His face paled then, before he regained control and laughed at her suggestion. But she’d seen the expression in his eyes and knew he was hiding much from her. And mayhap what he hid from others was exactly what she needed to uncover to ensure that he would help Kali as he’d promised.
Chapter Fourteen
Gavin stood and collected their garments from where they lay strewn over the ground. He needed to avoid her astute gaze as she studied his reaction to her words…
And to the sounds they’d both heard.
Oh, he’d heard it before—the laughter, the whispering, even his name being spoken in the circle of stones—but never as clearly as he had this day. That no one but Katla had ever heard it was important in some way, but he did not know how. Did he dare to trust her with knowledge that no one else knew about him? Could she help him discover more than he’d been able to learn alone?
He retrieved the sack with their food and the ale skin from where he’d dropped them. When she finished dressing, she took the things from him and laid out their meal. Gavin still did not meet her eyes, busying himself with tying his trews back in place and putting on his tunic. Unable to avoid her any longer, he decided that he needed to try to trust someone.
“My parents found me here, in this very place,” he said, accepting the piece of hard cheese she held out to him. Sitting down next to her, he watched as she took in what he’d said.
“You were a foundling?” she asked. “Here?”
“Aye. Before she died, my mother, the woman I called Mother, told me that on a late October night they were awakened by a stranger at their door. A young woman, my mother told me, one so pale she thought her ill, asking my parents to come here quickly. By the time my mother woke my father, the woman had disappeared.”
“Was she your true mother then?”
Gavin took a swallow of the ale and shook his head. “I think not. My mother said she was too young to have borne a child. My father wanted to go back to sleep, but my mother urged him out of the croft and along the path until they got here.”
“’Tis a wonder wild animals did not get to you first.”
“That is not the strangest thing. My mother told me that all along the way, their path was brightened by strange lights that traveled along with them. Though it was the dead of night, they had no trouble finding their way here.”
She paled then, as he had when his mother spoke of that night. “And you were here? In this spot?” She glanced around them at the small rise on which they sat.
“Aye. There was no one else here, so they took me to their home and raised me as their son.”
They had been good parents teaching him his father’s trade—farming—and never making him feel like the unwanted foundling he was. Even when the power that now controlled his life began to show itself, they never turned their backs on him. No matter what others thought or feared, he was their son and they loved him.
“When did they die?”
The question was not so startling, but the soft touch of her hand on his arm was. Katla seldom initiated any contact between them. He looked up from her hand to her face and found sympathy there.
“I had just left to live in Birsay when their croft burned to the ground,” he answered, shivering as he remembered receiving the news. “No one could explain the fire or why they were unable to escape it.”
He shrugged then, for he’d never understood how it had happened. But his life, there were many unanswered questions. He’d learned to ignore questions that could not be answered. And now, after reaching manhood, so many had been left unanswered.
“I need to learn not to pry into things that are not my concern,” she said softly as her fingers caressed his arm. “I did not mean to bring up something so sad.”
He shook his head. “I cannot come here without thinking of them, and since this was my idea, you are not to blame.” He felt tears burning in his eyes and looked away, blinking against them. “Come. It will take a long time to get back to the cave,” he said, standing and reaching out to help her up.
They followed the path out of the valley, back toward Durness on a different route from the way they’d come. He knew it would take them past his farm, his parents’ farm, but Gavin found that he wanted her to see it. More than an hour passed before they approached it from the south.
Several men working in the field waved to him. He took Katla’s hand and brought her to meet them. After his parents had died, Gavin wanted nothing to do with the farm, but Magnus suggested hiring someone to tend it. Gunnar and his wife and their sons were distant cousins of the earl and eager for the opportunity. And he’d proven to be a dependable man with a talent for coaxing crops from the fields, no matter the conditions or growing season.
Gavin watched Katla’s reaction as the men approached and wondered at the sudden reluctance he could feel within her. When Gunnar invited them to stay for the evening meal, she stiffened next to him. Gavin said they would return on another day, and they left the farm behind. It was only when they approached Durness and she let go of his hand and allowed him to precede her through the village that he understood.
He had shamed her.
In such desperation that he cared for naught but his own needs, he’d ruined her honor by bringing her here. Harald had offered her an honorable place in his house, while Gavin offered her nothing but his bed. Worse, she had willingly accepted the humiliation to save her brother’s life.
And Gavin knew not if he could even help her to do that.
He noticed the disapproval in the eyes of those they passed in Durness. Katla did not raise her head or say a word as he was greeted by villagers. She stood silently near him, behind him, never joining in the conversation, never moving closer and never being acknowledged by those around him.
He did not stop in the village often now and never brought a woman with him. He winced as he realized how he’d ignored the consequences his bed partners faced once they left him. The coins or gold he made certain Haakon gave them eased any guilt he may have felt and provided them with a dowry if they needed it.
Usually, there was no guilt.
If he was being honest with himself, he’d given little thought to those women after they fulfilled his needs.
