by Miranda Lee
‘Love doesn’t stop that easily, James. Not true love.’
James groaned. ‘But she won’t believe me if I tell her I love her! She’ll think it’s just another lie.’
Nicole shrugged. ‘Then you’ll have to convince her that it isn’t, won’t you? After all, what have you got to lose?’
James turned towards Russell, seeking the male opinion. Women sometimes could be a little too optimistic when it came to romantic matters. ‘Russ, what do you think? Do you think I’ve got a chance?’
‘Never known you to lose an argument, buddy. Or back away from a challenge. If you really, truly love Megan the way I love Nicole, then nothing short of death should stop you trying to win her back.’
‘My God, you’re right!’ James said, bursting up from his chair, almost tipping it backwards.
‘I take it you won’t be staying for dinner, then,’ Russell said drily.
James was already heading for the door. ‘Sorry, mate,’ he called back over his shoulder. ‘Have to take a rain check on that.’
‘Do you think I should have told him about those paintings as well?’ Nicole asked after the door slammed shut.
Russell gave his wife a droll look. ‘I think you’ve been enough of a blabbermouth for one night, don’t you?’
Nicole coloured. ‘I had to do something. He looked so sad, Russ. Sad and defeated. I’ve never seen James like that before.’
‘He’s never been in love before.’
‘You said once that he was madly in love with Jackie Foster.’
‘Nah. That was just lust, I reckon.’ All of a sudden Russell thought of Jackie’s appointment to see James this Wednesday. He hoped she wasn’t going to cause any trouble.
Nicole immediately pounced. ‘What is it?’
Russell considered telling Nicole, then decided against it. ‘Nothing. Just hoping things turn out for James and Megan, that’s all.’
James drove straight to Woolahra, the fire in his belly dampening a little by the time he turned down the tree-lined avenue where the Donnellys lived. He pulled into the kerb outside their front gate and glanced somewhat nervously outside their house.
Even if Megan did still love him—something he was beginning to doubt—he would not get a good reception from either her or her parents.
A glance in the rear-view mirror showed bloodshot eyes and a two-day growth of beard. He hadn’t had the energy to shave today after hardly sleeping last night. Thankfully, his clothes were neat and clean. Clenching his teeth down hard in his jaw, he climbed out of his car and made his way towards the front door. The lights were on upstairs, he’d noticed, so someone was home.
The doorbell echoed loudly in the house, but no footsteps came. He rang again. This time, he heard someone coming.
The door swung open and there she was. His Megan, looking stunning in a bright yellow dress which he recalled buying with her but which she’d never worn. Her hair was up in a stylish French roll, pearl drops in her ears. Her make-up was subtle, but superb, her very kissable lips outlined in gloss. Unlike a lot of men, James was extremely observant about the details of a woman’s appearance.
She didn’t say a single word for ages. Just stared at him.
Her lack of instant insults was encouraging, James thought.
Man, but he needed all the encouragement in the world at that moment. Never before had he felt so unsure of himself.
‘I need to talk to you, Megan,’ he said at last. ‘Can I come in?’
Alarm zoomed into her big brown eyes. ‘My parents aren’t home,’ she blurted out.
James frowned. What an odd thing to say. She sounded—and looked—almost frightened of him. Surely she didn’t imagine he’d do anything violent, did she? He would never do her any harm. Never!
Megan tried to calm herself, but it was impossible. She could not believe that James was on her doorstep. Could not believe the irrational joy which had immediately fizzed through her body at the sight of him.
She’d been upstairs, trying to work up the enthusiasm to do what Nathan had said—paint some more nudes. But had found, astonishingly so, she didn’t want to. Those two paintings had been one-offs, she’d come to realise, an artistic expression of her emotional torment at the time. They were also extremely private. She’d just decided to ring Nathan in the morning and withdraw them from sale when the front doorbell had rung. And now the source of all her past torment was standing there, wanting to talk to her. The same man who’d refused to let her talk to him, to explain. The same man who’d ordered her off the island, and out of his home, not to mention his life.
One look at his grimly determined face told her that he’d come to get her back. It was frightening that this thought thrilled her so much.
My God, don’t you ever learn? He’s probably worked out that you might have fallen pregnant without your pills. He’s a smart man. Very smart.
A good dose of indignant outrage masked the desire which she feared might have shown in her face.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’ she demanded to know.
He didn’t speak for several seconds, but she could see his mind ticking over, working out what to say.
‘I was at Nicole and Russell’s place tonight,’ he began.
‘Oh, no!’ Megan wailed. ‘She told you, didn’t she? About the paintings.’
‘I know nothing about any paintings,’ he said. ‘What she did tell me was that you still loved me.’
‘What? How dare she tell you that? How dare she?’
‘She dares because she cares. As do I.’
‘Oh, yes, I saw how much you cared about me when you found those pills. You have a strange way of showing you care, James Logan.’
‘I’m so sorry for the way I acted that day, Megan,’ he went on, his voice and expression mind-blowingly sincere.
But then, he was good at lying, wasn’t he?
