“Wait. Please.”
“Let her go!” Matachi’s mother stood in the doorway. “How could you behave so shamefully?” she snapped. “You need to cool off.”
“It’s your fault!” Matachi yelled. “Why did you agree to this?”
“Because I thought it was the right thing to do,” his mother replied. “I need to talk to Miya. It’s women’s talk, so you go wait outside. And don’t wander off either. You’re already the laughingstock of the village. Honestly.”
“Miya, don’t listen to a word she says, all right?” Matachi was upset, but his mother ruled their home.
After she had shut him outside, his mother changed her tone. “I hear that you met an old friend yesterday,” she said quietly. “What did he call you?”
“Toko …”
“That’s a nice name. Let me call you Toko from now on. For that’s who you really are.”
“But I intended to forget that name. There’s no one who would come to meet me,” Toko said somewhat defensively. Oguna is coming. He’s coming to me …
“Matachi needs to wake up. But you at least must be aware that your destiny isn’t here. Just as with the prince, you were born for a different purpose.”
“No, that’s not true. I’m not like him. I’m just an ordinary girl who can’t do anything special. Please tell the chief that I can’t do it. There’s no way I can go out there to meet the prince.”
Matachi’s mother did not speak for a few moments. Finally she said, “This is a quiet and peaceful village, Toko. Nothing extraordinary has happened here since the day I was born. True, my husband died young, but that’s not unusual. Such things happen in every village. But then you arrived in the most extraordinary fashion. And now, less than three months later, the emperor’s son and crown prince has appeared. Surely it’s not strange for me to think that these two events are somehow related.” Toko could say nothing. “When the chief told me, I felt that this was meant to be. You’re the one most suited to fulfill the prince’s desire. That, I thought, must be why you left the Dragon King’s palace under the sea.”
“No, that’s not true,” Toko interrupted, frightened by this line of thought. Matachi’s mother walked past her and over to a wooden chest in the far corner of the room. Kneeling in front of it, she opened the lid and took out a silk robe, neatly folded.
“This is what you were wearing when we found you.” She laid it in front of Toko. “The seawater has stained it a little, but it’s still beautiful. An angel’s robe. There’s an old folktale about a maid from heaven who flies away when her celestial robe is returned. Still, let me return this to you.” She looked Toko in the eyes. “It’s your choice. You could choose Matachi instead. But if you do, we will all suffer. If we shame the chief, Matachi will no longer be able to stay here. A different woman will be offered in your stead, but most likely that won’t satisfy the prince, and the young woman may already have given her heart to another.”
Toko took the robe in her hands and stared at it, then suddenly turned her face away. The sight of Oguna standing on the deck of the ship rose in her mind. His face, his voice, the blood he had shed—and finally she realized that she could no longer turn and run away. Here she was, back at the same place she had been on the day that she had fled from that ship.
“I’m not saying these things out of spite,” Matachi’s mother said quietly. “I’m not saying them because I want to be rid of you. Please understand that. When we find a seabird with a broken wing, we might take it home and nurse it. But when that bird recovers, we set it free. Because that’s best for all of us.”
“Yes,” Toko said, taking a deep breath. “I think I probably knew all along that I was clinging to this place out of fear. I was afraid. And I’m still afraid. But it can’t be helped, can it?”
“Afraid? Of the prince?”
“No. Of myself,” Toko answered. “But at the very least I don’t want to stay here and cause you all trouble. If it’s best for me to go to the prince, then I’ll do it.”
Matachi’s mother sighed. “I thought you would say that. I feel a little bad about it, but it still doesn’t change the fact that this is for the best. Would you like to wear this? I’ll help you dress.”
Toko nodded. She did not particularly want to adorn herself. But if she was not going to go as Miya, then it seemed most fitting for her to go as she had first come. Helping her into the robe, Matachi’s mother said, “You’ve grown more beautiful every day over these last three months. I can understand how my son feels. He’s going to miss you for a while.”
I’m going to meet the prince … I’m just like Akaru. Even in the way that I can’t resist this fate. Toko suddenly recalled the white bird she had seen one evening so many years before—the omen from Lady Akaru’s New Year’s dream. Now she thought she understood its meaning. The white bird represented the imperial family, tainted with the pure yet cursed blood of the God of Light. Those who came close could lose their very lives. Lady Akaru must have realized that. And the high priestess as well. But still they acquiesced.
I don’t know what’s right. I was never trained as a shrine maiden. We’ve lost the prophecies and everything. There’s only one thing that I’m sure of … the prince is Oguna.
She could hear a commotion outside. Perhaps the prince’s procession had already arrived or perhaps it was just a sign that he was approaching. Toko, however, could not bear to wait any longer.
“Wait until he’s here,” Matachi’s mother admonished her. “A messenger will surely come to tell us when he arrives.”
“I can’t stand to wait passively for something bad to happen. I’d rather believe that I plunged into it of my own accord.” Lady Akaru had probably felt the same way, Toko thought. “Thank you so much for everything. When I’m in a position to thank you properly, I will. I’ll never forget your kindness. Farewell.”
