Stag and the Ash (The Rowan Harbor Cycle Book 5)

by Sam Burns

  That got a tiny smile. “You only want to watch the shirtless guys.”

  “And to make fun of the werewolf mythology. Is there anyone that doesn’t die of a bullet to the heart, silver or otherwise?” Jesse shook his head in exasperation. Supernatural movies were ridiculous. “Seriously, though, we always watch what I want. We should watch something you like.”

  They watched what Jesse wanted because Sean didn’t have an opinion most nights. He would just shrug and tell Jesse to put on “whatever.”

  They hadn’t been living together before Sean’s mother’s death, so Jesse had only a small frame of reference for what it was like to live with happy Sean. In the previous months of their dating, Sean had often expressed interests and opinions. They had disappeared in the last month.

  Jesse grabbed a strawberry and held it out to him. “I know you like these, ’cause I didn’t buy them.” Sean bit his lip, so Jesse was quick to add, “I love strawberries. I just didn’t buy them. Didn’t see them last time I was at the store.”

  “Dad brought them over yesterday when you were working. They’re my favorite, and he always brought home the first ones of the season.” Sean took the berry and stared at it. “They were Mom’s favorite, too, and he can’t stand to have them around anymore. I guess someone in town better start growing them because the grocery store might not have them for a while.”

  Like he had so many times over the previous month, Jesse felt like a heel for reminding Sean of his mother. He knew it was inevitable, and he hadn’t done anything wrong, but the fact that he’d made Sean feel bad was awful. Worst of all, he found himself getting frustrated by it sometimes, and didn’t that make him an ass, losing patience with a man whose mother had died?

  Sean smiled then, and Jesse didn’t know why, but it was like the sun finally coming out for spring. He took a bite of the strawberry and then held it out to Jesse, who automatically took one himself. It was a pretty good berry. Probably trucked in from California, since Oregon hadn’t been warm long enough to grow much of anything.

  Since Sean fed him first, he felt justified in cutting a huge piece of omelet and holding it out. It was his job to make sure Sean ate, and he would use whatever was required to do it.

  He knew better than to ask Sean to leave the house for the afternoon; he’d learned to avoid that conversation early on. Sean had left Jesse’s house to go to his mother’s funeral, and a few times to get things from his place and bring them back, or see his father for a few minutes, but by and large, Sean did not want to leave the house. He didn’t want to talk about it either, but it was obvious to Jesse that it had something to do with his succubus powers.

  Sean’s father had warned them that something might happen, that it had happened to Leah in her twenties during an emotional time, but Jesse hadn’t thought that Sean’s reaction would be to avoid all human contact and refuse to leave the house. Jesse had no idea what was going on, how being a succubus worked, or how he could help. The only succubus in town had been Leah Anderson, and he couldn’t ask her for help.

  Sometimes, when he was sure Sean was asleep for the night, Jesse let himself be angry with her for not preparing her sons better. He knew she hadn’t intended to die, and she’d planned to be there for them, but her intentions didn’t help with the fact that Sean was scared to leave the house.

  Jesse had asked Sean’s father for advice precisely once. The man had blushed and been unable to look him in the eye, stammering out something vague about it being different for everyone, and Jesse was never going to do that again.

  A grape was pushed into his mouth and forced him to rejoin reality. Sean was looking at him, one eyebrow raised. There was amusement there, not annoyance, so Jesse assumed that Sean couldn’t see what he’d been thinking.

  “What was that look?” Sean asked.

  Jesse batted his eyelashes. “What look? Was it something about seducing my boyfriend with fruit? Because I’m all about that. I should buy some bananas.”

  The next grape bounced off his head, and had it not been for the food on the bed, Jesse thought it might have devolved into a wrestling match. That would have worked for him. He was better at wrestling his feelings out than talking about them. Since he didn’t want to topple the drinks, he grabbed the grape and ate it, shooting Sean a smug grin.

  Sean rolled his eyes. “What is it with you and bananas? I swear, you’re secretly twelve.”

  “So, werewolf movie marathon?”

