Midge knew that she ought to be ashamed. She had not noticed Will’s problems because she had been too engrossed in her own. But his grin allowed of no apology, so instead she joined in his self-mocking laughter.
‘You’re right about meeting new people,’ she agreed. ‘Causing the strain, I mean. There are so many people in a school – colleagues and pupils, changing every forty minutes. Such a long day, and never a moment to oneself. That’s the real shock, I suppose: never being alone. Well, I can enjoy an hour of that luxury now.’
He pulled a disappointed face. Had he hoped to accompany her into the garden, or was he teasing again, playing his comic act? She lacked the energy to find out, but instead made her way out through the French doors to the chair and table which were just being set out for her. Although she carried a book, she was too lazy even to read; content instead simply to sip her coffee and listen to the sounds of the garden.
This idyll was interrupted by a different sound – that of an angry voice in the drawing-room. It was not Will’s voice, because she could hear him, more quietly, protesting. It seemed to Midge, as she listened, that she knew who it was.
Drawn by curiosity, although recognizing that she would be wiser to keep her distance, she walked towards the open doors of the drawing-room. As she had thought, it was Archie Yates whose wrath was breaking over Will’s head. As Midge was about to step back, out of sight, he turned and saw her.
‘Miss Hardie!’ he exclaimed, his lack of politeness making it clear that he was overcome with anger. ‘I must speak with your father at once.’
Midge looked at him in astonishment. Had he forgotten that this was their first meeting since the writing and reading of the letter which at the time had seemed to break her heart – the first meeting since the afternoon when he had carried her to his rooms in Magdalen? How was it possible that he could treat her as though she were merely a casual acquaintance? His anger must be great indeed if it could override in such a way what should have been at the very least a social awkwardness.
Well, if he could forget, so could she. ‘I’m afraid my father’s not at home, Mr Yates.’
‘So your servants have tried to tell me, but I’m not in a mood to be put off.’
‘My father doesn’t play social games. If he’s not at home, it means that he’s somewhere else. If you have business with him, I suggest you make an appointment at his office tomorrow.’
‘My business is not of that kind. Where is your brother, Miss Hardie?’
‘He’s abroad. Or at least, on his way.’
‘And when did he leave?’
Really, thought Midge, this is insupportable. ‘I hardly think that his travel arrangements are any concern of yours, Mr Yates,’ she said coldly.
‘He has run off with my sister. You’ll allow, I hope, that that is my concern.’
Midge considered this statement in silence. At her last meeting with Gordon, just before she left to take up her post in Cheltenham, he had told her definitely that he had written to release Lucy from her engagement and would be travelling alone. Nevertheless … She turned towards Will. ‘Perhaps you would leave us to discuss a family matter,’ she suggested.
The expression on Will’s face changed from puzzlement to doubt, but he accepted his instructions and withdrew. It was odd, Midge thought, that had she still been in love with Archie she would have realized the impropriety of deliberately closeting herself with him. But because he was angry, and she no longer cared for him, there could be no harm in it. It was a good indication of the fact that she was cured of her attack of love.
She sat down and indicated a chair to Archie, but he was too perturbed to keep still.
‘Well?’ he demanded.
It was tempting to repeat that Gordon’s movements were none of Archie’s business. But Midge could tell that her visitor’s anger was fuelled by genuine anxiety. Her willingness to be helpful did not, of course, make it any more possible for her to produce the information he was seeking.
‘It’s certainly true that your sister engaged herself to marry my brother,’ she said. ‘But when he learned that you and your grandfather were opposed to the marriage and had refused the consent that was necessary, Gordon wrote to release her from her engagement. He didn’t think it reasonable that she should spend three years bound to someone who would be so far away for the whole of that time. That was the last communication between them.’
‘It was certainly the last one that we were intended to see. But there must have been some later, secret message.’
