by Marie Forleo
Your brain is bombarded with billions of bits of information every second of every day. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t consciously process it all, but despite the constant flood of data, your brain also doesn’t short-circuit either. Why is that? How does your brain decide what to let in and what to disregard? Part of the answer lies in a complex neural network called the reticular activating system (RAS). Among other crucial functions, your RAS acts as an attention filter. It automatically sifts and sorts incoming data, filtering out what’s unimportant from your conscious awareness and allowing through only what is important. Your RAS is the reason you can often tune out the din of a noisy café but instantly snap to if you hear someone call your name. It’s the reason you never noticed or cared about “dry brushing” until a friend said it was THE thing that transformed her skin. All of a sudden, tips, articles, and conversations about dry brushing appear and occur nonstop.
In his book The Organized Mind, author Daniel J. Levitin writes:
Millions of neurons are constantly monitoring the environment to select the most important things for us to focus on. These neurons are collectively the attentional filter. They work largely in the background, outside of our conscious awareness. This is why most of the perceptual detritus of our daily lives doesn’t register, or why, when you’ve been driving on the freeway for several hours at a stretch, you don’t remember much of the scenery that has whizzed by: Your attentional system “protects” you from registering it because it isn’t deemed important.
The act of clearly defining your dream will tell your brain that this thing is now valuable and should take priority. You’ll recruit your RAS to help you bring this dream to life. Your RAS will begin scanning your environment for any and all opportunities, people, and information related to what you’ve declared a significant goal. It’ll begin processing, culling ideas, and directing you to pay attention to solutions you need, whether you’re fully aware of it or not.
How do you think this book got in your hands? This material just didn’t appear by accident. Some deeper, wiser part of you led you to these very words. Your RAS is already doing its job. It’s working to help make the change some part of you is aching to make.
Stay on the lookout. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. An insight may be revealed in the next song you hear on the radio. Or through a story line you see in a movie this weekend. Or in an article you stumble upon online. Maybe a chance encounter with a stranger at the grocery store will guide your next step. Or you’ll receive a flash of creative intuition in the shower or on your commute. The point is this: once you cognitively and emotionally identify an important target, your RAS will work nonstop to accomplish the mission. No matter how long it takes, or how unpredictable your path becomes, it will diligently and persistently stay on task. Day in and day out, it’ll sort through masses of data and information, guiding you toward exactly what you need to see, hear, or pay attention to next.
See? You do have a powerful genie inside your mind working her magical buns off to help you achieve what you want. Her only requirement is that you clearly state your wish.
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR ODDS OF SUCCESS BY 42 PERCENT
Going back through old journals and notebooks can be eye-opening. I’ve written down endless thoughts, dreams, and fragments of ideas that, at the time, seemed ridiculous. In the early years of my fledgling business, I devoured information about iconic entrepreneurs. I came across the work of Sir Richard Branson and his nonprofit, Virgin Unite, and was captivated. I loved the irreverent nature of this highly successful for-profit brand coupled with a fierce commitment to philanthropy through their nonprofit arm. I scribbled “Virgin Unite” on a yellow legal pad and forgot about it.
A whopping nine years later, I met someone from Virgin Unite at an event in New York. That chance encounter led to an invitation to mentor local startups in South Africa . . . and spend time with Sir Richard Branson himself. I wound up doing several more projects with Virgin Unite and developed a wonderful relationship with the team. It wasn’t until many years later, while cleaning out an old cabinet, that I found that yellow legal pad with “Virgin Unite” scribbled on it. That’s just one example of an idea that seemed wildly unlikely at the time, but years later had come to fruition in ways I never expected.
This isn’t surprising. An oft-cited study done by Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University of California, shows that you’re 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Gail’s sample group included men and women, ages twenty-three to seventy-two, from around the world and all walks of life—entrepreneurs, educators, health care professionals, artists, lawyers, and bankers. She divided the participants into two groups, those who wrote down their goals and those who didn’t. The results were clear. Those who wrote down their goals achieved those desires at a significantly higher level than those who didn’t.
As basic as it seems, most people still don’t write down what’s most important to them. If I was considering making a bet and you told me that if I wrote that bet on paper, I had a 42 percent HIGHER chance of winning—I’d do it! If I was undergoing some kind of medical protocol and my doctor said, “Hey, if you write this down, you’ll increase your chances of healing by 42 percent”—am I NOT going to listen? Who doesn’t want those kind of odds?
Even without this study, writing down what you want is sheer common sense. In our endlessly distracted, overcommitted, overstretched world, writing down what’s most important is a deceptively easy way to stay focused. Writing down your dream forces you to be clear and specific about what you want. Ambiguity is the enemy of accomplishment.
