by CJ Morrow
‘Good,’ Lily said. ‘Cos I’m not in a position to offer it either. I have to get back to work at the end of next week.’ She slapped her hand on his thigh. He jumped. ‘I’m not expecting anything from you. You don’t need to worry. I like you and I’m enjoying your company and if you buy me lunch then that’s a bonus. Though, I must tell you, I can afford to by my own lunch, and yours too if necessary. Just so we’re clear, I’m not a freeloader.’
‘I never thought you were.’ He looked indignant, affronted. ‘I’m sorry if you even suspect that I think that.’
‘I didn’t. I don’t. I was just being honest…’ Lily let her voice trail away and smiled at him before opening the car door. ‘I’m starving. Come on, my treat.’
The interior of the restaurant matched the exterior – oak beams and the working parts of the watermill hidden behind glass. Lily flounced in and chose a table while Jackson spoke to the waitress and ordered drinks. It was hot inside and the window was open, Lily positioned herself so that she could see the millpond that fed the millstream.
‘This is lovely,’ she said, as Jackson took his place opposite her. ‘Is this all authentic or ornamental?’ She giggled.
‘Authentic but the watermill doesn’t grind flour any longer. And it’s all been gentrified and cleaned up, of course. So it’s authentic and ornamental.’
‘Okay.’
Jackson leaned towards Lily. ‘I hope I haven’t offended you by saying what I said.’ He had a pained look on his face.
‘Not at all.’ Lily gave him a reassuringly dazzling smile.
He nodded slowly but didn’t seem convinced, opened his mouth to speak then closed it as the waitress approached.
They sat in silence as they looked through the menus. There was a palpable air of awkwardness. After a while Lily felt compelled to speak.
‘Look,’ she began.
Jackson looked up from his menu.
‘To be blunt…’ Lily fanned herself with her menu. ‘I’ve just come out of a tricky relationship and the last thing I need is anything complicated or heavy.’
‘Okay.’
Lily was aware of Jackson’s shoulders slowly coming down, of him visibly relaxing, but the look of angst on his face hadn’t completely disappeared.
‘While we’re being honest and, to use your word, blunt,’ he said.
Lily leaned in.
‘I’ll be leaving before you do. I have to move on.’
‘Oh.’ That was a slap in the face.
‘It was already planned before I met you. It’s been planned for while actually. It’s…’ he stalled, then added, ‘family business.’
Lily narrowed her eyes. Did she want to know about his family business?
‘Not children or ex-wives or anything like that,’ he said, reading her expression.
‘Right.’
‘And one more thing. I am paying for lunch. This was my idea and it’s my treat.’
Lily looked at him for a long moment. ‘Okay, and I’m going to let you pay,’ she said decisively. ‘And, I’m going to enjoy every morsel.’
After lunch they drove back towards the beach, parked the car and walked along the shoreline. Lily felt liberated; she loosened her hair and let it blow behind her in the wind and the breeze filled her lungs with its salty tang. The beach, despite the sunshine, was not very busy. The sea, however, was full of surfers.
‘That’s Davey,’ Lily said, watching him expertly weaving his way through the waves. ‘Looks as though he’s enjoying himself. Just as well we weren’t having a lesson today or he wouldn’t be able to do that – he’d be too busy exercising his patience with us.’
‘He’d have cancelled you. These waves are too dangerous for any novice and too good to waste for any serious surfer.’
‘Aren’t you a serious surfer?’
Jackson laughed. ‘Apparently not,’ he said, grabbing her hand. ‘Let’s run. I love to see your hair streaming behind you in the wind.’
‘Yeah, until I have to turn around, then we’ll both get whiplashed by it,’ Lily panted out as he pulled her along.
But she never did turn around; once they reached the far end of the beach they climbed up onto the coastal path and took a slow arcing walk until they came back to the car.
Jackson opened the door for Lily to get in.
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I thought we might be going back to your beach hut.’
‘No. It was okay when we got caught in the rain last night, but no.’ He shook his head, pulled a pained expression. ‘No,’ he said again.
