by Laura Hawks
Spiderwoman shook her head. “Sorry, my child. I was just anxious to see what caused this turn of events. I’m your nunohum.”
Jasmine looked her over from head to toe and back again with major skepticism. “You don’t look like you are old enough to be anyone’s grandmother.”
Spiderwoman smiled. So she remembered enough to understand the Native American word. “Why thank you, my child. It’s nice to hear after all, that no matter how many eons I have lived, I still look young.” Being a goddess, she could also see Tyler’s flapping wings and knew he was fanning a calmness around Jasmine. She also noticed Jasmine’s protection necklace was missing.
“Eons?”
“I am a goddess. So yes, eons would be a correct estimate of my age without an exact number.”
Jasmine scoffed. “Okay. Now that you’ve all had your fun at my expense, who are you? What is going on?”
“She is telling you the truth, Jazzy,” Logan said softly. “You are the granddaughter of Archanidou, also known as Spiderwoman: a Native American goddess who protects the world of dreams.”
“So, you are saying I’m like Spider-Girl?” She chuckled. How nice, they were in the mood to tease the woman with amnesia. “I suppose I can shoot webs from my wrists, climb on the sides of buildings and swing from the tops of tall skyscrapers.”
Tyler snorted. “That would be so cool, but no. You can’t do anything like that. You are not from the Marvel Universe of super-heroes.”
Archanidou shook her head. “It’s all true, dear. Oh, not that you can leap buildings in a single bound, but that you are my granddaughter and I am a goddess.”
“Wrong super-hero,” Tyler spat, then shut his mouth at the scolding look Archanidou sent his way.
Logan reached for Jasmine’s hand. He needed to feel her soft skin, even if she didn’t remember him. “Please let Archanidou examine you. She might be able to discern something that is eluding the rest of us. Maybe even see a way to heal the problem.”
Jasmine let him hold her hand for a moment. She didn’t know why, but for some reason she did trust this man. After all, what could it hurt if the young-looking woman examined her. She pulled her hand away and nodded in agreement. “Okay, what do I have to do?”
Archanidou moved to the couch and sat down, patting the seat beside her to be joined by Jaz. “Just let me look into your eyes while you try and remember the last thing you can. I know your memories are difficult to recall at the moment, but just try. Think to what the first thing you can recall is. I’ll do the rest.”
Jasmine took a deep breath. She really wasn’t very sure about this whole thing, but, in for a penny, in for a pound. She stared into her grandmother’s brown eyes and thought about standing on the street, thinking about various other cities and places she had been, knowing she was in New Orleans even though she didn’t know where she was going, where she came from or even who she was. It was all perplexing. How did one get to be in the middle of a busy city and have no recollection of how one got to that point on the street? It’s not like she materialized out of thin air. Yet, she was mystified by the whole thing, bewildered as to how she came to be there with no memory of the past. She just had that single moment in time of scanning her surroundings and realizing where in the world she was.
Archanidou pulled her hands away from Jasmine’s face and shook her head. “Whatever happened, you are blocking me from seeing anything further than your first memory.” She turned to Logan. “Your mother might be the one to get through. She was the guardian in a line of caretakers to that which Jasmine carries within her. She might have more success in seeing what occurred.”
Logan frowned. “I don’t think Mom has the power to access someone’s memories like that.”
“She doesn’t, but I do. I can lead her in, she can follow, and together we might discover what happened.”
Jasmine stood, her hands splayed in front of her. “Whoa. I’m not up for a bunch of people traipsing around my noggin trying to figure out what is going on up there. I mean, I want to know who I am and how I forgot and get all my memories back, but not at the risk of others roaming around my head.”
Logan took a step towards her, wanting to gather her in his arms and help protect her, but he saw the look she threw him and stayed back. This woman was not the one who trusted him or loved him. She didn’t know who he was and didn’t seem to want the closeness he could offer her. A part of him was crestfallen even though he understood his Jaz was trying to overcome some major blocking issues. Admittedly, she was a lot calmer than he thought she would be, considering she just accepted all of what they told her almost at face value. Instead, he turned back to Spiderwoman.
“Will she be hurt? I mean, with you guys poking around in her head? And, how much of her memory will you be accessing?” He asked the last question with a twinge of embarrassment. He certainly didn’t want his mother to be seeing first-hand the times they were intimate with each other, much less Jaz’s grandmother, a full-blooded goddess. How embarrassing would that be? Just the thought made him quiver when little else did.
“No.” Archanidou smiled as if understanding his concern on both fronts. “It won’t hurt her or your mother. And the only thing we would be accessing are just the moments leading up to her loss of memory. Possibly the circumstances surrounding it, but beyond that?” She shook her head. “Memories of the two of you together are in a different area of her mind. They are considered long-term thoughts and would not be accessible to us.”
“But if you gain admittance to whatever is blocking them, will she remember everything else?”
“It’s my hope that once we bypass whatever is barricading her from recalling her own past, everything will return. Every moment of her life will be available to her once again.”