‘I think not. My brother and I are open with each other. I’m sure he would have told me of such a major change in his plans. And besides, my father saw him off. He inspected Gordon’s cabin and gave us a description of the gentleman who would be sharing it. You must be mistaken.’
‘How can I have mistaken the fact that my sister has disappeared? She has not been seen by any member of the household except her personal maid since Wednesday night; and this morning it was discovered that the maid herself left Castlemere during the night. I received a message from my grandfather an hour ago. He is as certain as I am that Lucy has run away with your brother. You are not suggesting, I imagine, that she would do so without an invitation. Plans must have been made.’
‘My acquaintance with your sister is limited to the afternoon which we spent together on the Magdalen barge,’ said Midge. ‘But my impression was of a spirited young woman with a fervent desire for excitement and, in particular, for travel. Might she not have made the plans herself?’
‘She is eighteen years old!’ exclaimed Archie. ‘She knows nothing of the world. You cannot seriously be suggesting that she would leave her home and family, forfeiting any prospect of the kind of income and establishment to which her birth and beauty entitle her, and all without encouragement!’
‘Young women in love have been known to behave foolishly.’ The bitterness which Midge had done her best to control squeezed itself out at last and pulled Archie up short, as though until that moment he had forgotten that she had once been more to him than merely Gordon Hardie’s sister. She shrugged her shoulders, dismissing the thought from her mind. ‘Well, I’m afraid I can’t help you, Mr Yates. I don’t believe that my brother planned any elopement. But if Miss Yates has acted impulsively and thrown herself on his protection, he will see that she comes to no harm.’
‘She has come to harm already, simply by placing herself in this position.’
Midge had had enough of the discussion. Her voice became even colder as she dismissed the subject. ‘Then there’s nothing more to be done, is there?’
‘There’s a good deal more to be said. How a man who had the blasted cheek to accuse me of not behaving like a gentleman in respect of his sister can then take it on himself –’
Midge stood up slowly and stared at him, hardly believing her ears. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I’m talking about the way Mr Gordon Hardie arrived at Castlemere and tried to teach me my own business. I knocked him down for it – but I don’t suppose he told you that part of the story.’
‘He told me nothing of the incident at all. He was not authorized … He had promised to forget what I told him.’
‘So he’s not as open with you as you claimed! Well, next time you’re in contact with him you may send a message from my grandfather and myself. To the effect that if Lucy thinks she can ever return to Castlemere or expect –’
‘You may send your own messages, Mr Yates,’ Midge interrupted icily. ‘I’m not your errand-boy. You appear to have mislaid your manners. Kindly leave.’ She rang the bell and waited in silence, as angry as himself, until he had been shown out.
When the door closed behind him, Midge was at first incapable of giving any further consideration to the unlikely idea that Lucy Yates had run away from home with the intention of travelling to China – and the even more extraordinary possibility that she had made her plans without Gordon’s help or even knowledge. Instead, she found herself trembling wit
h emotion on her own account. How could she ever have believed herself to be in love with Archie Yates?
Chapter Four
Within a few moments of Archie’s departure, Will Witney returned to the room, the troubled expression on his face contrasting oddly with his comic bottle-brush of ginger hair. Midge was in no mood to talk to him, or to anyone else, but could tell that he was resolved to interrupt her thoughts.
‘I have to beg your pardon,’ he said. ‘Your visitor seemed in such a high old temper that I didn’t like to go far away, in case you should need assistance.’
‘Oh, I don’t think it would have come to blows,’ Midge assured him, still distraite. Then her cheeks flushed as she realized what his words implied. ‘You mean that you overheard our conversation?’
‘I felt that there might be a need to interrupt, so I listened, yes. Quite unforgivable, I see now. Will you forgive me all the same? I do apologize. I shall forget everything I heard straight away.’
‘There’s no need to do that.’ Midge gave a careless toss of her head. ‘Mr Yates told you what he thought had happened to his sister before you left the room. And for the rest – if you were left with the impression that I had once had a close relationship with Mr Yates, you would be right. But since that’s entirely a thing of the past, I don’t in the least mind your knowing.’ She hoped, nevertheless, that nothing had been said which could reveal just how close the relationship had been.