Gavin glanced over at Katla then. They were about a mile out of the village and yet she still watched the ground as she walked. Any conversation between them had ceased at their encounter with Gunnar and his sons. As he observed her, noticing the flush in her face and the bleak expression in her eyes, he knew how much disrespect he’d brought on her.
Harald had warned him, but his relentless pain made him ignore the advice his friend had offered. He would have done nearly anything to possess Katla and to discover the source of her ability to mute the noise and to ease the pain in his mind.
Haakon had their evening meal prepared, and he left them alone as soon as he’d served it. Katla ate little. Gavin watched as she pushed food around in the bowl before giving up and pushing it away. When he’d finished, she cleaned up the bowls and put out the lamps in the outer chambers. Gavin found her already beneath the bedcovers in his chamber when he arrived.
He undressed and climbed into the bed, expecting that she would resist any intimacies between them. So, when he touched her shoulder and she turned, moving into his arms, he was surprised. Their joining was quick and she seemed almost frantic when he brought her to her release and then sought his. As he drifted off to sleep, a disturbing realization floated into his thoughts. This coupling had been the first time that he had not heard her body’s response and pleasure.
When he woke in the night and she was gone from his bed, terror struck him squarely in the heart. He pulled on his trews and went in search of her.
She could not sleep.
In spite of the miles walked and the physical exertion of coupling twice with Gavin, she’d lain awake until the deepest part of the night. Her mind and her heart raced with all the truths she’d learned this day. Wrapping a blanket
around her and taking the lamp to guide her way, she’d slipped from the bed. She’d crept out of his chamber, walked through the outer cave, and crossed the wooden bridge that led to the beach. The tide was out, so the water had receded a distance from the mouth of the cave. Katla had found a dry place and sat on the sand, hugging her knees to her chest with the blanket around her shoulders.
Fool! she thought to herself as she reflected on the day’s revelations about not only Gavin but also herself.
Somehow she’d convinced herself that all would be well at the end of this folly and that with her brother’s life saved, she could go back to the life she’d led before her father’s death. That had been her ultimate hope, and she’d pursued it fiercely, never seeing how her life would be changed by the course she followed.
Harald had tried to warn her, but Sven’s daughter was known to be stubborn, and now she would pay the price for disregarding his wise advice.
Katla could blame her mistake on her inexperience, for she’d rarely left her home on Gairsay, and then only when accompanied by her father’s wife or servants. Other than visits to the market or to attend the earl’s feasts, her life had centered on her father’s household, especially once his wife died.
But it was not truly inexperience that had caused her current predicament.
She could only blame her weak heart. Always, she’d longed for her father’s approval. When he’d asked her to save his son’s life, there was a gleam of pride in his gaze that spoke of his confidence she could do it. She’d wanted to so badly make him proud.
Katla had convinced herself that doing something wrong, if it was done for the right reasons, could be justified. That allowing the man who could save her brother to use her body was somehow as honorable as the purpose she pursued. But their encounters today had left her heart and soul battered and bruised.
Gunnar had looked away quickly enough, not allowing himself to stare at the woman Gavin had brought to his farm, but his sons, younger even than Kali, had not bothered to hide their open appraisal of her. They exchanged a look that told her they understood her place in Gavin’s life.
Then, in the village, the people who had once greeted her as a stranger now treated her as less than dirt, looking away when she met their gaze, not speaking to her or acknowledging her. Once again, the younger men leered openly at her, not bothering to hide their heated glances and lewd gestures from her.
Both incidents had shaken her badly and made her understand what cruelty she would face if she was unsuccessful in saving Kali. She was a whore now, but his protection would allow her to seek a quiet life once he took over their father’s lands. If he was executed, she would lose not only her brother but her only hope of a decent life.
Katla laid her head on her knees and closed her eyes, fighting off the tears that threatened to spill. She did not know how long she stayed like that, for she fell into a fitful sleep for short bits of time, but when she opened her eyes, Gavin stood nearby staring down at her.
Ah, she thought, he’d awakened and noticed she was not there. She needed to remember that she was there to give him pleasure, and she should always ask before leaving his bed. For this month, she must answer to him in all matters, but especially this one. Katla gathered the edges of the blanket but lost her balance as she tried to stand. Her legs, too long in one position, would not hold her, and she stumbled and would have fallen had Gavin not caught her and lifted her in his arms.
“Have a care,” he whispered, holding her against his chest.
“I am fine. I can walk,” she said. She waited for him to place her back on her feet, but he walked over the bridge and into the cave still carrying her.
“The floor is damp and slippery. I know it well,” he said.
Katla would have to admit that being carried in his arms was no hardship at all, and it spared her bare feet from the rough ground. She settled in his arms, fearing that moving too much would throw his balance off as he made his way back to the bedchamber deep inside the rock. They made the short journey in silence, though she thought that she should ask his pardon for not being there when he wanted her. When he placed her feet on the floor, she faced him.
“I did not mean to anger you,” she began.
