She shrugged. “It seems…forced, or underhanded.”
“It’s a little of both, but it’ll give us the chance to see how open they are to having a man around.”
“What if it doesn’t go well?”
He reached up and stroked her cheek with his fingertip. “You don’t have much confidence in my getting along with kids.”
“Have you, you know, spent time with any?”
“A little.” He’d spent a great deal of time with one particular child, but that wasn’t a conversation for them to have today. The time may never come for him to tell Peyton about that part of his past. If he did, he’d have to explain why he’d been forced into decisions that changed his life and the child’s irrevocably.
He stared into her eyes, willing her to let go of questions he couldn’t answer. Eventually, she turned and looked out at the waves crashing on the beach.
“I need to go away for a couple of days.” When she turned her head toward him, he looked at the same waves she had been.
“Just a couple?”
Kade nodded. “I’ll wait until next week.” That way, his mind would be on something other than missing her the first few days the boys were out of school.
“You don’t have to work your schedule around me.”
He scooted closer and wrapped his arm around her waist. “What if I want to?” She’d certainly been doing it for him. Whenever he walked into Stave, Alex Avila gave him the stink eye and he really didn’t give a shit. Maybe not having Peyton around would motivate her to do something more about her own secret relationship.
Plus, in a little over a month, he’d get the call telling him it was time for him to report for duty. The idea left him more determined than ever to leave the agency and start his own firm. He rubbed the back of his neck with the hand that had been on Peyton’s waist and she scrunched her eyes.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“What do you mean?”
“If the idea of meeting my boys is giving you stress, we don’t have to do it.”
He pulled his hand from his neck and looked at his palm. “It’s my tell.”
Peyton smirked. “You don’t say.”
Kade fell back on the blanket and laughed. “I enjoy you, Peyton.”
She leaned forward and kissed him. “Likewise.”
Jamison and Finn were great boys. Knowing their mother, that didn’t come as a surprise. They were polite, well-spoken, and fun to talk to.
At the end of their impromptu dinner, after they’d learned Kade had an apartment at Butler Ranch, near their grandparents’ place, they asked their mother if Kade would go riding with them the following weekend.
Soon it became something they did frequently. By the end of July, he had plans with them almost every weekend. As he’d feared, it was also when he got the call to report to Langley for his next assignment.
11
Just like every other time Kade had to leave, Peyton sensed it was coming. She didn’t ask. When he got the call, he’d tell her.
When she’d left for Stave this afternoon, he told her he had a meeting and would come by later in the evening.
Tonight, the boys at their grandparents’ place and tomorrow, Kade planned to go riding with them and then instead of them spending Saturday night, he was bringing them back to the beach.
“Are you okay?” asked Alex while they prepared the Friday night tasting sheets.
Peyton rolled her shoulders. “Maybe I’m coming down with something. I don’t feel sick, but I feel…off, if that makes any sense.”
Alex put her arm around Peyton’s shoulder and kissed her cheek. “I miss hanging out with you.”
“I have a feeling Kade will be leaving again soon.” Peyton scrunched her eyes and shook her head. “Sorry, that didn’t sound very nice, did it?”
“It’s okay. I’m actually happy that you are. It’s been too long comin’, girlfriend.”
“What about you?”
“Am I happy?”
Peyton nodded.
“Happy enough, I guess. I’ve gone out here and there, but there isn’t anyone I’m as serious about as you are Kade.”
She set the pen down she was using to make notes on the wine she was tasting. “Kade and I aren’t serious.”
Alex rolled her eyes.
“We aren’t.”
“You spend almost every night with him.”
“That’s because he’s gone so much.”
“Anything you say.” Alex walked out of the office and spun around when Peyton followed. “This isn’t something for you to get defensive about. I’m not criticizing you. All I’m saying is that I think the two of you are more serious than you realize.”
“Than I realize? I think I would know, Alex.”
Peyton watched her friend open a bottle of wine and then hand her a glass. “Drink this.”
She folded her arms. “Why?”
“You need to relax. What you said before, about feeling off? You are off. Big time.”
“Thanks a lot.” Peyton downed the glass of wine and Alex refilled the glass.
“Feel better?” Alex asked when the second glass was gone.
“A little. Nothing like getting wine-drunk in the middle of the afternoon.”
“Lightweight.”
Kade didn’t show up at Stave until a half hour before closing time. It had been busy all night and Peyton hadn’t really been paying attention until about an hour ago.
“Hey,” she said, walking over and pouring him a glass of Charbono. “This is really good.”
He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and picked up the glass with the other. Maybe whatever was making her feel off, was doing the same thing to him. Her earlier conversation with Alex was still bothering her too. Did Kade think they were getting too serious?
“Come here,” he said, pulling her over to sit on his lap. “What’s wrong?”
She looked into his eyes and smiled. “I’m not rubbing my neck, mister.”