Not to mention it’s what we naturally do in every other area of life when we want to produce a result. If you’re renovating your kitchen, you don’t just wake up and take a sledgehammer to the sink. You design a plan on paper first. Need to pick up groceries from the supermarket? Write a list. Want to master a new subject? Take written notes. Going on a trip? Map out your destination. Think about any professional project you’ve been a part of. Contracts, work agreements, and purchase orders turn everyday ideas into reality. No matter what you want to figure out, one thing is for sure: writing it down is a fundamental step to making it real.
Now, obviously, you shouldn’t just write your goal in a journal and call it a day. You should look at it often. Daily is ideal. This keeps your top priority top of mind.
INSIGHT TO ACTION CHALLENGE
This action challenge is longer and more in depth than previous ones. Strap yourself in and pull down your lap bar. We’re going on a ride into the deepest recesses of your heart and soul. I promise, the focus, honesty, and effort you put in right now will pay off tenfold.
STEP 1: LIST YOUR TOP ONE-YEAR DREAMS
A dream is a wish your heart makes.
Cinderella (1950 film)
Set a timer for fifteen minutes and make a list of the top dreams, goals, or projects you’re most excited to start figuring out within the next year. These can be painful problems you need to solve or aspirations you’re ready to materialize. Write down anything that comes to mind that you’d like to change, start, stop, pursue, heal, transform, learn, experience, explore, become, create, or achieve.
IMPORTANT NOTE: It’s not necessary that you accomplish this dream within the year, but it’s imperative that you’re willing to start now. If you’re clear on exactly what you want to figure out, you can either brainstorm a list of one-year dreams for fun (your answers might surprise you!), or move straight to the next step.
If you’re already feeling anxious because you can’t come up with anything, don’t worry. Not knowing what you want is more common than you might think. Some of us have been pleasing others and suppressing our own dreams for so long we’ve lost touch with our own desires. These questions help. Use as many of these prompts as you like.
If you could wave a magic wand and change one thi
ng about your life or the world, what would it be?
What breaks your heart about life, work, or the world?
What pisses you off about life, work, or the world?
If you had two extra hours a day, what would you do with that time?
Finish this sentence: Wouldn’t it be cool if . . . For example:
Wouldn’t it be cool if . . .
I stopped working on Fridays
My partner and I had more sex
Girls around the world had access to education
I could find the perfect executive assistant
I could speak fluent Spanish
Prescription drugs were less expensive
I had a six-month emergency fund
I lived in Florence for the summer
I turned my side hustle into a full-time job
I found an extra hour each day to work on my book
Every human had access to clean water
I loved my body and felt strong in my skin
I didn’t feel so helpless and alone all the time
You get the idea.
So you know, this last “Wouldn’t it be cool if . . .” prompt is magic. We do this exercise regularly in my company. It’s consistently produced multimillion-dollar breakthroughs. It started years ago when my business was much smaller and our team retreats took place in my living room. We sat in a circle on the floor brainstorming creative ideas for where and how to grow the business. One by one, each person finished the sentence “Wouldn’t it be cool if . . .” and threw out their own crazy, exciting, OMG-could-we-really-do-that project.
Often, just saying these dreams out loud would make us scream with delight and expand our landscape of possibilities. We’d know we stumbled upon a winning idea when, all of a sudden, the room fell silent and we all had goosebumps. One big rule: When you’re in “Wouldn’t it be cool if . . .” brainstorming mode, no idea is too outlandish.
Most important, when you’re brainstorming, be brutally honest about what you want. Don’t censor or edit yourself. Don’t write things you should want. Don’t write dreams out of guilt or obligation. And don’t try to write perfectly. The gold in brainstorming often comes much later in the process. Your responses are for your eyes only. If you’re still drawing a blank or having trouble finding anything that you really want, go to the Define Your Dream FAQ section later in this chapter for a more in-depth dream-excavating exercise.
STEP 2: GET REAL ABOUT THIS DREAM
He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
Viktor E. Frankl
Look back at your list. There’s likely one or two items that make your heart jump with fear or excitement (or both!). Select the one you feel most drawn to, circle it, and answer the questions below.
The purpose of this step is to give yourself a reality check. How important is this dream to you right now? If you’re torn between several dreams, complete all questions for dream number one, then repeat all questions for dream number two, and so on. Be ruthless in your responses, especially with this first section. Your answers may range from the superficial (Why? Because I want to be rich and famous) to the super moving (Why? Because I want to make sure every girl has access to the education she deserves). Get it all down on the page. Remember, no one needs to see this but you.
