Lucas closed his eyes in place of a smile. “I appreciate it.”
The covers tugged about as Cavan slid into the bed beside him, still keeping a sensible distance between them. He didn't feel like sleeping but he didn't want to move either. His brain was too wired right now, but he didn’t want to do anything with it. Not even read. Opening his eyes, he stared up at the ceiling and sighed heavily.
It would be their anniversary soon.
Every year he went to the cemetery and left a wreath on those three graves. For a brief moment he contemplated asking if Cavan wanted to come with him but decided against it. Now was not the time to bring up such a sensitive topic.
“Cavan?” he murmured.
“Yes, Lucas?”
“Can I … um … Can I hold you?” He felt the hot sting of tears again. His voice cracked as he breathed, “I feel so alone right now.”
The sob that cracked through the air broke the young man’s heart.
Shifting higher on his pillows, he turned the older man so that he was leaning against his chest. Lucas cupped his hands over his face, the tears spilling out of his eyes. His cold skin was warmed instantly as Cavan circled his arms around him, one hand in Lucas’ black hair and the other rubbing his back gently.
It had never felt so wonderful to have someone holding him. The sobs choked him, his breath wet and heavy as he burrowed into Cavan’s side, his tears staining a spot on the kid’s shirt. Neither of them cared.
Cavan held onto Lucas as he clung to him and cried. He didn’t care that his shirt was wet; all he cared about was making sure that Lucas felt safe in his vulnerable state. Every few minutes, he pressed a soft kiss to the man’s feverish forehead, and -once the tears had subsided a little -he coaxed Lucas to drink the tea.
Even once the tears had stopped and the tea had been drunk, Lucas remained cushioned on Cavan’s chest, the young man’s arms wrapped loosely around him. He’d fallen asleep around 6:45AM. Lucas had shifted so that he was able to watch as Cavan’s face slowly became clearer and clearer as another day crept up upon the world. He trailed his hand up Cavan’s shirt, feeling the warm muscles beneath and finally resting his palm over his heart.
He felt the steady beat and that grounded him.
He wasn’t going to lose Cavan. Not now, not ever.
His exhaustion knocked him unconscious at around 8:03AM.
Chapter 26
Wednesday PM
The following day had Cavan waking up past midday and feeling as though an animal had slept on his skull. Lucas was asleep, jaw slack and a frown on his face as he splayed awkwardly on the mattress as Cavan wriggled out from under him. After using the bathroom, he’d stood in the doorway of the bedroom, leaning on the frame, and watching the older man sleep.
Last night had thrown him, even though he’d tried to remain as composed as possible.
The truth was, the ferocity of the nightmare and how it’d quickly taken its toll on Lucas’ psyche was terrifying. It made goosepimples break out over his skin just thinking back on it. He was seeing the older man in a new light and, as scary and unprepared as he felt for it, he was glad that Lucas wasn’t trying to hide this all from him.
He went to the kitchen and quickly had some toast, not wanting to interrupt Lucas’ sleep. He went into the living room with his small breakfast and a coffee, turned the TV down low and wasted an hour or two watching sitcom reruns. Eventually, Cavan returned back to the bedroom, sliding into the bed behind Lucas and spooning him from behind, an arm draped around his waist. When the older man pressed back against him and hugged his arm tightly, he felt his heart break in his chest.
That evening they were back in the blanket fort. Lucas seemed to be trying to get back to his normal persona, though he had moments where he’d be holding his tea, or a DVD and his face would go utterly blank, his glassy eyes staring off into the middle distance. It even happening when he was sorting through his take-away menus in the kitchen, but he seemed to shake it off a lot quicker. Cavan was busy texting Sophie about what had happened with Lucas and the investigation.
(16:08) I still don't understand. If they've not found anything why don't they just say so?
(16:10) Apparently there are all sorts of enquiries they need to make.
(16:11) I've already given them a statement, but it doesn't seem to have helped.
(16:16) Hmmm.
(16:17) Maybe speak to Arthur? He knows a lot about legal stuff.
(16:19) Idk Soph. This whole thing makes me so anxious I don't know how Lucas would feel if I spread it about why he got suspended.
(16:22) Cavan, it's a false allegation. There's no merit to it. Guaranteed there's nothing to find.
(16:23) So why not just say that?
(16:24) Why drag it out?
(16:29) Idk Cavan.
(16:30) Hey, why not talk to the head of the school? Maybe the police can't tell you shit, but I'm sure they'd tell the school, right?
(16:34) That's a good point. They are friends.
(16:35) See?! This is why you keep me around.