Lily got into the car and felt saddened. Her memory of the previous night was warm and cosy with a considerate lover and a lot of affection. Somehow, with just a few words Jackson had soured that memory, cheapened it.
He started the car and they drove on in silence, away from the beach and along tiny, bisecting country lanes, but always the sea was visible on the horizon, its azure lure ever present.
They pulled up outside a large whitewashed cottage, nestling beneath a dark slate roof; a pretty garden wrapped itself around the building, a meandering slate path curved to the front door.
‘This is me,’ he said, almost to himself as he switched off the engine.
‘Ah.’
‘Come on; let’s see if we can find that wetsuit.’
Ah, Lily thought. So he shared this place with his sister. And, probably even those old grandparents he’d mentioned.
Half way down the path Lily stopped, caught her breath.
‘Okay?’ Jackson’s concerned voice asked.
‘Wow, wow…’ Lily’s voice trailed away.
Jackson smiled and followed her eyes to the panoramic view of the beach and bay below, the soft white sand framing the turquoise sea. ‘Yes, it is rather breathtaking.’
‘It is,’ Lily felt inexplicably flustered. ‘And it looks so calm from here.’
‘It probably is. It’s a very sheltered bay and the wind doesn’t whip the sea up here like it does on the main beach.’
‘You’ll be telling me you own it next,’ Lily laughed.
‘No. No.’ He laughed. ‘I wish. But it’s not accessible by car, so it is a bit of a hidden gem, though people still find it.’ He opened the front door and stepped aside to let Lily into the hallway; elegant wooden banisters ran upstairs in front of them. ‘Let’s check that wetsuit out before we forget.’
Jackson led the way through the hall, out through a beautiful kitchen, past a utility room with shower and finally coming to a purpose built outhouse. Lily blinked at the array of wetsuits hanging on a rail – it would put Davey’s sad display to shame, as would the number of boards racked against the wall.
‘Um,’ she said, quickly followed by ‘wow. Do you run a surf school too?’
‘Another wish,’ Jackson laughed. ‘No, we’ve just accumulated a lot of gear. ‘This one.’ He pulled a wetsuit down and held it against Lily. ‘I think this will be perfect.’ The wetsuit was blue and sleek and obviously not a nasty cheap thing like the one Davey had inflicted on her.
Lily eyed it dubiously. It looked long, it looked lean. Too lean on the thigh area.
‘Is your sister tall?’
Jackson shrugged. ‘Your height?’
‘Really?’
He shrugged again.
Lily didn’t trust his sizing judgement. She forced a smile. She’d hate another embarrassing arse-exposure moment.
‘Can I try it on?’
‘Sure. Let’s go upstairs.’
Lily laughed, embarrassed. Then felt embarrassed for feeling embarrassed. How stupid. After what they had done last night under beach hut battery-lights, how could she be coy?
‘I meant you go upstairs, to see if it fits,’ Jackson said, looking away from her and apparently embarrassed too. Or was he feeling her embarrassment?
Lily felt flustered as Jackson led the way. Despite their closeness last night they were still strangers who each knew little about the other.
‘Use the bathroom;
the mirror’s good in there.’ Jackson opened the bathroom door and ushered Lily inside, carefully closing the door behind her.
Cringing, Lily stripped off to her underwear and held the wetsuit up. She could feel its quality, its newness. That was good; it wasn’t skanky. She stepped into it and began to haul it up her legs. It was stretchy and forgiving, allowing her to manoeuvre her thighs comfortably into it. She smiled happily then caught sight of herself in the mirror. She shrieked. Rather too loudly.
‘You okay?’ Jackson burst in through the bathroom door.
‘Um, yes.’ Lily’s voice was quiet and sheepish. He hadn’t been joking when he’d said the mirror was good, it showed every lump and bump in the lower half of the wetsuit and a ring of fat hanging over the waist.
‘Only you…’ his voice stopped. ‘Called out,’ he said eventually.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, flapping her hands at him, hoping he would get the message to push off. She felt hot and she knew her face was pinking up a treat, especially because she could see it in the good mirror. ‘I caught myself in the zip.’ The lie tripped off her tongue too easily.