He laughed. “You got me there.”
“So, you tell me.”
Kade looked around the almost-empty tasting room. “I ran into your ex tonight.”
Peyton tried to stand but Kade wrapped his arm around her waist.
“What did he do?”
“Got in my face.”
Peyton buried her face in his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
“Becker isn’t a threat to me, Peyton.”
“I know. You shouldn’t have to deal with him, though. How did he know who you were?”
Kade raised an eyebrow and Peyton realized how stupid her question was. “I was with Naughton.”
“What did he say?”
“It’s more what I said.”
Peyton leaned back and looked into his eyes.
“He gave me shit about spending time with his boys and I couldn’t help myself, Peyton.”
“Thank you.” She kissed him.
“What’s that for?”
“I know that whatever you said to him was in defense of Jamison and Finn and I appreciate it.”
“I didn’t lay a hand on him, but I let him know what kind of pond scum I think he is.” He shrugged, rolled his shoulders, and looked around a second time. “How much longer until you can get out of here?”
“I think Alex would be happy if I left now.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“I’ll tell you when we get home.” The minute the words left her mouth, she wanted to pull them back in. “Sorry. I meant to my place.”
When Kade nodded but didn’t say anything, Peyton felt even worse.
Things between them didn’t get any better throughout the rest of the weekend. By the time Kade left Sunday night, Peyton was relieved to see him go.
The next morning, he called and asked if they could meet for coffee. Peyton walked from her place near the beach across the highway and to the bakery. It was a beautiful morning and she needed to exercise away some of the stress she was feeling about whatever Kade was abo
ut to tell her.
When she got to the park, she saw him sitting under the same tree they had the first time they shared coffee and muffins. He waved her over and stood when she got close.
“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her into him. He leaned down and kissed her.
“What for?”
He winked. “I couldn’t wait. I ate all the muffins.”
After they both sat down, he handed her a to-go cup and opened the lid to the bakery box, showing her he’d been kidding.
“What was your apology for, Kade?”
“I should’ve told you Friday night, but I didn’t want it to spoil our weekend. As it turned out, it did anyway.”
“You’re leaving?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry, Peyton.”
She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. “It’s your job.”
He leaned back against the tree trunk and closed his eyes. “It’s getting harder every time I have to leave.”
“Kade…I…Alex said something Friday night.” She shook her head.
“Tell me.”
“She just said that we were getting serious.”
“Did that bother you?”
“A little. I mean, I don’t want you to feel like your obligated to me and the boys.”
He looked off into the distance. “Is that how you’re feeling? Obligated?”
“On top of it, you running into Lang. I just don’t want you to feel like…” She stopped talking when her eyes filled with tears.
“I don’t,” he said, pulling her arms from around her legs and her into him. “I like being with you, Peyton. I like spending time with the boys too. I do worry about how my leaving impacts the three of you.”
“You don’t have a choice.” There was something about the way his body tensed that made her wish she hadn’t said that either. When she tried to move away, he tightened his arms around her.
“They need to know that every time I leave, there’s a chance I won’t come back. It’s something I should’ve talked to them about weeks ago and I didn’t.”
She could say that there was always a chance people wouldn’t come back. Accidents happened every day. But what he did was different. The risk was exponentially different than a random accident. She knew that without knowing the details of what he did.
“I told you that I had a meeting Friday night.”
Peyton nodded.
“I’m making some changes that will mean I won’t be gone as much.”
This time she tensed and there was nothing she could do about her reaction. It was a reflex she no control over.
“Alex’s comments about us getting serious got to you.”
Peyton thought a long time about how she wanted to respond to Kade. Finally, she said, “Things are moving really fast.”
“Too fast?”
“In some ways.”
“Would help if I told you that you and the boys aren’t the only reason I’m making these changes.”
“I think it does help.”
Kade cupped her cheek with his palm and brought her close to him. “I like you, Peyton. Like. I’m not in love with you.”
She smiled. “I like you too, Kade.”
They sat on the rock on the cliffs at sunset while the boys played down on the beach. When they came up, Kade explained to them that his job put him in a certain about of danger.
They were boys and rather than acknowledging that Kade might be injured, or worse, they looked at him like one of the superheroes in the movies they watched.
Peyton’s heart hurt thinking that one day, she might have to tell them that not every superhero is invincible.
12
Instead of two months, which would’ve put him back in California in September, Kade was gone until a few days before Thanksgiving. The first mission he’d been called for wrapped up when it was supposed to. It was the second mission that kept him the remainder of the time.
Unlike a previous mission when he had to go completely dark, this one allowed him to keep in touch with Peyton, so she at least knew he was okay.
Before he’d left in July, after he’d spoken with Jamison and Finn, he also had a frank conversation with Peyton. If anything happened to him, she’d be contacted by one of two people—Razor or Paps. It was as difficult for her to accept that possibility as it was for the boys. Harder perhaps because to her, it was real.