  Sean looked around, and when he caught sight of Jesse’s laptop on the bedside table, he pointed at it. “Only if we can stay in here. I want it to be a lie-around-in-bed kind of day.”

  The books Jesse had read about depression flashed through his head at that. Staying in one place all the time was no good, but Jesse being pushy and making Sean do things he didn’t want to wasn’t good either.

  “Sure. But first, we shower.”

  Pleased he’d won the argument, Sean agreed to the shower without question.

  Jesse climbed off the bed and held out his hand to help his boyfriend up. “Shall we?”

  Sean hesitated, but gave Jesse his hand.

  In the three weeks since Sean had lost his mother, the dynamic between them had shifted in a strange way. Before, Sean had always been ready for any intimacy Jesse was willing to give, and Jesse had been trying to work through memories of his previous abusive relationship. Jesse had finally been coming around to the constant closeness, and he was ready to take the next step. More ready with every passing day.

  He wanted to have sex with his boyfriend, okay?

  Now Sean was hesitant. Once he’d been the boldest man Jesse had ever met. The man who had given him a blowjob out in the woods where anyone might have seen was now awkward when Jesse put an arm around him in private, in the house they were sharing.

  Jesse didn’t know if Sean was reluctant to be touched as much because of the depression, or if it was something about being a succubus. He didn’t want to push, for fear of making Sean feel worse.

  He certainly wasn’t going to press anything on the man. “Do you want me to wait till you’re done?”

  Sean’s eyes went a little wide, and he tried to act confused. “What do you mean?”

  Jesse quirked a brow. He was no lie-detecting fae like his best friend, but he knew when he was being bullshitted. Sometimes, anyway.

  “Have I been that obvious? I’ve been trying . . . I mean, it’s not about you, and I didn’t want you to feel like—”

  “Hey,” Jesse soothed, stepping into Sean and wrapping his arms around the man. “You don’t have to worry about me. You waited for me—it’s my turn to wait for you. I can wait as long as you want.”

  “I don’t want to wait.” Sean smacked his forehead against Jesse’s shoulder and gave a deep, defeated sigh. “That came out a little desperate. I meant, waiting isn’t why I’ve been so nervous. I’m just—I’m not in full control of it, Jess. I worry I’ll hurt you.”

  “By feeding on my, um, energy?” Jesse asked with a grin.

  Sean leaned up and bit his shoulder lightly, as though that were a punishment and not at all hot. “You’re going to make fun of me for saying it like that forever, but that’s what it is. Feeding on a specific kind of energy.”

  “I get it. You’re right. And I can handle it. You don’t need to worry about me. Fully grown werewolf here, remember? Constitution of a freaking ox.”

  Sean didn’t lift his head, just nodded into Jesse’s shoulder. “But I don’t want to take a chance with you. Plus, now that we’ve waited this long, it feels like our first time together should be something special, you know? I’m a succubus. What if I disappoint you? I’m not some kind of virtuoso in bed.”

  “That BJ you gave me in the woods begs to differ, man. Seriously. You are not going to disappoint me. Even if it’s the worst sex I ever had, I’ll have you there to laugh about it with. It’ll be awesome.”

  “You’re convincing for a guy who doesn’t think he has a way with p
eople.” Sean finally wrapped his arms around Jesse and leaned in, pressing their bodies together as tight as possible without constricting their ability to breathe. It made Jesse sigh, and his whole body relaxed. There was something about being wrapped in Sean’s arms that made him feel safe.

  Jesse leaned in, kissed his neck, and then whispered in his ear. “You know how?” Sean shook his head. “Devon told me once that the secret to taking care of people is actually caring about their problems. I love my friends and family and all, but if there’s one guy whose problems I really care about, it’s you. You’re my person.”

  “What happened to learning to be Jesse before being Jesse-and-Sean?”

  The truth was that the events of the previous month had changed everything, but Jesse wasn’t going to tell Sean that. Losing a relatively young, healthy member of their community had reminded Jesse that life could be short. The fact that they were living with not just one, but multiple threats hanging over the whole town didn’t help. Jesse did need to work on himself, but he thought maybe he could do both things at once, without wasting time he could be spending with Sean.