(16:37) Sure it is. You're just trying to ruin my fun in the fort.
(16:39) Listen bro, unless you've fucked in the fort, you're not having FUN in the fort.
(16:42) DO NOT BESMIRCH THE NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR DEXTER MORGAN!
(16:46) Whoa easy boy! No need to get biblical on me.
(16:49) Gosh Sophie, that was medieval at BEST, not biblical.
Cavan was too busy spamming his sister to notice Lucas until a sheaf of glossy menus rained down on his face. Spluttering he shoved them aside to glare up at the older man. "You have a nasty habit of sneaking up on me," he groused.
"All the better to keep you on your toes," Lucas intoned, shifting so sit down beside Cavan. "So, who're you texting that's so important?"
"Just updating Sophie on what's been going on."
"Oh," Lucas said. "How does she feel about it?"
"She wants to kick my dad in the dick, if it makes you feel better?"
"Eh, I sort of called dibs on that one."
Cavan tried to smile and put his phone away after shooting a quick 'ttyl' to Sophie. "So, are we going to talk about last night?”
Lucas frowned and turned away. “Must we?”
"I just … feel like maybe we should?"
Lucas shot him a deadpan look. "Fine. Do you … Have any questions?"
“Does that sort of thing happen often?” Cavan asked, fiddling with the menus littering the coffee table before him.
“From time-to-time. Only when my life is being turned upside down. Like now.”
“Were these episodes … um … did they end any of your last relationships?”
Lucas’ jaw tensed. “Yes. One. Alan couldn’t take it. Said he needed more sleep than I was able to allow. That didn’t bother me much, we were barely together two months.”
Cavan chewed on his bottom lip nervously. Lucas wished, deep down, that he was able to place a comforting hand on the kid’s shoulder and reassure him that he’d gone above and beyond last night. That he had done everything by the book and more in helping to calm Lucas down and get him somewhere where he felt safe enough to let his guard down enough and sleep.
However, he remained standing in the doorway, another mug of coffee in his hand. It was his fourth one today already.
“Did it bother you last night?” he asked, his grey eyes dropping down to stare into his mug.
“A little,” Cavan admitted. “It was more a shock than anything.”
Lucas took a deep breath, steeling himself. “There are times it happens too often,” he murmured. “I can’t control it. Just like my insomnia there are times where I can keep the demons at bay, and other times where they wear me down and break free. Despite what you may think, Cavan, I am a danger to myself and others. I wear them down, suck the very soul from them and they can’t handle it. They leave.”
“Is that why you thought that it was better for you to be alone all this time?”
“How perceptive of you.”
Looking up, Cavan saw the twitch in Lucas’ jaw that he got when he was losing his cool. Tossing the menu onto the table, the young man stood up and crossed the living-room until he was standing in front of the teacher. Taking the mug from Lucas’ hands, he set it down on the coffee table, before turning back to look down at the older man. He tentatively reached up and slid the sleek black glasses off Lucas’ nose. Placing his hands on the man’s shoulders, Cavan lowered his head and slowly pressed his mouth to his boyfriends. Their noses bumped gently, and Cavan took his time, kissing those soft lips until Lucas relaxed a little. He moved his hands to cup Lucas’ jaw, stroking the soft skin and ghosting kisses over his cheeks and forehead, always returning to those lips.
Resting their foreheads together Cavan swallowed thickly and said, “I’m not going to leave you for a few sleepless nights, Lucas.”
“What about … when it gets worse?”
“Then I will be at your side, doing everything I can to make sure you feel safe and know that you are not alone anymore.”
Lucas looked up into those bright green eyes; the sincerity he found in them and in Cavan’s voice was enough to convince himself that maybe it was worth trusting the kid, maybe it was good to take such a risk. Maybe he could even find something to be happy about.
“I … don’t deserve you …” he breathed, his body rigid with the shock.
Cavan smiled tenderly. “From what you’ve told me, you deserve much more than I’m able to give. However, I’m going to try every waking moment to make sure you know that, with what limited power I have.”
Stroking his hands down Cavan’s forearms, Lucas felt like his mouth wanted to smile but couldn’t remember how. Stealing one last kiss, Cavan stepped away from the older man, not forgetting to slide the glasses back onto his nose.
“How about you order food and I’ll sort out something for us to watch?”
Lucas nodded dumbly, his fingers ghosting over his well-kissed lips. It was amazing how the kid seemed to flood him with life and energy with just a few kisses. “You’re an awful tease,” he huffed, sitting down heavily in the armchair, and dragging the take-out menus towards himself.