‘I’m glad,’ said Will gravely. ‘Glad that it’s a thing of the past, that’s to say.’
‘What do you mean?’ Had Midge been less distracted, she would have held her tongue – because even while she was asking the question she guessed what he meant, but did not want to hear him put it into words.
‘I mean that I enormously admire you. No, I don’t mean that at all. I mean that I’m head over heels in love with you. I see every other man in the country as a potential rival. So if one of them’s been ruled out, that’s marvellous news. Only a few million left to go. Your father said –’
‘My father! You’ve been talking to him about me?’
Will looked momentarily abashed. ‘Well,’ he said. ‘Fathers always have to come into this sort of discussion at some point. I know it’s more usual for the lady herself to be sounded out first. But in this case – he’s my employer, after all. He might have said, “You’re getting above yourself, my lad. Hands off.”’
‘And what would you have done then?’ Now that Midge had had time to recover from her surprise at the course of the conversation, and to shrug off the confusion aroused by Archie’s unexpected arrival, she was prepared to give Will her full attention – relieved to realize that, at least on the surface, he was prepared to keep his manner light.
‘It wouldn’t have made much difference to what I did. Only to what I should say. Instead of “Would you be willing to marry one of your father’s employees?” it would have to be “Would you consider marrying a man without a job?” Doesn’t sound too good either way, does it?’
Midge could hardly prevent herself from laughing at his doleful face. ‘And what did my father say?’ she enquired.
‘Nothing helpful. Just that you appeared to be a sensible sort of girl with a mind of your own. That he was reconciled to the fact that one of these days he’d have to pay all the bills for your wedding; but if you’d be willing to leave the choice of champagne to him, he was prepared in return to leave the choice of bridegroom to you. I have to admit, I took that as an invitation – no, that’s a bit strong – as permission to try my luck.’
In the silence which followed Midge was conscious of Will holding his breath as he waited for the encouragement which she was not able to provide. She gave a little grimace of regret. ‘I’m not sure that you’ve been wise in choosing today to raise the subject,’ she said.
‘I agree that moonlight in the conservatory would have created a better atmosphere; but it’s a fortnight to the next full moon. I looked it up in the almanac. I thought this would be as good as I could hope for. Your parents out. Yourself tired and strained from your work, perhaps considering that there was something to be said for the life of a lady of leisure, with only a home to run. Although I’ve only got my salary –’
‘I didn’t mean any of that,’ interrupted Midge. ‘I was thinking of a time so soon after Mr Yates’s visit.’ She turned her head to look at him. ‘A year ago I was – to use your own phrase – head over heels in love with him.’
‘I don’t care about that, as long as you aren’t now.’
‘No, I’m not. That’s what bothers me. Within such a short time, to meet somebody I once loved and realize that I don’t even like him. As things are, there’s no harm done. But suppose I’d married him a year ago?’
‘There are hundreds of answers to that,’ said Will cheerfully, preparing to list them. ‘The fact that you didn’t marry him shows that your father is quite right in thinking that you’re sensible. When you do decide to take the plunge, it will be with the right chap. And then – to be particular for a moment – there’s no doubt that Mr Yates is a good-looking fellow. Tall, handsome, all that sort of thing. I can see that a girl – even you – might get swept off her feet without stopping to consider whether he might be a fool or a snob or an ugly customer beneath it all. But now look at me. No one’s going to be swept off her feet by my face. And while Mr Yates is a rowing blue, I’m a cripple.’
‘Don’t be silly, Will.’ Midge had never called him by his Christian name before, but she used it in her thoughts because she had so often heard her father and brother discussing him. Only when she saw the pleasure in his eyes did she realize that she had spoken it.