“You did not, Katla.” He shook his head. “I woke and found the bed empty. I worried that you might slip or fall.”
So stunned was she by his admission, she could not remember what she wanted to say. “I did not mean to worry you,” she whispered.
“Here, get under the bedcovers. You must be freezing from sitting on the beach with only a blanket to protect you.”
Katla did as he told her and watched as he took off his trews and climbed in beside her. When her feet touched his leg, he shuddered.
“You are freezing!” he said, tucking the covers around her legs and gathering her close against him.
Within minutes, she was warm, very warm. But the cold made her ask, “Why have you chosen to live in this cave? I have seen your chambers in the earl’s house. Why would you seek this place instead of the comforts there?”
She thought he might not answer, for the pause between her question and his reply was a long one.
“Mayhap I just like being alone, where others will not bother me,” he replied, sounding as uncertain of the answer as she was.
Katla sat up against the headboard of the bed. “But you bring people with you, to you. Nay, that is not the reason.” She searched his face for any sign that her manner of asking had offended him. Seeing none, she pushed again. “Something happened about eight months ago that caused you to seek out whatever this cave offers you.”
“How do you know this?” he asked, his voice quiet and somehow more dangerous.
Sighing, she decided to be truthful with him. “I do not think I am the only one who noticed this change, though I suspect no one in the service of the earl would dare to ask you about it,” she explained. “When I began my search, I gathered what knowledge others would share—some of it spoken of boldly and some of it in hushed whispers.” Katla watched as he listened. “Your power is feared. Your ritual is feared. You are feared, Gavin. So, though many notice, none will ask one so favored by the earl and one who possesses the power to read a man’s thoughts.”
“None save you.”
She swallowed deeply, trying to decide whether he was angry or not. He lay on the bed, hands crossed behind his head as he’d laid earlier in the middle of the stone circle. But he did not meet her gaze. “I did warn you of my unseemly curiosity, did I not?”
Gavin laughed aloud, the sound of it filling the entire stone chamber. He did seem genuinely amused by her reply, but she also noticed he’d not answered her question. He rolled onto his side then, bracing his head up on one hand, and stared at her, almost daring her to ask him again.
So, she did.
“Tell me, Truthsayer, why do you live in a cave?”
Chapter Fifteen
Katla dared much, asking him what no one else would. But did he dare to tell her the true reasons for his move here?
The force of his need to share his burden burned through his blood, nearly as strongly as the need for pleasure. It pushed everything else aside and surged forward. Gavin began to speak before he’d thought all the words out in his mind.
“The noise,” he said, trying to think of how to explain the powers he had and the ways they were changing. She frowned at his words and shook her head. “I need the noise of the ocean and the river that feeds into it.”
“But why, Gavin? It is enough to drive a person mad with the constant rushing. I have been here only a few days, and sometimes the loudness of the waves makes my head ache,” she said. “I do not understand.”
Gavin sat up and slid back next to her. “Over these last months, as the full moon approaches, the thoughts of others fill my head. The sounds, the voices, jumble into a chaotic clamor. It gets louder with each passing day until the ritual.” He paused to see if she seemed to comprehend his words. �
��By the time the moon is dark, the pain becomes intolerable.”
“The spirits? The healer’s brew?” she asked.
“Aye. I tried both, but neither one blocks the sounds or the pain.”
“Are these the thoughts of others around you or the thoughts of those you have heard during the rituals?”
He could not help the smile on his face. With but a few questions, she’d clarified some of his own thoughts. This was exactly what he had hoped for in daring to tell her the truth.
“I have believed them to be the thoughts of others around me, but you said something today that makes me think otherwise.”
“I did? What did I say?”
“At the circle, you asked if mayhap I heard the echoes of those who lived there before. I have always thought the clamor in my head was made of the thoughts of those around me, for it worsens when I am near people. After thinking on your words, I begin to suspect the thoughts are those I have heard during the ritual.”
He felt like the weight of all the rocks around him was lifted from him then. Admitting his weakness, speaking of it to another, had not made it worse.
“So you come here because there are so few people and to use the noise of the rushing water to drown out the sounds in your head?”
“Aye. Exactly.”
Katla shook her head. “But you have said nothing about the pain, nothing about the thoughts you hear. Do you hear them now?” Her eyes brightened and she answered her own question. “Not since the night in your chambers. You were answering the voices in your head when you yelled aloud to leave you alone.”
She pushed back the bedcovers and walked to the shelves on the other side of the chamber. Lifting the small bottle that held the healer’s brew, she peered closely at it, tilting it to see its contents. “You have taken none of this, nor drunk strong spirits in days. Has the pain eased?”
This would be the most difficult thing to explain to her. She would laugh at him, think it simply a ploy to get her into his bed. Sweet Christ, he did not understand it himself! He watched as she walked back to the bed and sat there, waiting for him to speak. He reached out and took her hand in his, whether just to touch it or to hold her there when she heard his explanation, he knew not.
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