Toko slipped through the door. Raising her head, she saw a huge crowd of people lining the road. The prince had almost reached the house. He wore no armor and was accompanied by only a few men. Nor did he sit astride a horse. He had come on foot. The entire village appeared to be there, creating a wall of people, yet none of this registered in Toko’s mind anymore. Not even the prince’s companions entered her sight. She saw only Oguna.
Oguna showed no surprise when he saw the girl who came out of the house. He appeared to have come convinced that it would be Toko. “I thought it must be you,” he said, his voice filled with deep relief. “I just had to make sure. How I’ve longed to meet you again. Even though I knew that it would only cause you misfortune, I just couldn’t help myself. I was sure you were alive.”
Toko stared at Oguna’s face, holding her breath. She knew far too well that to love Oguna could only bring sorrow and pain. Yet she could not resist the look on his face. What more could she ever hope for? How could she ever break this bond? In that moment, Oguna had fulfilled the promise he had made so long ago. He had come to meet her.
Before she knew it she had wrapped her arms around him—just as she had so often done in Mino. But Oguna was so tall, his arms so long, that it was she who was enveloped in his embrace. The chief and Oguna’s men stared transfixed at the couple, clasped together, their shadows merged into one.
“I just had to find you. Even though I knew I had no right, I just had to. You’re all I have.”
“How can you say you have no right?” Toko asked with her face buried in his chest. “It’s I who have nothing to offer. I can neither protect you nor kill you. I don’t even have the Misumaru anymore. All I can do is love you.”
“I will make you grieve,” Oguna said. “I came even though I knew that. I wanted to meet you. And now, I want you by my side … as before. I know it’s selfish. I have no right to want that.”
So I’m not the only one touched by foreboding. “I too know there’s no future,” Toko said. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. Despite my knowing, I can’t stop my feelings. I love you. Now and forever, no matter what
happens, I love you. So I’ll stay by your side.” She smiled through her tears. “I’ll stay by your side, to the very end.”
Matachi’s mother, who had been watching from the doorway, walked over to her son where he stood with his back turned. “I thought this would happen. And I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Leave me alone,” Matachi groaned.
“Don’t be angry. Just consider it to have been a good dream. You’ve lost nothing, whereas that girl has lost everything. She has given up all she could have had to go to a much harder place—the place where she belongs.”
4
THE FACT that Oguna had returned with a woman caused quite a stir among his men. Such behavior was unthinkable to those who had grown to know him amidst his many military campaigns. They looked at one another in consternation.
“What’s gotten into him?”
“Why would he pick a girl from a fishing village?”
“Did you see her? Was she that attractive?”
“She’s nothing compared to the women in the capital. I can’t understand what he’s thinking.”
“But I heard she came from the Dragon King’s palace.”
“Really? Tell us about it.”
Takehiko suddenly appeared. “Shut up and get back to work!” he barked.
The company was staying in Tsuno-ore. As there were not enough buildings to house them all, only the officers slept under a roof, while the rest made do with a temporary bivouac. But they were used to such things, so no one complained. They often had to make camp in the middle of nowhere, and compared to that, being able to pitch their tents near human habitation was far more pleasant. The soldiers were quite popular wherever they went thanks to the prince’s fame, and consequently each had his own particular view of the women from the various lands they had traveled through. Oguna was the only one who had until now stayed aloof.
“How dare they criticize the prince? That’s going too far,” Takehiko grumbled, yet he too was puzzled. He crossed his arms, lost in thought. It was true that the prince had undergone a sudden and drastic change. The light in his eyes made it clear that this girl was special. He’s still young. I forget that sometimes … The thought made him anxious. I just hope that this doesn’t take a turn for the worse. Especially as in his situation he must be on his guard at all times.
Toko, on the other hand, had no time to worry about what the troops thought. The life of Oguna as prince was totally new to her, and everything he said or did made her heart race. Each time she looked at him she marveled to be so close. Constantly surrounded by people, he barely had time to speak to her. But there was no rush. She was content just to watch him and to smile when their eyes occasionally met. Her euphoria lasted until the end of the day. When it came time to draw the curtains for the night, she was forced to consider her own position. After supper, the chief had come to inform the prince that his sleeping quarters were ready.
I guess there’re no sleeping quarters for me. I suppose that’s only natural, Toko realized. I’ve been given to the prince, haven’t I … Suddenly she was thrown into a panic. While she had committed herself to staying by Oguna’s side, that was not at all the same as spending the night with him. His attendants, with whom Oguna had been discussing the schedule for the following day, paid their respects and left one by one. Finally Oguna said, “We should go to our room too. I bet you were surprised that there’s so little time to relax. But this is what it’s always like.”
Toko followed him into a room half the size of the one they had just been in. It was dimly lit by a single oil lamp. She had been looking forward eagerly to talking with him alone, but now she found herself unbelievably tense. She had thought of so many things she wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t remember even one. Compared to her, Oguna appeared quite calm.
“I’m so glad you came, Toko,” he said easily. “I thought we would never spend time like this together again. The people of Mino would be justified in hating me for what I did. When I think about that, I can hardly stand it. Yet I can’t stop thinking about life in Mino. I was ignorant then, and life seemed so happy. And you were there.”