  The fact that Sean seemed to need him had only cemented the issue in his mind.

  Jesse tried to play it off with a casual shrug. “Maybe I figured Jesse out. He’s not that complicated.”

  “I think he’s more complicated than you realize,” Sean said as he pulled Jesse toward the bathroom. “But that’s okay. I can appreciate him for both of us.”

  “So silver bullets?” Sean asked, but he was biting his lip and his voice held barely concealed mirth.

  Jesse shot him a glare. “So I’m allergic to silver, whatever. Why don’t I shoot you with a mango and see how you like it?”

  “Seems like a bullet made of mangos might be less dangerous than one made of silver, whether I’m allergic or not.”

  One of the men on screen was going through a melodramatic death scene, shot with a silver bullet. He’d been able to live through four or five dozen regular rounds, but that one silver bullet was about to take him out. Jesse rolled his eyes at the overacting. “He’s lost more blood than even fits in a person. I’d have been dead like ten minutes ago, and everyone would have been grateful that I was less Shatner-esque.”

  Sean snuggled closer to him, the tips of his sun-bleached hair tickling Jesse’s cheek. “Not me. I’d need you to hold on as long as possible, so I’d have time to take out the hero and save your life. Go as Shatner as you want. Unleash your inner diva.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” Jesse agreed. He should have suggested a different movie. Why had he picked a movie with a dead werewolf? The last thing Sean needed was a reminder of the mortality of his loved ones.

  “I’ll be there, you know,” Sean said.

  It took Jesse a minute to parse the sentence in relation to the previous conversation. He squeezed Sean’s shoulder. “Of course you will. Not that I’m planning to go around biting everyone in a small Nebraska town for no apparent reason. Seems like a strange thing to do.”

  “I think he was lonely. I know, I know, it’s no excuse to make everyone a werewolf, but it’s hard to be the only one, you know?”

  Jesse turned his face into Sean’s fluffy hair, the minty scent of his own shampoo filling his nose. Under that, there was a hint of something slightly sour, like sweat and fear. Anxiety.

  “Have you talked to Sebastian? I know it’s not the same, since he’s not here, but you’re not alone.” If it would help, Jesse would buy them tickets to New York to see Sean’s brother the next day, everyone and everything else be damned.

  Sean’s lips twisted in a wry smile. “He’s fine.”

  “Fine? Just like that?” Maybe Sebastian’s powers hadn’t been altered by the stress. Jesse wasn’t sure how to bring up whether Sebastian had gone full succubus without sounding like a weirdo for asking about his boyfriend’s brother’s sex life.

  Fortunately, for the first time in a month, Sean didn’t seem to need prompting to start talking. “Yep,” he agreed. “Practically no problems adjusting. Heck, he’s dating for the first time ever. He said it was ‘a little weird,’ but he’s fine. Like walking past someone on the street and seeing their deepest sexual fantasies is nothing.”

  “You could kind of do that before, couldn’t you?”

  Sean shifted his whole body, half covering Jesse with his bulk, as if to hold him in place. Then he tucked his head deeper into Jesse’s neck—Jesse couldn’t even see his face anymore—and sighed. “I used to have to look. Now it’s just there. Always. Before anything else. I tried to go to the store while you were at work on Friday, and I ran into the mayor’s wife.”

  “Oh. Um. I’m not sure what to say to that. The mayor’s kinda hot, for an old guy?” He realized after he said it that maybe Mrs. Cormier wasn’t having thoughts about her husband, and cringed. “Oh man, she wasn’t thinking about him, was she?”

  Sean’s shoulders shook, and Jesse couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying. After a minute, Sean took a deep breath. “She was. It’s—” He broke off in a giggle, and Jesse had to work to hold back a relieved sigh. “She came up to ask how I was doing, and about Dad, but she was only half with me, and she was half thinking about this dinner she’s got planned. So there she is, talking about Mom being dead, and I’m trying to ignore naked pictures of the mayor covered in chocolate sauce.”

