked up on the second ring. “Asher,” she said sweetly. “I was just thinking about calling you.”
“You were. Imagine that.”
“Yes,” she said brightly. “I was. Would you like to meet me for a drink a little bit later? I need to talk to you.”
As much as I didn’t want to, because I had no desire to fall into her web, I knew that meeting her would probably clear the air about certain things. “Sure,” I said.
“Let’s meet at that bar that we used to go to when we first moved here. The dive in Queens.”
“Sounds good. How about eight?”
“See you then.”
We hung up and I put my head in my hands. I couldn’t stand any of this. It was all so unjust. But I was going to get answers from Sophie, and that was really all that mattered to me. I would know how to proceed from there.
Eight o’clock rolled around, and I arrived at the bar and sat in the back. I knew that Sophie would find me there, because that was the place where we always sat.
Sure enough, she was soon there, and she got in the booth with me. She scooted close to me, too close, and I felt uncomfortable. I moved away from her subtly, and she said nothing, but her expression told me that she wasn’t happy about my move.
Both of us ordered a drink, and I didn’t want to beat around the bush. “Sophie,” I began. “I’ve been thinking about CJ’s abduction. I should have questioned you more about this before, but I have this sneaking suspicion that you’re behind all of it.”
Sophie sat up straighter but didn’t confirm or deny my accusation. “Are you and CJ still together?” she asked. “Or I guess I should ask you if the two of you managed to get back together after she was released.”
“That’s none of your business. Now, please answer my question.”
“Answer mine first. And then I’ll answer yours. I promise to tell you the truth, too.”
I didn’t know how to answer Sophie’s question, because I had no idea myself. CJ and I had a fight, and there was every indication that CJ needed time to think. But I didn’t exactly consider my relationship with CJ to be over. “Yes,” I said. “CJ and I are still together.”
She narrowed her eyes, and I knew, just by her expression, that she didn’t quite believe me. “I don’t think that you’re telling me the truth. At least, I don’t think that you’re telling me the entire truth.”
“Well, what do you think is going to happen when I tell her that I fathered a child with another woman? You had me by the balls, and I have this feeling that you were behind the entire scheme. You knew what would happen if CJ was abducted, and you knew what would happen if you blackmailed me to get her back. At that time, I would have done anything to get CJ back before something tragic happened to her. I was too late as it was.”
She cocked her head. “Was there a question in there, Asher? Because I didn’t hear one.”
“Tell me the truth about the abduction.” I felt foolish for ever believing her in the first place.
“Okay,” she said. “Here is the truth. I might as well tell you now, because there’s nothing that you can do about it. It’s not like you can tell CJ any of this, because I’ll know that you did, and she won’t survive the next abduction. I can almost guarantee you that.”
I bit my lip, trying to not strangle her. If ever there was a woman who deserved a beat-down, it would be Sophie. I had a dark fantasy of killing her, right there on the spot. I could taste her blood in my mouth, my fantasy was so realistic at that point.
“Go on.”
“Okay. Yes, Asher, I was behind it. Yuri and Bashkim, who was the man who abducted CJ, were in on the entire thing together. I master-minded it. And, yes, I set up the entire situation where I would extract a promise from you that I knew would destroy your relationship with CJ. Don’t get me wrong, though – I did need for you to vouch for this baby as well. But, yes, my main motivation was to break the two of you up. And it worked like a charm, didn’t it?”
I felt stupid at that point, which was a feeling that I never had before. But knowing that Sophie was able to stay one step ahead of me in this entire scenario was something that was almost embarrassing for me. I couldn’t beli
eve that I bought her bogus story from before. I should have known, right from the start, that her devious mind was behind all of it.
She smiled. “I check-mated you, didn’t I?” Then she shook her head. “You’re rusty, Asher. Being straight for the past eight years has made you soft. You should probably try to fix that. Stop being such a snob and get re-acquainted with the underworld.”
She was delighted that she had played me. I took a deep breath, and tried to keep my cool. “Sophie,” I said in measured tones. “The deal is off. I’m going to tell CJ the truth about the parentage of this child. We might have had a deal before, but that was when I thought that you weren’t behind the whole abduction. Now that I know that you were, my position has changed.”
“Oh, no. You can’t get out of it now. You made a promise, and you have to keep it.” She took another sip of her drink, and her hand was shaking a tiny bit. “Asher, to tell you the truth, part of the reason why I set this whole thing up was because I wanted an insurance policy from you. I wanted to be sure that I would have an alternative father for this child, just in case there was ever any question. Oksana knows about Viktor and I, of course, so if she found out I was pregnant….” She shook her head. “Well, you know who her father is. I don’t think that I’d last very long in this world. So, if you tell CJ, then I’ll come after her again. She won’t survive another abduction, I hope that you know this.”
I sized her up. I knew that she wasn’t bluffing. She would do anything, anything at all, to make sure that CJ was out of the way. I was amazed at how intricately this whole thing was planned, and how I had fallen for it. I was soft, I knew this. And now CJ was in danger because of it. Yes, I still had the trump card in that I would expose Sophie’s lies about the baby if anything ever happened to CJ. At the same time, though, I wondered if Sophie had something else up her sleeve.
And, just like that, the answer came to me. CJ might never forgive me for fathering a child with Sophie. So, I had to find a way to tell her the truth about the baby. And the only way that I could think of would be to make sure that she was protected by my father. Once she came under that umbrella of protection, then I could tell her exactly what happened with Sophie and me.
Close Up: Exposure Book Three Page 4