‘I should have let you explain when you wanted to…’
Yes, you damned well should have, came the furious thought.
‘My only excuse was that when I found those pills, it felt like a dreadful rerun of the past.’
Megan was totally taken aback.
‘Are you saying that Jackie Foster was on the Pill, too? That she could have had children if she’d wanted to?’
‘Worse than that. She pretended to try for a baby when she’d known all along that she couldn’t have children at all. Even before we were married. I nearly went crazy when I found out. I thought she loved me, you see. The way I loved her.’
Megan’s mouth fell open in surprise. ‘You loved her? But I thought…’ She’d thought he was incapable of love, that he’d only married that woman to have children, the way he’d married her.
‘I thought I did at the time. I don’t think so now, because now I know what real love feels like. It’s what I feel for you, Megan. Which is why I went ape when I thought you’d only gone on our second honeymoon for revenge. It hurt me so much that I couldn’t see straight.’
Megan could not trust herself to speak at that moment. Could not bring herself to trust, either. He’d said he loved her once too often.
‘I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t believe me,’ he went on. ‘I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me now.’
She didn’t. But I should, she thought quite angrily.
Her back straightened, as did her shoulders. No way was she going to be a pushover this time. No way!
‘Look, do you think I could come in?’ he asked. ‘I’m getting darned cold, standing out here.’
It was fresh, winter in Sydney only a couple of weeks away.
‘All right,’ she said grudgingly.
She led him down the hallway and into the kitchen-cum-breakfast room which ran across the back of the house. She didn’t want to take him into the lounge, where she might find herself on some sofa with him. She didn’t trust James not to try to take advantage of her in a sexual sense. She could not afford to trust him. Period.
‘Sit do
wn,’ she said, gesturing towards the kitchen table. ‘Would you like coffee, or tea?’
What I want, James thought, is for you to stop acting like I’m about to pounce on you. Sex was the last thing on his mind tonight.
‘Coffee would be fine.’
He watched her busy herself making him coffee and thought of all the times she’d done that for him during their relatively short marriage. She was a natural homemaker, was Megan. The kind of sweet-natured girl a man like him might be tempted to take for granted.
Before her miscarriage, he had taken her for granted in every way.
But that was then and this was now. There would be no more taking anything for granted where the woman he loved was concerned.
‘Thank you,’ he said simply when she put the steaming hot mug in front of him, along with a slice of carrot cake.
‘Mum’s a good cook,’ she said when he complimented it.
‘Mum?’ he said, frowning up at her. She hadn’t sat down with him, having stayed standing, leaning against one of the kitchen counters with her arms crossed. ‘You usually call her Mother.’
‘I decided I didn’t want to call my parents Mother and Father any more. Not after they were so kind and understanding to me over this. So it’s Mum and Dad now,’ Megan said. ‘Actually, Mum’s been extremely nice to me.’
‘I doubt she’ll be nice to me,’ James muttered. ‘Where are they, by the way? Your parents.’
‘Gone out. It’s their date night.’
‘Their date night?’ James could not have been more surprised. It had been no secret that Mrs Donnelly wore the trousers in the family, her husband coming over as very henpecked. He couldn’t imagine their going on a romantic outing together.
‘They’re getting along much better,’ Megan said. ‘Possibly due to Dad’s being a clever boy and making a lot of money.’
‘But he’s always been well off!’ James knew this because he’d checked up on Henry Donnelly’s financial status before deciding Megan was the right girl to marry.
Remembering this jabbed at his conscience. Hell on earth, what hadn’t he been prepared to stoop to to protect his own pathetically bruised ego?
‘Well, he’s much better off now,’ Megan said a touch tartly. ‘So don’t go thinking you can get back into my mother’s good books by waving your chequebook under her nose like you did last time.’
James took this on the chin, because it was right. He had sought to influence her parents with his more than generous offer to pay for their high-society wedding. ‘What time will they be home?’
Megan glanced at the kitchen wall clock, which showed eight-twenty. ‘Not for a couple of hours yet. You should be long gone by the time they get home.’
James gave Megan a sharp look. He wasn’t out of the woods yet, it seemed. The thought of Megan never believing that he loved her could not be tolerated. He would leave no stone unturned in the quest to win her back. But he would have to be patient. And calm. Even though he didn’t feel calm. Not deep inside.
‘Won’t you sit down?’ he suggested. ‘Join me for a coffee.’
‘No, thanks. I don’t drink coffee after dinner in the evenings. Which you would know if you’d ever bothered to notice.’
Oh, dear, things were even worse than he’d imagined. And that was pretty bad. She sounded bitter. And cynical.
But he was to blame for that. It wasn’t her natural state. She was usually very sweet.
‘Then have a glass of wine, or port. I know your father keeps some port around. We shared a glass when I asked for your hand.’
‘I think I’d rather keep a clear head, if you don’t mind. I know how clever you are, James. You can talk your way out of just about anything. But not this time. You’ll have to show your love for me with actions, rather than words.’
