The Unpredictable Way of Falling

by Jessica Sorensen

  “You were?”

  “I was. I was surprised too. I thought you hated me.”

  She stares up at me. “Do you hate me?”

  “How can I when I kind of did the same thing to you? Well, what I did was actually worse.” I’m kind of hurt, though, that she never actually wanted to date. “I am kind of pissed off at El, though.”

  “Don’t be mad at her,” she pleads. “She just thought she was helping me. And I’m the one who agreed to do it.”

  “I thought you said she did it to give me a taste of my own medicine?”

  “Yeah, she did. But the whole thing sort of snowballed after she thought you called me ugly that day in the hallway. And I think part of her was hoping that if the plan worked, I’d finally get over my little crush on…” She trails off, her eyes widening.

  “Your little crush on who?” But I think I know the answer already and it takes a lot of effort not to grin.

  She narrows her eyes at me. “Stop looking so smug. I don’t know how you didn’t know I had a crush on you.”

  “How the hell was I supposed to know?” I’m smiling like an idiot. “Every time you looked at me, you looked at me like I was the plague.”

  “That’s because I thought you were always making fun of me.”

  “Well, I wasn’t. At all.”

  “Yeah, I know that now.” She crinkles her nose. “I really wish I hadn’t let the crush part slip out.”

  “No way. That was the best part.” I mold my other palm on her hip and draw her closer. “For how long?”

  “What do you mean?” she plays dumb.

  “How long have you had a crush on me?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  She grimaces. “Fine, since grade school, okay. But I need to stress that I only thought you were cute.”

  My brow teases upward. “Are you sure it wasn’t my charming personality too?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, it definitely wasn’t—”

  I lean in and capture her lips with mine, silencing her. I don’t try to deepen the kiss right away, waiting to see if she pulls back. When she doesn’t, I part her lips with my tongue and kiss her slowly, but deliberately. I groan and she lets out a soft moan in response, her hand trailing up my chest and gripping at my shoulder.

  “I can’t believe you’re letting me do this,” I whisper, then go in for another kiss as I back us toward the bed.

  She whimpers as I gently bite on her bottom lip, her entire body shivering.

  Fuck, I’m already getting hard.

  While I’d love to act on what my dick wants, I know I can’t. Not yet. Not with everything going on. But fuck, I hope one day in the future she’ll let me touch her the way I want to. That is, if she’ll give us a chance to have a future.

  “Ens…” The words die on my tongue as her arms circle around my neck, she presses her chest against mine while sucking on my bottom lip.

  Good fucking God, kill me now.

  I slip my hands down from her ass to her thighs as my self-control completely crumbles. In one swift motion, I scoop her up and urge her legs around my waist, half-expecting her to protest. But she doesn’t, latching her legs around me, our lips never breaking apart.

  I turn around and fall down onto the bed with her straddling my waist. Then I tangle my fingers through her hair and kiss her fiercely, losing myself in her. Every brush of our tongues sends my body into a frenzy, and I start grinding my hips. She moves with me, the little whimpers fleeing from her lips damn near making me explode. Then she stabs her fingernails into my flesh, and I know she’s close, so I keep moving until her head tips back and she moans.

  I stare up at her, wishing the moment would never end. But then she blinks dazedly, her eyes coming back into focus, a frown forming on her lips.

  She regrets this.

  She doesn’t want me.

  The only girl I’ve ever wanted doesn’t want me back.

  “Carter.” Her tentative tone puts me on edge. “Why did you want to work for my father? I mean, aren’t you supposed to be working for your father?”

  Her words hit me square in the chest. Never have I told anyone about how awful my life has been, about the things my father has made me do. That he isn’t even my father.

  I’m falling…

  Tumbling…

  Unsure of where I’m going to land.

  “If I told you, you might hate me,” I admit, balling my scarred hand into a fist.

  She pulls me toward her again. “I doubt that.”

  “But you might.”

  “Try me. Trust me… Like I’m trusting you.”

  “You trust me? After everything?”

  She nods. “But I need to know why… Why this all started.”

  My heart pounds violently in my chest. Can I do it? Tell her what I’ve never told anyone?

  My lips part and honestly I have no clue what words are going to leave my lips. “When I was seven, my dad decided to teach me a lesson about what would happen if I didn’t follow in his footsteps.” I sketch my thumb along the scar as I stare down at my palm. “I argued with him about not wanting to take over his company and he…” I take a breath, willing my voice to steady. “He took a knife and sliced my palm open. He told me that every time I looked at the scar I was to remember what happened if I disobeyed.”

  Her breath hitches in her throat as her fingers drift to the scar on my palm. “That’s awful. I can’t believe your father would do that to you.”

  “He did stuff like that a lot, whenever I argued with him. So, instead of arguing with him, I started obeying, even when he asked me to do things that were wrong, like dig holes out in the middle of the woods for what I’m pretty sure were to bury bodies. He also warned me to keep my mouth shut a lot whenever I overheard him and his clients talking about getting rid of people or silencing people or torturing people.” My body shivers as she lines her hand over mine, hiding the scar from my view.

