‘Okay. I’ll remain suitably terrified.’ She shot him a smile. ‘Jon says that you both made music together when you were young as well.’
Jamie knew exactly what Anna was doing. She was gently probing, getting him to talk in much the same way as she got all her patients and their families to. Soon he’d find himself tempted to tell her about his darkest fears, the way they did.
He’d meet that problem when he came to it. Jamie wondered if Anna knew that he’d been concentrating on the things they’d shared before the bust-up as a way of reconnecting with his brother, and decided that she’d probably already worked that out.
‘Yeah. He was always the showman, though. The one who liked to get up and sing.’
‘He told me that you wrote “Everywhere”. It’s one of my favourite songs.’
Her smile made his heart beat a little faster. Maybe Anna had let his words into her life, as she’d sung along to them on the radio... The thought made his hand tremble.
‘I...um...was at a bit of a turning point in my life when I wrote it. I’d applied to medical school and they’d accepted me, despite the dyslexia. It was a dream I never thought I’d be able to accomplish, but I was also a bit concerned about how I might cope.’
Anna nodded her head. ‘That’s what I like about the song. It seems to me to be all about hope and accomplishing your dreams. Maybe not in the way you thought you would, but doing it anyway. Suddenly your charity makes a lot more sense.’
Jamie dragged his thoughts from wondering where she’d first heard ‘Everywhere’ and what she’d been doing, and focussed his mind on his charity. That usually gave him a bit of clarity.
‘The charity only exists because of the royalties from the song.’
‘And you and Jon did that together.’ She gave a little nod of approval.
Much as he liked the feeling of having made a connection with Anna, Jamie couldn’t think about it any more. In retrospect, ‘Everywhere’ had been the beginning of the end for him and Jon. It had blasted his brother into the stratosphere of fame and set their paths on an ever-diverging trajectory.
‘Yeah, look... I’d like to see Jon’s notes.’
Anna pursed her lips. Maybe she was about to give him the lecture about stepping on her toes and leaving her to get on with treating her own patients. Jamie flashed her an apologetic look.
‘You’re asking as a doctor? Or as his brother?’
That was the nub of it. Jamie had always imagined himself a doctor first, beyond anything. ‘His brother.’
‘Fair enough. I’ll have to check with Jon first, of course.’
‘Of course.’
‘Right, then.’ Anna got to her feet, and Jamie took the hint. He should be going now. But when he started to rise from his seat she waved him back down again. ‘Stay there. I won’t be a minute.’
She was actually a little more than a minute. Jamie stared at the wall, trying to rearrange his thoughts, but everything seemed jumbled, like words on a page that wouldn’t respond to any of his normal reading techniques. He was out of his depth, and the old panic about whether he’d be able to make sense of anything had returned. And he was hanging on to Anna for dear life.
He wondered if the families of her other patients felt like this. That she could be trusted to steer them through the myriad of decisions that faced them, all of which seemed frighteningly incomprehensible. He guessed they probably did...
‘All right.’ Anna bustled back into the room, making him jump. ‘I’ve spoken to Jon and he was very pleased you were taking an interest. My only reservation is that you remember who you are...’
‘You’re his surgeon, Anna. I’m a concerned family member, who happens to understand the issues involved a little better.’
‘Perfect. In that case, we could go for coffee and something to eat if you like. I skipped lunch...’
He hadn’t eaten either. Jamie wondered if her reasons were the same as his, and let it go. And suddenly he found himself at a loose end. He wouldn’t be driving back down to Hastings tonight—after all, his place was here with Jon, and he’d stay in his London bedsit for as long as it took.
‘That sounds great.’
He followed her out of the building, and she crossed the road, obviously making for somewhere. Jamie didn’t much care where.
‘Italian okay for you? They do food upstairs in the evenings, and it’s pretty quiet around this time.’ She led him through winding back streets to a bustling coffee bar.
‘Yeah. Anything...’
Anna nodded. Upstairs the restaurant area was quiet, just a few evening diners, and she led him to one of the booths that lined the far wall, which afforded them some privacy. Jamie managed to remember to help her out of her coat and lay it down on the bench that ran around the table.
A waiter approached them, wearing a smile and handing Jamie two menus. He passed one to Anna and fixed his gaze onto his own.
The closely typed words seemed to be moving in front of him, locked in a complicated dance, and not heeding his silent exhortations to just sit back down in their usual places and behave. Tonight they were breaking free of the framework he usually applied and continuing with their hedonistic movement.
‘Mmm...’ Anna was studying her menu. ‘Lasagne looks nice... Or tagliatelle. They do a really nice carbonara here, but I think I’m a bit hungrier than that...’
Was she reading the menu to him? Jamie decided that he didn’t care if she was. So what if he could usually manage without betraying his difficulties. This evening, he was too stressed out to use his usual coping strategies.
‘I think I’ll have the carbonara.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, I think I will too. We can always have a second course. Are we having wine?’
‘Don’t let me stop you. I’ll stick to water.’
‘Okay.’ She closed the menu decisively and beckoned to the waiter.