He wondered if his extended time away had made things easier for her. It’s hard to become attached to someone when a person only sees them a few months a year. Part of him was prepared for her to end things and if she did, he’d accept her decision.
He got off the private plane that brought him from DC to the San Luis Obispo airport, and walked down the ramp, onto the tarmac, and into the small terminal utilized for only for private air travelers. He threw his bag over his shoulder and was on his way out when he heard a woman clear her throat.
“Peyton?” he said with a wide smile.
“I hope this is okay.”
He dropped his bag on the floor and pulled her into his arms. “More than okay.”
She put her arms around his neck and then they kissed. Kade pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.
“Can you believe I thought you were going to break things off between us?”
“That’s one of the reasons I’m here.”
His eyes opened wide and Peyton laughed.
“Not to break things off, but to apologize for the way I was acting before you left. I’m sorry, Kade.”
He kissed her again, so damn glad to have her in his arms.
Since Stave was closed and the boys were with Peyton’s parents for the week, they had three days alone together. The weather was cool, but each night they went and sat on the same rock on Moonstone Beach Drive, and watched the sun go down.
“We haven’t talked about tomorrow. I’ll tell you straight, I’m not big on holidays,” Kade said on the third night.
“I was thinking it would be best if we celebrated with our own families this year.”
While he was the one who’d said he wasn’t big on holidays, he found himself surprisingly disappointed that he wouldn’t be with her and the boys.
“Um…Kade?”
She was sitting between his legs, her back to his front. He snuggled her closer. “What, sweetheart?”
“I was wondering if…I know it’s a ways off, but maybe you’d like to spend some time with us over Christmas?”
He brought his cheek next to hers. “I’d love to.”
His whole family gathered together for Thanksgiving and again, Kade was surprised at how much it meant to him that they were.
After dinner, he took a walk in the vineyards with his youngest brother, Brodie.
“How are you, kid?” he said, grasping Brodie’s shoulder.
He sighed and looked up at the stars. “To be honest, I really don’t know.” They continued walking to the edge of the vineyards where the view opened up and they could see the clear night sky. They sat down on a boulder, not much unlike the one he’d sat on last night with Peyton.
“You want to talk about it?”
Brodie leaned back and rested on his elbows. “You ever wonder what your real purpose is in life? Nah, someone like you wouldn’t. What am I thinking?”
“Of course I do.”
“You do?”
“Every day.”
“Huh.”
“Why does that surprise you?”
“I don’t know. I look at you and Maddox and Naughton, even Skye and Ainsley. You all have something you’re passionate about.”
“You telling me you’re not passionate about schlepping wine?” Kade laughed.
“See? That’s what I mean. What do I do? I sell our wine.”
“Without you Butler Ranch would be in a world of hurt.”
“Until they found another salesman.”
Kade leaned back like Brodie was. “So, quit.”
He shook his head. “Rig
ht. And do what?”
“Figure it out, brother. Get away for a while. Shit, go sit on the beach and watch the waves come in. Go on a trip. Get out of Dodge.”
Brodie shrugged. “I just wonder what it is, and more importantly, if I’ll ever know.”
13
The holiday season was as crazy this year as any other, but having Kade around made it fun for Peyton and for the boys. He was so good with them. The three of them had conversations about the kind of things Peyton knew nothing about—mainly the movies he took them to while she was working.
Every time she thanked him for doing it, or told him she didn’t want him to feel obligated to spend so much time with Jamison and Finn, he told her that he enjoyed it, maybe even more than her boys did. She didn’t believe that, but she appreciated him saying it anyway.
They’d spent Christmas Eve together and then spent Christmas morning with their respective families. By noon, her boys were begging her to call Kade and ask if he wanted to go riding with them. Finally, she gave in, but didn’t call, sent a text. A few minutes later he replied saying he thought she’d never ask.
By mid-January, they’d settled back into a routine. Kade was gone at least three days a week, but the other four, he spent with them. Peyton didn’t ask questions about what he was doing and he didn’t offer any information. She assumed whatever it was had to do with his work with the military.
Since he was away over the weekend, and January was typically slow at Stave, Peyton decided to spend some long overdue time with her parents.
“What’s going on with you and Kade?” her mother asked while they stood in the kitchen and Peyton watched her make brownies for the boys.
“We’re dating.”
“Jamison said he practically lives with you.”
“He did, did he?”
Her mother set the spoon she’d been mixing the batter with on the counter. “Yes, Peyton, he did. Do you think that’s wise?”
“What do you mean?” She didn’t need to ask, she knew exactly what her mother was getting at but she wanted to hear her say it.
“They’re impressionable.”
Kade's Worth (Butler Ranch) Page 5