  “He asked me to help him torture people. The first and only time he made me, I threw up all over me and him. He beat me for over an hour, but he didn’t ask me to help with torturing people again. Well, he hasn’t, but I know he will.” I lace our fingers and hold on tightly. “He’s been pushing harder for me to learn the family business, of what it takes to do his job. Of covering up the bad and helping criminals stay free. I don’t want to do that. At all. I don’t even think I can.” I close my eyes. I swear every scar hidden on my body throbs. “But it might not even matter anymore what my father—Nicholas—wants me to do.” I shove down the fear and suddenly everything comes pouring out of me—the truth comes pouring out of me. With each word, I feel freer.

  It’s a strange feeling, but I like it.

  It makes me want to break free of every terrible thing in my life.

  Nine

  Ensley

  Carter tells me the most awful story, a story of his life. Of abuse, both physical and mental. Of the evil future his father set for him when he was just a little boy. By the time he finishes, I understand him a lot better and why he wanted to work for my father. But he doesn’t know that my father might be equally as awful as his.

  I’m about to tell him what I discovered on the website Gaige hacked into when Carter divulges a detail that makes my stomach churn.

  “My father isn’t even my father.” He stares down at our interlocked fingers. “Winston is.”

  “What?” I whisper in shock. “How did you… What?”

  Clutching my hand, he meets my gaze. “Gregor told me that night you found out about our deal. I was actually thinking about going back on the deal and telling you the truth before he ever sent me that text. But then Gregor told me that Nicholas wasn’t my real dad and that if Nicholas found out about it, he’d hurt me and El and my mom. He also told me that if I didn’t go through with our deal, he’d tell my father.”

  “I hate my father. I don’t care if I haven’t even met him. What he does… I hate him.�
� My eyes burn with tears, but I bottle up the pain and focus on the bigger problem. “Are you sure he was telling the truth about Winston being your dad? Maybe he was lying to you.”

  “No, later that night, after you took off, my mom confirmed that it was true,” he says miserably. “She also implied that if Winston found out El and I were his kids, he’d probably kill us.”

  My chest constricts. “What? Why?”

  “Because I’d be his oldest son, which means by mafia rules, I’d be in line to become leader. But Winston already has what he thinks is an oldest son who he’s been training to take over his position. If I come into the picture, I ruin that.” He yanks his free hand through his blond hair. “It’s fucking stupid, though, because I wouldn’t even want the job. All I want is out. But I know they won’t let me out. Not without killing me.”

  My chest tightens even more, making it harder to get air into my lungs “And what about El? Why would he hurt her?” I whisper.

  “Winston might not. It’s hard to say.” He rubs his lips together as he contemplates. “You can’t tell anyone. If the wrong people found out, El could get hurt.”

  “And so could you.”

  “I know.” He seems to care less about that fact, like he doesn’t care much about himself at all. That’s not the Carter I know, which makes me question how much I know him, how much of a façade he put on for everyone.

  “I promise I won’t tell anyone.” I vow and then vow to myself to unravel who he is, to get him to open up to me. “But Carter, you need to tell El about Winston. She deserves to know—about all of this.”

  “I don’t want her knowing everything,” he says tightly. “She’s had a decent life and I don’t want to ruin that for her.”

  “She hasn’t had that great of a life. Trust me.” I scoot closer to him until our shoulders touch. Any anger I may have felt for him has dissipated, and all I feel now is compassion and the need to help him and El. “If you don’t want to tell her everything, then fine. But you need to at least tell her about Winston.”

  “I know I do.” He shivers as I lightly trace my finger along the elevated scar.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through this,” I say softly. “But please, don’t go to work for my dad. Find another job or something, but you need to cut ties with Gregor.”

  “I was already thinking about it.” His eyelids lower shut as I trace my finger back and forth along his palm. “But why don’t you want me to?”

  “For a lot of reasons, but the biggest is that his business involves sex trafficking, drugs, prostitution—a lot of messed up stuff.” Vomit burns at the back of my throat at the reminder of the photos I saw on his site.

  His eyelids fly open. “How do you know that?”

  I swallow down the urge to puke my guts out again. “Because Gaige hacked into this secret site my dad has and I saw a list of the services his business offers. I don’t know how he’s getting away with it—why he hasn’t been arrested yet.”

  “Probably for the same reason Winston’s gotten away with murder so many times.” His jaw ticks. “Because lawyers like my father—like Nicholas—get him acquitted. I think they pay off a lot of the law enforcement too.”

  I shake my head in disgust, strands of my tangled brown hair falling into my eyes. “I can’t believe they’re getting away with it… And that my father is part of such… ugliness.” Ugliness seems like too mild of a word for what I saw on that site, though. “It makes me sort of hate myself.”

  “Hey, this has nothing to do with you.” He splays his fingers across my cheek, his gaze firmly carrying mine. “You’re the sweetest and most caring person I know. Don’t ever think differently.”

  “That’s not true at all,” I deny. “And what my father is doing—it does have to do with me.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “No it doesn’t, so stop saying that. You didn’t even know who your father was until a few days ago.”

  “Yeah, but now I do know who he is and what he does, which means if I don’t do anything, then I’m just as bad as him.” I suck back the tears wanting to pour out. “Maybe even worse. I need to do something about it.”