It took a few seconds for James to realise what she’d just said. By asking him to prove himself with actions she’d offered him a chance; a chance which, by God, he was going to grab with both hands! If Nicole was right, Megan still loved him. If that was the case, then all he had to do was what she’d asked. Prove his love with actions, not words.
Megan wished he wouldn’t keep looking at her that way, as if she didn’t stand a chance of resisting him. She would, and she could!
‘In that case, if you’ll let me,’ he said, his eyes warm and caressing, ‘I’d like to court you all over again. Properly this time. And for a decent span of time. We’ll go out on dates till you believe that I still love you. There will be no sex. We’ll just enjoy each other’s company. And we’ll talk.’
‘Just talk?’ Her face betrayed scepticism.
‘You think I can’t go without sex? I didn’t make love to you for three whole months.’
‘That’s because I wouldn’t let you.’
‘Are you saying you would let me now? That you want me to make love to you?’
‘Don’t go twisting my words. All I’m saying is that you can’t be trusted not to use sex to get your own way.’
‘I promise I won’t.’
‘You can promise till the cows come home. That doesn’t mean that you won’t.’
James gritted his teeth. Brother, but she was in an extremely tough frame of mind. Defiance looked well on her, however. Her eyes were sparkling and her bottom lip pouted provocatively. A few days ago, he would have dragged her into his arms and kissed her senseless. Today, however, he had to find another way. It was perfectly obvious that one physical move on his part, and he was dead in the water.
‘Look, you were the one who said I had to prove my love with actions rather than words,’ he pointed out. ‘Then let me do just that. Go out with me and see what happens. If I fail in any way, then you can have a divorce. I can’t be fairer than that.’
Megan wasn’t so sure that she wouldn’t be the one to fail. How could she bear being in his company repeatedly and not giving in to the constant cravings which had possessed her on Dream Island, and which she had not forgotten? Even now, she wanted to go to him and say ‘All is forgiven, darling’, just so that she could feel his mouth on hers once more.
Never before had she fully understood what was meant by the expression madly in love. It would be madness to fall into his arms again. Total madness! But oh…she wanted to.
She had to get him out of here. Right now!
‘I’d like to sleep on things overnight,’ she said, proud of her cool tone, ‘so for now, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to leave. I don’t want you here when my parents get home.’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t want to have to explain to them why I even let you in.’
James winced. They thought that badly of him.
‘Fair enough,’ he said, and stood up. ‘When can I call you?’
‘I’ll call you. Tomorrow.’
He flashed her a look which suggested he wasn’t happy with the way things had turned out. But what had he expected? That she would fall into his arms just because he said he was sorry and that he loved her? It hadn’t escaped Megan that he might have worked out that throwing away her pills might have resulted in a pregnancy. That would be reason enough for him to lie to her again.
‘Goodnight, James,’ she said firmly. ‘I’ll see you out.’
She shut the front door after him, then leant against it, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Only when she heard a car drive off did she open the door and check that he’d really gone.
He had.
At that point she began to tremble, her body finally giving way to the barrage of emotions which James’s visit had evoked.
Disbelief and doubt had warred constantly with the underlying hope that maybe, just maybe, he did love her. He had sounded so sincere. And he’d promised to keep his hands off. And to listen to her.
The James who’d found her pills hadn’t been prepared to do that. There were only two possible reasons for his change of heart. He either had come to realise that he genuinely did love her—a thought which was breathtakingly
thrilling. Or he’d worked out that she might—but only might, mind you—be pregnant.
Somehow, this last idea seemed ludicrous and far-fetched. There’d been no ruthlessness in his demeanour tonight. There’d been nothing but sincerity. She really couldn’t embrace such a cynical idea. It didn’t feel right. No, he must love her.
Her finally accepting this fact brought an instant welling up of tears.
‘Oh, James,’ she sobbed, and buried her face in her hands. ‘Oh, my darling…’
By the time her parents came home, Megan had washed her blotchy face and gathered herself sufficiently to tell them with seeming calm that James had come by and declared his love. They’d talked things through, she said, and were going to try again. She told them she wasn’t rushing back to the marital home, but he was going to court her all over again. Her father had been impressed and her mother over the moon.
‘What great news, darling!’ she’d exclaimed. ‘Who knows, some time next year I might be a grandmother after all?’
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NOT in the next nine months, Megan realised the following morning when she woke with her period. Not a heavy one. But then, she never had heavy periods on that pill.
Strangely, the arrival of evidence that she hadn’t conceived brought with it a weird little wave of disappointment. In a way, this was a comforting development, showing Megan that maybe she was finally prepared to have another baby.
After a trip to the bathroom, she went downstairs to make herself a morning mug of coffee, the action reminding her of the rather nasty crack she’d made last night about James not knowing she never drank coffee after dinner. Really, she’d been very hard and unforgiving last night. A total bitch.
Guilt over her attitude sent her eyes to the kitchen wall clock. Just after eight. It wasn’t too early to call James and apologise. If he could be big enough to come to her and ask forgiveness, then surely she could do the same. After all, she hadn’t been entirely innocent over what had happened on Dream Island. She should never have let him think a baby was on the cards. That had been wicked of her.