‘Facts are facts,’ said Will. ‘Anyone who marries me will be marrying a lame man. But that’s part of what I’m trying to argue. Anything you could feel for me would have to be for what I am, not what I look like. I’ve no fortune which might make my freckles seem invisible or sleek down my hair. I’ve got nothing to offer at all, really. It’s all a great impertinence even to think of it. But I can’t not ask. Will you marry me? Not at once, if you don’t want to. If you feel that you ought to keep on working for a year or two, to make all your studying worth while … I wouldn’t mind how long I waited, as long as I could be sure in the end … I can’t live without you, that’s what it comes to. For the next year or two I’ll be in Oxford and you’ll come home from time to time, I suppose. But then Gordon will return and I may be sent back to London.’ He stopped, and let out his breath in a great sigh. ‘Do please say you’ll marry me.’
Midge stared at him with a troubled face. She liked Will. More than that, she admired him for what he had made of himself. He would be an easy man to love – but she didn’t love him.
Everything was Archie’s fault. Archie had taught her how it felt to be infatuated with the appearance of someone who was almost a stranger. Archie had given her the passionate excitement of a love which had nothing to do with liking. Archie had left her with a guilty secret which would have to be explained to anyone who expected that he would be his wife’s first lover. And Archie had taught her that love was transitory. Had he been the only one to grow cold, it would just have meant that Midge was not capable of holding a man’s affections. But her own love had died as well, and she found that far more worrying.
So her doubts now had many facets. She lacked the courage to open her heart to Will and to see whether love might grow simply as a result of that decision. Even if it did, she lacked the certainty that it would last for ever. She lacked confidence that Will himself would continue to love her once he knew her better. And on top of all that, she was genuinely unsure whether she wanted to live the life of a married woman. If she was finding it hard to come to terms with the career which she had chosen and worked towards for so long, could she be happy with an alternative which she had not seriously considered?
In the end, it was her very tiredness which supplied her with the strength to make up her mind. She had decided to be a teache
r, and she must master that task before even considering a way of escape from it. How could she explain that to Will without hurting him?
There was no need to. He read it in her eyes, which must have shown compassion rather than love.
‘Don’t say it,’ he begged. ‘Don’t say anything at all. I can’t live with No. I might just be able to stagger on with a silence. Hope you’ll change your mind one day.’
‘It really is the wrong day,’ Midge said. ‘Nothing to do with you personally at all. I’m sorry, Will.’
As she turned away, she heard with relief the sounds of her parents returning from church. The episode could now be brought to a natural end by the need to tell them the news about Lucy Yates. But Will was standing between her and the door.
‘Won’t you kiss me before you go?’ he begged. ‘Just to show that you don’t think I’m a monster.’
Midge had been trapped by kisses before. She shook her head and went quickly out of the room.
Chapter Five
Thirteen years earlier, as a runaway schoolboy of fourteen, Gordon had been reduced to a state of shivering misery by the Bay of Biscay. He had hoped that his subsequent three years of voyaging in the South Seas might have cured him of seasickness for ever – or else, that a steamer might not be as violently buffeted as a sailing ship. But his hopes were disappointed. From the moment when the Parramatta rounded Cape Finisterre he was confined to his cabin. Only as the ship passed Cape St Vincent and headed towards Gibraltar did his appetite return. Either the sea was smoother now, or else he had at last found his sea legs.
He had not been the only sufferer, he discovered, when at last he presented himself at table again. The atmosphere in the saloon had changed markedly since the first day out. Those few passengers who had remained on their feet formed a select group, already friendly with each other. They welcomed the others back without at once admitting them to the new intimacy. At his own table, it seemed that only Lucy and Mr Elliott, the magistrate, had been unaffected by the rough sea. While only the two of them were appearing for meals, Mr Elliott had naturally enough changed his place in order to sit next to Lucy, and showed no intention of relinquishing it to Miss Fawcett again. Captain Hunter, recovering a day earlier than Gordon, had appropriated the seat on her other hand.
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