‘Ah, easily done.’ Jackson’s voice oozed sympathy and understanding. ‘Here let me help.’ He stepped forward and grabbed the wetsuit hanging around her waist and hauled it up.
The smile on Lily’s face was rictus, the air in her lungs exhaled; she pulled in her stomach and closed her eyes.
‘Point your fingers as you put your arms in,’ Jackson said as he held the wetsuit in front of her. Deftly he nipped around to her back and pulled the neoprene over her shoulders.
Lily’s fingers clenched.
He gathered her hair into a thick ponytail then scooped it up on the top of her head. Lily shivered; her reaction to the speed of the zip going up to her neck and the warmth of his fingers on her skin.
‘There,’ he said, pleased with himself. ‘You couldn’t have done that on your own.’
‘I probably could.’
‘Not with all this lovely hair.’ Jackson let it tumble down her back. ‘It would tangle.’
‘Thank you.’ Lily stepped away from him.
‘Perfect fit.’ Jackson ran his hands over her hips and thighs. Lily couldn’t bring herself to look in the mirror again. ‘Open your eyes,’ he said. ‘Look.’
She’d have to now.
‘Oh. Wow,’ she said, her surprise as genuine as her delight. ‘It does look good.’
‘There’s a hood too, I think. It zips onto the neck. Beth said it saves your hair from taking such a beating. But, I’m not sure you’ll get all yours into it. We could try.’
During his absence Lily studied her reflection; she looked amazing, she hardly recognised herself. The wetsuit acted like a Spanx bodysuit, sculpting her curves and creating a tiny waist. Even her legs looked good, the earlier lumps and bumps now smoothed out.
‘Found it,’ Jackson said, returning. He stretched the hood out and held it over her head. ‘Mmm, might not fit,’ he said.
‘Well, I can try. I’ll need to plait my hair tight, but I’ll give it a go. I’m feeling hot in this now.’ Lily pulled at the neckline to let some cool air in.
‘Let me help you.’ Jackson scooped her hair up again, and began to pull on the zip. As it travelled down her back the neoprene bounced off her shoulders. Jackson, still holding her hair aloft, leaned forward and kissed the nape of her neck.
Lily shivered.
‘Do you live here alone?’ she asked, hoping that his sister or grandparents wouldn’t suddenly turn up.
‘Yes.’ He turned her around, stroked her hair away from her face grazed her lips with his.
Several hours passed before they returned to the bathroom to pick up their discarded clothes. The wetsuit lay in a crumpled heap on the floor. Lily grabbed it and gave it a shake.
‘I haven’t even worn it and I’m treating it badly,’ she said, folding and smoothing it into a neat parcel and setting it on the toilet lid. She retrieved the hood from inside the bath where Jackson had thrown it and placed it on top. ‘What would your sister think?’
‘She wouldn’t mind.’ Jackson’s voice was soft. He pulled on his shirt. ‘Anyway, do you think the sea treats it kindly?’
‘I suppose not.’ Lily pulled on her jeans and zipped them up. Her stomach rumbled.
‘Someone’s hungry,’ Jackson laughed.
‘Hard to believe isn’t it, after that lovely lunch.’
‘Not really. I’m starving and we have been,’ he paused and grinned. ‘Busy.’
Lily swiped up her top from the floor and playfully pushed past Jackson.
‘You forgot this,’ he said, handing her the wetsuit and hood.
Remembering the previous surf lesson and suddenly aware that the next one was less that twenty-four hours away, Lily wasn’t sure she was looking forward to it. Good wetsuit or not.
‘Scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and thick buttered toast?’ Jackson grabbed her hand and pulled her down the stairs.
‘And a large mug of tea please.’
They ate on the veranda overlooking the bay. The sun had gone in and the sea was grey instead of its earlier turquoise, but it was still warm.
‘Do you think the weather will be okay for our surfing lesson tomorrow?’ Lily hoped Jackson would say no.
‘Oh yes.’
‘How do you know? Do you have a surfer’s expert weather nose or something?’
‘No. I have a weather app on my phone. Don’t you?’