* * *
Jamie was obviously struggling. Whatever the argument between him and his brother had been about, it must have been bad. Something life-changing that had parted brothers who had once been close. Since it was clear that neither of them were going to talk about it, Anna had to quell her curiosity and just hope that they could work it out between themselves. The way that Jamie had responded to the knowledge that Jon was in hospital made it quite clear that he wanted to work it out.
And he’d written ‘Everywhere’. The song that gave people hope. In the dark days after her marriage had ended so abruptly, she’d sung it at the top of her voice, along with all the other survival songs in her break-up playlist.
And now she had to get Jamie through tonight. She could see him eyeing the folder that was sticking out of the top of her handbag, and when the waiter brought her a glass of white wine, she took a mouthful and gave Jamie his brother’s medical records.
He opened the folder, running his finger under the printed words. She’d seen him do that before and had thought little of it. But he seemed to be struggling rather more than usual, probably because of the stress he was under.
‘This doesn’t make any sense.’ He wiped his hand across his face. ‘Or is it just me...?’
‘No, it’s not you. When Jon first came to the clinic he made an outpatient appointment with Dr Lewis—he just said that he was away from home and needed general medical advice. He asked primarily about the burns, but he also complained of a whole raft of other unconnected symptoms and Dr Lewis suspected that there were other underlying issues. He told Jon that he wanted to give him a more thorough assessment, which Jon agreed to, so he was booked into the clinic, and referred to me for scar revision.’
‘Right. You’re saying he has something else wrong with him?’
‘We found out that he’d been in hospital in America about six weeks ago. There’s a summary of the notes that they sent through on the next page.’ Anna reminde
d herself of Dr Lewis’s advice to her this morning. Tread carefully. Answer questions and let both Jamie and Jon take things at their own pace.
Jamie turned the page, running his finger along the printed lines. It stopped at the list of medications that Jon been prescribed. ‘These are strong anti-depressants. What aren’t you telling me? And why on earth didn’t you tell me before?’
That was an unequivocal expression of intent. Jamie wanted to know everything. Anna took another sip from her glass, resisting the impulse to gulp the lot down.
‘Second question first, I didn’t tell you before now because I didn’t have permission to do so. It’s up to Jon whether you see his medical records or not. So you can thank him for letting me show you this when you see him tomorrow.’
‘Okay. That put me in my place.’ The signs of strain were showing on Jamie’s face, and Anna longed to reach out and touch him.
‘I have to do everything properly, Jamie. You must understand that.’
He nodded, taking a sip of water. Jamie knew all this, but he was asking the same things that any concerned family member would. ‘Okay. And my first question?’
‘I don’t have a final answer to that, yet. We’ve talked to Jon about his previous stay in hospital, and all he says is that he just lost it for a while. Apparently he’d locked himself in his hotel room and wouldn’t come out, and everyone just left him there for two days, until the hotel staff raised the alarm. We know that he’s exhausted and very probably depressed, but we have to rule out any physical causes for his symptoms.’
Jamie nodded his head, flipping the pages and reading through the rest of the file. ‘So you’re still in the diagnosis stage at the moment. What does Jon say about that?’
Anna shrugged. ‘We’ve explained everything to him, and he just tells us to go ahead and do whatever we want. He doesn’t seem to care. He says he wants to stay and get the burns sorted out, but my opinion is that the clinic is a safe place for him at the moment. A refuge.’
Jamie heaved a sigh. The pain in his eyes was almost tearing Anna’s heart out. ‘He didn’t want me to know, did he? Everything was falling to pieces, and he didn’t want me to know...’
Anna had come to the same conclusion, and glossed over it for Jamie’s sake. ‘Maybe he thought you wouldn’t come. But he was wrong about that, wasn’t he?’
‘I took my time.’ He shot her an anguished look.
‘You came. That’s all that matters. Don’t beat yourself up about it, there are plenty of more constructive things you can do with your time right now.’
He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, shaking his head as if he were trying to clear it. ‘That’s your standard advice, is it?’
There was a trace of the confrontation that seasoned any discussion they had about a patient. But this time it was bitter, with no hint of a smile.
‘I may have said it a few times before. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true, Jamie. I don’t underestimate my patients’ families. Did you think for one minute I’d say anything different to you because you’re a doctor?’
For one moment she was lost in his gaze. Those searching eyes that seemed to need so much from her at the moment. Then he smiled.
‘You really are trying to put me in my place, aren’t you?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with knowing your boundaries, in any particular situation. Being a great doctor isn’t going to help you now. Jon needs you as a brother. I know that’s difficult for you, on lots of different levels.’
He nodded. ‘All that matters at the moment is that he needs me. So I should remember to eat and sleep, and just be there for him. Because concentrating on his medical care is just my way of distancing myself from the emotional issues.’
‘Yeah. You’re getting it now.’ Jamie always had been aware of what his patients and their families went through emotionally, and now he got to put that knowledge into practice.
He smiled, that same smile that he always wore when she’d prevailed in one of their debates. Jamie could never be accused of being a sore loser.
‘Thanks, Anna. I really appreciate what you’ve done here.’