Again, Jasmine waved her hands, this time adding a stomp to her foot. “Stop it! I’m standing right here and you all talk about me as if I weren’t. I really detest that.”
“Sorry, baby,” Logan responded contritely. “This is new for all of us too.”
Jaz folded her arms across her chest as they all waited for her to say something about being called baby. After a few moments of tense silence, she looked back at the woman she was informed was her grandmother. “If I agree to let you and his mother play around in my head, will it actually work? Will I remember myself and all of you? ‘Cause, really, the tales you are giving me about who I am and what you all are, are a bit difficult to swallow. Yet, there is something inside me which tells me to trust him.” She pointed to Logan and he puffed out his chest slightly at the knowledge that, despite everything, something inside of her believed and had faith in him. She could be remembering the love they have for each other.
“Nothing is a guarantee, my child. However, I cannot think of anything else which might be successful in regaining your memories and, therefore, your sense of self,” Spiderwoman stated matter-of-factly.
Jasmine took a deep breath, slowly releasing it. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”
Archanidou shook her head. “Not tonight. It’s late and there was a wedding, which you were at and so are they. It’s in their home, so this is not the most opportune time to spring this little circumstance on them. Clarissa will need her rest before she can attempt what we are about to do and, my child, I think you will need your rest as well.” She stood and moved towards the door, looking back at the three of them in the room. “I’ll be back in the morning. We can visit them after everyone has had a good night’s sleep. And Jasmine, whatever you do, do not leave this house. You are protected here, safe. Whatever happened to you, whoever did this, they cannot enter here.”
“I’m not sure I fully understand, but then most of what you people have told me tonight makes little sense, unless I start believing in fairies and leprechauns,” Jaz retorted
Tyler burst out laughing, spitting the beer he was in the process of swallowing before Jaz made her comment. Logan shook his head at him, telling him to keep quiet. All would co
me forth in good time, but right now, they didn’t need to burden her with the knowledge that, at least, fairies were real and one was sitting in the corner drinking beer.
Again, Archanidou sent Tyler a scathing look and he wiped the beer off his shirt, standing. “I think I will check the perimeter.”
He headed for the door and opened it for Archanidou, who bid them all a good night. Tyler shut the door behind him, leaving Jasmine and Logan alone. Suddenly, she was a bit self-conscious. Unsure what to do, she looked around nervously. “Which is my room?”
Logan frowned. “We share a room. Have for the past three years. It’s this way.” He walked down the hall to the second door on the left, and opened it. He stood back, waiting for her to move, to join him. When she didn’t, he figured she wasn’t going to at all, but then with slow, stilted movements, she came down the corridor, peering hesitantly into the room. She saw more pictures of the two of them on the dresser. A mixture of his clothes and what she assumed were hers were scattered about the room. He stayed outside, watching her assimilate everything she saw. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like to not recognize anyone or anything. To feel like a fish out of water, unsure who or what to trust. He felt the only reason why she had accepted anything of what they told her so far were the pictures. He had not been aware of Tyler’s calming abilities.
Striding into the room with purpose, he went over to a bookcase and pulled a picture down, turning to hand it to her. “This was shortly after we moved in the room together. I had lived in the house with you and Tyler for about six months before we had our first official date. Now, please understand, we had been seeing each other for about ten years prior to my coming here, but we wanted to take things slow. We both understood we had lots of time and there was the issue of my sister having been taken.” Logan looked down at the picture, which was now upside down to him since she was holding it. “We had spent the day at the beach. You and I. It was the first time we really had a chance to get away. You had talked me into not grieving for my sister. A couple of hours, you said. I need to live too, you advised me. You told me not to blame myself for Trin being gone or not being able to find her. You reminded me that I needed to have fun, to enjoy life. I felt guilty. I didn’t want to listen to you, so you threw that pie in my face. Tyler took the picture of that moment. It has always been a fond memory for both of us and one of your favorite pictures. You keep it on the bookcase so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last before you turn off the lights at night.”
Jasmine listened to him as she stared at the picture. She was just pulling back a pie plate from Logan, whose face was covered in cream and berries dripping down his features. She was bent over forward laughing. Yet, despite the fact she knew it was her and him, it felt like she was looking at two strangers caught in a moment of shared joy but was nothing more than a scene which evoked no sense of her having actually done the act. She handed the picture back to him.
“I’m sorry. It doesn’t ring any bells. It has no personal meaning to me.”
Logan moved a stray lock of her hair away from her face. She was so beautiful. Her light brown eyes with those unusual specks of orange and yellow held a sadness he couldn’t fathom the depth of, no matter how hard he tried to understand the loss of identity she must be feeling.
“It’s okay. We will figure it all out.”
She gazed up into his turquoise orbs. Although she was unsure of everything, she felt him to be very caring, very concerned and loyal. It was an instinct more than anything else, but at the moment, she had little else she could rely on, so her gut was it.
She reached out, touching his cheek with her hand, watching as Logan closed his eyes leaning into her gentle touch. She had a sudden brief flash of them together. Of him leaning in to kiss her while surrounded by a multitude of vines laden with black roses and a rainbow of lights rippling over his head. Just as quickly as it had come, the vision or memory or whatever it was vanished.