"We all have our strengths." Cavan bent down towards their neat pile of DVD’s but didn’t fancy watching any of them. He frowned at the choices before sighing. “You know what? Why don’t you choose the movie tonight?”
Lucas glanced down at the remote and then back up at Cavan. "I'm more than happy to watch One Shot or Doctor Who with you."
"I know, I know," Cavan said. "However, that was something I got you into. This time, I want you to show me something. Okay?"
Lucas cocked an eyebrow but took the remote without any argument. He flicked through the movie channels, his brow furrowing in concentration as he tried to find something of interest. In the end, he settled for 'ALIEN' since the only other option was 'TWILIGHT'.
The one thing Lucas noticed within the first twenty minutes of the movie, was that Cavan was a jumper; despite his ticks and quirks, he jumped whenever something remotely loud happened. He almost had a heart attack when the intercom buzzed, announcing the arrival of their pizza. Lucas had paused the TV, gently nudged Cavan's shoulder, and left the fort to pay for their pizza. He returned with pizza and drinks, settled down and un-paused the TV to immerse in the darkening atmosphere of the movie.
The movie was close to the end and Cavan was practically plastered to Lucas's side. He was a coward that much was clear. At least, of giant creepy aliens with black dildos for their heads.
"You okay?" Lucas asked, his eyes glued to the screen.
"Is it nearly over?" came the hushed reply.
"Soon."
"When?"
"Soon. Shh!"
Cavan huffed, dropping his head onto Lucas's shoulder. He didn't want to watch anymore violence. He idly thought on how much directors got away with in the 80's and 90's of film-making. Nowadays there was too much controversy and desperation to be PC to every living, breathing, existing thing on the sodding planet. Still, Lucas liked the movie. He could hold out until it ended.
Finally, the credits rolled up.
Lucas turned the volume down and flicked the channel over to the news. "So, what did you think?" he asked, wiping his greasy fingers rather thoroughly on a napkin.
"It was horrifying," Cavan stated blandly.
"It's a classic, kid."
"It's classically horrifying."
"Cute."
Cavan grimaced at the word. "You could have warned me."
Lucas cast a look at the younger man. "Are you seriously pouting because I didn't give you any prior information to a movie?"
"Yes."
"What about Dexter?"
"Doesn't count!" Cavan erupted. "You've read the books! You have SOME idea of what's going to happen!"
"I also know that deviate greatly from the actual plot for no real reason, what's your point?"
Cavan glared like a petulant toddler. "The point is you should have warned me."
"Oh dear, did I scare you?" Lucas uttered, drily. "Did poor little Cavan get scared?"
Glaring harder, Cavan turned slowly to face Lucas. "I don't appreciate being mocked."
"Then stop being a baby. It was just a film."
Cavan rolled his eyes, "Still."
"Still nothing."
"Lucas -"
His words were muffled as Lucas pressed his mouth to Cavan's. He kissed him with such energy that it forced Cavan to shift back down onto the pillows, his hands automatically running up the length of Lucas's back, pulling him closer. The adrenaline morphed into arousal as Lucas nudged his legs apart, his mouth pressing deep kisses along his jaw and throat.
"Wow you really like this movie!" Cavan gasped.
"Shut up Cavan."
Closing his eyes, Cavan leaned into the greedy caresses Lucas was administering on his body. It felt good to have someone paw at his clothes and tease his skin with firm, precise hands. Shivers of excitement ran through him as he helped Lucas tug his shirt off over his head, and vice versa. Pressing their bare chests together was electric; it left Cavan burning and desperate for more, desperate to be completely naked and wet and have Lucas devour him whole.
"Lucas –Ah! Lucas w-wait!"
With a growl, Lucas paused where he'd been running his lips and tongue over Cavan's nipples. "What?" he ground out through gritted teeth.
"Do you –er –really want to do this here? Now?"
"Why wouldn't we? Half the bed is here anyway, might as well make use of it."
Cavan twisted his face into a frown. "It's just –I don't know … You haven’t really been yourself the last few days and -”
“Cavan, the two things are entirely separate. I feel the most ‘myself’ all week. Please, just let me enjoy you?”
“I just … well … Isn't it childish?"
Lucas sat back a little, regarding Cavan properly in that moment. He was dishevelled, his lips red and swollen and his chest was heaving. "Are you nervous about this being your first time or do you not want the story of your first time to be in a blanket fort your thirty-odd-year-old boyfriend made for you?"
Cavan flushed, but didn't answer.
"Because the way I see it," Lucas continued, his voice softer as he reached up and cupped Cavan's face with one hand. "As long as you trust me and I take care of you throughout, it'll be amazing no matter what."
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