‘Oh yeah,’ she laughed, wondering where her handbag was. She got up to find it.
The signal in Jackson’s cottage was better than where Lily was staying and she immediately saw a message.
She flicked through, it was Tess, asking if everything was okay – Gemma was getting stressed about Lily’s continued absence and no word.
Lily messaged back: Everything’s fine. ‘Don’t worry about me. Just been busy. :)
She smiled at the memory of busy. Would that be the word they used? Their euphemism?
She added another message: Might not be back tonight. Will let you know by 11pm so you can lock up xx
She watched as the message app told her that Tess was typing. Immediately Tess’s reply came back: Have fun xx
Lily’s thumb hovered over her phone momentarily before she found herself unable to resist. She flicked onto Will’s icon. He was online. Online. But he wasn’t messaging Lily. And he owed her a reply. At least it confirmed he was still alive. Would anyone know or think to inform her if he had an accident? Did these friends of friends even know she existed?
‘Everything okay?’ Jackson called as he carried their dirty plates into the kitchen.
‘Yeah. Fine.’ Lily dropped her phone back into her bag.
‘Only you looked a bit worried.’
‘Oh, no. It was just Tess asking when I would be back tonight.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I said I’d let her know later.’
‘Good. Because I wondered if you’d like to go for a moonlit walk along the beach later.’
Lily smiled her agreement. Well, who wouldn’t?
Jackson’s fleece swamped Lily but at least it would keep her warm.
‘You’ll need this,’ Jackson said, handing over a head torch.
‘Are we going down a mine?’
‘Just dark tracks.’ Jackson pulled his own torch on and positioned it in the centre of his forehead.
Lily followed suit after clipping her hair back.
As they set off down the steps leading from Jackson’s back garden she understood why they needed the head torches – much of the pathway was shaded by trees which, even the moonlight, couldn’t penetrate.
After two flights of steps they were on a slowly descending path to the bay. Jackson took Lily’s hand and swung it as they walked.
‘What are you thinking?’
‘I’m wondering what I’m doing out in the middle of nowhere with a stranger in the dark.’
‘Ar
e you really thinking that?’ Jackson stopped, faced Lily and looked straight into her eyes. Their head torches clanged together.
They jumped apart.
‘Seriously?’
‘What?’ Lily frowned, rubbing her head.
‘What you just said about being out with a stranger.’
‘Well,’ Lily shrugged. ‘You know.’
‘Not really. No. Is that how you see me? A stranger? I thought we were friends. At the very least I thought we were friends.’
Lily angled her head torch so that she could see his face; he looked affronted.
‘I’ve got enough friends,’ she said, immediately thinking of Will and trying not to. ‘I don’t need anymore.’ She forced a laugh.
‘That’s charming.’
‘Are we having a row? Our first row in our non-relationship?’ She forced another laugh.
‘I wish I’d never asked.’ Jackson pushed his hands into his pockets and marched on.
‘Asked what?’ Lily trailed alongside him. Was he sulking?
‘All I asked was what you were thinking. I thought you might say something about this being your first moonlit walk on a secret beach. Instead you imply I’m a murderer or something.’
‘I…I wasn’t implying that.’ She sighed. ‘I wish you’d never asked too.’
They walked on in uneasy silence. No more hand holding. The pace quickened.
They reached the beach. The moonlight bounced off the inky-black ocean. The air was surprisingly warm and still and perfumed with something sweet and sickly.
‘Ask me what I’m thinking now,’ Lily whispered.
‘Do tell me.’ Did Lily detect a sarcastic tone in his voice?
‘It’s breathtaking,’ she said. ‘Absolutely stunning.’ She inhaled the aroma that seemed to be all around them. ‘And beautiful,’ she added. ‘Just like you.’
‘Is that an apology?’ Jackson gave a half-laugh as though daring her to say no.
‘Yes.’
‘Accepted.’ He grabbed her hand and headed towards the shoreline.
‘What’s that smell?’ Lily asked, inhaling it again.
‘Honeysuckle. It grows up the lane, but when the breeze is right it scents the beach.’