  “Are you saying you want to go to the cops?” Wariness masks his expression. “Because that could be really dangerous since a lot of officers are on Gregor’s payroll. And Winston’s.”

  “I have to at least try,” I state determinedly. “I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t.”

  His hand travels down my face and comes to rest on the back of my neck. “Ens, I love that you want to put an end to this shit, but going to the police could get you killed.”

  His warning slams the oxygen out of my lungs.

  Killed. It could get me killed? Just like Winston wants to kill me?

  How did my life get so messed up?

  My father came into it. That’s how.

  “Then what am I supposed to do?” I choke out. “Just sit back and pretend everything’s okay? That I’m okay sitting around in this stupid motel, hiding from Winston, while knowing my father is out there, ruining innocent people’s lives. And that eventually he wants to see me? Because I don’t want to see him. At all.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.” He dazes off over my shoulder with a crinkle between his brows. “We just need to be careful about what we do. Make a plan and find some good people we can trust that’ll help us do something.”

  “Do what exactly?” I wonder. “I mean, how can a group of teenagers take down the mafia and a wealthy businessman who basically runs Fareland?”

  “I haven’t gotten that far yet, but I’m thinking there’s a couple of ways we can go. One, we can get Winston and your dad to full on fight out this little war going on and hope they both eliminate each other. Two, we can try to get ahold of some police outside of the Fareland jurisdiction and report them. But with how good Winston and Gregor cover up their tracks, we’ll probably need more evidence.”

  “Well, Gaige hacked into Gregor’s website. I’m sure he can do it again.”

  “Yeah, that might work. I just worry about who we can trust.” A breath falters from his lips. “I’m not sure how far Winston’s power expands, but from what I’ve overheard, I’m guessing pretty far. And your dad’s pretty similar to him, so I’m sure his goes equally as far out, if not further. And if the wrong officer overheard us talking to the police, Winston and Gregor would know within minutes and we’d all probably end up…” He sinks his teeth into his lip so forcefully his lip starts to turn white.

  “Dead,” I finish for him.

  He releases his lip. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “That’s very chivalrous of you.” I attempt to joke but miss the mark. I sigh. “But I don’t want you to protect me. That’s not the kind of girl I want to be. I want to be able to protect myself.” Rage storms in my chest. “No, what I want is for us to find a way to take Gregor and Winston and Nicholas down. I want to free those women and children on my father’s site. I want to shut down his businesses.”

  “I know you do.” He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “We’ll try to figure out a way. I promise.”

  “So, you’re with me?” I ask with hope. “You’ll help me do this?”

  He nods. “But not just your father. Everyone who corrupts Fareland. We’re going to need everyone on board if we’re going to even attempt to pull this off. Well, either that, or we’re going to need to get rid of the people who won’t help us.”

  “Like kill them?” I squeak.

  Carter’s eyes go huge. “What? Fuck no. That’s not what I meant at all.”

  “Oh.” I relax. “Sorry, I don’t know why I thought that. I think all this,” I gesture at the motel room. “Is messing with my head.”

  “That’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of days.” He pauses. “But Ens, I promise I’m not a killer.”

  “I know you’re not.” I feel so awful. “I wouldn’t be sitting here with you if I though
t that.”

  “Good.” The tension in his shoulders loosens. “When I said get rid of the people who won’t help us, I mean either ditch them or we’ll have to talk about this when they’re not around. But it’d be better if we could get everyone to help.” He absentmindedly plays with a strand of my hair, raveling it around his finger. “Holden’s probably going to be a problem, though.”

  “He’s your friend. Can’t you persuade him?”

  Carter lets out a hollow laugh. “Is he my friend? Neither of us ever mentioned we were working for Gregor, yet Holden knew I was helping him.”

  “El and I don’t tell each other everything.”

  He lifts a brow. “You told her about all of this.”

  “Yeah, I know.” I sigh. “We’ll have to figure out a way to handle Holden, but I’m pretty sure Gaige might help us. And El definitely will.”

  He unravels my hair from his finger with a frown. “How do you know you can even trust Gaige? You know who his father is, right?”

  I nod. “But he’s my friend and he’s here with me and hasn’t ratted me out to his father yet, which says a lot about him.”

  Carter’s lips thin. “You two seem close.”

  I shrug. “We’re friends and friends are close.”

  “Have you guys ever dated?”

  I start to roll my eyes, but then pause. Does he sound… jealous? Carter is jealous at the idea of me dating Gaige?

  “No. Although, I wonder if one day El and him will hook up. The two of them are bursting with sexual tension. Neither of them will admit it, though.”

  He gags. “Yeah, I didn’t need to hear that.”

  I giggle and a smile lights up his face. But then he grows serious again, his heated gaze straying to my lips. I think about our earlier kiss, how wonderful his lips felt against mine, how amazing my body felt as I grinded against him. I can’t even believe how I reacted to his kiss, how little control I had over my body. Then again, I had the same reaction back at the lake when he kissed me.

  My cheeks flush as I remember just how much I enjoyed grinding against him, and he more than notices.