  “Ouch. I have no idea what to say to that. That’s . . . horrible? Hot? That’s some serious conflicting emotions.”

  Sean gave another deep sigh, but this time, his body relaxed against Jesse’s when he released the breath. “How do you think Mom dealt with it? It’s so confusing, and it feels like I’m invading their privacy.”

  “I get that.” And he did, because how could he not? The mayor and Mrs. Cormier were bad enough, but what would Jesse do if it were his mother? Uncle Nate? Miss Vander? “Everyone knows what you are. Maybe they don’t all know what it means, but the people who are afraid of what you are avoid you—they have all along. I doubt Mrs. Cormier would be freaked out by you knowing she finds her husband hot. It’s not like you’re going around telling everyone what her fantasies are.”

  At that, Sean lifted his head and raised an eyebrow at Jesse. “Is that not what we’re doing?”

  Jesse leaned in and bit Sean’s full lower lip before pulling away to answer. “I’m not everyone. No one should expect you to keep secrets from me.”

  “I guess that’s true.”

  “As for your mom,” Jesse continued, “she probably got used to it. Eventually, the mayor covered in chocolate sauce is going to be like that annoying credit-card commercial you tune out. You’ll know what people want, but unless it’s something illegal, it doesn’t matter.”

  Sean smiled and burrowed back into Jesse’s shoulder, hugging him tight. Jesse ran his hands up and down his back. The muscles there were less tense than they had been in days, maybe a month, so it was a win. Jesse hoped he was right about the new visions eventually fading into the background. He hated to imagine Sean having to struggle with it forever.

  Maybe they’d get a cabin deep in the woods where Sean could avoid everyone but the squirrels and wolves, who probably didn’t have sexual fantasies. That didn’t sound so bad.

  2

  A Note from a Friend

  The stag was standing less than ten yards away, staring at him. It looked like a picture from a nature documentary—an enormous, majestic beast with the forest behind it, green buds starting to poke their way through the winter-barren ground. He could almost imagine that British guy narrating about it.

  The creature was watching him. There was no trace of fear in its eyes, no nervous shifting as it prepared to bolt.

  This time, his wolfish instincts leapt in front of his human brain, and he bolted after it.

  It turned and gracefully bounded off into the trees, and he followed. He wasn’t sure if he was pacing it, or if it was pacing him, but it got no closer or farther away as they ran through the wo
ods together.

  His blood sang, heart pounding and muscles bunching and releasing as he ran. It felt like he was flying, like everything was as it should be. He was the wolf, and he hunted. It was the stag, and it fled.

  His eyes snapped open, pulse pounding in his ears, but he wasn’t in the woods, and there was no stag. He was at home in bed, playing little spoon to Sean’s clingy octopus limbs.

  “Y’ok?” Sean asked, his voice slurred by sleep. “Bad dream?”

  It wasn’t an unusual thought, that his heart was racing because of a nightmare. Sean had held him through a few of those during their months together. “I’m fine,” he whispered back. “Not a nightmare. Good dream, I think.”

  “Not the mayor and chocolate sauce, I hope.”

  “Gross, man. He’s married.” With a little difficulty, he turned over so that he and Sean faced each other. “But no, nothing like that either.”

  “So that’s something in your pocket, and you’re not happy to see me?” Sean asked, wriggling his hip against Jesse’s morning wood.

  Jesse snorted. “I’m always happy to see you.” He slipped his hand between them and found Sean’s cock as stiff as his own. “Good to see I’m not alone.”

  He pushed Sean onto his back and then took a moment to untangle the man’s legs from the mass of sheet and blanket twisted around them, finally giving up and tossing both off the bed.

  “Cold!” Sean said, his voice surprisingly squeaky for such a big guy.

  Jesse drew himself up on his knees and grinned down. “Don’t worry, boo, I’ll keep you warm.”

  He straddled Sean’s legs and leaned forward to trail soft bites down Sean’s chest, following the patch of golden hair that led all the way down to slightly darker hair at his groin.

  “You work shirtless a lot, don’t you?” he asked, running a hand over Sean’s chest.

  Sean’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Huh?”