A. Importance: Why is this dream important to you? What difference will this make in your life once you figure it out? How will it impact you creatively, emotionally, physically, and financially? Who else will be positively impacted by you figuring this out? List as many whys as you can. Then, for every why you generate, dig deeper. Ask yourself, “And why is that important?” Then ask it again: “And why is that important?” “What will that ultimately do for me and others?” Drill down several layers until you get to the core of why this dream matters and what you want to feel, experience, or share as a result of achieving it. Do not skip this step. Purpose fuels persistence. Reasons come before results. If you don’t have a stack of heart-based, compelling, true-to-you reasons why this must get figured out, it won’t.
Given what you uncovered above, how important is this for you to start figuring out now?
1 = Tragically unimportant. 10 = Must take action NOW!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Obviously, we want a ten. Anything less than a seven should give you pause. If it’s below a five, STOP. Go back to your brainstorm list and find something that’s a must for you to start now.
B. Difficulty: Take a look at your dream and ask yourself, has anyone in the history of the world already figured this out? Chances are, yes. The vast majority of our dreams have been done before. If not exactly, something close enough. For example, living debt-free, winning a Grammy, running a profitable business, learning to do a headstand, making a living through your art, enjoying a loving long-term marriage, forgiving abuse/assault/murder, opening a restaurant, curing smallpox, launching a sustainable nonprofit, changing the laws to favor equality, walking on the moon, building schools in impoverished countries, developing disruptive technologies from a garage—these are all things that have been done by human beings throughout history. And they all started with at least one person figuring something out. If they did it, so can you.
Right now, ask yourself on a scale of one to ten, with one being “many people have done this” and ten being “no one in the entire history of the earth has ever done anything like this and it will likely be hard as hell,” where does your dream fall?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
If hundreds, thousands, or even millions of people have done what you want to do or something analogous to it, don’t reinvent the wheel or cry in a corner about how hard it is.
Everything worthwhile is hard. Excruciatingly hard.
Embrace that fact. Respect it. You’re about to work your ass off for this. Find a way to derive pleasure, however perverse that seems, out of doing hard, meaningful things. It builds strength and character. Plus, crushing an “impossible” dream is addictive as hell.
A lower difficulty rating can help you save time by learning from others. It can also mitigate unnecessary meltdowns. A higher score can help you prepare mentally and emotionally for a more difficult and vigorous journey ahead. In any case, understanding more about the level of difficulty you’ve chosen (and how others have fared before you) allows you to protect yourself from the inevitable minefields of frustration that lie ahead.
C. Past Attempts: Have you attempted this dream before and fallen short? If so, what went wrong? Don’t beat yourself up. Be as objective as possible. Consider whatever you discover as positive news. If you’ve been the problem, that means you’re also the solution. Write down exactly what didn’t work and what you’ll do differently to solve for those issues in advance. A moment of self-reflection can prevent repeating costly mistakes that have foiled past efforts.
STEP 3: CHOOSE ONE
If you run after two hares, you catch neither.
Proverb
It’s time to make your choice. It’s essential that you choose just one significant dream for now. Not seven. Not three. One.
This dream will serve as your training ground to master the figureoutable philosophy. You must develop your ability to focus and concentrate. In doing so, you’ll cultivate a set of mental strengths, emotional disciplines, and behavioral habits that’ll help you accomplish all future goals. Please erase from your mind the notion that you can figure out several significant dreams at the same time. Trying to multitask at this stage is a recipe for frustration and failure. It’s like deciding to run three ultra marathons, back-to-back, with zero training.
You know this. Significant dreams come with significant challenges. If this dream is important, the road
ahead won’t be filled with rainbows and unicorns. You must build tolerance and strengthen your ability to move through the emotions that accompany this kind of journey. Emotions like panic, frustration, discomfort, insecurity, and impatience (you know, the fun ones). This is why it’s imperative you choose one primary dream—for now. You’ll need all of your prowess to conquer it.
Now don’t get me wrong. You should continue to flex your figureoutable muscles as often as you can. Daily life supplies endless opportunities to train and practice. From fixing a running toilet to solving an unexpected shitshow at work to staying calm during a traffic jam, say, “Everything is figureoutable,” and conquer problems head-on.
STEP 4: MAKE IT SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE, AND ACTIONABLE
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.
Mark Twain
Whether or not Mark Twain actually said that is debatable. Nevertheless, those words are The Truth. Every dream must be chunked down and clarified in order to get started. In this step, you must convert your dream into something specific, measurable, and actionable. For example:
“Get in shape” becomes “Be able to do twenty full-on push-ups within thirty days.” Or if you want to form a habit of working out consistently, maybe something like this: “Get in shape” becomes “Work out five days a week for thirty minutes for the next thirty days no matter what.”
“Find a new career” might become “Register for that photography workshop and find at least three local photographers to talk with by Sunday.”