She could feel herself beginning to blush, the way she always did when Jamie spared some praise for her. She took a gulp of wine, hoping the gesture might cover her pleasure, or at least explain the redness of her cheeks.
‘No problem. All part of the service.’ That was an obfuscation too. Anna had longed for brothers and sisters when she had been growing up, and then she’d found a family and lost them again. Losing each other must have been ten times harder for Jamie and Jon. She’d go to any lengths to make sure that the fragile reconciliation between them took root and flourished.
CHAPTER FOUR
‘I DON’T LIKE sleeping here.’
Nine-year-old Darren greeted Anna and Jamie with a frown. Jamie had been at the clinic all day yesterday, and had arrived at the crack of dawn this morning, and Anna had given in to the inevitable and asked him to come with her to see Darren. He’d been working with the boy and his family for the last two years, ever since Darren had been scalded by hot water. The long process of medical care and counselling had been successful, but the skin graft on the boy’s leg had failed and Jamie had arranged for it to be replaced here.
‘No?’ Jamie sat down beside the boy’s bed. ‘Why not?’
‘This place stinks. And my leg hurts. I want to go home.’
‘All right. The thing is, I don’t think your leg’s going to hurt any less at home.’
Darren rolled his eyes. ‘I don’t like it here.’
‘Your mum will be here soon. Will that make you feel a bit better?’
‘No. They’re only going to go home again, and I’ll be on my own.’
Jamie considered the matter carefully. Anna liked the way he always took the youngsters in his care at their word, listening carefully to their concerns and never dismissing them.
‘You’ve got a point. So if I tell you that I’ll do something about that, will you let Anna take a look at your skin graft?’
‘You have to do something.’ Darren was obviously upset, and he wasn’t going to let this go.
‘I’ll sort things out. You have my word on that.’
Jamie’s word was clearly enough for Darren. That kind of trust took a lot of work to build, and Anna watched as Jamie took his phone out of his pocket, handing it over to the boy. He brightened instantly.
‘You’ve got the new game!’
‘Yeah, I thought you’d like it. You can show me how to play it.’
Darren was losing no time. As Anna carefully removed the outer dressings on his leg and examined the skin graft, he was already tapping on Jamie’s phone, wrinkling his nose when something went wrong.
‘Darren, stay still for me...’ The boy nodded in response to Anna, his concentration on the phone. Her observations told her that the graft she’d transplanted the day before was in good condition.
‘That looks really good, Darren...’ Jamie had to nudge him before he responded. When he did, he gave Anna one of the bright smiles that he’d given her yesterday.
‘Thank you, Anna.’
‘You’re very welcome. Now I want you to do something for me.’
She leaned towards him, and Darren momentarily lost interest in the phone. It slid from his fingers, and Jamie caught it before it fell onto the floor.
‘I’ve got some things to do now.’ Nothing was as important as Darren at the moment, but she would find something to occupy her time. ‘Jamie’s going to ask you what we can do to make you feel a bit happier here. I want you to tell him, because I really want you to be happy.’
Darren nodded, and Anna glanced at Jamie. She’d relied on him before to talk to their young patients, and find out what was bothering them, but this time there was no trace of the customary adversarial looks that fla
shed between them. Just warmth. A warmth that made her heart beat a little faster and tingles run down her spine.
‘And Anna will sort everything out for you.’ Jamie flashed her a delicious smile.
‘Will you make me a list?’ Anna tore a piece of paper from the notepad that she carried with her, and laid it on the bed. ‘Maybe different colours...?’
‘That sounds like a plan. We’ll colour code it, shall we? Red for the things you really don’t like, eh?’ Jamie took a red pen from his pocket. ‘We’ll do those first.’
* * *
Anna wasn’t sure what to expect when she made her way back to Darren’s room. But the boy seemed cheerful and Jamie rose, patting his pocket and giving him a conspiratorial smile. Leaving him to play with his phone, he ushered Anna outside.
‘All right. Let’s have it.’ She held out her hand, and Jamie gave her the folded paper.
‘It’s... This is what he said.’
The paper was divided into three. At the top, written in red, were the things that were really bothering Darren. Anna scanned Jamie’s neat, clear handwriting.
‘Custard. Okay that’s easy enough. No more custard.’ Anna read the next entry and frowned. ‘Really? There’s a ghost in his room...?’
‘That’s what he said.’
And that was what Jamie had written down. Of course he had, he always took what his young charges said seriously.
‘Well...’ Anna decided to play along. ‘What kind of ghost exactly?’
‘He says it’s a sparkly white woman. She appeared by the television at midnight. He checked the time.’
‘And the TV wasn’t on? Maybe it had been on standby.’
Jamie shook his head. ‘Nope. I asked him that, and he said it wasn’t on the TV, it was in front of it.
‘Midnight. Well, perhaps it was one of the nurses. Darren was recovering from surgery, and he may well have been disoriented or drowsy...’ Anna shrugged.
‘I mentioned that too and he told me he knows the difference between a nurse and a ghost.’ Jamie grinned. ‘I imagine that ghosts don’t bring you custard and expect you to eat it.’
A Rival to Steal Her Heart Page 4