“We fought a lot too though,” Toko said, her voice hesitant. “I realize now how selfish I was. I took my frustration out on you a lot, and it was always me that punched you first.”
“That’s true.” Oguna laughed. “Yet if anyone else hit me you’d come running over to hit them back. You were such a tomboy, I never got a turn.”
“But you’re the leader now,” Toko said, wondering why her heart beat so loudly. She thought that even Oguna must hear it. “You have the power. What a difference between then and now.”
“Does it really seem that way to you?” Oguna sighed. “That’s not true, you know. I wish you’d give me some of your strength. Someone who’s truly strong is able to think of others—like you do for me. But it’s all I can manage just to take care of myself. I’ve always been like that.” He walked over and gazed into her eyes. “I never kept my promise to you. You must have thought I was terrible. I haven’t done anything for which I can hold my head up in front of you. In fact, I can hardly believe you’re here. Why do you even like me? You ought to hate me.”
“You want to know why?” Toko took a deep breath and suddenly felt more at ease. Her heart was still racing, but something had changed. “I think it’s because I’m the only one.”
“I—” Oguna began, but then stopped abruptly. To Toko, it seemed as if something had come between them and hidden him from her sight. She did not know what it was she had seen in his eyes; she only knew that it was not good. The expression on his face, however, remained gentle. “You should rest here tonight. You must be tired. It would be good for you to get some sleep.” He made to leave the room.
Caught off guard, Toko called out, “Wait. If I stay here, where will you sleep?”
“Don’t worry about me. I often spend nights outside.”
When he had gone, Toko suddenly felt deflated. It had been a waste of energy to feel nervous. And how like Oguna to go out and leave her the room. I guess I’m not really ready for that yet, am I …
She felt herself blushing as she pulled up the covers. Looking back on it, she realized that with all the fuss over whether she would become a shrine maiden or not, she had neglected to learn anything from her mother about the facts of life.
I wonder if Kisako knew? Of course she did. She was so confident …
As it turned out, Toko did not need to worry. The next night Oguna left the room again. And the next night and the next. She finally realized that he did not intend to ever spend the night with her in his room.
TAKEHIKO, who had been discussing the route they would travel with Oguna, glanced around and, confirming that there was hardly anyone about, asked bluntly, “Pardon me sir, but what do you plan to do with the girl?”
“What do you mean ‘plan to do with’ her?” Oguna asked, looking surprised.
“Are you planning to bring her along?”
“Of course,” Oguna said. “Why do you ask? Is there anything wrong with that?”
“No, nothing.”
Oguna cocked his head. “Does it seem strange? To bring her along?”
Takehiko stammered uncomfortably but finally blurted out what was on his mind. “It’s just that I wondered why you want to keep her with you. You seem to be pleased with her, yet you do not seem to, er, spend time together, if you know what I mean.”
“Is that what you meant?” Oguna laughed. “It’s all right. That doesn’t change the fact that she’s very special to me. I’ve no intention of leaving her behind. Just think of us as a brother and sister reunited after years of separation.”
Takehiko thought they had discussed this out of earshot of anyone else, but Toko had overheard. She hurried away and feigned ignorance even when Takehiko, leaving the prince, passed her and cast her a suspicious glance. After he had gone, however, she thought about what he had said. Everybody thinks it’s strange. And they’re righ
t. It is strange. They must all wonder what on earth I’ve come here for …
Even she herself was beginning to wonder why she had come. Her position was highly ambiguous. Oguna’s men seemed perplexed over how to treat her. While they paid her the respect due to the prince’s lover, she could tell from their eyes that they were not convinced she deserved it. To Oguna, Toko was simply Toko, but to her, Oguna was more than just Oguna. He was worshipped by all the men he led—men who had placed their lives in his hands and followed him to the remotest frontiers. If she were to stay with Oguna, it was not enough that he accept her. His men must accept her as well.
Judged by their standards, however, she was not likely to garner much respect. First of all, there was nothing for her to do. Oguna was busy all day long and had almost no time to talk to her. He only came to her at night, but as he left almost immediately, they had had very little time for conversation. She could not help but brood about it.
Oguna said we were like siblings … It seemed quite likely to her that he might want to innocently reconstruct the past. Perhaps he wanted no more than that. But for Toko, the distance between a brother and a sister was nowhere near close enough. No matter how fond they might have been of each other while growing up, it was not a strong enough bond for her to stand by him even in death.
He’s so dense, Toko thought indignantly. He doesn’t have a clue how momentous a decision it was for me to come with him. She uncrossed her arms. If he didn’t understand, then she would just have to make him.
Oguna failed to notice any change in Toko’s demeanor. It probably did not even occur to him that she might have heard his conversation with Takehiko, and even had he known, he would not have wondered what she thought about it. That night, as usual, he talked about old times for a while and then bade her goodnight.
“Just a minute,” Toko said in a stern voice. “There’s something I need to say to you.”
Oguna turned back, noticing with surprise that she was angry. “What’s wrong?”
Mirror Sword and Shadow Prince Page 42