She swayed slightly from the reverie she just experienced. Logan quickly grabbed her elbows to steady her.
“Are you okay?” he asked with concern.
“Yes,” she said weakly. “I think I just had a memory. Of black roses, an Aurora Borealis and you leaning in to kiss me.” She blushed lightly, a rosy hue appearing high on her cheekbones.
Logan grinned. “That could be just about any day over the past decade and a half. You tried to visit my mother’s garden at least once every couple of weeks, and more if you could get away without being discovered. However, the good news is, you remembered something. Which is awesome, because it means you will eventually remember everything. See! Everything is going to be okay. Plus, you had a vision of me. So, maybe you can trust me a little more? Know I’m not going to hurt you?”
Jaz looked up at him. “Do you, I mean, are you in love with me?” She was unsure of anything at the moment—nervous, uncertain—but seeing him lean towards her for a kiss in her wayward memory sent excitement through her body.
He flushed and looked away. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m just trying to understand our relationship.”
He turned back to her, giving her a gentle, almost apologetic, smile. “Honestly, the question surprised me, is all. I’ve spent every waking moment since I first met you when I was fourteen just thinking about you. Every time you visited, I’d replay those moments over and over in my head. When my sister was taken, I knew it was you they were after and there was a part of me that worried about your safety. I guess it is part of the reason I feel so guilty. I was more worried about you than I felt I was about my own sister. I feared whoever took her would find you. No matter how much time we spent together it was never enough. Yet, in all that time, all we have shared, I only rarely told you I love you. Just so you know, you never told me if you loved me either. I guess we either assumed it was a given or it just never seemed to be needed to be verbalized, like if we said it out loud too often it would change everything we had between us. I won’t make that mistake again, Jaz. I’m going to tell you every day I love you, so you will never forget.”
Logan could tell she was about to say something and he placed his finger gently against her lips to keep her quiet a bit longer. When she relented to his silent request, he pulled his hand back from her mouth to hold her hand in his. “Truth is, I hadn’t thought it was important since there were still so many secrets between us before. I felt in the past, there was a part of you I didn’t really know. I never understood why you had to sneak away to see me or why you never came into my house. I never knew who was chasing you or why. I didn’t understand why my sister was taken when we believed it was you they were after. Why keep her when they realized she wasn’t you? Yet, regardless of all of this, I am still in love with you and think about you every moment of every day. I was frantic when I got the call from Tyler, terrified you were physically hurt, over-wrought with worry until I saw for myself you were okay, anxious to just get to your side. So yes, if I have to put a name to what I feel for you, then yes. I’m totally, hopelessly in love with you. I can only hope you felt that way in the past about me and that one day soon you will remember loving me. But, even if you don’t, know this much, Jasmine, I will do everything in my power to make you fall in love with me again.”
“I wish I could tell you what I’d kept from you and why.”
He stopped her. “You did, baby. Just hours ago at the wedding. Some things even you were not aware of. We learned things about your grandmother and my mother as well as why you are so desired by whoever might have taken Trinity. I believe, when we learn what happened to your past, we will also learn who did this to you and maybe, hopefully, find my sister.”
Chapter 17
Logan entered the kitchen, fully dressed in jeans and an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt, although he didn’t look like he had slept much. Tyler put a plate of eggs, sausage and toast on the table and nodded towards him, indicating the food was for Lo
gan.
“Dude, you look like crap warmed over. Didn’t sleep well? How is Jaz?”
“She is still sleeping. I gave her the bed and slept on that rock we call a couch. So yeah, didn’t get much sleep. Besides, I’m worried. What if she never gets her memories back? What if she never remembers us? Or worse, what if she can’t remember how she felt about me and I can’t get her to fall in love with me again? I don’t want to lose her.”
“You won’t. She will remember or she will fall in love with you again. Just, give her some time and space. Besides, you all are going to see your mom. Between her and Spidey, they are going to do everything to help her get back to her old annoying self.”
Tyler placed a cup of coffee in front of Logan and patted him heartily on the back. “Buck up, bro. You ain’t gonna lose her. She loves you too much. If nothing else, that much she’ll remember. Eventually.”
“Yeah, you might be right and I am overthinking it. She did have a flashback of us kissing in the garden when I still lived at home. So, maybe.”
Tyler snorted. “You just ain’t slept without her in your arms for a couple of years is all. Ain’t used to it.”
“True, there is that, and the fact the couch smells of your rank ass and beer farts.”
“What a conversation to walk in on!” Jaz rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn as she entered the kitchen. “Not sure I’m ready for a beer fart discussion just yet.”
Both men looked up slightly surprised, then Tyler bust out laughing. “Better than some of the other conversations you have walked in on. You usually say ‘men’ with a sardonic tone to your voice then berate how all we want is to scratch our balls and dip our wicks.”
“You’re in a rare mood this morning,” Logan grumbled at Tyler, making a sausage and egg sandwich. He turned to Jaz. “Good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep okay?”